(extra)ordinary love (xiuhan, nc-17)
Title: Extra(ordinary) Love
Paring: Xiuhan, ninja!krislay/sekai/krisho
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 6300
Summary: Their story isnt anything special. It isn't cataclysmic, devastating, or even heartbreaking. It’s a story amongst others of a failed love.
Note: because alex asked so nicely for it. one out of the 49294 tweetfics ill eventually get to. and yes, this is my way to say that i will continue to write xiuhan regardless of the luhan situation for my love of this pair. all the best to all of luhan's future endeavors.
The tale-
Their story isnt anything special. It isn't cataclysmic, devastating, or even heartbreaking. It’s a story amongst others of a failed love. It follows the formula of love to a T. Strangers, friends, more than, lovers, estranged lovers, and back to strangers. It goes from Luhan-sshi, Luhan, Han, Xi-Lu, Luhan, not today, to I’m sorry, It goes from Kim-sshi, Minseok-ah, Seok, Baobei, Minseok please, it’s ok, to goodbye.
Their story isn’t anything special, but it’s their story.
The first meeting-
They’re introduced to each other by friends. They catch each other’s eyes with different things-Minseok notices how pretty Luhan’s eyes are and how small his face is, while ignoring that little pang of jealously. Luhan notices how Minseok’s sharp eyes contrast with the softness of his other features, his round cheeks, his round teeth, his round, gleeful laughter.
They meet at a gathering of friends, meeting as friend of a friend and the other’s name fades faster than bubbles in a bath but their impressions last longer than the night when they go their separate ways full of laughter, alcohol, and fried chicken.
The second meeting-
“Hyung! I’m not sure if you remember, but this is my friend, Luhan,” Yifan introduces, arm extended out towards Luhan.
Minseok-sshi turns around, one earphone hanging down, pencil loosely grasped his hand, and a slight haze clouding his eyes. “Huh?” he asks on reflex, not able to catch half the sentence.
It’s not hard to tell that they’ve caught Minseok in the middle of studying, small numbers and messily neat hangul crammed onto the margins on his papers.
“Luhan. Do you remember him? He was at Chanyeol’s party.”
Luhan shifts uncomfortably on the side of Yifan, unsure of what to do but then Minseok-sshi smiles, clearing away a bit of the fatigue etched on his face. “Yeah, yeah I remember.” He directs his next question to Luhan, brow crooking up in question, “Black skinnies, red and white stripes?”
The other blinks in surprise. “Yeah. How do you remember?”
Yifan’s the one to answer, pulling out a chair and sitting heavily on it. “Hyung’s got a weird thing with remembering first impressions.”
“Oh,” is all that Luhan can think of. Minseok gives a little smile, this one more tired than the first, and he gestures to a chair, indicating that Luhan can sit.
“But you’re studying,” Luhan tries, feeling like he and Yifan had intruded on the other even though Yifan was the one who had barged into his room and said that he needed some fresh air.
Yifan waves one of his giants hands and nearly knocks over a small child (which has him profusely apologizing to the giggling child), dismissively saying, “Hyung needed a break anyway.”
Minseok-sshi’s voice only goes up a little as he tries to protest, dying when Yifan quirks an eyebrow up at him. “Just 5 minutes,” he squeaks out.
Yifan’s smile is smooth and relieved when he starts to spout out all the embarrassing stories of Luhan who flushes bright red and sputters that it’s all untrue but it’s hard to deny it when the stories are so absurd they can’t be made up. It’s all so much easier to forgive Yifan at the sight of Minseok-sshi’s gums that peek out when he giggles. Time runs away from them and they all forget the time as 5 minutes stretch to 10, to half an hour. By now, their drinks have melted ice in them and leave little puddles of coffee water at the bottom of their cups.
It’s all so cliche but Yixing, Yifan’s boyfriend calls him and he has to hurry away, little chuu chuu noises spilling out from the receiver and he bids them a hasty farewell. Luhan sits awkwardly, unsure if he is to let Minseok get back to being glassy eyed or to indulge himself for a few more moments of the pretty, pretty sight of how Minseok eyes pull up.
He gets his answer when Minseok turns to him, pencil back in his fingers, “Yifan mentioned Luhan-sshi plays soccer?”
Luhan sits up straighter, closer to familiar ground. “Yeah, yeah I do. Used to play in high school.”
Minseok-sshi’s grin is cheeky and full of untold stories that Luhan wants to know. “Same.”
The fall-
Minseok’s always been pretty to him. It’s odd, because people have always used the same adjective to describe him( to his loud protests) but it just fits Minseok. He’s pretty.
Minseok doesn’t agree. Luhan, with a dainty nose and nice, long lashes, is the more attractive of the two. But it’s not only how he looks that is so attractive. The way Luhan’s Korean folds into a Beijing accent when he barges into Minseok’s room, sopping wet, hair flopping into his eyes with a youthful abandon to crow, “It’s raining!” and hold up a soccer ball to invite the other, the way he eventually learns Minseok so well that sometimes even the native Korean stumbles on words and he smiles and says exactly what Minseok was trying to articulate, all just make the Beijing native shine and make his heart stutter a moment in his chest.
Luhan likes his fingers. They’re small and pudgy (Minseok’s words, not his) but they seem to hold so much. He doesn’t think that such tiny hands should be able to hold his heart, but they do and they hold so much more.
The confession-
It’s nothing like the books, the movies, the slide shows they show at wedding for the audience of the happy couple. It’s awkward and clumsy, words spilling out at the wrong moment but it does the job. It makes Luhan flush bright red, it makes Minseok’s heart stop, it makes them both at a loss of words and Minseok absolutely loves it. (Years later and Minseok still likes to recall how Luhan first admitted that he liked him and every time, without fail, Luhan sputters, words spitting out and Minseok likes to kiss that flustered look off him. Luhan finds that he doesn’t mind it so much.)
Luhan’s so nervous, hands twisting the hem of his sweater, and he’s shifting from foot to foot, words running through his head. He’s trying to rehearse what he’s going to say, trying to not mess up because he likes the Korean so much it’s stupid. He’s not a teenager anymore, nor is an addled high school girl, but he almost feels like he’s back in high school trying to get the courage to ask out the prettiest girl.
The first “hello?” is enough to make the butterflies scatter crazily and Luhan has to take a breath before answering.
“What’s up, Luhan?”
A deep breath to take away a bit of the breathlessness in his voice. “Hey, are you free right now?”
“Mh? Oh yeah, why?”
“Oh nothing. I was just bored and had a bit of time on my hands, so I thought to call you up. But uh, want to grab a drink?”
“Yeah, sure. I’ll meet you at our usual in 15 minutes?”
“Sounds perfect.”
Without fail, Minseok shows up, 15 minutes on the dot and his cheeks are pink, the cold fall wind bringing color to his face. “Cold,” Minseok comments when he steps into the cafe, shuffling over to sit at Luhan’s table. His usual drink sits in front of his empty seat and he smiles happily, small teeth peeking out from chapped lips.
Luhan glances outside and nods, tucking his nose a little deeper into his scarf. “Yeah.” Now’s your chance, now Luhan, NOW! He opens his mouth, all the words that he had prepared are wiped blank.
“Minseok, I really like yo--”
“Thanks for the dri--”
They both stop.
Oh god, I messed up.
“I’m sorry, what?”
Luhan can’t talk, throat closed, face on fire.
“Luhan?”
“I--”
There’s a little smile that Minseok can’t quite pretend isn’t there. Luhan knows that he heard. He doesn’t pout on purpose. No, no, it’s not on purpose.
“Luhan?” now Minseok’s just making fun of him.
He shuts his mouth with a clack and leans back, eyes diverting away from his soccer buddy, “Shut up,” he mumbles in Mandarin.
“What did you say, Luhan? I couldn’t hear you the first time.”
He furrows his brows, glaring back at Minseok, who’s positively gloating.
“I like you,” Luhan spits out in Mandarin and curses that Minseok knows enough basic Mandarin to understand him.
There’s a surprisingly warm hand that slips into his under the table and Luhan knows that’s Minseok’s way of answering. He squeezes Minseok’s tiny, tiny hand and pretends to not see the delightful smile he hides behind his cup of coffee.
