All Bets Off
Title: All Bets Off
Author: quiesce
Characters: Wash/Simon
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Wash and Simon belong to Joss.
Word Count: 1546 Words
Notes: Written for the Wash Slash Ficathon. For littlekitsch who requested Wash/Simon, humor. Thanks to llaras for the help along the way, to skripka for being an awesome beta, and to thunder-nari for running the ficathon.
Once Mal was assured that the new passengers were secure for the night, he headed for the galley and decided to pour himself a cup of caffeinated protein-drink. Mal choked and snorted at the "improved coffee-like flavor" label on the package, grimaced again and swore never to purchase the brand again. He took a seat and waited for the rest of his crew to show up. Not that he had called any formal meeting; it had just become a tradition of sorts, a way to pass the time when they took on passengers.
They trickled in one by one: Jayne, Kaylee, Zoe, and finally Inara. Mal decided to be gentlemanly and warned Kaylee off the not-coffee, earning himself a glare from Jayne as she prepared a pot of tea. They all joined Mal at the table except Inara who stayed standing in the corner by the counter.
When he heard Wash sprinting over from the bridge, Mal stood and all the chatter stopped.
"So," he started without preamble, "sly?"
"Sly," Wash agreed enthusiastically as he pulled a chair up beside Zoe.
"If he ain't already, give me five minutes with him and he sure will be." Jayne nudged Kaylee so hard she almost spilled her drink. She glared at him as she pointedly inched her chair closer to Zoe and away from Jayne.
Inara spoke up from the corner. "Five minutes? You must be happy with your increase in stamina and endurance," she smiled sweetly.
"Ha ha." Jayne made a face at Inara, understanding the tone of the jibe, if not the exact meaning of the words.
"Well, Inara, what say you?" Mal asked.
"You know I don't play this silly game."
"Finally met one you couldn't figure," Mal teased.
"Hardly." Inara turned her smile on Mal now. "I knew the moment I met the new doctor exactly what he enjoys and with whom. It's just not fair to the rest of you if I get it right every time. I'm just here to see how many of you get it wrong."
"Well, Jayne, Wash and I all think he's sly. Kaylee?"
"I don't think he's sly at all. Did you see the way he was smiling at me all nervous-like at dinner? I think he's just shy." Kaylee smiled dreamily before continuing on more matter of factly. "'Sides, it's about time we had someone here that I could...do you know how long it's been since I last-"
"Thank you, Kaylee," Mal cut in quickly. "Zoe?"
"I'll go with Kaylee on this one, even out the numbers a little. I say shy but not sly."
"Ok, so now we just need someone to-" Mal laughed as Wash, Jayne and Kaylee all had hands waving in the air before he'd even finished. "Wash, I think you were fastest. Looks like it's up to you to figure out which way he leans."
Jayne audibly sulked as he lowered his hand. Kaylee started to pout until she saw Zoe wink at her.
"You don't have to look quite so excited," Zoe grinned to her beaming husband. "Just don't be gone all night or I might have to look for someone to keep me company."
Jayne's hand shot back up again. "I can come over if you start getting lonely."
"No." Zoe and Wash replied simultaneously.
"Just trying to be helpful was all," Jayne sulked to himself.
"Alright, that's it for the night," Mal dismissed the gathering. "Wash'll tell us tomorrow what he learned about the doctor."
As everyone finished their drinks and started filing out of the galley, Inara to her shuttle and the rest to their bunks, Mal pulled Wash back from the group. "Just try not to scare him off the ship like Jayne did with the last guy," Mal warned sternly.
***
Wash knocked lightly on Simon's door, not wanting to wake him if it was too late. No noise came from the room and Wash couldn't see any movement either. He was about to give up for the night when the door slid back quickly, quietly grinding against its rails.
Simon's face was full of alarm. "Is there something wrong with my-, my cargo?"
"What? No, everything's fine. I just wanted to make sure you were settling in okay." Simon's unease had caught Wash so off guard that it took a second for him to register one very important fact: Simon slept in a pair of pants and nothing but a pair of pants. A pair of pale-blue, soft-looking pants that were hanging rather low on Simon's hipbones...
