Dear Diary - Chapter 10 and Epilogue
Firstly yes I know I took my sweet ass time updating and I'm sorry. Busy with being a momma :P Thanks for being patient and I hope you enjoy!!
Title: Dear Diary
Author: QueenWillie
Pairing: Daniel/Wilhelmina
Rating: This part NC17
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em
Summary: Can all this animosity really just be over a job?
Dear Diary - Chapter 10
She stood in the elevator staring at the defeated form of Daniel slumped in her doorway. Half of her wanted to issue some cutting remark about his condition. Scratch that, less than half, the mask she displayed to the world was becoming more and more distant when she was around him. That was why this was so dangerous, that was why she had wanted to continue the lie. She didn’t want to let him in.
His eyes were still locked on hers, the hurt he was experiencing was clearly shining on them but beneath that she could see his eyes searching hers for forgiveness. She didn’t know how long they remained like that, only when the elevator doors began to close and her hand shot out to stop them was she shaken from her reverie. With what felt like legs made of lead she walked to her apartment door. He stood as she neared the apartment but no words of greeting were spoken. He stood behind her, head bowed; pinching the bridge of his nose as she wordlessly unlocked her door.
Every noise seemed magnified as he followed her into her apartment. Without looking back at him she made her way to her lounge. The fire roared to life by way of greeting, the peculiar lighting resulting in making their faces appear even more haunted. Wilhelmina eventually turned to him, swallowed the lump in her throat.
‘Give me five minutes.’ Her voice wavered as she spoke to him.
Daniel still didn’t trust himself to speak without succumbing to the guilt he felt and merely nodded in response while averting her gaze.
Wilhelmina waked to her room on autopilot; sitting on the bed she tried to arrange her thoughts. Why had she come in here? It’s not like she was planning on slipping into something more comfortable for God sake. Looking in the mirror she could see the effect that this was having on her, her eyes had lost their shine, her skin had paled and her mouth was firmly set in a line. The effort to smile, well sneer, seemed astronomical. She could already feel the tension headache squeezing like an elastic band around her temples. Securely fixing her stare on the mirror she took a deep breath and mentally prepared herself.
Daniel couldn’t sit still in her living room. He had perched, slumped, even lain down on the sofa. He had paced up and down, turned her TV on and off and watched the people on the street down below. Anything to distract himself until she came back in the room. The fact that he hadn’t spoken up to stop her leaving was something he was now kicking himself for. She was priming herself for this conversation, reconstructing the defences he had managed to knock down in the past months. Walking to her cabinet he took out two glasses and poured a healthy measure of the nearest spirit which came to hand. Knocking it back, he poured another for himself and poured a glass for Wilhelmina.
Now that she had gone to compose herself he was sure the conversation was going to be him snivelling like a fool and making pathetic attempts at apologies while good ol’ Wilhelmina Slater belittled his every comment and demeanour, and this time he would let her, he deserved it. So he was surprised when he heard her footsteps returning and couldn’t hear the familiar military click of her heels as she strode with her usual self importance. Instead her footsteps were slow, apprehensive even. When she came back in the room she looked as drained as when she had left. Daniel walked to her and offered the drink he had poured her. Wilhelmina eyed it as if it were an alien, looked at Daniel and then back at the drink before grabbing both her drink and his own from his grasp and stormed from the room.
Puzzled, Daniel followed her into the kitchen in time to see her throwing both glasses into the sink, the resulting shatter of the glass making him jump in the quiet of her home. She rounded on him.
‘Is there any reason why you need alcohol every time we have a discussion, or is it not limited to me!? Going the same way as Mother?’
He knew she was doing this to provoke him, wanted to instigate an argument to avoid the conversation that was looming. He wasn’t going to rise to the bait, instead he walked to her coffee machine, poured two cups and handed one to her. He spoke to her in an even tone contrasting the rollercoaster he felt inside.
‘No of course not, just thought you might’ve needed it. Coffee’s fine.’
Thrown off by his reaction her expression faltered and she looked away.
‘This stuff’s no good; it’s been out since this morning.’ Her voice sounded almost childlike.
‘It’s fine.’ Daniel reassured her taking a step closer. ‘Wilhelmina...’
‘No I’ll make more.’ She said abruptly, side stepping him, still hoping to avoid this at all costs.
Daniel sighed as she started fussing with the coffee maker, pressing buttons and looking for all the world as if she was highly engrossed in her task. Daniel knew that once she had done this she would create any number of tedious jobs that needed doing right away in order to evade what needed to be said, so he decided she could do all the jobs she wanted, he was going to talk.
