PR fic
I have written fic. And it's Power Rangers. I know, I know. At least I'm writing again, right? *whistles innocently*
title: Screwme and Howe Insurance
fandom: Mighty Morphin Power Rangers
rating: G
notes: for second_batgirl because she asked and asked and asked and I finally got around to keeping my promise
summary: What happens after Goldar attacks Angel Grove in Day of the Dumpster?
Robert Jones was shaking. He'd only just bought this house a year ago. It had been perfect. It was so close to downtown he was able to walk to the main office of his construction company when the weather was nice and, in Angel Grove, that was nearly every day. It wasn't too small or too big and it was easy to maintain. There had been no major or even minor problems since he'd taken possession of it. Until today.
He'd had the day off and was trying to get some yard work done when he heard what sounded like thunder. Grumbly thunder. Like the thunder was growling at something. Then the ground shook. Unsure what was happening, he'd started to run for the house when he saw it. It was big, gold, and shiny. He followed it up... and up... and up some more. It was a leg, apparently, connected to what he could only assume was a giant dog or monkey. It was unlike anything he'd seen before, however. It towered over even the tallest of downtown skyscrapers and was wearing gold armour all over it's body. It carried a large sword, using it to point toward something every so often. And it growled.
Immobilized by the shock, Robert could only stand in his back yard and watch as the big gold monkey took a step towards a giant, multicoloured robot and right through the entire left half of his house. There was now a gaping hole with debris everywhere. He could see his bed sitting in his bedroom upstairs, the covers still tossed aside from his lie in that morning.
Despite the mess, Robert was relieved. He had insurance and surely they would fix everything. He pulled his cellphone out of his car and, shifting the weight of it, dialed the claims number listed on his insurance paperwork.
"Parthenon Insurance. This is Martika. Can I get your name and policy number?" a female voice picked up, monotone.
"Robert Jones. My policy number is 16834952-HQA."
"Thank you, Mr. Jones. And can I confirm your address, please?"
"Yes, I live at 1336 South Elm Boulevard in Angel Grove, California."
"Very good, Mr. Jones. What can I help you with today?" Robert stopped shaking. He had a pleasant and helpful representative and this would all be fixed soon.
"Yes, well, there has been some rather catastrophic damage to my home. The entire left side has been destroyed." He breathed out hard. It was not as easy to say that as he thought.
"Oh dear. And can you describe what happened to your house?" She actually sounded concerned now that she was off her script. Robert took a deep breath.
"Well, you see, it was stepped on."
"Stepped on." She deadpanned at him.
"Yes, stepped on. There was a giant monkey in gold armour running around downtown and he stepped on my house. I think he was trying to get to the giant multicoloured robot? I'm not sure. There was lots of growling involved."
"I'm sorry, Mr. Jones, a giant what?"
"Monkey."
"Okay, and you say he stepped on your house?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"Okay, Mr. Jones, and about how big was this giant monkey?" Robert could hear her typing furiously.
"Oh he was huge. Several hundred feet, I would think. He was taller than the downtown skyscrapers by probably double. I don't think he could even see my house before he stepped on it. I suppose it's good just his heel caught the edge. His foot was bigger than the house. As it is, he only tore down the left half." She had stopped typing.
"Are you sure about his size, Mr. Jones? Did you see him yourself?"
"Yes, yes I was standing in the backyard when he walked through."
"Well, Sir, it appears your policy doesn't cover damage by giant monkey."
"Are you sure? What about monster attack? He might have been some kind of monster. After all, I didn't see a tail and don't monkeys usually have tails? I can't think of any reason a normal monkey would grow so tall, nor why a normal monkey would have felt the need to put on gold armour or brandish a sword. He must be some kind of monster monkey. I suppose that's why the giant multicoloured robot was fighting him." He heard her type some more and patiently waited for her response.
"No, Sir, it doesn't seem to cover monster attack either. Nor giant robot. I'm afraid there is no provision in your policy to cover this type of damage. We can recommend some construction companies to come assess the damage if you'd like, but I'm afraid it looks like we can't cover any of the cost."
"Recommend some construction companies? I OWN a construction company! This will cost hundreds of thousands of dollars to fix on my own! Is there really nothing you can do?"
"No, I'm sorry, Sir. We just don't cover damage due to monster attacks."