The awkward couple phase-
Wufan slides into the seat next to Luhan and he instinctively glances up. He gets a faceful of a painful noogie for his efforts and he has to fight the taller off him. “Ow-! Jesus, Wufan that-ow-hurts-geT OFF ME.”
Wufan’s laughing that stupid laugh-the one that shows all his gums. Luhan’s grumbling, trying to fix his hair, shooting dirty looks at the other. “What is wrong with you? Can’t you say ‘hello’ like a normal person?” he’s just muttering angrily under his breath, really no bite to his words.
“Whatever, deer,” Wufan waves over a server and makes his order without looking at the menu. They’ve all been to the little hole in the wall restaurant near the campus long enough to memorize the menu by heart and know exactly what they like at the place.
“You better pick up the bill for the both of us,” Luhan snaps, hand coming down to unconsciously pat his pathetically small wallet.
Wufan crooks a brow at him before standing up to sit on the other side of the table, safe noogie distance for Luhan.
“Trust fund baby,” Luhan reminds.
The younger just rolls his eyes. “Anyway. A little bird told me-”
“Just say Zitao. We all know exactly who it is.” Luhan gets a dirty look for his efforts.
“A little bird told me that a certain steamed bun and deer got together over the weekend~”
“Stop with the nicknames, you embarrass me, you walking hazard.” He avoids the question with the finesse of a speed skater.
Wufan dismisses the harmless barb without more than an ugly look. “So?”
Luhan delays, grabbing his water so drink, taking his sweet time. Wufan watches, amused. When he finally puts down the cup, the thing’s half empty and so is Wufan’s thin patience. “Weeeeeeeell-” he drawls.
“Just say yes and I can start my ‘I told you so’ sneering,” Wufan interrupts.
He huffs, “Rude. And yes, Minseok and I got together. Over the weekend-”
“You stuttered didn’t you.”
“OF COURSE I DID’N-yeah.”
His best friend does the smug ‘I-knew-it’ look that always manages to get Luhan to flip the bird at him. Op, there goes his wild bird. Reflex, he guesses.
“Whatever,” Luhan growls, deciding to ignore his texting friend to shove some more tteok guk into his mouth.
Settling together-
Luhan will be the first to admit it: Minseok gets really shy about public display of affections. But there’s something about the Korean that makes Luhan just want to wrap up and take home, away from the eyes of others. Luhan’s touchy, he knows that much, but with Minseok, it just gets ridiculous.
“Luhan, stop it. People are staring,” Minseok whines, cheeks getting warmer as Luhan finishes complaining about his professor and collapses onto the elder’s shoulder. Normally, Luhan would shoot back up and pretend that nothing happened but instead he makes a noise of complaint, shakes his head, and burrows deeper into the warm shoulder.
“No,” he mumbles in Mandarin, getting sleepy. All the warm coffee in him is making him sleepy, the caffeine not even kicking in yet, the exhaustion from sleepless nights (some from thinking about home, others from plain procrastination), the cold from outside all lulling him to a dazy half-unconscious state. “5 more minutes.” His brain can’t function Korean right now.
He feels Minseok turn his head to look at him and he feels he warm breath of air that brushes the top of his head when Minseok sighs, giving up. “Are you tired?”
Luhan makes some sort of gurgling noise and tries to nod, but his head is so heavy. His head twitches, anyway.
“Do you want to go back to my apartment and sleep?”
The same head twitch.
Another gust of warm air across the top of his head. He smiles sleepily. Something warm drapes over his body and the rustling sounds make him think it’s his jacket.
The shoulder moves as there’s sounds of paper shuffling that barely registers through the haze. There’s more noises that Luhan’s too tired to process when suddenly there’s an arm behind his knees. He gurgles in confusion before he’s being lifted. Luhan’s eyes pop open in shock when Minseok lifts him bodily, carrying the younger in a princess lift.
“Minseok!” Luhan squeaks, hands automatically clutching Minseok’s jacket. He doesn’t want to struggle before both of them fall but this is so embarassing. There’s not even a question that everyone in the cafe’s looking now. There’s papers by his knee and Minseok’s face right above his. “Minseok!” he repeats, face burning, unwilling to look at the people around them.
“Go back to sleep, princess,” his boyfriend coddles before moving and they’re out of the cafe. The cold hits Luhan in the face and he instinctively seeks the warmest thing, Minseok’s body. Minseok laughs, and the vibration rumbles across Luhan’s body. Luhan knows he isn’t light, but somehow, he feels so tiny in Minseok’s arms. The Korean may be smaller than him, but Luhan’s seen the other in a tank top and god, does it make him drool.
Minseok happily chatters to him along the way of all the looks that they’re getting-2 fully grown men, one carrying the other-and it makes him giggle at how Minseok describes their faces. “Oooh, one looks like he just licked a lemon, is that a high schooler tugging at her friend’s arm? She’s not even subtle,” and so forth.
The elder doesn’t ever put Luhan down, even when they’re on the elevator up to his apartment, him keying in the code when they arrive at the door. (Minseok whispers the code against the top of his head and Luhan blushes.) He pushes open the door with his back and a gust of warm air greets him. Luhan’s always been a little afraid of the cold but next to Minseok, he feels so, so warm. He pauses at the door to shuck off his shoes and Luhan is practically blushing from head to toe when Minseok starts to tug off Luhan’s shoes.
When Minseok gently lays Luhan down on his bed and starts to move away, Luhan throws away his dignity without a second thought and whines, tugging on the elder’s sleeve. The other chuckles, after a shocked pause. It’s so uncharacteristic of Luhan to want Minseok to stay there, usually all about independence but right now Luhan is sleepy and Minseok is warm, soft, and his.
Minseok lets himself be pulled down onto the comforter, Luhan barely shifting to avoid being squished and Minseok still manages to land half on him, but he doesn’t move away. He instead, turns his face to Minseok and wriggles closer, closer to the warm body.
“Oh my god, Luhan, wait. Let me take off my jacket and pull up the blanket,” Minseok laughs, not making a move.
“Later,” Luhan mumbles, “Sleep now.”
There’s a small hand brushing through his hair and a soft voice murmuring, “Ok, Luhan. Sleep now.” The hand doesn’t stop and it reminds him of when he was little and his mother would do the same. It reminds him of home, but right now, home is next to Minseok so he quickly falls asleep, heart warm, full, and something that feels like love pushing against his heart.
“Goodnight, Luhan-ah.”
The first fight-
It’s not surprising when voices escalade, words go for hurt, fists clench by sides. It’s during mid-terms and they’ve each get major tests to study for, both lacking in sleep and compassion.
“Luhan, can you please stop tapping your pen against the desk? It’s kinda distracting.”
“Huh? Oh sorry, I hadn’t even realized.” The clicking stops and there’s nothing but the occasional drag of highlighter against paper or the turning of a page. Until the tapping starts up again.
“Luhan, you’re doing it again.”
“Sorry, force of habit.” Luhan puts the pen on the desk to avoid tapping it without realizing it. The silence stretches longer this time and Luhan finds himself nodding off to sleep so he picks up his pen to write notes and attempt to stay awake.
“LUHAN! FOR FUCK’S SAKE, CAN YOU STOP.”
“What?”
“I’ve said it 2 fucking times already! I always have to repeat myself so many times. Can’t you understand anything the first time?”
“Minseok, what even. Calm down,” he tries, seeing not how angry that Minseok is, but seeing the dark circles under his eyes, the callus on his ring finger on his writing hand, and the smears of highlighter across Minseok’s cheek.
The Korean plows on, already gathering too much steam to stop. “How can I be calm when I have 3 exams tomorrow and I can’t even study because of your goddamn pen tapping! That’s I’ve asked so many times to stop. Do you even know how annoying that is? That you can’t even do 1 thing I asked you to do.”
At the irrationality of Minseok’s anger, he can feel the irritation boil under his skin begin. His own anger comes from a part of Minseok’s tantrum but he really knows that it stems from his exhaustion but that doesn’t stop the words that come out of his mouth. “Shut up, Minseok,” his words aren’t loud but the cutting tone that he uses is. “You always complain about the stupidest shit. Can’t you get off my ass for like 5 minutes? It’s a habit and it helps me stay awake.”
“That’s not the point, Luhan. You know it annoys me and you still do it! Why?!”
“Are you even listening, Minseok!” he stands up, shoving the chair hard enough for it to fall over. It’s a loud clatter as it falls to the floor and it startles both of them. Just like that, all the tension bleeds out of them.