‘I’m sorry.’ It sounded trite even to his own ears but where else was he meant to start. She stopped what she was doing for the smallest of moments and then resumed as if he had said nothing.
‘I know that doesn’t make anything any different but I am.’
She carried on working with her back to him.
‘You know traditional conversations involve two or more people taking turns to talk.’ He said jovially trying to lighten the atmosphere. It didn’t work; she still did not reply or turn around.
‘Sorry, stupid joke.’ He mumbled, almost to himself. He felt he had to keep talking, if he didn’t then he would be overwhelmed and return to the dribbling wreck she had found at her door.
His tone was still conversational as he continued. ‘You know that...woman...you know she was Dj’s Mother. It was stupid, although you had come to Paris I was still pissed you know? I was an idiot and Alex kept saying things about you being with other people while we were apart and I just...you know what...forget it...there’s no excuse. Especially considering you were...you were uh...’
He cleared his throat and swallowed before continuing in a small voice. ‘...pregnant.’
He saw that she had moved from the coffee machine but was hurriedly wiping her kitchen surfaces. Dropping what little bravado he had left in his voice he asked her.
‘Wilhelmina, why didn’t you tell me?’
She still didn’t answer; he walked up behind her and put his hand on her shoulder. ‘Willie...’
She spun round and slammed the flat of her hand into his chest, pushing him from her. Her eyes were red and swollen and her voice was cracking as she began her tirade.
‘Why? Why didn’t I tell you? You really want to know why? You think I wanted to add to my humiliation of flying to Europe, abandoning the career I worked so hard for, finding the father of my child fucking his brothers cast off, falling down the fucking stairs trying to run away and waking up to find Clare fucking Meade of all people by my bedside to tell me that our baby was gone! Oh yes Daniel, I noticed you didn’t mention your mothers part in this during your heartfelt apology! That was probably the one thing your mother and I had ever agreed on, neither one of us wanted you to know.’
Daniel was taken aback by the sudden outburst and took a moment to form a coherent thought. Forcing his mouth to work he whispered. ‘But why?’
Still shouting, she continued; ‘Well your mother obviously wanted to protect her dear sweet baby boy whereas I didn’t want you to know that you had...’
She stopped suddenly; Daniel looked in her eyes and knew what she was going to say.
‘Hurt you.’
Wilhelmina seemed to deflate in front of his eyes. ‘Bravo Daniel, well done. You hurt me, something you’ve been wanting to do since the moment you walked into Mode, shame you didn’t know you were years too late.’
He walked towards her and reached a hand towards her. ‘I’m so sor...’
‘No! Don’t say it again; I don’t need your apologies. Just go!’
Daniel still moved for her so she pushed him away from her and tried to move him to the door.
‘Daniel go!’
He pushed his weight against her hands, not allowing her to shift his frame. She began slapping his chest while shouting at him to go. When he heard the anger in her voice turn to sadness and her demands for him to leave turned to pleads he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in fiercely. Holding her tightly he felt her body begin to shake.
‘I’m sorry Willie.’
With some effort she pushed him away, turning her head quickly so he wouldn’t see her tears. She quickly walked away from him and returned to her room.
xXx
If she was hoping Daniel was going to leave she was going to be sorely disappointed. He had gone back to the living room and sat on her couch for the last two hours. He still needed to talk; they couldn’t leave it like this. He needed to know where he stood with her. The notion of what he was insinuating gave him mixed feelings. The boy that had loved her was giddy and the man who had loathed her was screaming ‘don’t do it.’ He still didn’t know who he was going to listen to.
He was so lost in his thoughts he didn’t notice her coming back until she sat next to him. He turned to look at her, perched on the edge of the sofa, elbows resting on her knees and staring straight ahead at nothing.
‘You want to know the real reason I didn’t tell you?’
Something told him she wasn’t really looking for an answer; he remained silent and let her continue.
‘If you had found out I had lost your baby, you would have been devastated.’
‘Of course I would have.’
‘I didn’t want you to be.’
‘So what? You were protecting me?’
‘God no, I didn’t want you to be devastated, because you didn’t deserve to be devastated. You didn’t deserve to get the pity and compassion that would have been heaped on you had you known. I hated you and I wanted to make it your fault.’
Daniel burned with shame and looked away, ‘It was my fault.’