Wash shook his head slightly to clear it and ushered Simon back into his bunk. He slid the door closed behind him explaining, "Don't want wake our other passengers." At Simon's inquiring glance, he asked, "Do you have everything you need?"
"I think so, yes. Thank you." Simon frowned slightly in confusion.
Wash took a step closer and asked meaningfully, "Are you sure?"
When he saw that Simon was guarded but curious and not pulling back, Wash brushed his lips tentatively across the doctor's.
"Oh," Simon said simply. He hesitated briefly before leaning back in and returning Wash's kiss somewhat less chastely.
Simon cupped the pilot's face and Wash in turn slid his hands around to Simon's back. He didn't want to push Simon farther than he was comfortable with, but he was also having a hard time keeping his hands from Simon's very naked torso.
The swirls Simon's tongue were making around his told Wash that any fears he had of moving too fast for the doctor were unfounded, although the hunger behind Simon's kisses had Wash wondering how long it had been since he'd kissed someone.
Wash was more than happy to oblige.
Simon sighed contentedly, closing his eyes. When they shot back open a second later, they were filled with worry.
"This isn't going to get me in trouble, is it?"
"What do you mean?"
"I was just under the impression that you were with the first officer. I don't want to-"
"Zoe? We had our two year anniversary just a few weeks back," Wash beamed.
Simon practically jumped back and pulled the blanket from the bed to cover himself as Wash continued on obliviously.
"We were on the r-, we were late for a rendezvous, so we couldn't stop anywhere for a break planetside, but Kaylee and Inara brought us our meals to our bunk and Zoe and I just spent the entire day in bed. You would not believe how many times we-"
Simon coughed uncomfortably, trying to bring Wash back to the present. "Sounds lovely. Um, don't you this is a really bad idea then? No offense, but your wife kind of looks like she could kill someone barehanded."
"According to the stories she and Mal share, she already has," Wash answered, less to Simon than to himself.
"What!" Simon squeaked.
Wash finally noticed Simon's now-panicked expression. He smiled, hopefully encouragingly, and moved closer.
"I just mean if she wanted us dead, we wouldn't be having this conversation." He rested his hands on Simon's blanket-covered shoulders reassuringly. "Look, not everyone gets Zoe and me, but we what have works for us. She always knows where I am, including tonight, and I always know where she is. I wouldn't want to mess with her on some things, but she'd never do anything just because I fooled around with another guy.
"Well," Wash continued, considering, "I suppose if I slept with Jayne she might kill us both. But that'd have more to do with disgust, not jealousy. And she probably wouldn't do it even then, because I'd have to shoot myself first if I ever found myself in Jayne's bunk so Zoe'd never get the chance."
"Well, he does seem rather uncouth," Simon smiled, relaxing.
"Does uncouth mean 'like an ape raised in a barn on a distant border planet'?"
Simon's smile widened in relief and he wrapped his arms around Wash, easily picking up where they had left off.
The blanket fell to the floor, forgotten.
"Mmm," Wash murmured during a pause for air. "You know, I figured you for sly."
"Sly? I'm not sly."
Something was up; there was a look in Simon's eyes that Wash couldn't quite read. "Er, I know you're a doctor and all and might know more about these things than I do, but I have to tell you: I'm reasonably confident that I'm a man."
Simon lowered his voice conspiratorially. "Your pants aren't that loose. It doesn't take a medical degree to see..." He grinned and pointed towards the bulge in Wash's coveralls then continued on in his normal voice. "No, I just mean I don't lean either way. I guess that means none of you'll win the bet. Or maybe that I win."
"You knew about the bet?" Wash asked, somewhat surprised. This was a first. Either the doctor was really smart or...
"Inara gave me a heads up after dinner so I wouldn't be too caught off guard if someone tried to get in my room in the middle of the night." Simon smiled and tugged at Wash's collar, straightening it. "You have no idea how relieved I was when I saw it was you and not Jayne."
