FML
There's a kid in my class, and he's...got some anger issues. LIke, it's not that he's angry, and it's not that he hurts the others (he doesn't), it's that someone takes a toy from him AND THEN HE CHASES THEM AROUND THE ROOM, ALL BUT TACKLES THEM, AND TRIES TO PULL IT OUT OF THEIR HANDS.
My old boss says it's just a phase. Yeah. A PHASE. That's been going on for a FUCKING YEAR? Which, I add, is as long as I've known this kid, and I think it's been going on longer, too. My new boss is too new to be helpful (her second week; not blaming her), but suggests maybe he's just over being here (like he's too old). But... we had that in another kid. He resorted to petty violence when he thought he could get away with it; he didn't cry and scream and sob on the floor because I told him 'no'. He manipulated the teachers and the other kids when he could, he didn't scream and chase people because they said he was playing and he wasn't.
His dad tries to explain it away "Oh, well, I'd be mad if happened to me." Well, yeah, so would I, but I wouldn't throw blocks towards the kids (but not at), then struggle when the teacher tried to pull me away, then drape myself over her sobbing, and start kicking my feet (with the other kids still in kick-range, and knocking over their toys) and yelling when she tried to process it with me. It wouldn't take me ten minutes to calm down again. Even if I were still four.
Maybe he does it for attention? Oh, but we HAD a kid who did it for attention (it's been a HELL of a year). He knew exactly what he had to do to get kicked out of our classroom, and showed almost no remorse for having done it. He didn't yell and physically intimidate another child, including standing literally over the child and stomping his feet on either side of them and pretending to punch them--all because he didn't know the rules of the game, and that child tried to correct him (probably politely, knowing that child).
Oh, but perhaps some kids are just angry. I mean, I've only worked with kids aged less-than-5 for about a year and a half, what do I know? Except the other kids in the class who are just angry hit once, and then move on--or they wait and go for vengeance (hell of a year), but it's a Thing, and then it's over, and they sulk until you talk to them, reply to your questions, and move on with life. They don't yell, pout, tell the teacher to stop lying, threaten to hurt/kill/shoot themselves, then sob and cry uncontrollably and drape themselves over the teacher insisting they 'want to have a good day' and begging that she not tell their dad. And when she points out that she kinda has to, because FUCK MY LIFE, then he cries more and says how he hates me. And when questioned about what happened he starts screaming "I DON'T KNOW" and not actually communicating.
I'm pretty sure this isn't normal for a 4-year-old (he's almost 5, and will be repeating our 4k program in the fall). And I don't know what to do with him. I mean, I DO, because there's a sort of standard set of guidelines to deal with behavior issues, but I've BEEN doing them for MONTHS AND MONTHS AND MONTHS, and the best I can say is he's stopped threatening to shoot himself, and also sometimes he seems able to calm himself more than at other times.
I just want someone to come in and tell me that no, this isn't normal, and no, I'm not nuts or a failure for being unable to deal with it in a tidy fashion, but here are some alternate, actually useful, actually helpful, backed-by-science methods to deal with this. And here's the sort of timeline you can expect changes on. Because I have to deal with this kid for another fucking year, and I don't feel like I know how.
My old boss says it's just a phase. Yeah. A PHASE. That's been going on for a FUCKING YEAR? Which, I add, is as long as I've known this kid, and I think it's been going on longer, too. My new boss is too new to be helpful (her second week; not blaming her), but suggests maybe he's just over being here (like he's too old). But... we had that in another kid. He resorted to petty violence when he thought he could get away with it; he didn't cry and scream and sob on the floor because I told him 'no'. He manipulated the teachers and the other kids when he could, he didn't scream and chase people because they said he was playing and he wasn't.
His dad tries to explain it away "Oh, well, I'd be mad if happened to me." Well, yeah, so would I, but I wouldn't throw blocks towards the kids (but not at), then struggle when the teacher tried to pull me away, then drape myself over her sobbing, and start kicking my feet (with the other kids still in kick-range, and knocking over their toys) and yelling when she tried to process it with me. It wouldn't take me ten minutes to calm down again. Even if I were still four.
Maybe he does it for attention? Oh, but we HAD a kid who did it for attention (it's been a HELL of a year). He knew exactly what he had to do to get kicked out of our classroom, and showed almost no remorse for having done it. He didn't yell and physically intimidate another child, including standing literally over the child and stomping his feet on either side of them and pretending to punch them--all because he didn't know the rules of the game, and that child tried to correct him (probably politely, knowing that child).
Oh, but perhaps some kids are just angry. I mean, I've only worked with kids aged less-than-5 for about a year and a half, what do I know? Except the other kids in the class who are just angry hit once, and then move on--or they wait and go for vengeance (hell of a year), but it's a Thing, and then it's over, and they sulk until you talk to them, reply to your questions, and move on with life. They don't yell, pout, tell the teacher to stop lying, threaten to hurt/kill/shoot themselves, then sob and cry uncontrollably and drape themselves over the teacher insisting they 'want to have a good day' and begging that she not tell their dad. And when she points out that she kinda has to, because FUCK MY LIFE, then he cries more and says how he hates me. And when questioned about what happened he starts screaming "I DON'T KNOW" and not actually communicating.
I'm pretty sure this isn't normal for a 4-year-old (he's almost 5, and will be repeating our 4k program in the fall). And I don't know what to do with him. I mean, I DO, because there's a sort of standard set of guidelines to deal with behavior issues, but I've BEEN doing them for MONTHS AND MONTHS AND MONTHS, and the best I can say is he's stopped threatening to shoot himself, and also sometimes he seems able to calm himself more than at other times.
I just want someone to come in and tell me that no, this isn't normal, and no, I'm not nuts or a failure for being unable to deal with it in a tidy fashion, but here are some alternate, actually useful, actually helpful, backed-by-science methods to deal with this. And here's the sort of timeline you can expect changes on. Because I have to deal with this kid for another fucking year, and I don't feel like I know how.