‘No Daniel. I never knew what happened, no one did. They scanned me when I fell to be sure, but it could have happened before then. It could have been the fall down the stairs, it could have been the fact that I shouldn’t have been flying so early on or it could have just been one of those things that life does to fuck you up.’
‘But...’
‘No buts Daniel. You know the hardest thing about losing a baby? There’s no one to blame. Even the doctors tell you they don’t know why some pregnancies just end...they just do. I was so full of anger and I had nowhere to direct it, so I directed it at you and boy did it work.’
He laughed ever so slightly. ‘Yeah’
She turned to look at him. ‘Until a couple of months ago.’
He raised an eyebrow. ‘Yeah?’
She nodded.
He smiled.
‘The other reason I didn’t tell you...’
‘Go on.’
‘I was terrified you’d comfort me, that we’d get through it and come out stronger. That scared the hell out of me.’
Daniel was struck dumb. Since they had walked in her apartment there was no trace of the Wilhelmina he knew from Mode, she had been open and honest and her last comment had floored him.
‘Do me one favour Daniel?’
‘Name it.’
‘God...you tell her I said this and I will deny it until my dying breath. Don’t blame your Mother, she did what she thought was best. She thought I would use it to claw my way into the Meade Empire and to be fair I haven’t exactly proved her wrong.’ She finished with a smile.
He nodded. ‘Willie I really am...’
‘If you are about to apologise again I will hurt you physically.’ She said dryly.
Daniel smiled, ah there she is.
‘Daniel, I’m exhausted. I can’t talk anymore. I’m going to bed.’
‘We still need to talk about where we stand with each other.’
‘Daniel...’
‘Look, things have changed, there’s no point in denying it. The past we tried to bury has come up and bitten us on the ass and thrown everything upside down. And you know...we slept together.’
She closed her eyes tightly, Daniel didn’t know if this was to replay the images or block them.
‘Daniel, this is not going to be some big love story. No matter what our relationship was 14 years ago, a hell of a lot has happened to change the way we feel since then.’
Daniel nodded, ‘True, but I know why you acted the way you did...mostly, and I forgive you.’
She arched her eyebrows at him.
‘Okay well, I’ll work on it; I can get past it if you can.’
‘If I can get past what?’
‘What I did to you with...her.’
Wilhelmina looked at the ground. ‘I think the rational part of my brain forgave you long ago. It was a youthful indiscretion. I think I held on to it for so long to make it easier to hate you.’
‘And now?’
She looked at him and pulled her bottom lip into her mouth, looking at him thoughtfully. ‘It’s getting harder.’
He smiled. ‘So it’s not love, it’s not hate, we’ll never be able to be just friends...what is it?’
She shrugged, ‘Grey area.’
‘Grey area? Sounds good to me.’
She smiled and stood. ‘I’m going to bed.’
‘I’m spending the night.’
She spun and looked at him incredulously.
‘In the spare room or couch even...we’re not done talking.’
Exhausted and seeing no point in arguing, Wilhelmina relented. ‘Take the room to the right of the bathroom. I’ll see you in the morning.’
xXx
Daniel lay in bed wide awake, his ears straining for any sounds of her moving about the apartment. He had lost count of the times he had sat bolt upright in the bed and expected to hear a knock at the door, when he realised he was willing it to happen he made up his mind.
At the same time, Wilhelmina was silently pacing in her bedroom. The two sides of her battling in her head. Countless times she reached for the door, wanting to go to him and just get lost in him like she used too. Then the woman she had become would make her snatch her hand back, reasoning that Wilhelmina Slater would never go to Daniel Meade. The longer she paced the louder one voice became.
Reaching for the handle of her door, she swung it open to see Daniel standing at the other side, hand poised to knock.
The pair froze, eyes wide and breath caught in their throat. The new Daniel and Wilhelmina wanted the door to close and to retreat back to their corners. Neither moved, the old lovers they once were wanting to see if they could ever get back what they had.
Wilhelmina wavered slightly the door moving with her, Daniel pushed his hand against the door and opened it hard and with one step he was in her room and his lips crashed on hers. As she started to respond he pulled her body close against him. His body instantly began reacting to the feel of her curves. He started to walk with her, moving her backwards towards the bed, muttering futile rationalisations as they went.
‘This is stupid.’
‘I know.’
‘We shouldn’t do this.’
‘We shouldn’t.’
Her legs hit the bed and he pushed her down upon it. Leaving rough kisses on her neck he pushed down the silken straps of her camisole and slipped it off her body. Her back arching off the mattress as he found the sensitive spot on her neck that only he knew where to find. She hurriedly removed his boxers and closed her hand around him, making him momentarily still his movements as the sensation washed over him. She felt his hand slide down her body and as his mouth worked its way teasing her breasts she felt his fingers against her.
