Staring Daggers (Sungyeol/Myungsoo)

[quirke]

Staring Daggers
Sungyeol/Myungsoo

Sungyeol doesn't get it. Myungsoo only kind of does.



staring daggers
All I really wanna do is to love you
A kind much closer than friends use.
Jason Mraz; If It Kills Me

Myungsoo is exhausted.

It’s obvious even with layers of foundation, through white eyeliner in the corners of his eyes. Sungyeol itches to reach out to him, whisper a joke in his ear or do something stupid like pinch his cheek to coax a smile out of his friend’s handsome face. The host - pretty and exotic, Sungyeol thinks absently, his gaze lingering on her elegant hands - babbles excitedly about how far they’ve come, aren’t they so glad to be on this promotional tour, how does Infinite feel about all of this support?

The cameras flash and the fans scream, and Sungyeol can’t help but marvel at how much they can accomplish in a day, how many people they can reach in ways that the rest of the world can only dream. Myungsoo stares into space, blinking against the bright lights, and Sungyeol has to tear his gaze away from him to wave at the crowd of star struck girls. Sunggyu beams at the fans, extra brightly to make up for the rest of their fatigued grins - “thank you for having us,” he tells them through a translator - “we’ll work hard and come back as soon as we can.”

Sungjong clings on to Myungsoo’s arm as they get up from their seats, and it’s probably for the best because the fans love it this way, their sighs and shrieks in tandem as the group makes their way past the crowd. Myungsoo steers the maknae along, and they look perfect together, arm-in-arm like that. Sungyeol keeps to his space beside Sunggyu, his game face on. Across the sea of people, fans wave at them enthusiastically, hands to their mouths to hide their glee at Sungjong and Myungsoo’s closeness.

An odd twist makes its way into Sungyeol’s once open smile.

And so it goes. The fans cry out their goodbyes, and they’re ushered out of the conference halls. Howon immediately pulls off his leather jacket, complaining about the heat - “I thought I was going to go blind from those lights,” he whines. Sungyeol has to laugh. Howon’s always been something of a baby backstage.

If the fans knew what I know, Sungyeol thinks wryly. It would be profitable to write a tell-all after they reach an Epik High level of fame.

Although he may keep one or two secrets.

Myungsoo notices Sungyeol’s unblinking stare and raises an eyebrow, his expression still sweet in Sungyeol’s eyes even with the lack of enthusiasm.

“What are you looking at,” he mumbles.

Sungyeol grins at the lazy drawl in Myungsoo’s words, hooking his arm over the other boy’s shoulder and leaning in. He lives for these moments in-between - where the others are too tired, too distracted to notice the extra affection. Myungsoo smells like sweat and faded lime shampoo, and it slows Sungyeol’s post-show adrenaline rush with its familiarity. Myungsoo ducks his head, elbowing him in slight irritation as he tries to pull away.

“You stink, go away,” he protests, turning up his nose.

“We probably smell the same, shut up.”

Myungsoo chuckles, but he wiggles out of Sungyeol’s grasp anyway, moving forward to walk with the happily yakking Woohyun.

Sungyeol huffs, unsure of what to make of this, but he gets over the thought when Dongwoo comes over, jabbering loudly about the mechanics of Twitter. Myungsoo glances at him, and Sungyeol wiggles his fingers and blows him a kiss. Myungsoo scowls and turns away, and Sungyeol snickers.

There is no sign of Myungsoo’s fatigue in their hotel room that night, Sungyeol’s lips moving against his as the other’s fingers grip tightly into the thin fabric of Sungyeol’s shirt. Myungsoo’s eyes are heavy-lidded, coy, as though he’s had too much to drink. Sungyeol gazes heavily back at him as their heads tilt to deepen the kiss, Myungsoo’s breaths warm against Sungyeol’s skin. Their teeth knock ungracefully; Sungyeol holds back a laugh as Myungsoo forges forward anyway, their tongues meeting as the latter devours his mouth, fingers leaving his shirt and threading themselves into Sungyeol’s hair.