"Oh dear. What am I going to do now?" He did not give her the chance to answer, however, and hung up the phone. He let it drop into the seat of the car with a heavy thunk. His home was destroyed and he had no way to pay for it. Robert kicked out his car, cursing. His day had suddenly gone from bad to worse.
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Martika put down her phone and took a deep breath. She wasn't sure if she should even bother to submit the report, but she knew the phone call had probably been recorded and she'd be in big trouble if she didn't. Hopefully they wouldn't think she was making stuff up to pretend she was working. That call had been too amazing, too crazy, to not share with her co-workers. Looking over her cubicle wall, she saw most of them on phones, but Samantha across the aisle was just staring at her computer screen, her mouth wide open.
"Samantha. Hey, Samantha!" Martika called, snapping her fingers to get Samantha's attention.
"You would not believe the crank call I just got," she said when Samantha finally looked over.
"Let me guess. Robot or monster damage?" Samantha asked. Martika was floored. Had the nutjob called before?
"Yeah, giant monkey or monster attack. How'd you know?"
"That's the fifth we've had in the past half hour. All from Angel Grove, California." Samantha pointed to the white board at the front of the call center. Martika turned around and looked. sure enough, someone was tallying claims for monster attacks. She went over to add her mark. The column was growing fast. She didn't know what what was going on, but she was sure of one thing. The residents of Angel Grove, California were insane.
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Frustrated with his experience with his insurance company, Robert Jones started a media campaign. He discovered people all over the city had been denied claims by their insurance companies. Apparently "monster attack" was a problem isolated to Angel Grove and no insurance company was willing to take the risk to insure all the homeowners. Robert decided to change that. When the cost of owning a home in Angel Grove got too high for even the riches of residents to afford, Robert started a business on the side. He opened his own insurance company.
Angel Grove Insurance may not have had any clients outside of Angel Grove, but the homeowners of Angel Grove wouldn't deal with anybody else. Claims due to monster damage were sky high, but Robert was happy to provide a service nobody else would. Residents felt safe and secure and the mass exodus of families stopped. After awhile, there was even an influx of new residents.
It might have been the most dangerous place in the country to live. It might have had the highest rate of insurance claims of any other place on Earth. It might even have been the most difficult place to safely raise a family. But Angel Grove was the place to live. And it was all thanks to Robert Jones.
Feel free to mock me if you must, but I'm actually kind of proud of this one.
title: Screwme and Howe Insurance
fandom: Mighty Morphin Power Rangers
rating: G
notes: for second_batgirl because she asked and asked and asked and I finally got around to keeping my promise
summary: What happens after Goldar attacks Angel Grove in Day of the Dumpster?
Robert Jones was shaking. He'd only just bought this house a year ago. It had been perfect. It was so close to downtown he was able to walk to the main office of his construction company when the weather was nice and, in Angel Grove, that was nearly every day. It wasn't too small or too big and it was easy to maintain. There had been no major or even minor problems since he'd taken possession of it. Until today.
He'd had the day off and was trying to get some yard work done when he heard what sounded like thunder. Grumbly thunder. Like the thunder was growling at something. Then the ground shook. Unsure what was happening, he'd started to run for the house when he saw it. It was big, gold, and shiny. He followed it up... and up... and up some more. It was a leg, apparently, connected to what he could only assume was a giant dog or monkey. It was unlike anything he'd seen before, however. It towered over even the tallest of downtown skyscrapers and was wearing gold armour all over it's body. It carried a large sword, using it to point toward something every so often. And it growled.
Immobilized by the shock, Robert could only stand in his back yard and watch as the big gold monkey took a step towards a giant, multicoloured robot and right through the entire left half of his house. There was now a gaping hole with debris everywhere. He could see his bed sitting in his bedroom upstairs, the covers still tossed aside from his lie in that morning.
Despite the mess, Robert was relieved. He had insurance and surely they would fix everything. He pulled his cellphone out of his car and, shifting the weight of it, dialed the claims number listed on his insurance paperwork.
"Parthenon Insurance. This is Martika. Can I get your name and policy number?" a female voice picked up, monotone.
"Robert Jones. My policy number is 16834952-HQA."
"Thank you, Mr. Jones. And can I confirm your address, please?"
"Yes, I live at 1336 South Elm Boulevard in Angel Grove, California."
"Very good, Mr. Jones. What can I help you with today?" Robert stopped shaking. He had a pleasant and helpful representative and this would all be fixed soon.
"Yes, well, there has been some rather catastrophic damage to my home. The entire left side has been destroyed." He breathed out hard. It was not as easy to say that as he thought.