Knowing she wouldn’t last long if he kept touching her like that she pushed hard against his shoulder, flipping him over and straddling him on the edge of her bed. He placed his feet firmly on the floor and grabbed her waist, positioning her directly above him. Taking a hold of him she guided him in and gasped as he immediately began to thrust upwards.
She gripped him tightly, one hand in his hair as he lowered his head slightly and pulled a nipple into his mouth. He kept one hand on her back to steady her and moved the other between their joined bodies, pressing two fingers against her as she moved up and down. He could feel her movements getting more erratic and began speeding up his efforts. Pulling his head up, she brought his mouth to hers, their lips and tongues collided with fervour as her body began to tense. Holding her tight to keep her still he felt his own muscles tense as she squeezed around him. With a final upwards thrust his body went rigid and he cried out as he reached his climax. Wilhelmina entwined her hands in his hair and pulled his head tight to her chest as her back arched as she too hit her peak.
The two bodies shaking violently, floated back down to reality. They moved apart slightly, each looking in the other’s eyes for signs of regret. Seeing none, Daniel smiled and kissed her lightly, trailing his tongue over her now swollen lips. Shifting his weight he pulled her with him as he manoeuvred himself into her bed. Turning on his side he pulled her close and wrapped his body around her, spooning her.
‘Oh this won’t complicate matters.’ Wilhelmina said sardonically.
Daniel buried his face in her hair and placed a kiss on the nape of her neck. ‘Shut up.’
xXx
Epilogue
4 Months later
‘Willie, where have you been? I called you like a million times this morning.’
Marc was fluttering round her like an epileptic butterfly.
‘I left my cell in the office, why didn’t you call me at Daniel’s’
‘Ooh 3 nights in a row.’
‘You said you tried to reach me.’ She said dismissing his comment.
‘Oh it was nothing just some drama with Hermes blah blah blah, I handled it. So you stayed at chez Meade again last night.’ He said jumping to sit on her desk and crossing his legs dramatically.
Wilhelmina stood before him and glowered. ‘So?’
‘So it’s been four months and you haven’t killed each other yet, in fact I’d say you’re getting mighty cosy.’ He said with a grin.
‘Get off my desk Marc.’
Wilhelmina was saved from any more of Marc’s prying by Daniel and Betty entering the office.
‘Here, you left this in the town car this morning.’ He said handing her a Chanel scarf.
As she took it from him he leaned in and kissed her, she swatted him away.
‘Daniel, I said no funny stuff in the office unless your mother is in the vicinity.’ She smiled wickedly, ‘It’s fun to watch her pale like a corpse.’
Daniel smiled and leaned to pick up the phone on her desk and dialled a number. ‘Hello Mom? Could you come up to Wilhelmina’s office please? Thanks.’ He hung up and grinned like a child.
‘Oh ha-ha, very droll Daniel.’
‘I think so.’ He continued to smile and leaned in to kiss her again, this time she reciprocated and rolled her eyes when they parted and saw Betty’s face scrunched up.
‘Oh for God sake it’s not like I’m screwing him on the desk. We usually wait til you’re all gone for the night before that.’
Betty’s face widened in panic and her eyes begged with Daniel to tell her that Wilhelmina was kidding, Daniel simply shrugged causing Marc to snicker.
‘Something amusing?’ Her eyes narrowed at him.
‘No, nothing Willie.’ He said still smiling.
Daniel, Marc and Betty all jumped when Wilhelmina grabbed Daniel and kissed him deeply. After several seconds and some questionable moans from Daniel she released him and looked over Marc’s shoulder in mock surprise. ‘Oh good morning Claire.’ She said brightly. ‘We have a meeting in Daniel’s office.’
Claire nodded wordlessly and walked towards Daniel’s office. Claire, although obviously mortified by their new relationship could do little about it if she wanted to maintain a relationship with Daniel. He had told her as much when he confronted her with the fact she had known about the baby.
Feeling euphoric at the look on Claire’s face, Wilhelmina pressed another quick kiss to Daniels lips and sighed contentedly. ‘That was fun.’
Straightening her outfit she and Daniel left the office and began walking to their meeting. Daniel placed his hand at the small of Willie’s back.
‘I can’t wait to tell her we’ve spent the last three days packing up your things for you to move in.’