Myungsoo kisses messy, often too eager to get to Sungyeol’s tongue that he forgoes most of everything else that comes before. Sungyeol doesn’t mind. It’s cute, even, how inexperienced his friend is, and how he clings like that to Sungyeol as though he may just fall apart without him. But Myungsoo is stronger than most people know - if he weren’t, Sungyeol never would have let this happen between them, let their mutual fondness for each other spiral into a few dirty kisses in between schedules.

Because it’s not meaningless, all of this. Sungyeol misses it, aches for it sometimes when they’re side by side in a crowded room. It’s too complicated to be rational about it, about wanting Myungsoo close like this.

Sungyeol doesn’t let himself think about it.

“I lied,” Myungsoo is saying, his voice muffled beside Sungyeol’s ear. “You don’t smell bad at all.” He scrunches up his nose thoughtfully. “…Is that my shampoo?”

“Mmmhmm.” Sungyeol turns his head slightly to meet Myungsoo’s eyes, pools of black in the dim of the room. “I forgot to bring mine.”

“Then use the hotel’s, jerk,” Myungsoo says crossly, and he moves forward abruptly and bites into Sungyeol’s shoulder -

“Ow! What was that for?”

“I saw you. You’re thinking of her, aren’t you?” Myungsoo’s lips, swollen from Sungyeol’s mouth, is set in a grim little line. Sungyeol leans in to steal a kiss, but Myungsoo turns away, watching the other boy with narrowed eyes.

Sungyeol sighs and gives up. “Who?”

“That MTV host." Sungyeol loses his breath as the other’s hands slip down between them, nimble fingers curling into the belt loops of Sungyeol’s jeans. “You were so obvious.”

“You were looking at me?” Sungyeol lets the revelation sink into him, a wide grin creeping into his face as Myungsoo frowns, his own cheeks reddening slightly. “I thought you were too tired to pay attention.”

Myungsoo snorts, an eyebrow raised. “I was,” he says shortly. “But you were salivating all over the place.”

“Was not.”

“You were, too.” Myungsoo bites down on his lower lip, nose brushing against Sungyeol’s. “You like her, Sungyeol?”

Sungyeol clucks his tongue, trying to recall the woman’s face. Myungsoo blows out his cheeks, an unconscious little pout in his mouth that Sungyeol wants to tease with his own. “…I guess she had elegant hands.”

Myungsoo moves to untangle himself from Sungyeol, but Sungyeol presses a kiss into Myungsoo’s mouth and he pauses, eyes dark under his lashes as he watches Sungyeol. “Don’t look at girls,” he says, his frown delicate. “Or I’ll switch rooms and you’ll room with Howon-hyung. He snores the worst.”

“So that means I can look at the boys?”

“Yeol.”

“Are you threatening me, L?”

“I am.” Myungsoo’s slow smile undoes the knots of displeasure in his face, and Sungyeol only chuckles, a thumb to the other boy’s cheek.

It’s odd to think that their friendship has come to this. He wonders when he’d come to be so, so fond of Myungsoo. He can tease and make fun of Myungsoo to his heart’s content in the daytime, but he can deny Myungsoo nothing behind closed doors. Somehow it’s comforting, he thinks, to have Myungsoo’s presence so close to him in a foreign place like this.

“She does have elegant hands,” Sungyeol muses then. “But I guess I like hands a little rougher.”

He can almost feel the tension in Myungsoo melt away. People like to think that Myungsoo is a little strange, almost too quiet, but Sungyeol loves it. Loves the little things you have to notice because Myungsoo isn’t always obvious about what he’s feeling. But Sungyeol feels the mood shift, is aware of the butterfly kiss that comes with the hidden smile pressed into his neck. It pleases him that only a few people know Myungsoo as well as he does. Surely only Sungyeol knows him this intimately.

It’s like the best secret in the world.

They stay there for a while, wrapped around each other, until Myungsoo nudges Sungyeol gently with his foot.

“I can’t move.”

“Because you’re a lazy bum.” But Myungsoo has already put his arms around Sungyeol’s neck, pulling aside Sungyeol’s shirt with his teeth to reveal a purpling bite mark on his shoulder.

“Oh,” he says sleepily, placing little kisses on the bruise. “Sorry.”

“You should be,” Sungyeol grouses. “What am I going to tell stylist noona?”

