Merlin Fic: no rational being can fear a thing it will not feel (Morgana/Arthur)
Title: no rational being can fear a thing it will not feel
Author: quietdecember
Characters: Moragana/Arthur
Spoilers: 3x08
Notes: Title from Philip Larkin
Summary: Morgana dreams still.
no rational being can fear a thing it will not feel
The mind blanks at the glare. Not in remorse
- The good not done, the love not given, time
Torn off unused - nor wretchedly because
An only life can take so long to climb
-Philip Larkin 'Aubade'
She removes the bracelet in arrogance, when Arthur is one night gone from the castle. It is done, all she must do now is wait.
She smiles as she slips it off, placing it at her bedside. A celebration of sorts, proof that she is no longer a prisoner of her visions, that she will never be afraid again.
She drifts off quickly and easily; wrapped in silks, waiting as her senses blur and slip away. Her chambers are cool and dark with the first chills of autumn pressed against the window panes.
Of course it is never so easy.
She starts awake biting back a scream, pushing at the familiar fear and panic that creep up the back of her neck. She dreamed of Arthur stumbling, collapsing to the ground the phoenix eye glowing with piercing clarity. She dreamed of his eyes wide and vacant and now her heart is racing.
At first she can hardly breathe-she gasps in the dark,fists gripping the blankets. There is no other sound-she imagines Arthur sleeping in some dark distant wood- undisturbed and unknowing as always. It is a strange betrayal-that her heart will not be calmed and the pinch of fear will not ebb away.
Slipping from the bed, she walks to the window steadying herself against the wall. She opens the window and looks out over the courtyard, over the city, over the kingdom that will be hers. She grips the windowsill; for there is still something untamed in her that would fly for help: to Morgause, to Gaius or Gwen. For all her secrecy Morgana has never kept a nightmare to herself, never waited for morning alone. It will be hours before the sun's first light unfolds across the horizon, for now there is only the pale glow of stars .
She should retrieve the bracelet now but somehow she does not dare break the stillness of the room. No one will ever know that she stood thus, swallowing back the last of her panicked fear but an uneasiness still lingers. How many years had she run to Gauis or Gwen on such nights? How many times had she woken from dreams of Arthur determined to undo her visions, to protect him and damn the consequences? Perhaps
It takes only half a breath to push back the thought, to crush it into nothingness. There is no fear or doubt and she had no dream. She will forget this night and never remove the bracelet again. Her heartbeat is steady now-it is done she reminds herself. Everything has been decided.
He will die. The dream bore no other message. The air has the bite of summer's end. She lifts her chin to the breeze and tries for one moment not to believe it. He will die, he will die, he will die.
end.
Author: quietdecember
Characters: Moragana/Arthur
Spoilers: 3x08
Notes: Title from Philip Larkin
Summary: Morgana dreams still.
no rational being can fear a thing it will not feel
The mind blanks at the glare. Not in remorse
- The good not done, the love not given, time
Torn off unused - nor wretchedly because
An only life can take so long to climb
-Philip Larkin 'Aubade'
She removes the bracelet in arrogance, when Arthur is one night gone from the castle. It is done, all she must do now is wait.
She smiles as she slips it off, placing it at her bedside. A celebration of sorts, proof that she is no longer a prisoner of her visions, that she will never be afraid again.
She drifts off quickly and easily; wrapped in silks, waiting as her senses blur and slip away. Her chambers are cool and dark with the first chills of autumn pressed against the window panes.
Of course it is never so easy.
She starts awake biting back a scream, pushing at the familiar fear and panic that creep up the back of her neck. She dreamed of Arthur stumbling, collapsing to the ground the phoenix eye glowing with piercing clarity. She dreamed of his eyes wide and vacant and now her heart is racing.
At first she can hardly breathe-she gasps in the dark,fists gripping the blankets. There is no other sound-she imagines Arthur sleeping in some dark distant wood- undisturbed and unknowing as always. It is a strange betrayal-that her heart will not be calmed and the pinch of fear will not ebb away.
Slipping from the bed, she walks to the window steadying herself against the wall. She opens the window and looks out over the courtyard, over the city, over the kingdom that will be hers. She grips the windowsill; for there is still something untamed in her that would fly for help: to Morgause, to Gaius or Gwen. For all her secrecy Morgana has never kept a nightmare to herself, never waited for morning alone. It will be hours before the sun's first light unfolds across the horizon, for now there is only the pale glow of stars .
She should retrieve the bracelet now but somehow she does not dare break the stillness of the room. No one will ever know that she stood thus, swallowing back the last of her panicked fear but an uneasiness still lingers. How many years had she run to Gauis or Gwen on such nights? How many times had she woken from dreams of Arthur determined to undo her visions, to protect him and damn the consequences? Perhaps
It takes only half a breath to push back the thought, to crush it into nothingness. There is no fear or doubt and she had no dream. She will forget this night and never remove the bracelet again. Her heartbeat is steady now-it is done she reminds herself. Everything has been decided.
He will die. The dream bore no other message. The air has the bite of summer's end. She lifts her chin to the breeze and tries for one moment not to believe it. He will die, he will die, he will die.
end.