‘You really are evil aren’t you?’ He said laughing softly.
‘Yes I am...and you love it.’
THE END
Title: Dear Diary
Author: QueenWillie
Pairing: Daniel/Wilhelmina
Rating: This part NC17
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em
Summary: Can all this animosity really just be over a job?
Dear Diary - Chapter 10
She stood in the elevator staring at the defeated form of Daniel slumped in her doorway. Half of her wanted to issue some cutting remark about his condition. Scratch that, less than half, the mask she displayed to the world was becoming more and more distant when she was around him. That was why this was so dangerous, that was why she had wanted to continue the lie. She didn’t want to let him in.
His eyes were still locked on hers, the hurt he was experiencing was clearly shining on them but beneath that she could see his eyes searching hers for forgiveness. She didn’t know how long they remained like that, only when the elevator doors began to close and her hand shot out to stop them was she shaken from her reverie. With what felt like legs made of lead she walked to her apartment door. He stood as she neared the apartment but no words of greeting were spoken. He stood behind her, head bowed; pinching the bridge of his nose as she wordlessly unlocked her door.
Every noise seemed magnified as he followed her into her apartment. Without looking back at him she made her way to her lounge. The fire roared to life by way of greeting, the peculiar lighting resulting in making their faces appear even more haunted. Wilhelmina eventually turned to him, swallowed the lump in her throat.
‘Give me five minutes.’ Her voice wavered as she spoke to him.
Daniel still didn’t trust himself to speak without succumbing to the guilt he felt and merely nodded in response while averting her gaze.
Wilhelmina waked to her room on autopilot; sitting on the bed she tried to arrange her thoughts. Why had she come in here? It’s not like she was planning on slipping into something more comfortable for God sake. Looking in the mirror she could see the effect that this was having on her, her eyes had lost their shine, her skin had paled and her mouth was firmly set in a line. The effort to smile, well sneer, seemed astronomical. She could already feel the tension headache squeezing like an elastic band around her temples. Securely fixing her stare on the mirror she took a deep breath and mentally prepared herself.
Daniel couldn’t sit still in her living room. He had perched, slumped, even lain down on the sofa. He had paced up and down, turned her TV on and off and watched the people on the street down below. Anything to distract himself until she came back in the room. The fact that he hadn’t spoken up to stop her leaving was something he was now kicking himself for. She was priming herself for this conversation, reconstructing the defences he had managed to knock down in the past months. Walking to her cabinet he took out two glasses and poured a healthy measure of the nearest spirit which came to hand. Knocking it back, he poured another for himself and poured a glass for Wilhelmina.
Now that she had gone to compose herself he was sure the conversation was going to be him snivelling like a fool and making pathetic attempts at apologies while good ol’ Wilhelmina Slater belittled his every comment and demeanour, and this time he would let her, he deserved it. So he was surprised when he heard her footsteps returning and couldn’t hear the familiar military click of her heels as she strode with her usual self importance. Instead her footsteps were slow, apprehensive even. When she came back in the room she looked as drained as when she had left. Daniel walked to her and offered the drink he had poured her. Wilhelmina eyed it as if it were an alien, looked at Daniel and then back at the drink before grabbing both her drink and his own from his grasp and stormed from the room.
Puzzled, Daniel followed her into the kitchen in time to see her throwing both glasses into the sink, the resulting shatter of the glass making him jump in the quiet of her home. She rounded on him.
‘Is there any reason why you need alcohol every time we have a discussion, or is it not limited to me!? Going the same way as Mother?’
He knew she was doing this to provoke him, wanted to instigate an argument to avoid the conversation that was looming. He wasn’t going to rise to the bait, instead he walked to her coffee machine, poured two cups and handed one to her. He spoke to her in an even tone contrasting the rollercoaster he felt inside.
‘No of course not, just thought you might’ve needed it. Coffee’s fine.’
Thrown off by his reaction her expression faltered and she looked away.
‘This stuff’s no good; it’s been out since this morning.’ Her voice sounded almost childlike.
‘It’s fine.’ Daniel reassured her taking a step closer. ‘Wilhelmina...’
‘No I’ll make more.’ She said abruptly, side stepping him, still hoping to avoid this at all costs.
Daniel sighed as she started fussing with the coffee maker, pressing buttons and looking for all the world as if she was highly engrossed in her task. Daniel knew that once she had done this she would create any number of tedious jobs that needed doing right away in order to evade what needed to be said, so he decided she could do all the jobs she wanted, he was going to talk.