The younger crosses the room in 2 steps, gathering his deflating lover in his arms. “Let’s go to sleep. There’s no point studying anymore,” he reasons and Minseok just relaxes in his hold. He’s practically drowning in an overlarge hoodie and tonight he looks younger than ever, small and tired, little fingers peeking out from the long sleeves.
“Ok,” it’s a meek little agreement that comes out of Minseok and he gently guides the elder into the bathroom to get their teeth brushed and them ready for bed until they end up curled together on Minseok’s bed, lights off and phone alarms set for their exams.
Speed bumps-
“Seok.”
“Hm?”
They’re tangled together, too tangled to know who’s leg is who’s, who’s arm is who’s, chests heaving, hearts slowing down.
“We’re graduating in a few months.” He rolls over, on top of Minseok, gazing down at the person he loves the most. Minseok’s bangs are sticking to his forehead with sweat and his cheeks and nose are strawberry pink. It’s adorable and makes a shot of arousal shoot down his limbs to know that he’s the cause of Minseok’s visible state of dishevelment.
“Yeah, and?” he returns Luhan’s stare, eyes wide and so full of tenderness that he can’t even get himself to look away.
“What are we going to do?” Luhan moves to put his elbows on the side of his boyfriend’s head, hands automatically carding them through the dark strands.
“Grow up and be responsible adults,” Minseok replies, ever the pragmatic one. Luhan rolls his eyes. “Stop rolling your eyes at me and kiss me.”
And the ever obedient one, listens to him and leans down. But Luhan isn’t one to just comply quietly. Luhan likes spreading Minseok’s patience thin (and other things) nipping at Minseok’s lower lip, just tickling Minseok with teasing kisses. The elder never quite bites the bait that easily, so he makes his own move. He lifts his leg, hooking his foot around Luhan’s thigh and pulls his hips down until Luhan just barely touches him.
Luhan jolts, hips automatically twitching forward, but Minseok lets up, Luhan’s hips jerking into thin hair. “Don’t play dirty,” Luhan hisses, eyes dark and cock hard.
“I’ll play just as dirty as the opposing team,” Minseok singsongs, before pushing hard and Luhan tumbles to the mattress. He’s quick to grab Luhan’s arms to make sure that he can’t get up.
“Min-” he gets cut off when he feels Minseok lick down his throat, sucking too lightly to leave bruises, but hard enough for Luhan to tilt his head back, trying to give Minseok better access.
“Yes, my beautiful Beijing boy?” Minseok purrs against Luhan’s neck. Luhan glances down with blown pupils when Minseok moves down, pausing in his journey to suck hard on dusty nipples. “So beautiful,” he breathes, flicking a hard nub.
Luhan tries to muffle the way his breath catches in his throat and Minseok laughs against the chest that he’s explored so many times before. “Han, I know exactly how you tick,” Minseok murmurs and bites down on a nipple. A moan rips out from Luhan’s throat and he arches, back bowing off from the mattress and he’s so strung out, he wants Minseok now now now. It’s almost pathetic how easily Minseok unravels Luhan but it’s a practice perfected through experience.
min, please, seok I need you, oh god I need you so bad, hurry, hurry he’s just babbling but it gets his message across and when he feels Minseok’s wet fingers brush across his entrance, Luhan spreads his legs, pushing his heels into the mattress to lift his hips.
“So eager,” Minseok’s voice is amused but he’s not unaffected, slowly pushing in. Luhan keens, high in his throat, feeling Minseok twitch against his thigh. He slips in a second finger and Luhan writhes on the messy sheets, begging shamelessly for more, more, please, minseok i need more.
There’s meaningless praises whispered against the hollow of Luhan’s neck when he reacts to Minseok’s administration so perfectly and Luhan is so flush, so eager, so responsive to Minseok’s loving worship. He finally withdraws his fingers and bites his lip hard when Luhan mewls at the empty feeling, fingers scrabbling to pull Minseok back.
It’s those large, eyes brimming over with tears that pull Minseok right back. There’s a few tear tracks down Luhan’s cheeks and Minseok pauses, tip poised to enter, pauses to kiss away those tears. His name is a rushed exhale on Luhan’s lips when he slowly pushes in, head tossed back.
Minseok treats Luhan like a china doll, too afraid to break his Chinese beauty, but Luhan is having none of it. When Minseok waits for Luhan to adjust, Luhan brings his head back up, looking absolutely wrecked, and growls, “Goddamit Minseok, I’m not some girl. Fuck me hard, like I want.”
Minseok barely pauses, amusement bleeding into his eyes. “Your wish is my command.”
Luhan gets bent double, ankles over head andLuhan he’s shaking, shaking as Minseok thrusts, hard and fast, at the rhythm that Luhan loves, the rhythm that makes his head rush white with pleasure and where he barely registers all the whines, breathy moans, loud begging that comes from him.
There’ll be bruises on Luhan’s hips in the shape of Minseok’s fingers come tomorrow but he loves it, cock bouncing heavy against his stomach, leaving smears of precum. His head slides up a little towards the headboard with every thrust, his hand trying to brace against the headboard, the other reaching off the bedsheets to jerk off his neglected cock.
“God, you love this, don’t you Luhan,” it’s not question the way that Minseok gasps it out but Luhan’s yes answers anyway. He doesn’t need to gasp more, harder, faster because the way that Minseok gives it to him is perfect, perfect how he hits Luhan where it makes him scream and before long, he’s warning his lover and getting cut off with a muffling kiss when he cums.
He cries out against Minseok who swallows it, body going stiff, eyes squeezing shut, clenching so perfectly around the cock in his ass, hands frantically jerking himself off, milking out the orgasm.
fuckfuckfuck is groaned against his lips as Minseok’s hips jerk, caught by Luhan’s orgasm. It’s so much tighter and Minseok tries to push through Luhan’s pleasure, drawing out the waves crashing against Luhan’s eyelids.
When Luhan comes down from his high, eyes hazy, body falling into the laziness of well-fucked, Minseok’s still going, losing that steady rhythm, chasing the horizon. He’s oversensitive, every shaky thrust sending his body into overdrive so his numb fingers come up to Minseok’s face so his eye are looking into his.
“Come for me, Min,” is enough for a quiet gasp to escape Minseok, eyes closing, body going rigid. Luhan cries out with him, oversensitivity making him feel every twitch that Minseok does inside of him and he clenches down hard. The bruises on Luhan’s hips will be undoubtedly purple at this rate but Luhan doesn’t think for a second that it’s not worth it.
Minseok pulls out, tying the condom and tossing it into the bin near the bed before Luhan’s clingy, whining to pull Minseok back into his warm and sweaty arms. It’s post-orgasm Luhan in that sleepy fucked out haze and he wants cuddles. He’s barely awake for Minseok to clean them up and he tucks his head into the crook of Minseok’s neck. He falls asleep soon after Minseok murmurs “good night” into his hair.
And here, we’ll stay forever young-
“Luhan, stop it, I’m going to be late.”
“One more kiss, Minseok, one more.”
“Goddamit, you’re so needy.”
“You love it.”
“Fuck you.”
“I’ll be waiting for that, graduation boy.”
His answer is a bruising kiss.
Finding the definition of love together-
It takes Luhan 3 years, 4 months, and 12 days for him to say the words that have been sitting heavy on his heart.
“Minseok?”
“Hm?” They’re half awake in the kitchen, a few months after Luhan moves into Minseok’s apartment, both deciding that it was just easier for the two of them to move in together than to keep commuting to each other’s apartments. Minseok’s stirring in a spoonful of sugar into his coffee, still blearily blinking sleep out of his eyes, Luhan half slumped over the dining table, his own coffee steaming in front of him, so white with creamer than Minseok refuses to touch the cream and coffee concoction.
“I love you.”
“What?” Now Minseok’s eyes are wide open and he turns to Luhan, hands frozen on the spoon and the mug.
“I love you,” this one is whispered and quieter, as though the magnitude of his words are slowly sinking in and Luhan’s shrinking away, afraid of making the wrong move. The only thing that betrays his casual stance is how white his fingers are, grasped tight around his hot mug.
