R-A-N-T-!
...when Chris left for class today. For the first time in many days I opted not to wake up with him because we had gone to bed at 5 AM. Chris had class at 9 AM and I didn't have to be in class until 2. Sure, I had a few things I needed to do before class...but nothing that required being awake at 9:30AM. However, shortly after Chris leaves, his asshole roommate decides to appear, in all his bitchy glory and turn the television on. (This is something he does pretty much every morning, usually blasting the thing to some OBNOXIOUS cartoon program at 6 or 7 in the morning, regardless of what time Chris has class)
Of course I'm woken up by the sound of Scooby Doo raping my ears, but I ignore it and with somewhat ease fall gently back into sleep. This disappearance into the realm of much-needed sleep is short lived, however, when I hear his roommate's whine resounding through my eardrums. (Imagine a cheese grater being slammed inside your ear canal, and being rubbed up and against your brain, and that's the effect his voice has on me.)
"Alex is Chris in class?"
I blink at him, confused as to why I've been woken up. "Yes?" I reply, trying to figure out why I'm awake at 9:30.
"Yeah, well, you can't be in here without him."
Oh. I see.
I just shrug and give some half-assed apology before collecting my belongings (he's busying himself with adding an ugly vest to his already hideous ensemble...who wears pink flannel, by the way...oh yeah, that's right, lame people.)
So on the walk back to my dorm, it's understandable that I started to get a little angry. And then by the time I got to my room I was legitimately pissed off. I'm not some total stranger Chris brought home. I'm there every fucking week. I kind of LIVE there, actually. And I was SLEEPING. I wasn't banging pots and pans around, causing a disturbance. I wasn't making any noise whatsoever. I was curled up in a ball, one hand down my pants because it was searching for warmth and apparently my crotch was emanating heat, ASLEEP.
Okay, granted, the last time I was alone in a room it led to the eventual withdrawal of his suitemate. But, let's see...that was because he was THROWING shit out of a FOURTEEN STORY WINDOW!!! And in my defense, I KNEW he was doing this, but didn't say anything. I simply removed myself from the situation. I even SAW my glass at the bottom of the building, and KNEW Chris' suitemate was guilty, but because I liked him and didn't want him in trouble, I said nothing. I only stepped forward when he tried to make it look like I did it. So unless Chris' roommate planned on launching shit from his window I think it's relatively safe for me to be in the room.
But this isn't the first time this person has been...let's see...how do I put this mildly...oh, yeah...a whiny, self-absorbed, little bitch. Back when I thought he was a decent human being, it was mildly annoying how whenever he started acting bitchy his blanket excuse was "I'm just moody. People I live with just have to understand, I'm moody."
In my house, when someone's "moody" they get a slap in the face and are told stories about tomato picking and working in coal mines. Being moody everyday and claiming that as your defense when you slam doors and complain and basically make everyone's life around you as uncomfortable as possible is BULLSHIT.
Lately it's become intolerable. Here are a few bullet point examples...
-Complaining about marijuana use.
Hey...you're in college...at an ART SCHOOL. You're lucky nobody is shooting up in your bathroom. The whole kitchen wouldn't smell like pot if you let people BLOW OUT YOUR WINDOW. But since you barricaded yourself and your window (which is also Chris' window if we want to get technical) there's no way to get the smoke outside. So now people must use a bathroom. Even though the shower's left on and a towel is usually put under the door in order to keep as much smoke as possible in the room, let's face it...some is gonna seep out and into the next room. But it's COLLEGE...you don't like it, then WHY THE HELL DID YOU AGREE TO DORM WITH THREE PEOPLE WHO LIKE TO SMOKE YOU FUCKING DIPSHIT?!?!? YOU AGREED TO LIVE WITH THESE PEOPLE AFTER MEETING THEM...ARE YOU RETARDED?!?!?