‘I’m sorry.’ It sounded trite even to his own ears but where else was he meant to start. She stopped what she was doing for the smallest of moments and then resumed as if he had said nothing.
‘I know that doesn’t make anything any different but I am.’
She carried on working with her back to him.
‘You know traditional conversations involve two or more people taking turns to talk.’ He said jovially trying to lighten the atmosphere. It didn’t work; she still did not reply or turn around.
‘Sorry, stupid joke.’ He mumbled, almost to himself. He felt he had to keep talking, if he didn’t then he would be overwhelmed and return to the dribbling wreck she had found at her door.
His tone was still conversational as he continued. ‘You know that...woman...you know she was Dj’s Mother. It was stupid, although you had come to Paris I was still pissed you know? I was an idiot and Alex kept saying things about you being with other people while we were apart and I just...you know what...forget it...there’s no excuse. Especially considering you were...you were uh...’
He cleared his throat and swallowed before continuing in a small voice. ‘...pregnant.’
He saw that she had moved from the coffee machine but was hurriedly wiping her kitchen surfaces. Dropping what little bravado he had left in his voice he asked her.
‘Wilhelmina, why didn’t you tell me?’
She still didn’t answer; he walked up behind her and put his hand on her shoulder. ‘Willie...’
She spun round and slammed the flat of her hand into his chest, pushing him from her. Her eyes were red and swollen and her voice was cracking as she began her tirade.
‘Why? Why didn’t I tell you? You really want to know why? You think I wanted to add to my humiliation of flying to Europe, abandoning the career I worked so hard for, finding the father of my child fucking his brothers cast off, falling down the fucking stairs trying to run away and waking up to find Clare fucking Meade of all people by my bedside to tell me that our baby was gone! Oh yes Daniel, I noticed you didn’t mention your mothers part in this during your heartfelt apology! That was probably the one thing your mother and I had ever agreed on, neither one of us wanted you to know.’
Daniel was taken aback by the sudden outburst and took a moment to form a coherent thought. Forcing his mouth to work he whispered. ‘But why?’
Still shouting, she continued; ‘Well your mother obviously wanted to protect her dear sweet baby boy whereas I didn’t want you to know that you had...’
She stopped suddenly; Daniel looked in her eyes and knew what she was going to say.
‘Hurt you.’
Wilhelmina seemed to deflate in front of his eyes. ‘Bravo Daniel, well done. You hurt me, something you’ve been wanting to do since the moment you walked into Mode, shame you didn’t know you were years too late.’
He walked towards her and reached a hand towards her. ‘I’m so sor...’
‘No! Don’t say it again; I don’t need your apologies. Just go!’
Daniel still moved for her so she pushed him away from her and tried to move him to the door.
‘Daniel go!’
He pushed his weight against her hands, not allowing her to shift his frame. She began slapping his chest while shouting at him to go. When he heard the anger in her voice turn to sadness and her demands for him to leave turned to pleads he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in fiercely. Holding her tightly he felt her body begin to shake.
‘I’m sorry Willie.’
With some effort she pushed him away, turning her head quickly so he wouldn’t see her tears. She quickly walked away from him and returned to her room.
xXx
If she was hoping Daniel was going to leave she was going to be sorely disappointed. He had gone back to the living room and sat on her couch for the last two hours. He still needed to talk; they couldn’t leave it like this. He needed to know where he stood with her. The notion of what he was insinuating gave him mixed feelings. The boy that had loved her was giddy and the man who had loathed her was screaming ‘don’t do it.’ He still didn’t know who he was going to listen to.
He was so lost in his thoughts he didn’t notice her coming back until she sat next to him. He turned to look at her, perched on the edge of the sofa, elbows resting on her knees and staring straight ahead at nothing.
‘You want to know the real reason I didn’t tell you?’
Something told him she wasn’t really looking for an answer; he remained silent and let her continue.
‘If you had found out I had lost your baby, you would have been devastated.’
‘Of course I would have.’
‘I didn’t want you to be.’
‘So what? You were protecting me?’
‘God no, I didn’t want you to be devastated, because you didn’t deserve to be devastated. You didn’t deserve to get the pity and compassion that would have been heaped on you had you known. I hated you and I wanted to make it your fault.’
Daniel burned with shame and looked away, ‘It was my fault.’
‘No Daniel. I never knew what happened, no one did. They scanned me when I fell to be sure, but it could have happened before then. It could have been the fall down the stairs, it could have been the fact that I shouldn’t have been flying so early on or it could have just been one of those things that life does to fuck you up.’