Silence stretches long and taunt and Luhan’s about to cry, throat tightening up. He turns away, to lock himself in a room, to run away maybe, but before he can make another move, he’s pulled into familiar arms and there’s lips on his. They know him too well and his lips are pried apart, and Minseok’s licking into his mouth. Luhan’s fingers are tight on Minseok’s shirt and when they pull apart, Minseok’s worshipping “I love you” is engraved into Luhan’s memories.
I was just wondering-
It’s late, long into the night when Luhan wakes up. But what’s even more unusual is that when his hand sweeps out to seek his warm lover’s hand, it comes upon nothing. His eyes pop open, but it’s too dark and too fast for his eyes to adjust. He’s groping blind, both hands sweeping across the sheets, but it’s cold and empty. Minseok isn’t there.
Rolling over, Luhan grabs his phone, charging on the nightstand. He only flinches just a bit when he clicks in the password to speed dial Minseok’s phone numer.
“Hello?” it’s tired and slow.
“Minseok? Where are you? Are you coming home?”
Minseok’s sigh sounds even heavier and fatigued over the phone. “Not tonight, sorry, Lu. There’s just been a lot of work piling up and I’m 90% sure my boss wants it on her desk by tomorrow.”
Luhan bites the inside of his cheek to stop the I want you to come home from being said. He instead swallows the words he wants to say and quietly says, “I miss you.”
The tenderness in Minseok’s voice is enough for him to melt, all anxiety just disappearing out of his voice when he says, “I miss you too, Lu.” They stay on the line for minutes, neither wanting to hang up, neither wanting to have to feel that absence of the other. But then Minseok shifts and his elbow hits a stack of papers that cascade down to the floor and he’s reminded of the huge pile waiting on his desk.
“Good night, Xi-Lu.”
“Come home soon, baobei.”
“I will. I love you.”
“Without a question.”
The glue that held us together-
It’s a hangout with all their friends from college and when Luhan slides into the bar without Minseok, they all look a little confused.
The questions of Minseok’s whereabouts are quick to come and they easily see through Luhan’s fake smile that tries to say that everything’s ok and they can see through the thinly veiled lies of ‘yes, yes, we’re ok’. It’s Kyungsoo who’s the first to tell Luhan to shut up, that they can see right away that no, they’re not ok and that Luhan looks fucking exhausted.
Like a popped ballon, Luhan deflates and the dark circles stand out against the harsh whiteness of his face. “Yeah. We’re not ok.”
There’s a hand curling around Luhan’s waist and Joonmyun brings Luhan into an embrace, telling that it’ll all be ok. Wufan’s there too, hand tight on Luhan’s shoulder because he’s the one that introduced the two and he’s eternally grateful to Minseok who introduced the gangly Chinese to the president of his accounting club.
When Luhan finally manages to extract himself from all the sympathetics hugs, the smile on his face isn’t so much fake as relieved now and everyone quietly lets out a sigh of relief.
They get from Luhan that Minseok’s not home much, how much time work is consuming his life. He knows that it isn’t Minseok fault, that work really is eating away at his boyfriend, that his boyfriend tries to spend every free moment with him, but seeing the man you’re supposed to be living with for only 3 hours a week is taxing on him and his relationship. Luhan isn’t worried about anything like Minseok cheating or Minseok lying to him, but what he’s worried about is how much absence will make the love in his heart fade and he’s terrified of the ache in his heart.
Everyone tries and tries to comfort him, but they’ve each gone through enough relationships to read the signs of an end and a select few know the pain of trying to muscle through a relationship that should’ve died long ago. No one quite says it, but the lingering hugs that they lay on Luhan is clue enough. The couple’s lasted longer than any of their own relationships (except the youngests, Sehun and Jongin who exchange sad glances at each other. Luhan’s always doted on Sehun and Sehun thinks of Minseok and Luhan as his own older brothers and it woud hurt him so much to see his favorite hyungs split apart) but the heart decides its own path.
Luhan leaves that night with less questions but a heavier feeling in his heart.
I hate this part right here-
“Let’s go on a vacation together!” Minseok had excitedly proclaimed one rare evening that he’s home, hands tight around a travelling booklet.
Luhan looks up, surprised from his book. “What?’
“You heard me! A vacation! Let’s go to China, or Italy, or anywhere,” Minseok babbles, excitement lighting up his eyes like Luhan seen in a long time. It’s been 2 years since they’ve graduated and Luhan can’t remember when the last time they’ve been on a date.
“A va...cation? Would you have time to, Minseok? Can you take off from work?” Luhan cautiously asks. He doesn’t want his hopes to rise before being crushed.
“Yeah, I’m sure I could get my boss off for some time. When do you want to go?” Minseok’s flipping through the travelling booklet, eyes scanning the pages and gobbling up the scenery pictures that entice tourists.
gorgeous
Luhan blinks, surprised at Minseok’s actions but he goes with it, delighted at seeing the old Minseok he loves so much. “Anytime, I suppose. Maybe in the fall, when it’s cooler?”
Minseok makes a noise of agreement and holds up the book. “New Zealand looks pretty gorgeous, doesn’t it?”
There’s a lot of sheep and green grass, but the scenery is gorgeous, Luhan has to say. The little caution in his heart is gone in a heartbeat and before long, he’s caught up in the idea of a vacation just as much as Minseok is.
“I’m really sorry, Luhan, but my boss said no.”
Luhan slumps on his desk, staring at his email. “I’ve already bought the tickets and booked everything, though.”
“I’m really, really sorry. He said ok at first, but now this new projects come up and we’re in a time crunch. Like I told you, I just got promoted to project manager and I can’t just leave 2 weeks before the deadline,” Minseok says, agitated. Luhan can just see him sitting at his desk, running his hands through his hair, the way that he always does when he’s under a lot of stress.
“You can just invite Sehun or Wufan to go with you?” Minseok tries, defeat leaking into his voice.
But I wanted to go with you sits heavy on his mind, but absent on his tongue. “Ok,” Luhan agrees.
“I’m sorry, Lu.”
“It’s ok. I understand.” He doesn’t, really.
The call ends. And when Luhan’s sitting there with the phone against his face, he’s wondering what he’s waiting for until it hits him and knocks the breath out of him. When’s the last time he or Minseok had said I love you?
The final goodbye-
For every beginning, there is an end and Luhan knows that this is where they’ve arrived. It’s past the I’m sorrys, past the fights, past the breakup. They’ve both taken up so much of each other’s lives. The 5 years they’ve spent in love, in despair, in longing, in happiness is by no means a short amount of time. Minseok’s scent lingers on his skin and Luhan’s Chinese has leaked into Minseok’s vocabulary, but with time, his scent will be replaced by someone else, the Chinese will wear away, forgotten and unused.
They’re at the part where they say their final goodbye to the chapter of them, the chapter of their relationship, their struggles, their memories. It’s not an angry nor a spur of the moment goodbye, but something that came with all the excuses and the fading of affection. It’s long time coming and they’ve both expected it, lingered on it, ignored it, wished it wasn’t so, but reality comes to catch up to them and Minseok and Luhan had come to terms with in in their own time.
Boxes are stacked up all along the wall, and the apartment looks nothing like the home they built together, all the photos have been packed up, the love letters all put away. It’s bare and looks like something strange to the both of them but they both realize that it’s kind of like how it looks like the other. They learned each other through time and love but as time moved on, so did the other. They’ve grown and changed, through this relationship and other experiences. They aren’t the same college students that had shyly linked pinkies on the quad.
“I guess this is it.”
“Yeah. I guess it is.”
Movers are filtering in and out of their apartment, taking everything away into two separate moving trucks.
“Will I ever see you again?”
Luhan shakes his head. “Maybe. Maybe not. Probably not. China’s a far away place from South Korea.”
Minseok takes the answer with a solemn nod.
“Stay safe, Luhan. Be happy.”
There’s arms around Minseok and it’s full of tenderness, and like its done for the past 5 years, Minseok’s body melts right into the embrace and his smaller arms wrap around Luhan in return. “I will.”
When they break apart, there’s tears in each other’s eyes. It’s impossible to say goodbye so someone who you shared so much of yourself with without feeling like you’re losing an extension of yourself. They’ve lived together for a few years and in the days, they’ve come to memorize each other’s routines and habits like their own and finding that level of comfort with a housemate is rare.
“Goodbye, xiao Lu. Thank you for everything.”
A familiar smile. “Thanks for everything. Goodbye, baozi.”