“That the pretty MTV host was wild in bed,” Myungsoo deadpans. “Maybe you can be the resident stud. Every group needs one.”

“Yeah right, when we all know you’re the hit with the girls.” Sungyeol can’t help a smile as Myungsoo’s head lolls on his shoulder, his cheek against the bite mark. “Ughhh Myungsooooo you’re such a parasite.”

He hoists Myungsoo on his back, the two of them chortling and huffing as he maneuvers them both to bed. He unceremoniously drops Myungsoo down onto the mattress, but Myungsoo doesn’t seem to mind, stretching and rolling to his side and stuffing his head into his pillow. “G’night,” he murmurs, and Sungyeol smacks him on the butt. But Myungsoo is already fast asleep, nose tucked into the warmth of Sungyeol’s shoulder.

“Sweet dreams,” Sungyeol whispers. Myungsoo doesn’t even stir. Sungyeol bites back a grin and switches off the bedside lamp.

Sungyeol’s grumpier the next morning, meeting the others in the lobby with his hair sticking out in all directions. Myungsoo is trying not to laugh when Sungyeol fixes him with a dirty look.

“Would it have killed you to wake me up?” he snaps.

“We’ve gone for breakfast,” Woohyun says mercilessly.

“I got spare food,” Howon adds cheerfully, pulling a flattened pastry out of his cargo pants, “…but I want it.”

“Ew,” says Sungyeol, making a face. “Was that stuffed in your crotch.”

“It was not in my - “

“Just grab a sandwich from the deli and we have to be on our way,” Sunggyu says, always the voice of reason in the morning chaos. “We’ve got to be at the airport shortly. Make sure you’ve packed everything.”

Sungyeol trudges out of the hotel doors with his suitcase, Myungsoo at his heels. The group splits into separate vans, and Myungsoo is squished into Sungyeol’s side. His elbow digs into Sungyeol’s stomach, and the older boy glares as Myungsoo holds back his chuckle. “Are you still mad?”

“We should break up,” Sungyeol says grumpily. “Sheesh, your elbow, Myungsoo - “

Sungjong throws them both a look of vague pity.

“You know,” he says casually, “to break up you have to actually date first.”

Sungyeol and Myungsoo turn to stare at him. Sungjong grins at them. “But maybe you two just do things backwards. Like you do with everything else.”

“We’re not - “ Myungsoo begins.

“I was joking - “ Sungyeol blurts at the same time.

“ - dating or anything - “

“ …are you saying we’re stupid?”

“No,” Sungjong says with wide eyes. “Of course not, hyungs.” He looks at Sungyeol thoughtfully. “Though you might want to stop staring daggers at me every time L-hyung talks to me. Not hatin’. Just sayin’.” And he pulls on his headphones and proceeds to stare out the window, fingers tapping soundlessly on his knee as Sungyeol and Myungsoo turn to look at each other, eyes wide.

“I do not stare daggers - we’re not - I mean - “

“Yeah.” Myungsoo blinks, his cheeks slightly flushed now. He pauses, and Sungyeol takes a deep breath and wonders why it feels so warm in the car even when the air-conditioner is blasting into their faces. “We’re not…”

“We’re not serious,” Sungyeol continues, hoping to dispel the awkwardness that’s started to settle between them. “No big deal. So we don’t need to - “

“Break up or anything.” Myungsoo smiles a little, but the sight unnerves Sungyeol more than it soothes him.

“Yeah,” Sungyeol says in a small voice. Their fingers brush, and his heart jumps into his throat. Myungsoo pulls away, staring into his lap as his fingers curl into a fist. It’s weird, Sungyeol can’t help but think, how their earlier camaraderie has dwindled down to an unease that’s never been there between them. He wants to lean into Myungsoo and ease his way back into their familiar closeness, but Myungsoo has closed into himself, averting his eyes and carefully tucking his elbows into his sides. The manager hops into the front seat then, and Sungyeol pulls on his seatbelt.

They ride in silence all the way to the airport.