‘But...’
‘No buts Daniel. You know the hardest thing about losing a baby? There’s no one to blame. Even the doctors tell you they don’t know why some pregnancies just end...they just do. I was so full of anger and I had nowhere to direct it, so I directed it at you and boy did it work.’
He laughed ever so slightly. ‘Yeah’
She turned to look at him. ‘Until a couple of months ago.’
He raised an eyebrow. ‘Yeah?’
She nodded.
He smiled.
‘The other reason I didn’t tell you...’
‘Go on.’
‘I was terrified you’d comfort me, that we’d get through it and come out stronger. That scared the hell out of me.’
Daniel was struck dumb. Since they had walked in her apartment there was no trace of the Wilhelmina he knew from Mode, she had been open and honest and her last comment had floored him.
‘Do me one favour Daniel?’
‘Name it.’
‘God...you tell her I said this and I will deny it until my dying breath. Don’t blame your Mother, she did what she thought was best. She thought I would use it to claw my way into the Meade Empire and to be fair I haven’t exactly proved her wrong.’ She finished with a smile.
He nodded. ‘Willie I really am...’
‘If you are about to apologise again I will hurt you physically.’ She said dryly.
Daniel smiled, ah there she is.
‘Daniel, I’m exhausted. I can’t talk anymore. I’m going to bed.’
‘We still need to talk about where we stand with each other.’
‘Daniel...’
‘Look, things have changed, there’s no point in denying it. The past we tried to bury has come up and bitten us on the ass and thrown everything upside down. And you know...we slept together.’
She closed her eyes tightly, Daniel didn’t know if this was to replay the images or block them.
‘Daniel, this is not going to be some big love story. No matter what our relationship was 14 years ago, a hell of a lot has happened to change the way we feel since then.’
Daniel nodded, ‘True, but I know why you acted the way you did...mostly, and I forgive you.’
She arched her eyebrows at him.
‘Okay well, I’ll work on it; I can get past it if you can.’
‘If I can get past what?’
‘What I did to you with...her.’
Wilhelmina looked at the ground. ‘I think the rational part of my brain forgave you long ago. It was a youthful indiscretion. I think I held on to it for so long to make it easier to hate you.’
‘And now?’
She looked at him and pulled her bottom lip into her mouth, looking at him thoughtfully. ‘It’s getting harder.’
He smiled. ‘So it’s not love, it’s not hate, we’ll never be able to be just friends...what is it?’
She shrugged, ‘Grey area.’
‘Grey area? Sounds good to me.’
She smiled and stood. ‘I’m going to bed.’
‘I’m spending the night.’
She spun and looked at him incredulously.
‘In the spare room or couch even...we’re not done talking.’
Exhausted and seeing no point in arguing, Wilhelmina relented. ‘Take the room to the right of the bathroom. I’ll see you in the morning.’
xXx
Daniel lay in bed wide awake, his ears straining for any sounds of her moving about the apartment. He had lost count of the times he had sat bolt upright in the bed and expected to hear a knock at the door, when he realised he was willing it to happen he made up his mind.
At the same time, Wilhelmina was silently pacing in her bedroom. The two sides of her battling in her head. Countless times she reached for the door, wanting to go to him and just get lost in him like she used too. Then the woman she had become would make her snatch her hand back, reasoning that Wilhelmina Slater would never go to Daniel Meade. The longer she paced the louder one voice became.
Reaching for the handle of her door, she swung it open to see Daniel standing at the other side, hand poised to knock.
The pair froze, eyes wide and breath caught in their throat. The new Daniel and Wilhelmina wanted the door to close and to retreat back to their corners. Neither moved, the old lovers they once were wanting to see if they could ever get back what they had.
Wilhelmina wavered slightly the door moving with her, Daniel pushed his hand against the door and opened it hard and with one step he was in her room and his lips crashed on hers. As she started to respond he pulled her body close against him. His body instantly began reacting to the feel of her curves. He started to walk with her, moving her backwards towards the bed, muttering futile rationalisations as they went.
‘This is stupid.’
‘I know.’
‘We shouldn’t do this.’
‘We shouldn’t.’
Her legs hit the bed and he pushed her down upon it. Leaving rough kisses on her neck he pushed down the silken straps of her camisole and slipped it off her body. Her back arching off the mattress as he found the sensitive spot on her neck that only he knew where to find. She hurriedly removed his boxers and closed her hand around him, making him momentarily still his movements as the sensation washed over him. She felt his hand slide down her body and as his mouth worked its way teasing her breasts she felt his fingers against her.