Talk to me if you wanna Tumlbr Twitter
Paring: Xiuhan, ninja!krislay/sekai/krisho
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 6300
Summary: Their story isnt anything special. It isn't cataclysmic, devastating, or even heartbreaking. It’s a story amongst others of a failed love.
Note: because alex asked so nicely for it. one out of the 49294 tweetfics ill eventually get to. and yes, this is my way to say that i will continue to write xiuhan regardless of the luhan situation for my love of this pair. all the best to all of luhan's future endeavors.
The tale-
Their story isnt anything special. It isn't cataclysmic, devastating, or even heartbreaking. It’s a story amongst others of a failed love. It follows the formula of love to a T. Strangers, friends, more than, lovers, estranged lovers, and back to strangers. It goes from Luhan-sshi, Luhan, Han, Xi-Lu, Luhan, not today, to I’m sorry, It goes from Kim-sshi, Minseok-ah, Seok, Baobei, Minseok please, it’s ok, to goodbye.
Their story isn’t anything special, but it’s their story.
The first meeting-
They’re introduced to each other by friends. They catch each other’s eyes with different things-Minseok notices how pretty Luhan’s eyes are and how small his face is, while ignoring that little pang of jealously. Luhan notices how Minseok’s sharp eyes contrast with the softness of his other features, his round cheeks, his round teeth, his round, gleeful laughter.
They meet at a gathering of friends, meeting as friend of a friend and the other’s name fades faster than bubbles in a bath but their impressions last longer than the night when they go their separate ways full of laughter, alcohol, and fried chicken.
The second meeting-
“Hyung! I’m not sure if you remember, but this is my friend, Luhan,” Yifan introduces, arm extended out towards Luhan.
Minseok-sshi turns around, one earphone hanging down, pencil loosely grasped his hand, and a slight haze clouding his eyes. “Huh?” he asks on reflex, not able to catch half the sentence.
It’s not hard to tell that they’ve caught Minseok in the middle of studying, small numbers and messily neat hangul crammed onto the margins on his papers.
“Luhan. Do you remember him? He was at Chanyeol’s party.”
Luhan shifts uncomfortably on the side of Yifan, unsure of what to do but then Minseok-sshi smiles, clearing away a bit of the fatigue etched on his face. “Yeah, yeah I remember.” He directs his next question to Luhan, brow crooking up in question, “Black skinnies, red and white stripes?”
The other blinks in surprise. “Yeah. How do you remember?”
Yifan’s the one to answer, pulling out a chair and sitting heavily on it. “Hyung’s got a weird thing with remembering first impressions.”
“Oh,” is all that Luhan can think of. Minseok gives a little smile, this one more tired than the first, and he gestures to a chair, indicating that Luhan can sit.
“But you’re studying,” Luhan tries, feeling like he and Yifan had intruded on the other even though Yifan was the one who had barged into his room and said that he needed some fresh air.
Yifan waves one of his giants hands and nearly knocks over a small child (which has him profusely apologizing to the giggling child), dismissively saying, “Hyung needed a break anyway.”
Minseok-sshi’s voice only goes up a little as he tries to protest, dying when Yifan quirks an eyebrow up at him. “Just 5 minutes,” he squeaks out.
Yifan’s smile is smooth and relieved when he starts to spout out all the embarrassing stories of Luhan who flushes bright red and sputters that it’s all untrue but it’s hard to deny it when the stories are so absurd they can’t be made up. It’s all so much easier to forgive Yifan at the sight of Minseok-sshi’s gums that peek out when he giggles. Time runs away from them and they all forget the time as 5 minutes stretch to 10, to half an hour. By now, their drinks have melted ice in them and leave little puddles of coffee water at the bottom of their cups.
It’s all so cliche but Yixing, Yifan’s boyfriend calls him and he has to hurry away, little chuu chuu noises spilling out from the receiver and he bids them a hasty farewell. Luhan sits awkwardly, unsure if he is to let Minseok get back to being glassy eyed or to indulge himself for a few more moments of the pretty, pretty sight of how Minseok eyes pull up.
He gets his answer when Minseok turns to him, pencil back in his fingers, “Yifan mentioned Luhan-sshi plays soccer?”
Luhan sits up straighter, closer to familiar ground. “Yeah, yeah I do. Used to play in high school.”
Minseok-sshi’s grin is cheeky and full of untold stories that Luhan wants to know. “Same.”
The fall-
Minseok’s always been pretty to him. It’s odd, because people have always used the same adjective to describe him( to his loud protests) but it just fits Minseok. He’s pretty.
Minseok doesn’t agree. Luhan, with a dainty nose and nice, long lashes, is the more attractive of the two. But it’s not only how he looks that is so attractive. The way Luhan’s Korean folds into a Beijing accent when he barges into Minseok’s room, sopping wet, hair flopping into his eyes with a youthful abandon to crow, “It’s raining!” and hold up a soccer ball to invite the other, the way he eventually learns Minseok so well that sometimes even the native Korean stumbles on words and he smiles and says exactly what Minseok was trying to articulate, all just make the Beijing native shine and make his heart stutter a moment in his chest.
Luhan likes his fingers. They’re small and pudgy (Minseok’s words, not his) but they seem to hold so much. He doesn’t think that such tiny hands should be able to hold his heart, but they do and they hold so much more.
The confession-
It’s nothing like the books, the movies, the slide shows they show at wedding for the audience of the happy couple. It’s awkward and clumsy, words spilling out at the wrong moment but it does the job. It makes Luhan flush bright red, it makes Minseok’s heart stop, it makes them both at a loss of words and Minseok absolutely loves it. (Years later and Minseok still likes to recall how Luhan first admitted that he liked him and every time, without fail, Luhan sputters, words spitting out and Minseok likes to kiss that flustered look off him. Luhan finds that he doesn’t mind it so much.)
Luhan’s so nervous, hands twisting the hem of his sweater, and he’s shifting from foot to foot, words running through his head. He’s trying to rehearse what he’s going to say, trying to not mess up because he likes the Korean so much it’s stupid. He’s not a teenager anymore, nor is an addled high school girl, but he almost feels like he’s back in high school trying to get the courage to ask out the prettiest girl.
The first “hello?” is enough to make the butterflies scatter crazily and Luhan has to take a breath before answering.
“What’s up, Luhan?”
A deep breath to take away a bit of the breathlessness in his voice. “Hey, are you free right now?”
“Mh? Oh yeah, why?”
“Oh nothing. I was just bored and had a bit of time on my hands, so I thought to call you up. But uh, want to grab a drink?”
“Yeah, sure. I’ll meet you at our usual in 15 minutes?”
“Sounds perfect.”
Without fail, Minseok shows up, 15 minutes on the dot and his cheeks are pink, the cold fall wind bringing color to his face. “Cold,” Minseok comments when he steps into the cafe, shuffling over to sit at Luhan’s table. His usual drink sits in front of his empty seat and he smiles happily, small teeth peeking out from chapped lips.
Luhan glances outside and nods, tucking his nose a little deeper into his scarf. “Yeah.” Now’s your chance, now Luhan, NOW! He opens his mouth, all the words that he had prepared are wiped blank.
“Minseok, I really like yo--”
“Thanks for the dri--”
They both stop.
Oh god, I messed up.
“I’m sorry, what?”
Luhan can’t talk, throat closed, face on fire.
“Luhan?”
“I--”
There’s a little smile that Minseok can’t quite pretend isn’t there. Luhan knows that he heard. He doesn’t pout on purpose. No, no, it’s not on purpose.
“Luhan?” now Minseok’s just making fun of him.
He shuts his mouth with a clack and leans back, eyes diverting away from his soccer buddy, “Shut up,” he mumbles in Mandarin.
“What did you say, Luhan? I couldn’t hear you the first time.”
He furrows his brows, glaring back at Minseok, who’s positively gloating.
“I like you,” Luhan spits out in Mandarin and curses that Minseok knows enough basic Mandarin to understand him.
There’s a surprisingly warm hand that slips into his under the table and Luhan knows that’s Minseok’s way of answering. He squeezes Minseok’s tiny, tiny hand and pretends to not see the delightful smile he hides behind his cup of coffee.
The awkward couple phase-
Wufan slides into the seat next to Luhan and he instinctively glances up. He gets a faceful of a painful noogie for his efforts and he has to fight the taller off him. “Ow-! Jesus, Wufan that-ow-hurts-geT OFF ME.”
