LJ Idol Week 4 - The Ax Forgets, The Tree Remembers

[quiltingdragon]

The Axe Forgets, The Tree Remembers

I did not have the greatest relationship with my mother.

I was never enough. Smart enough, pretty enough, thin enough, organized enough, neat enough, not using my talents enough. No matter what it was, I was never enough. She wanted the all-American WASP good girl, loves Jesus and her boyfriend, listens to only

Comments

[engarian]

If this is indeed your life, then Bravo. You're coming into yourself and yourself is a great place to be.

- Erulisse (one L)

[quiltingdragon]

Thanks. It is a great place to be. I'm happier now than I have ever been.

[roina_arwen]

Hugs. It’s always sad when one can’t be accepted as they are, instead of as someone wants them to be.

[quiltingdragon]

Thanks. It is sad. But the resulting grief and anger has made me into an advocate for others - maybe by being a supportive friend, colleague and safe adult I can help spare someone else this kind of pain.

[beautyofgrey]

♥ This is a hard one to read; parent-child relationships can be such a mine field on any day, and I'm sorry that your mother found such ways to be both passively and actively cruel. I'm glad you were able to separate what you wanted out of life and your joys from the shadows she cast over you.

[quiltingdragon]

Thanks for reading. It is a continual learning experience to figure out who I am, what I like and figuring out whether that is because I truly do enjoy something or was raised to enjoy it. I'm trying new things at my own pace and letting other things go.

[banana_galaxy]

I can't even imagine what it'd be like to be raised in a home like this, just as I can't imagine treating my own kids like this. Parents should be the safe space for children, not the cause of trauma. You seemed to describe that trauma well, though, and the long lasting impact it had on you.

[quiltingdragon]

The sad thing is, growing up I didn't realize how abnormal it was, as so many kids at school had similar stories. One of my teachers thought I was just being dramatic, till my brother started high school just after I left and started telling him about the same sorts of passive-aggressive behavior on my mom's part. Talking with others as an adult I began to realize how screwed up my outwardly normal childhood was.

My dad feels terrible that he didn't know much about what was going on till I started talking about it openly the last few years, my mom actively discouraged us from involving our dad, and he was working and going to school so wasn't home to appeal to a lot of the time anyway.

[babeofbryan]

I so proud that now you can be who you want to be. But sadden by your Moms attitude toward you. I remember a lot of your posts before she was sick. I hope now you can enjoy your life