Author: quiesce
Characters: Wash/Simon
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Wash and Simon belong to Joss.
Word Count: 1546 Words
Notes: Written for the Wash Slash Ficathon. For littlekitsch who requested Wash/Simon, humor. Thanks to llaras for the help along the way, to skripka for being an awesome beta, and to thunder-nari for running the ficathon.
Once Mal was assured that the new passengers were secure for the night, he headed for the galley and decided to pour himself a cup of caffeinated protein-drink. Mal choked and snorted at the "improved coffee-like flavor" label on the package, grimaced again and swore never to purchase the brand again. He took a seat and waited for the rest of his crew to show up. Not that he had called any formal meeting; it had just become a tradition of sorts, a way to pass the time when they took on passengers.
They trickled in one by one: Jayne, Kaylee, Zoe, and finally Inara. Mal decided to be gentlemanly and warned Kaylee off the not-coffee, earning himself a glare from Jayne as she prepared a pot of tea. They all joined Mal at the table except Inara who stayed standing in the corner by the counter.
When he heard Wash sprinting over from the bridge, Mal stood and all the chatter stopped.
"So," he started without preamble, "sly?"
"Sly," Wash agreed enthusiastically as he pulled a chair up beside Zoe.
"If he ain't already, give me five minutes with him and he sure will be." Jayne nudged Kaylee so hard she almost spilled her drink. She glared at him as she pointedly inched her chair closer to Zoe and away from Jayne.
Inara spoke up from the corner. "Five minutes? You must be happy with your increase in stamina and endurance," she smiled sweetly.
"Ha ha." Jayne made a face at Inara, understanding the tone of the jibe, if not the exact meaning of the words.
"Well, Inara, what say you?" Mal asked.
"You know I don't play this silly game."
"Finally met one you couldn't figure," Mal teased.
"Hardly." Inara turned her smile on Mal now. "I knew the moment I met the new doctor exactly what he enjoys and with whom. It's just not fair to the rest of you if I get it right every time. I'm just here to see how many of you get it wrong."
"Well, Jayne, Wash and I all think he's sly. Kaylee?"
"I don't think he's sly at all. Did you see the way he was smiling at me all nervous-like at dinner? I think he's just shy." Kaylee smiled dreamily before continuing on more matter of factly. "'Sides, it's about time we had someone here that I could...do you know how long it's been since I last-"
"Thank you, Kaylee," Mal cut in quickly. "Zoe?"
"I'll go with Kaylee on this one, even out the numbers a little. I say shy but not sly."
"Ok, so now we just need someone to-" Mal laughed as Wash, Jayne and Kaylee all had hands waving in the air before he'd even finished. "Wash, I think you were fastest. Looks like it's up to you to figure out which way he leans."
Jayne audibly sulked as he lowered his hand. Kaylee started to pout until she saw Zoe wink at her.
"You don't have to look quite so excited," Zoe grinned to her beaming husband. "Just don't be gone all night or I might have to look for someone to keep me company."
Jayne's hand shot back up again. "I can come over if you start getting lonely."
"No." Zoe and Wash replied simultaneously.
"Just trying to be helpful was all," Jayne sulked to himself.
"Alright, that's it for the night," Mal dismissed the gathering. "Wash'll tell us tomorrow what he learned about the doctor."
As everyone finished their drinks and started filing out of the galley, Inara to her shuttle and the rest to their bunks, Mal pulled Wash back from the group. "Just try not to scare him off the ship like Jayne did with the last guy," Mal warned sternly.
***
Wash knocked lightly on Simon's door, not wanting to wake him if it was too late. No noise came from the room and Wash couldn't see any movement either. He was about to give up for the night when the door slid back quickly, quietly grinding against its rails.
Simon's face was full of alarm. "Is there something wrong with my-, my cargo?"
"What? No, everything's fine. I just wanted to make sure you were settling in okay." Simon's unease had caught Wash so off guard that it took a second for him to register one very important fact: Simon slept in a pair of pants and nothing but a pair of pants. A pair of pale-blue, soft-looking pants that were hanging rather low on Simon's hipbones...