Wufan’s laughing that stupid laugh-the one that shows all his gums. Luhan’s grumbling, trying to fix his hair, shooting dirty looks at the other. “What is wrong with you? Can’t you say ‘hello’ like a normal person?” he’s just muttering angrily under his breath, really no bite to his words.
“Whatever, deer,” Wufan waves over a server and makes his order without looking at the menu. They’ve all been to the little hole in the wall restaurant near the campus long enough to memorize the menu by heart and know exactly what they like at the place.
“You better pick up the bill for the both of us,” Luhan snaps, hand coming down to unconsciously pat his pathetically small wallet.
Wufan crooks a brow at him before standing up to sit on the other side of the table, safe noogie distance for Luhan.
“Trust fund baby,” Luhan reminds.
The younger just rolls his eyes. “Anyway. A little bird told me-”
“Just say Zitao. We all know exactly who it is.” Luhan gets a dirty look for his efforts.
“A little bird told me that a certain steamed bun and deer got together over the weekend~”
“Stop with the nicknames, you embarrass me, you walking hazard.” He avoids the question with the finesse of a speed skater.
Wufan dismisses the harmless barb without more than an ugly look. “So?”
Luhan delays, grabbing his water so drink, taking his sweet time. Wufan watches, amused. When he finally puts down the cup, the thing’s half empty and so is Wufan’s thin patience. “Weeeeeeeell-” he drawls.
“Just say yes and I can start my ‘I told you so’ sneering,” Wufan interrupts.
He huffs, “Rude. And yes, Minseok and I got together. Over the weekend-”
“You stuttered didn’t you.”
“OF COURSE I DID’N-yeah.”
His best friend does the smug ‘I-knew-it’ look that always manages to get Luhan to flip the bird at him. Op, there goes his wild bird. Reflex, he guesses.
“Whatever,” Luhan growls, deciding to ignore his texting friend to shove some more tteok guk into his mouth.
Settling together-
Luhan will be the first to admit it: Minseok gets really shy about public display of affections. But there’s something about the Korean that makes Luhan just want to wrap up and take home, away from the eyes of others. Luhan’s touchy, he knows that much, but with Minseok, it just gets ridiculous.
“Luhan, stop it. People are staring,” Minseok whines, cheeks getting warmer as Luhan finishes complaining about his professor and collapses onto the elder’s shoulder. Normally, Luhan would shoot back up and pretend that nothing happened but instead he makes a noise of complaint, shakes his head, and burrows deeper into the warm shoulder.
“No,” he mumbles in Mandarin, getting sleepy. All the warm coffee in him is making him sleepy, the caffeine not even kicking in yet, the exhaustion from sleepless nights (some from thinking about home, others from plain procrastination), the cold from outside all lulling him to a dazy half-unconscious state. “5 more minutes.” His brain can’t function Korean right now.
He feels Minseok turn his head to look at him and he feels he warm breath of air that brushes the top of his head when Minseok sighs, giving up. “Are you tired?”
Luhan makes some sort of gurgling noise and tries to nod, but his head is so heavy. His head twitches, anyway.
“Do you want to go back to my apartment and sleep?”
The same head twitch.
Another gust of warm air across the top of his head. He smiles sleepily. Something warm drapes over his body and the rustling sounds make him think it’s his jacket.
The shoulder moves as there’s sounds of paper shuffling that barely registers through the haze. There’s more noises that Luhan’s too tired to process when suddenly there’s an arm behind his knees. He gurgles in confusion before he’s being lifted. Luhan’s eyes pop open in shock when Minseok lifts him bodily, carrying the younger in a princess lift.
“Minseok!” Luhan squeaks, hands automatically clutching Minseok’s jacket. He doesn’t want to struggle before both of them fall but this is so embarassing. There’s not even a question that everyone in the cafe’s looking now. There’s papers by his knee and Minseok’s face right above his. “Minseok!” he repeats, face burning, unwilling to look at the people around them.
“Go back to sleep, princess,” his boyfriend coddles before moving and they’re out of the cafe. The cold hits Luhan in the face and he instinctively seeks the warmest thing, Minseok’s body. Minseok laughs, and the vibration rumbles across Luhan’s body. Luhan knows he isn’t light, but somehow, he feels so tiny in Minseok’s arms. The Korean may be smaller than him, but Luhan’s seen the other in a tank top and god, does it make him drool.
Minseok happily chatters to him along the way of all the looks that they’re getting-2 fully grown men, one carrying the other-and it makes him giggle at how Minseok describes their faces. “Oooh, one looks like he just licked a lemon, is that a high schooler tugging at her friend’s arm? She’s not even subtle,” and so forth.
The elder doesn’t ever put Luhan down, even when they’re on the elevator up to his apartment, him keying in the code when they arrive at the door. (Minseok whispers the code against the top of his head and Luhan blushes.) He pushes open the door with his back and a gust of warm air greets him. Luhan’s always been a little afraid of the cold but next to Minseok, he feels so, so warm. He pauses at the door to shuck off his shoes and Luhan is practically blushing from head to toe when Minseok starts to tug off Luhan’s shoes.
When Minseok gently lays Luhan down on his bed and starts to move away, Luhan throws away his dignity without a second thought and whines, tugging on the elder’s sleeve. The other chuckles, after a shocked pause. It’s so uncharacteristic of Luhan to want Minseok to stay there, usually all about independence but right now Luhan is sleepy and Minseok is warm, soft, and his.
Minseok lets himself be pulled down onto the comforter, Luhan barely shifting to avoid being squished and Minseok still manages to land half on him, but he doesn’t move away. He instead, turns his face to Minseok and wriggles closer, closer to the warm body.
“Oh my god, Luhan, wait. Let me take off my jacket and pull up the blanket,” Minseok laughs, not making a move.
“Later,” Luhan mumbles, “Sleep now.”
There’s a small hand brushing through his hair and a soft voice murmuring, “Ok, Luhan. Sleep now.” The hand doesn’t stop and it reminds him of when he was little and his mother would do the same. It reminds him of home, but right now, home is next to Minseok so he quickly falls asleep, heart warm, full, and something that feels like love pushing against his heart.
“Goodnight, Luhan-ah.”
The first fight-
It’s not surprising when voices escalade, words go for hurt, fists clench by sides. It’s during mid-terms and they’ve each get major tests to study for, both lacking in sleep and compassion.
“Luhan, can you please stop tapping your pen against the desk? It’s kinda distracting.”
“Huh? Oh sorry, I hadn’t even realized.” The clicking stops and there’s nothing but the occasional drag of highlighter against paper or the turning of a page. Until the tapping starts up again.
“Luhan, you’re doing it again.”
“Sorry, force of habit.” Luhan puts the pen on the desk to avoid tapping it without realizing it. The silence stretches longer this time and Luhan finds himself nodding off to sleep so he picks up his pen to write notes and attempt to stay awake.
“LUHAN! FOR FUCK’S SAKE, CAN YOU STOP.”
“What?”
“I’ve said it 2 fucking times already! I always have to repeat myself so many times. Can’t you understand anything the first time?”
“Minseok, what even. Calm down,” he tries, seeing not how angry that Minseok is, but seeing the dark circles under his eyes, the callus on his ring finger on his writing hand, and the smears of highlighter across Minseok’s cheek.
The Korean plows on, already gathering too much steam to stop. “How can I be calm when I have 3 exams tomorrow and I can’t even study because of your goddamn pen tapping! That’s I’ve asked so many times to stop. Do you even know how annoying that is? That you can’t even do 1 thing I asked you to do.”
At the irrationality of Minseok’s anger, he can feel the irritation boil under his skin begin. His own anger comes from a part of Minseok’s tantrum but he really knows that it stems from his exhaustion but that doesn’t stop the words that come out of his mouth. “Shut up, Minseok,” his words aren’t loud but the cutting tone that he uses is. “You always complain about the stupidest shit. Can’t you get off my ass for like 5 minutes? It’s a habit and it helps me stay awake.”
“That’s not the point, Luhan. You know it annoys me and you still do it! Why?!”
“Are you even listening, Minseok!” he stands up, shoving the chair hard enough for it to fall over. It’s a loud clatter as it falls to the floor and it startles both of them. Just like that, all the tension bleeds out of them.
