Something funny for the masses
If you don't laugh at any of the following...I will come to your house and bop you over the head with a HUMONGOUS footy foot of footyness!!*smiles*
An internet friend of mine from Canada sent me this. I was hysterical!
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
(updated for 2005)
1. She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.
2. She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER - She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.
3. She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
4. She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
5. She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.
6. She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.
7. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
8. She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED
9. She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.
10. She is not a SLUT - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.
11. She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS - She is PECTORALLY
SUPERIOR.
12. She is not a TWO-BIT WHORE - She is a LOW-COST PROVIDER.
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.
2. He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.
3. He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE
DESTINATIONS.
4. He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
5. He is not a CRADLE ROBBER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL
RELATIONSHIPS
6. He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
7. He does not act like a TOTAL ASS - He develops a case of CRANIAL-RECTAL
INVERSION.
8. He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY.
9. He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED
10. He is not HORNY - He is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.
11. It's not his crack you see hanging out of his pants....It is MALE CLEAVAGE.
________________________
i came up with these!
1. I don't have TROUBLE WITH MATH-- I'm MATHEMATICALLY CHALLENGED!
2. He isn't completely BALD--He's FOLLICLY CHALLENGED!
3. He isn't suffereing from GAS--He is INTESTINALLY CHALLENGED!
4. She doesn't BELLYBUTTON--She is PUPIKALLY CHALLENGED! (pupik is yiddish for belly button)
5. She hasn't a SENSE OF HUMOR--She is COMEDICALLY CHALLENGED!
i'm sure i will come up with more! if you have some...do share!
~QUEENWOOFLES
An internet friend of mine from Canada sent me this. I was hysterical!
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
(updated for 2005)
1. She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.
2. She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER - She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.
3. She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
4. She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
5. She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.
6. She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.
7. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
8. She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED
9. She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.
10. She is not a SLUT - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.
11. She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS - She is PECTORALLY
SUPERIOR.
12. She is not a TWO-BIT WHORE - She is a LOW-COST PROVIDER.
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.
2. He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.
3. He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE
DESTINATIONS.
4. He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
5. He is not a CRADLE ROBBER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL
RELATIONSHIPS
6. He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
7. He does not act like a TOTAL ASS - He develops a case of CRANIAL-RECTAL
INVERSION.
8. He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY.
9. He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED
10. He is not HORNY - He is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.
11. It's not his crack you see hanging out of his pants....It is MALE CLEAVAGE.
________________________
i came up with these!
1. I don't have TROUBLE WITH MATH-- I'm MATHEMATICALLY CHALLENGED!
2. He isn't completely BALD--He's FOLLICLY CHALLENGED!
3. He isn't suffereing from GAS--He is INTESTINALLY CHALLENGED!
4. She doesn't BELLYBUTTON--She is PUPIKALLY CHALLENGED! (pupik is yiddish for belly button)
5. She hasn't a SENSE OF HUMOR--She is COMEDICALLY CHALLENGED!
i'm sure i will come up with more! if you have some...do share!
~QUEENWOOFLES