Wash shook his head slightly to clear it and ushered Simon back into his bunk. He slid the door closed behind him explaining, "Don't want wake our other passengers." At Simon's inquiring glance, he asked, "Do you have everything you need?"
"I think so, yes. Thank you." Simon frowned slightly in confusion.
Wash took a step closer and asked meaningfully, "Are you sure?"
When he saw that Simon was guarded but curious and not pulling back, Wash brushed his lips tentatively across the doctor's.
"Oh," Simon said simply. He hesitated briefly before leaning back in and returning Wash's kiss somewhat less chastely.
Simon cupped the pilot's face and Wash in turn slid his hands around to Simon's back. He didn't want to push Simon farther than he was comfortable with, but he was also having a hard time keeping his hands from Simon's very naked torso.
The swirls Simon's tongue were making around his told Wash that any fears he had of moving too fast for the doctor were unfounded, although the hunger behind Simon's kisses had Wash wondering how long it had been since he'd kissed someone.
Wash was more than happy to oblige.
Simon sighed contentedly, closing his eyes. When they shot back open a second later, they were filled with worry.
"This isn't going to get me in trouble, is it?"
"What do you mean?"
"I was just under the impression that you were with the first officer. I don't want to-"
"Zoe? We had our two year anniversary just a few weeks back," Wash beamed.
Simon practically jumped back and pulled the blanket from the bed to cover himself as Wash continued on obliviously.
"We were on the r-, we were late for a rendezvous, so we couldn't stop anywhere for a break planetside, but Kaylee and Inara brought us our meals to our bunk and Zoe and I just spent the entire day in bed. You would not believe how many times we-"
Simon coughed uncomfortably, trying to bring Wash back to the present. "Sounds lovely. Um, don't you this is a really bad idea then? No offense, but your wife kind of looks like she could kill someone barehanded."
"According to the stories she and Mal share, she already has," Wash answered, less to Simon than to himself.
"What!" Simon squeaked.
Wash finally noticed Simon's now-panicked expression. He smiled, hopefully encouragingly, and moved closer.
"I just mean if she wanted us dead, we wouldn't be having this conversation." He rested his hands on Simon's blanket-covered shoulders reassuringly. "Look, not everyone gets Zoe and me, but we what have works for us. She always knows where I am, including tonight, and I always know where she is. I wouldn't want to mess with her on some things, but she'd never do anything just because I fooled around with another guy.
"Well," Wash continued, considering, "I suppose if I slept with Jayne she might kill us both. But that'd have more to do with disgust, not jealousy. And she probably wouldn't do it even then, because I'd have to shoot myself first if I ever found myself in Jayne's bunk so Zoe'd never get the chance."
"Well, he does seem rather uncouth," Simon smiled, relaxing.
"Does uncouth mean 'like an ape raised in a barn on a distant border planet'?"
Simon's smile widened in relief and he wrapped his arms around Wash, easily picking up where they had left off.
The blanket fell to the floor, forgotten.
"Mmm," Wash murmured during a pause for air. "You know, I figured you for sly."
"Sly? I'm not sly."
Something was up; there was a look in Simon's eyes that Wash couldn't quite read. "Er, I know you're a doctor and all and might know more about these things than I do, but I have to tell you: I'm reasonably confident that I'm a man."
Simon lowered his voice conspiratorially. "Your pants aren't that loose. It doesn't take a medical degree to see..." He grinned and pointed towards the bulge in Wash's coveralls then continued on in his normal voice. "No, I just mean I don't lean either way. I guess that means none of you'll win the bet. Or maybe that I win."
"You knew about the bet?" Wash asked, somewhat surprised. This was a first. Either the doctor was really smart or...
"Inara gave me a heads up after dinner so I wouldn't be too caught off guard if someone tried to get in my room in the middle of the night." Simon smiled and tugged at Wash's collar, straightening it. "You have no idea how relieved I was when I saw it was you and not Jayne."