-Slamming the door...ALWAYS
I don't know about most people, but I was raised on the principle that slamming a door is unacceptable and only for dramatic effect in appropriate circumstances. Doing it every single time you enter or leave a room is just unimpressive and bitchy. And it's exactly what this person does. Angry about the kitchen smelling like marijuana and men's cologne? DOORSLAM Upset that a crack of light is in the room when Chris and I are trying to set an alarm clock? DOORSLAM (in our faces) Low cloud coverage? DOORSLAM Hey, buddy, wanna give those hinges a break at any point? No? You're just gonna slam the door to show your contempt for anyone and anything...okay, that's cool...or maybe it's just LAME.
-His hatred of nudity.
I think it's safe to say we've all seen a penis and a vagina before. I think it's also safe to say that if penis and/or vagina is seen in the context of people getting changed into pajamas before bed, then there's no need for alarm and panic. However, this is not the case with Chris' roommate. If he even senses that people are getting dressed in the room he instantly leaps into bitchy action. "OH MY GOD ARE YOU NAKED OH MY GOD GROSS I DON'T HAVE TO SEE A PENIS EW GROSS GROSS GROSS." This is of course in the middle of the night, in the pitch black, so that only a faint silhouette is visible. But, to accommodate this irrational fear of anatomy, Chris and I now get changed in the kitchen before bed. This usually results in a DOORSLAM, because a crack of light is getting in the way of the roommate from hell's ugly sleep. I mean, beauty sleep...
-SEXZOMG.
It should go without saying that the kid has issues with sex. Chris and I would engage in this typical college activity when he wasn't in the room. But whenever he would come back he wouldn't even knock...he'd just bust in, giving Chris and I half of a second to grab a sheet and wrap it around ourselves. His response wasn't "Oh I'm sorry, do you guys need a second?" or "Haha, hey guys, sorry about that." It was always "OMG GROSS ARE YOU HAVING SEX OMG GROSS?!?!?" It reminded me of the way third graders would go to the zoo and see the monkeys having sex--quite a similar response. (We also got this response recently when the two of us were completely clothed, curled up under a blanket, asleep. Door slam and SO GROSS! I'm sorry that cuddling is now an X-rated activity...)
Granted, when I reflect I know there are some things that Chris and I have done that have probably only served to worsen the relationship. We DO engage in some illicit activities that we probably should have been a bit more discreet about. We also should probably not have had sex in the room that one time when we thought he was sleeping. (In our defense, it WAS 5AM, we were being extremely quiet and we were completely under the blanket and the beds are about 5 or 6 feet apart. In other dorms my friends are a foot or two apart and they STILL have to hear it at night...)
I would be MORE than willing to have a rational conversation with this person. Talk about ways we could all make life easier on one another, and, ideally, get a fucking long. However, this person is no longer unpredictably moody, he's just unpleasant to be around and to be near. It's likely that Chris' suitemate, in retaliation against Chris and I, told the roommate about our late night talks about how annoying he was being--but the thing is EVERYBODY AGREED.
As someone who shares a common space with 3 other people, I've perfected the art of courtesy. (or so I like to think) I smoke out of my own window, but when my roommate isn't home. She acknowledges and accepts that I engage in illegal activities, and doesn't care what I do so long as I don't surround her with it. Also, her boyfriend and I have exchanged numbers, so that if the two of them want to have sex, I can make sure I occupy myself with something so that they can have their privacy. AND, we're both NOTORIOUSLY quiet when the other is sleeping. I don't blast music or anything when she sleeps, and she's kind enough to do the same for me.
It's just COMMON SENSE AND COURTESY. There's no need to be a bitch 24/7, which is what this kid does. Life could be so much easier on the three of us if we all just sat down and talked and figured out how we could ensure that no one is uncomfortable or angry about something--instead we just let is fester.
As far as I'm concerned, Chris' roommate is an asshole. A bitchy, whiny asshole who is rude, spoiled, naive, sheltered, and inconsiderate. He can choke on his feelings of superiority--meanwhile, I'm going to have sex with my boyfriend, who's hotter than the 30+ year-olds he brings back home.
<3