The Office, Pam, Karen, Jim
Characters: Pam, Karen, Jim
Summary: Set in Season Three, written pre-Ben Franklin. Karen finally demands to know what happened between Jim and Pam before Jim transferred.
"This is ridiculous. What happened between you two?" Karen's voice, hard and angry, cuts through the fog of distance and denial that had kept them safe, protected against the harsh unyielding light of memory. Pam can't speak, can't even look at Karen as the other girl waits, arms crossed, demanding a truth she knows she has the right to hear. Instead, she looks at Jim. When she doesn't know what to do, she always looks at Jim. The realization doesn't even have the power to hurt her anymore.
Pam looks at Jim and sees that for once, he has no quick answer for her, no easy escape for them both. She sees his eyes dart from side to side, watches him swallow, sees him hunch his shoulders defensively as he prepares to speak. He's going to deny it, she knows suddenly, with a mixture of relief and anger and anguish. He’s going to deny everything that ever happened between them, and Pam doesn't know if Karen will accept it this time or if she even wants her to, and painful, pent-up emotion rises in her chest and she can’t stop it, even if she had wanted to try.
"I was in love with him," she says, cutting across whatever lie Jim was about to tell. They both stop, staring at her with almost identical expressions of disbelief. She wonders now what Karen had known or suspected, for her to look so shocked - but this isn't about Karen, not anymore, and maybe it's unfair but it never really has been. She's looking straight at Jim and for once not even trying to decipher his expression or guess what he's thinking because maybe this isn't about Jim, either. This is about Pam. This is about Pam finally deciding to have the courage to face everything she is feeling, everything she has been feeling for weeks and months and years.
She looks nowhere but Jim's face and repeats, "I fell in love with him. While I was still engaged to Roy. It took me a while to realize, but now I know."
Her whole body is shaking and it takes all the strength she possesses to turn her head and look Karen in the eye, to tell her "I'm sorry it came out this way," then to purposefully walk past them and out the break room door. Neither stops her, though out of the corner of her eye she thinks she sees Jim start abruptly, as if about to reach for her. She nearly knocks over the cameraman standing beside the break room window, but not even the realization that everything she has just said is now on film can make her pause. She walks straight out of Dunder-Mifflin, down the stairs because she can't bear to wait for the elevator, out into the parking lot.
She has to stop and fumble for her keys once she reaches her car. The loss of momentum undoes her, and her knees unceremoniously collapse as she sags against the cool metal.
Pam is still shaking and she's fighting back both laughter and tears, and it takes her a moment to realize that what she's feeling is relief.
Summary: Set in Season Three, written pre-Ben Franklin. Karen finally demands to know what happened between Jim and Pam before Jim transferred.
"This is ridiculous. What happened between you two?" Karen's voice, hard and angry, cuts through the fog of distance and denial that had kept them safe, protected against the harsh unyielding light of memory. Pam can't speak, can't even look at Karen as the other girl waits, arms crossed, demanding a truth she knows she has the right to hear. Instead, she looks at Jim. When she doesn't know what to do, she always looks at Jim. The realization doesn't even have the power to hurt her anymore.
Pam looks at Jim and sees that for once, he has no quick answer for her, no easy escape for them both. She sees his eyes dart from side to side, watches him swallow, sees him hunch his shoulders defensively as he prepares to speak. He's going to deny it, she knows suddenly, with a mixture of relief and anger and anguish. He’s going to deny everything that ever happened between them, and Pam doesn't know if Karen will accept it this time or if she even wants her to, and painful, pent-up emotion rises in her chest and she can’t stop it, even if she had wanted to try.
"I was in love with him," she says, cutting across whatever lie Jim was about to tell. They both stop, staring at her with almost identical expressions of disbelief. She wonders now what Karen had known or suspected, for her to look so shocked - but this isn't about Karen, not anymore, and maybe it's unfair but it never really has been. She's looking straight at Jim and for once not even trying to decipher his expression or guess what he's thinking because maybe this isn't about Jim, either. This is about Pam. This is about Pam finally deciding to have the courage to face everything she is feeling, everything she has been feeling for weeks and months and years.
She looks nowhere but Jim's face and repeats, "I fell in love with him. While I was still engaged to Roy. It took me a while to realize, but now I know."
Her whole body is shaking and it takes all the strength she possesses to turn her head and look Karen in the eye, to tell her "I'm sorry it came out this way," then to purposefully walk past them and out the break room door. Neither stops her, though out of the corner of her eye she thinks she sees Jim start abruptly, as if about to reach for her. She nearly knocks over the cameraman standing beside the break room window, but not even the realization that everything she has just said is now on film can make her pause. She walks straight out of Dunder-Mifflin, down the stairs because she can't bear to wait for the elevator, out into the parking lot.
She has to stop and fumble for her keys once she reaches her car. The loss of momentum undoes her, and her knees unceremoniously collapse as she sags against the cool metal.
Pam is still shaking and she's fighting back both laughter and tears, and it takes her a moment to realize that what she's feeling is relief.