Knowing she wouldn’t last long if he kept touching her like that she pushed hard against his shoulder, flipping him over and straddling him on the edge of her bed. He placed his feet firmly on the floor and grabbed her waist, positioning her directly above him. Taking a hold of him she guided him in and gasped as he immediately began to thrust upwards.
She gripped him tightly, one hand in his hair as he lowered his head slightly and pulled a nipple into his mouth. He kept one hand on her back to steady her and moved the other between their joined bodies, pressing two fingers against her as she moved up and down. He could feel her movements getting more erratic and began speeding up his efforts. Pulling his head up, she brought his mouth to hers, their lips and tongues collided with fervour as her body began to tense. Holding her tight to keep her still he felt his own muscles tense as she squeezed around him. With a final upwards thrust his body went rigid and he cried out as he reached his climax. Wilhelmina entwined her hands in his hair and pulled his head tight to her chest as her back arched as she too hit her peak.
The two bodies shaking violently, floated back down to reality. They moved apart slightly, each looking in the other’s eyes for signs of regret. Seeing none, Daniel smiled and kissed her lightly, trailing his tongue over her now swollen lips. Shifting his weight he pulled her with him as he manoeuvred himself into her bed. Turning on his side he pulled her close and wrapped his body around her, spooning her.
‘Oh this won’t complicate matters.’ Wilhelmina said sardonically.
Daniel buried his face in her hair and placed a kiss on the nape of her neck. ‘Shut up.’
xXx
Epilogue
4 Months later
‘Willie, where have you been? I called you like a million times this morning.’
Marc was fluttering round her like an epileptic butterfly.
‘I left my cell in the office, why didn’t you call me at Daniel’s’
‘Ooh 3 nights in a row.’
‘You said you tried to reach me.’ She said dismissing his comment.
‘Oh it was nothing just some drama with Hermes blah blah blah, I handled it. So you stayed at chez Meade again last night.’ He said jumping to sit on her desk and crossing his legs dramatically.
Wilhelmina stood before him and glowered. ‘So?’
‘So it’s been four months and you haven’t killed each other yet, in fact I’d say you’re getting mighty cosy.’ He said with a grin.
‘Get off my desk Marc.’
Wilhelmina was saved from any more of Marc’s prying by Daniel and Betty entering the office.
‘Here, you left this in the town car this morning.’ He said handing her a Chanel scarf.
As she took it from him he leaned in and kissed her, she swatted him away.
‘Daniel, I said no funny stuff in the office unless your mother is in the vicinity.’ She smiled wickedly, ‘It’s fun to watch her pale like a corpse.’
Daniel smiled and leaned to pick up the phone on her desk and dialled a number. ‘Hello Mom? Could you come up to Wilhelmina’s office please? Thanks.’ He hung up and grinned like a child.
‘Oh ha-ha, very droll Daniel.’
‘I think so.’ He continued to smile and leaned in to kiss her again, this time she reciprocated and rolled her eyes when they parted and saw Betty’s face scrunched up.
‘Oh for God sake it’s not like I’m screwing him on the desk. We usually wait til you’re all gone for the night before that.’
Betty’s face widened in panic and her eyes begged with Daniel to tell her that Wilhelmina was kidding, Daniel simply shrugged causing Marc to snicker.
‘Something amusing?’ Her eyes narrowed at him.
‘No, nothing Willie.’ He said still smiling.
Daniel, Marc and Betty all jumped when Wilhelmina grabbed Daniel and kissed him deeply. After several seconds and some questionable moans from Daniel she released him and looked over Marc’s shoulder in mock surprise. ‘Oh good morning Claire.’ She said brightly. ‘We have a meeting in Daniel’s office.’
Claire nodded wordlessly and walked towards Daniel’s office. Claire, although obviously mortified by their new relationship could do little about it if she wanted to maintain a relationship with Daniel. He had told her as much when he confronted her with the fact she had known about the baby.
Feeling euphoric at the look on Claire’s face, Wilhelmina pressed another quick kiss to Daniels lips and sighed contentedly. ‘That was fun.’
Straightening her outfit she and Daniel left the office and began walking to their meeting. Daniel placed his hand at the small of Willie’s back.
‘I can’t wait to tell her we’ve spent the last three days packing up your things for you to move in.’
‘You really are evil aren’t you?’ He said laughing softly.
‘Yes I am...and you love it.’
THE END