niloufer
I stared at him, stunned into silence. He stared back lower lip trembling, blinking, light eyes glinting, - God, don’t tell me he’s going to cry! Adam’s apple bobbing nervously, and that earnest hang-dog expression that goes with unrequited adoration.
“You read my private diary?!” I repeated it slowly just so it could sink in to my own head properly, and was disgusted to find myself smiling with nervousness. What the hell HAD I written about him?
“I’m so sorry, you left it open on my comp, I… I just wanted to know more about you… I was… I couldn’t stop myself reading all…”
“Shut-up, I can’t think!”
I lied, my mind was racing in every direction. The waiter was hovering; I looked away sipping my limbu-pani, my hands shaking. How much was there? WHAT was there? I didn’t give a damn what it said about him, but there were definitely strong opinions about our boss. About everyone. Office politics. Secrets. I’d probably even mentioned when my period started. Shitttt. I didn’t even want him to know if I only filed my nails!
“My diary wasn’t open, you liar. Maybe my mail box was. You opened a mail.”
“You put up so many walls between us. I really care…” then with great sympathy, “I didn’t even know you were a diabetic!”
“Has it struck you if I wanted you to know, I would tell you” My voice was biting. Then I began to hyperventilate.
I blinked 2-3 times, whitening knuckles clamping the edge of the table. I put my face in my hands. “Are you ok?” he was panicking. Good.
“Get me water… I need to take a dose.” I was whispering now, fumbling in my bag for my tablets. He raised his hand
“Don’t dare make a scene” I snapped. He jumped to his feet and scurried toward the cooler himself.
I crushed a tablet between my fingers inside the handbag. Then one more and then another.
He was back. I drank deeply and right to the bottom. “…more”.
As he turned away I crushed it all into my glass and stirred. One more, crushed, sprinkled, stirred in.
By the time he came back I was drinking again, deeply, from his glass.
“Let’s get out of here!” I brought the money out and slapped it on the table over his hand. “No! I don’t want anything from you!”
“Wait. Don’t go like that! Try to understand, I told you because I wanted only honesty between us.”
“Finish your damned drink!
“It’s ok. I don’t really…” he was slipping off his seat again.
“Finish it dammit!”
He was on worse than shaky ground with me and knew it. He upped the glass and glug-glugged it to the last drop, spluttering, speaking even as he finished. “Believe me, I’ll never repeat a word of it to anyone in my life."
I smiled tremulously at him through my fingers. “I believe you,” I said.
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“You read my private diary?!” I repeated it slowly just so it could sink in to my own head properly, and was disgusted to find myself smiling with nervousness. What the hell HAD I written about him?
“I’m so sorry, you left it open on my comp, I… I just wanted to know more about you… I was… I couldn’t stop myself reading all…”
“Shut-up, I can’t think!”
I lied, my mind was racing in every direction. The waiter was hovering; I looked away sipping my limbu-pani, my hands shaking. How much was there? WHAT was there? I didn’t give a damn what it said about him, but there were definitely strong opinions about our boss. About everyone. Office politics. Secrets. I’d probably even mentioned when my period started. Shitttt. I didn’t even want him to know if I only filed my nails!
“My diary wasn’t open, you liar. Maybe my mail box was. You opened a mail.”
“You put up so many walls between us. I really care…” then with great sympathy, “I didn’t even know you were a diabetic!”
“Has it struck you if I wanted you to know, I would tell you” My voice was biting. Then I began to hyperventilate.
I blinked 2-3 times, whitening knuckles clamping the edge of the table. I put my face in my hands. “Are you ok?” he was panicking. Good.
“Get me water… I need to take a dose.” I was whispering now, fumbling in my bag for my tablets. He raised his hand
“Don’t dare make a scene” I snapped. He jumped to his feet and scurried toward the cooler himself.
I crushed a tablet between my fingers inside the handbag. Then one more and then another.
He was back. I drank deeply and right to the bottom. “…more”.
As he turned away I crushed it all into my glass and stirred. One more, crushed, sprinkled, stirred in.
By the time he came back I was drinking again, deeply, from his glass.
“Let’s get out of here!” I brought the money out and slapped it on the table over his hand. “No! I don’t want anything from you!”
“Wait. Don’t go like that! Try to understand, I told you because I wanted only honesty between us.”
“Finish your damned drink!
“It’s ok. I don’t really…” he was slipping off his seat again.
“Finish it dammit!”
He was on worse than shaky ground with me and knew it. He upped the glass and glug-glugged it to the last drop, spluttering, speaking even as he finished. “Believe me, I’ll never repeat a word of it to anyone in my life."
I smiled tremulously at him through my fingers. “I believe you,” I said.
Poll Rate this entry