"Oh dear. And can you describe what happened to your house?" She actually sounded concerned now that she was off her script. Robert took a deep breath.
"Well, you see, it was stepped on."
"Stepped on." She deadpanned at him.
"Yes, stepped on. There was a giant monkey in gold armour running around downtown and he stepped on my house. I think he was trying to get to the giant multicoloured robot? I'm not sure. There was lots of growling involved."
"I'm sorry, Mr. Jones, a giant what?"
"Monkey."
"Okay, and you say he stepped on your house?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"Okay, Mr. Jones, and about how big was this giant monkey?" Robert could hear her typing furiously.
"Oh he was huge. Several hundred feet, I would think. He was taller than the downtown skyscrapers by probably double. I don't think he could even see my house before he stepped on it. I suppose it's good just his heel caught the edge. His foot was bigger than the house. As it is, he only tore down the left half." She had stopped typing.
"Are you sure about his size, Mr. Jones? Did you see him yourself?"
"Yes, yes I was standing in the backyard when he walked through."
"Well, Sir, it appears your policy doesn't cover damage by giant monkey."
"Are you sure? What about monster attack? He might have been some kind of monster. After all, I didn't see a tail and don't monkeys usually have tails? I can't think of any reason a normal monkey would grow so tall, nor why a normal monkey would have felt the need to put on gold armour or brandish a sword. He must be some kind of monster monkey. I suppose that's why the giant multicoloured robot was fighting him." He heard her type some more and patiently waited for her response.
"No, Sir, it doesn't seem to cover monster attack either. Nor giant robot. I'm afraid there is no provision in your policy to cover this type of damage. We can recommend some construction companies to come assess the damage if you'd like, but I'm afraid it looks like we can't cover any of the cost."
"Recommend some construction companies? I OWN a construction company! This will cost hundreds of thousands of dollars to fix on my own! Is there really nothing you can do?"
"No, I'm sorry, Sir. We just don't cover damage due to monster attacks."
"Oh dear. What am I going to do now?" He did not give her the chance to answer, however, and hung up the phone. He let it drop into the seat of the car with a heavy thunk. His home was destroyed and he had no way to pay for it. Robert kicked out his car, cursing. His day had suddenly gone from bad to worse.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Martika put down her phone and took a deep breath. She wasn't sure if she should even bother to submit the report, but she knew the phone call had probably been recorded and she'd be in big trouble if she didn't. Hopefully they wouldn't think she was making stuff up to pretend she was working. That call had been too amazing, too crazy, to not share with her co-workers. Looking over her cubicle wall, she saw most of them on phones, but Samantha across the aisle was just staring at her computer screen, her mouth wide open.
"Samantha. Hey, Samantha!" Martika called, snapping her fingers to get Samantha's attention.
"You would not believe the crank call I just got," she said when Samantha finally looked over.
"Let me guess. Robot or monster damage?" Samantha asked. Martika was floored. Had the nutjob called before?
"Yeah, giant monkey or monster attack. How'd you know?"
"That's the fifth we've had in the past half hour. All from Angel Grove, California." Samantha pointed to the white board at the front of the call center. Martika turned around and looked. sure enough, someone was tallying claims for monster attacks. She went over to add her mark. The column was growing fast. She didn't know what what was going on, but she was sure of one thing. The residents of Angel Grove, California were insane.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Frustrated with his experience with his insurance company, Robert Jones started a media campaign. He discovered people all over the city had been denied claims by their insurance companies. Apparently "monster attack" was a problem isolated to Angel Grove and no insurance company was willing to take the risk to insure all the homeowners. Robert decided to change that. When the cost of owning a home in Angel Grove got too high for even the riches of residents to afford, Robert started a business on the side. He opened his own insurance company.
Angel Grove Insurance may not have had any clients outside of Angel Grove, but the homeowners of Angel Grove wouldn't deal with anybody else. Claims due to monster damage were sky high, but Robert was happy to provide a service nobody else would. Residents felt safe and secure and the mass exodus of families stopped. After awhile, there was even an influx of new residents.
It might have been the most dangerous place in the country to live. It might have had the highest rate of insurance claims of any other place on Earth. It might even have been the most difficult place to safely raise a family. But Angel Grove was the place to live. And it was all thanks to Robert Jones.
Feel free to mock me if you must, but I'm actually kind of proud of this one.