Comments | quillerfluffers: More Quidditch Jersey fun

gabrielladusult in quillerfluffers

More Quidditch Jersey fun

Aug 26, 2006 11:58

Cross posted from my own journal.

Inspired by hfleming8 aka prplhez8's comment on the fluff thread: "Wouldn't it be interesting to see the reaction to Quidditch Player A (Oliver, Fred, George, Ron, Malfoy...whomever) seeing their lady loves wearing their jerseys?" Of course, I didn't actually get Padma into George's jersey for the scene -- but George has ( Read more... )

Comments 7

sea_thoughts August 26 2006, 17:35:44 UTC

I think this is a very interesting scene, since you give us George and Padma when they're still new together (and Padma hasn't much idea of a boy's habits!). I really like Padma's fussiness (arriving fifteen minutes before the appointed time!) contrasted with George's laissez-faire attitude. You bring out their house qualities nicely but still keep them individual. There was a nice pause in the scene when George mentioned his last ever Quidditch match, it led naturally into the tender part at the end. My only suggestion is that switching into Padma's POV (when she was smelling the jersey) would have made the scene richer.

~ Starsea

gabrielladusult August 27 2006, 03:07:16 UTC

I appreciate what you're saying, but am generally opposed to switching POV in the middle of a scene, even if it means losing something. I considered writing the whole thing from Padma's POV, but since [b]hez[/b]'s comment was to get the male reaction to his lady love wearing his jersey (not that it quite turned out that way here). So -- I started with George and kept it that way. As usual, it's just a bit of un-beta-ed first drafty stuff. Also, in this case, kind of a warm-up since I haven't had the energy or inspiration to write in the past couple of weeks. I even kind-of hate how I ended it, but I've never been good at endings.

Thanks again for taking the time on Saturday to read and comment!

sea_thoughts August 27 2006, 23:31:41 UTC

Acknowledged. You'd have to write the whole scene switching between their POVs, which can be awkward, so I understand why you stuck to George's. I'd say that your muse is alive and well, even if you haven't been feeling inspired enough/alive enough to write lately. ^^

nancyness August 27 2006, 05:00:45 UTC

“Yes but,” she gasped when he nipped that special spot below her ear. “I would just like to…smell you.”

“In bed?” he whispered in her ear.

Ah, perfect! A hint of Smuff-to-come. ^_^

I love the idea of Fred and George preserving their post-game jerseys, it's very much something they'd do. Padma's response to the messy room is classic for someone who didn't grow up with brothers... or a messy person in general. I have to say, she'd probably be almost as surprised by my room. *blush*

prplhez8 August 27 2006, 05:07:37 UTC

*SI-IGH*

Sooooooooooooooooo very sweet and foreshadowing of smuff to come.

*sighs again*

All this jersey talk is just making me grin like an idiot.

*hugs Gabby*

Thanks for coming out to play.

rosathome August 27 2006, 19:55:56 UTC

Padma and George - now there's a treat for a Sunday afternoon. Cute. Very cute.

moonette1 August 27 2006, 20:00:36 UTC

Oh wow, Gabby - I'm so glad you're writing again! This was so fun to read. I loved the part about the clown Boggart - ha! Sprinkled liberally throughout are great LOL lines. Your George is so well written - great personality with much more than silliness to him. He's very endearing. And it did get a bit hot at the end, didn't it? Great job.