The younger crosses the room in 2 steps, gathering his deflating lover in his arms. “Let’s go to sleep. There’s no point studying anymore,” he reasons and Minseok just relaxes in his hold. He’s practically drowning in an overlarge hoodie and tonight he looks younger than ever, small and tired, little fingers peeking out from the long sleeves.
“Ok,” it’s a meek little agreement that comes out of Minseok and he gently guides the elder into the bathroom to get their teeth brushed and them ready for bed until they end up curled together on Minseok’s bed, lights off and phone alarms set for their exams.
Speed bumps-
“Seok.”
“Hm?”
They’re tangled together, too tangled to know who’s leg is who’s, who’s arm is who’s, chests heaving, hearts slowing down.
“We’re graduating in a few months.” He rolls over, on top of Minseok, gazing down at the person he loves the most. Minseok’s bangs are sticking to his forehead with sweat and his cheeks and nose are strawberry pink. It’s adorable and makes a shot of arousal shoot down his limbs to know that he’s the cause of Minseok’s visible state of dishevelment.
“Yeah, and?” he returns Luhan’s stare, eyes wide and so full of tenderness that he can’t even get himself to look away.
“What are we going to do?” Luhan moves to put his elbows on the side of his boyfriend’s head, hands automatically carding them through the dark strands.
“Grow up and be responsible adults,” Minseok replies, ever the pragmatic one. Luhan rolls his eyes. “Stop rolling your eyes at me and kiss me.”
And the ever obedient one, listens to him and leans down. But Luhan isn’t one to just comply quietly. Luhan likes spreading Minseok’s patience thin (and other things) nipping at Minseok’s lower lip, just tickling Minseok with teasing kisses. The elder never quite bites the bait that easily, so he makes his own move. He lifts his leg, hooking his foot around Luhan’s thigh and pulls his hips down until Luhan just barely touches him.
Luhan jolts, hips automatically twitching forward, but Minseok lets up, Luhan’s hips jerking into thin hair. “Don’t play dirty,” Luhan hisses, eyes dark and cock hard.
“I’ll play just as dirty as the opposing team,” Minseok singsongs, before pushing hard and Luhan tumbles to the mattress. He’s quick to grab Luhan’s arms to make sure that he can’t get up.
“Min-” he gets cut off when he feels Minseok lick down his throat, sucking too lightly to leave bruises, but hard enough for Luhan to tilt his head back, trying to give Minseok better access.
“Yes, my beautiful Beijing boy?” Minseok purrs against Luhan’s neck. Luhan glances down with blown pupils when Minseok moves down, pausing in his journey to suck hard on dusty nipples. “So beautiful,” he breathes, flicking a hard nub.
Luhan tries to muffle the way his breath catches in his throat and Minseok laughs against the chest that he’s explored so many times before. “Han, I know exactly how you tick,” Minseok murmurs and bites down on a nipple. A moan rips out from Luhan’s throat and he arches, back bowing off from the mattress and he’s so strung out, he wants Minseok now now now. It’s almost pathetic how easily Minseok unravels Luhan but it’s a practice perfected through experience.
min, please, seok I need you, oh god I need you so bad, hurry, hurry he’s just babbling but it gets his message across and when he feels Minseok’s wet fingers brush across his entrance, Luhan spreads his legs, pushing his heels into the mattress to lift his hips.
“So eager,” Minseok’s voice is amused but he’s not unaffected, slowly pushing in. Luhan keens, high in his throat, feeling Minseok twitch against his thigh. He slips in a second finger and Luhan writhes on the messy sheets, begging shamelessly for more, more, please, minseok i need more.
There’s meaningless praises whispered against the hollow of Luhan’s neck when he reacts to Minseok’s administration so perfectly and Luhan is so flush, so eager, so responsive to Minseok’s loving worship. He finally withdraws his fingers and bites his lip hard when Luhan mewls at the empty feeling, fingers scrabbling to pull Minseok back.
It’s those large, eyes brimming over with tears that pull Minseok right back. There’s a few tear tracks down Luhan’s cheeks and Minseok pauses, tip poised to enter, pauses to kiss away those tears. His name is a rushed exhale on Luhan’s lips when he slowly pushes in, head tossed back.
Minseok treats Luhan like a china doll, too afraid to break his Chinese beauty, but Luhan is having none of it. When Minseok waits for Luhan to adjust, Luhan brings his head back up, looking absolutely wrecked, and growls, “Goddamit Minseok, I’m not some girl. Fuck me hard, like I want.”
Minseok barely pauses, amusement bleeding into his eyes. “Your wish is my command.”
Luhan gets bent double, ankles over head andLuhan he’s shaking, shaking as Minseok thrusts, hard and fast, at the rhythm that Luhan loves, the rhythm that makes his head rush white with pleasure and where he barely registers all the whines, breathy moans, loud begging that comes from him.
There’ll be bruises on Luhan’s hips in the shape of Minseok’s fingers come tomorrow but he loves it, cock bouncing heavy against his stomach, leaving smears of precum. His head slides up a little towards the headboard with every thrust, his hand trying to brace against the headboard, the other reaching off the bedsheets to jerk off his neglected cock.
“God, you love this, don’t you Luhan,” it’s not question the way that Minseok gasps it out but Luhan’s yes answers anyway. He doesn’t need to gasp more, harder, faster because the way that Minseok gives it to him is perfect, perfect how he hits Luhan where it makes him scream and before long, he’s warning his lover and getting cut off with a muffling kiss when he cums.
He cries out against Minseok who swallows it, body going stiff, eyes squeezing shut, clenching so perfectly around the cock in his ass, hands frantically jerking himself off, milking out the orgasm.
fuckfuckfuck is groaned against his lips as Minseok’s hips jerk, caught by Luhan’s orgasm. It’s so much tighter and Minseok tries to push through Luhan’s pleasure, drawing out the waves crashing against Luhan’s eyelids.
When Luhan comes down from his high, eyes hazy, body falling into the laziness of well-fucked, Minseok’s still going, losing that steady rhythm, chasing the horizon. He’s oversensitive, every shaky thrust sending his body into overdrive so his numb fingers come up to Minseok’s face so his eye are looking into his.
“Come for me, Min,” is enough for a quiet gasp to escape Minseok, eyes closing, body going rigid. Luhan cries out with him, oversensitivity making him feel every twitch that Minseok does inside of him and he clenches down hard. The bruises on Luhan’s hips will be undoubtedly purple at this rate but Luhan doesn’t think for a second that it’s not worth it.
Minseok pulls out, tying the condom and tossing it into the bin near the bed before Luhan’s clingy, whining to pull Minseok back into his warm and sweaty arms. It’s post-orgasm Luhan in that sleepy fucked out haze and he wants cuddles. He’s barely awake for Minseok to clean them up and he tucks his head into the crook of Minseok’s neck. He falls asleep soon after Minseok murmurs “good night” into his hair.
And here, we’ll stay forever young-
“Luhan, stop it, I’m going to be late.”
“One more kiss, Minseok, one more.”
“Goddamit, you’re so needy.”
“You love it.”
“Fuck you.”
“I’ll be waiting for that, graduation boy.”
His answer is a bruising kiss.
Finding the definition of love together-
It takes Luhan 3 years, 4 months, and 12 days for him to say the words that have been sitting heavy on his heart.
“Minseok?”
“Hm?” They’re half awake in the kitchen, a few months after Luhan moves into Minseok’s apartment, both deciding that it was just easier for the two of them to move in together than to keep commuting to each other’s apartments. Minseok’s stirring in a spoonful of sugar into his coffee, still blearily blinking sleep out of his eyes, Luhan half slumped over the dining table, his own coffee steaming in front of him, so white with creamer than Minseok refuses to touch the cream and coffee concoction.
“I love you.”
“What?” Now Minseok’s eyes are wide open and he turns to Luhan, hands frozen on the spoon and the mug.
“I love you,” this one is whispered and quieter, as though the magnitude of his words are slowly sinking in and Luhan’s shrinking away, afraid of making the wrong move. The only thing that betrays his casual stance is how white his fingers are, grasped tight around his hot mug.
Silence stretches long and taunt and Luhan’s about to cry, throat tightening up. He turns away, to lock himself in a room, to run away maybe, but before he can make another move, he’s pulled into familiar arms and there’s lips on his. They know him too well and his lips are pried apart, and Minseok’s licking into his mouth. Luhan’s fingers are tight on Minseok’s shirt and when they pull apart, Minseok’s worshipping “I love you” is engraved into Luhan’s memories.
I was just wondering-
It’s late, long into the night when Luhan wakes up. But what’s even more unusual is that when his hand sweeps out to seek his warm lover’s hand, it comes upon nothing. His eyes pop open, but it’s too dark and too fast for his eyes to adjust. He’s groping blind, both hands sweeping across the sheets, but it’s cold and empty. Minseok isn’t there.
Rolling over, Luhan grabs his phone, charging on the nightstand. He only flinches just a bit when he clicks in the password to speed dial Minseok’s phone numer.
“Hello?” it’s tired and slow.
“Minseok? Where are you? Are you coming home?”
Minseok’s sigh sounds even heavier and fatigued over the phone. “Not tonight, sorry, Lu. There’s just been a lot of work piling up and I’m 90% sure my boss wants it on her desk by tomorrow.”
Luhan bites the inside of his cheek to stop the I want you to come home from being said. He instead swallows the words he wants to say and quietly says, “I miss you.”
The tenderness in Minseok’s voice is enough for him to melt, all anxiety just disappearing out of his voice when he says, “I miss you too, Lu.” They stay on the line for minutes, neither wanting to hang up, neither wanting to have to feel that absence of the other. But then Minseok shifts and his elbow hits a stack of papers that cascade down to the floor and he’s reminded of the huge pile waiting on his desk.
“Good night, Xi-Lu.”
“Come home soon, baobei.”
“I will. I love you.”
“Without a question.”
The glue that held us together-
It’s a hangout with all their friends from college and when Luhan slides into the bar without Minseok, they all look a little confused.
The questions of Minseok’s whereabouts are quick to come and they easily see through Luhan’s fake smile that tries to say that everything’s ok and they can see through the thinly veiled lies of ‘yes, yes, we’re ok’. It’s Kyungsoo who’s the first to tell Luhan to shut up, that they can see right away that no, they’re not ok and that Luhan looks fucking exhausted.
Like a popped ballon, Luhan deflates and the dark circles stand out against the harsh whiteness of his face. “Yeah. We’re not ok.”
There’s a hand curling around Luhan’s waist and Joonmyun brings Luhan into an embrace, telling that it’ll all be ok. Wufan’s there too, hand tight on Luhan’s shoulder because he’s the one that introduced the two and he’s eternally grateful to Minseok who introduced the gangly Chinese to the president of his accounting club.
When Luhan finally manages to extract himself from all the sympathetics hugs, the smile on his face isn’t so much fake as relieved now and everyone quietly lets out a sigh of relief.
They get from Luhan that Minseok’s not home much, how much time work is consuming his life. He knows that it isn’t Minseok fault, that work really is eating away at his boyfriend, that his boyfriend tries to spend every free moment with him, but seeing the man you’re supposed to be living with for only 3 hours a week is taxing on him and his relationship. Luhan isn’t worried about anything like Minseok cheating or Minseok lying to him, but what he’s worried about is how much absence will make the love in his heart fade and he’s terrified of the ache in his heart.
Everyone tries and tries to comfort him, but they’ve each gone through enough relationships to read the signs of an end and a select few know the pain of trying to muscle through a relationship that should’ve died long ago. No one quite says it, but the lingering hugs that they lay on Luhan is clue enough. The couple’s lasted longer than any of their own relationships (except the youngests, Sehun and Jongin who exchange sad glances at each other. Luhan’s always doted on Sehun and Sehun thinks of Minseok and Luhan as his own older brothers and it woud hurt him so much to see his favorite hyungs split apart) but the heart decides its own path.
Luhan leaves that night with less questions but a heavier feeling in his heart.
I hate this part right here-
“Let’s go on a vacation together!” Minseok had excitedly proclaimed one rare evening that he’s home, hands tight around a travelling booklet.
Luhan looks up, surprised from his book. “What?’
“You heard me! A vacation! Let’s go to China, or Italy, or anywhere,” Minseok babbles, excitement lighting up his eyes like Luhan seen in a long time. It’s been 2 years since they’ve graduated and Luhan can’t remember when the last time they’ve been on a date.
“A va...cation? Would you have time to, Minseok? Can you take off from work?” Luhan cautiously asks. He doesn’t want his hopes to rise before being crushed.
“Yeah, I’m sure I could get my boss off for some time. When do you want to go?” Minseok’s flipping through the travelling booklet, eyes scanning the pages and gobbling up the scenery pictures that entice tourists.
gorgeous
Luhan blinks, surprised at Minseok’s actions but he goes with it, delighted at seeing the old Minseok he loves so much. “Anytime, I suppose. Maybe in the fall, when it’s cooler?”
Minseok makes a noise of agreement and holds up the book. “New Zealand looks pretty gorgeous, doesn’t it?”
There’s a lot of sheep and green grass, but the scenery is gorgeous, Luhan has to say. The little caution in his heart is gone in a heartbeat and before long, he’s caught up in the idea of a vacation just as much as Minseok is.
“I’m really sorry, Luhan, but my boss said no.”
Luhan slumps on his desk, staring at his email. “I’ve already bought the tickets and booked everything, though.”
“I’m really, really sorry. He said ok at first, but now this new projects come up and we’re in a time crunch. Like I told you, I just got promoted to project manager and I can’t just leave 2 weeks before the deadline,” Minseok says, agitated. Luhan can just see him sitting at his desk, running his hands through his hair, the way that he always does when he’s under a lot of stress.
“You can just invite Sehun or Wufan to go with you?” Minseok tries, defeat leaking into his voice.
But I wanted to go with you sits heavy on his mind, but absent on his tongue. “Ok,” Luhan agrees.
“I’m sorry, Lu.”
“It’s ok. I understand.” He doesn’t, really.
The call ends. And when Luhan’s sitting there with the phone against his face, he’s wondering what he’s waiting for until it hits him and knocks the breath out of him. When’s the last time he or Minseok had said I love you?
The final goodbye-
For every beginning, there is an end and Luhan knows that this is where they’ve arrived. It’s past the I’m sorrys, past the fights, past the breakup. They’ve both taken up so much of each other’s lives. The 5 years they’ve spent in love, in despair, in longing, in happiness is by no means a short amount of time. Minseok’s scent lingers on his skin and Luhan’s Chinese has leaked into Minseok’s vocabulary, but with time, his scent will be replaced by someone else, the Chinese will wear away, forgotten and unused.
They’re at the part where they say their final goodbye to the chapter of them, the chapter of their relationship, their struggles, their memories. It’s not an angry nor a spur of the moment goodbye, but something that came with all the excuses and the fading of affection. It’s long time coming and they’ve both expected it, lingered on it, ignored it, wished it wasn’t so, but reality comes to catch up to them and Minseok and Luhan had come to terms with in in their own time.
Boxes are stacked up all along the wall, and the apartment looks nothing like the home they built together, all the photos have been packed up, the love letters all put away. It’s bare and looks like something strange to the both of them but they both realize that it’s kind of like how it looks like the other. They learned each other through time and love but as time moved on, so did the other. They’ve grown and changed, through this relationship and other experiences. They aren’t the same college students that had shyly linked pinkies on the quad.
“I guess this is it.”
“Yeah. I guess it is.”
Movers are filtering in and out of their apartment, taking everything away into two separate moving trucks.
“Will I ever see you again?”
Luhan shakes his head. “Maybe. Maybe not. Probably not. China’s a far away place from South Korea.”
Minseok takes the answer with a solemn nod.
“Stay safe, Luhan. Be happy.”
There’s arms around Minseok and it’s full of tenderness, and like its done for the past 5 years, Minseok’s body melts right into the embrace and his smaller arms wrap around Luhan in return. “I will.”
When they break apart, there’s tears in each other’s eyes. It’s impossible to say goodbye so someone who you shared so much of yourself with without feeling like you’re losing an extension of yourself. They’ve lived together for a few years and in the days, they’ve come to memorize each other’s routines and habits like their own and finding that level of comfort with a housemate is rare.
“Goodbye, xiao Lu. Thank you for everything.”
A familiar smile. “Thanks for everything. Goodbye, baozi.”
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