Myungsoo doesn’t talk to Sungyeol even after they’ve braved the fan crowd and checked in, instead spending most of his time sharing his earphones with Dongwoo. Myungsoo usually sits with Sungyeol on flights, but Sungyeol doesn’t mind that he’s chosen to sit with Dongwoo for this one. For most part, anyway. It’s not like they’re dating or anything, he reasons with himself, so it’s not a big deal that Myungsoo doesn’t look his way at least five times before they’re seated on the plane, or tried to sneak a kiss or two while they were in the washroom together before boarding. They don’t have to be together all the time; friends make space for each other and all that… stuff.

He narrows his eyes as Myungsoo and Dongwoo lean towards each other a few seats away, sides brushing as they laugh.

“What’s so funny?” he mutters. Sungjong’s ears perk up at this, and he only stretches in his seat as he turns his head to meet Sungyeol’s disgruntled expression.

“I can switch seats with Myungsoo-hyung,” he offers.

“No,” Sungyeol barks. “I don’t want to sit with Myungsoo. Do you want to sit with Dongwoo-hyung?”

“Uh.” Sungjong scratches his neck, an eyebrow raised as Sungyeol shrinks back into his seat, trying to contain his embarrassment. “…Actually, it’s not like I care who I sit with or anything. But I thought since you and Myungsoo-hyung - “

“What about me and Myungsoo?” Sungyeol hisses. Sungjong stares at him, and Sungyeol is discomfited at… the unimpressed look on their usually amicable maknae’s face.

“Nothing,” Sungjong says, after a long moment.

“And I do not stare daggers at you,” Sungyeol blurts out, glancing back at Myungsoo and Dongwoo. He frowns a little. How are they laughing again? Myungsoo doesn’t even laugh that often when he’s sitting with Sungyeol.

Sungjong only continues to watch him with a lopsided little grin.

“What,” Sungyeol says irritably, tearing his gaze away from Dongwoo.

“Nothing,” Sungjong repeats, picking up his headphones again. “…You’re just too funny, hyung.”

The brat is going to get a chapter about his obsessive bathroom habits in the bestselling tell-all, Sungyeol decides viciously. He glances over at Myungsoo and Dongwoo again. He catches Myungsoo’s smile and feels a tug in the bottom of his stomach.

He closes his eyes and tries to block out them out.

“I’m going to take a shower,” Myungsoo says, the moment he drops his suitcase on the carpeted floor of their hotel room.

Sungyeol grunts and flops onto his bed. They haven’t exactly spoken since landing in Singapore, but it isn’t exactly a big deal because they’re all exhausted anyway. But Sungyeol can’t help himself from feeling nervous somehow, as though the little conversation about their… relationship had upset something in their dynamic.

He’s not sure which is worse; the awkwardness between them, or the fact that he may not get to kiss Myungsoo tonight. The anxiety of not being close to his friend is something that Sungyeol had long come to terms with - it doesn’t mean that he knows how to deal with it other than being with Myungsoo. Howon had made fun of him for it once, when Sungyeol had complained about having to film a stupid variety programme without Myungsoo - oh my god, just deal with it, Howon had moaned, hands over his ears to block out Sungyeol’s bitching. It’s not like you’ll die without him there for, what, eight hours?

…I mean, what are you two, boyfriends or something?

“Yeol?”

Sungyeol almost jumps out of his skin when Myungsoo appears at the foot of his bed, toweling his hair and watching him with a tentative expression. “You alright?” he asks, with a sort of forced cheer in his voice. “You don’t look too well.”

“Uh,” Sungyeol says, and he’s not sure what he wants to say except come here can we kiss you’re so cute I can hardly stand it. Only it feels so fucking weird saying any of these things because friends don’t say these things, only lovers say these things but friends don’t kiss and so does it mean that they’re not friends -

“I - I think I’ll have a shower,” he manages at last.

And he stumbles past Myungsoo and locks himself in the bathroom, his breaths caught in his chest.

He’s probably the one making a big deal out of nothing, the way he always does when he’s feeling a little out of sorts; Sunggyu’s always said he had a perchance for drama. Still. Sungyeol fumbles with the faucet as he strips himself down, trying to concentrate on the temperature of the water falling into his palm.

He curses Sungjong for bringing up the topic in the first place.

He finds Myungsoo dozed off in one of the beds when he steps out of the bathroom, limbs all over the place. Sungyeol watches him for a moment, taking in the sight of Myungsoo’s tired face before he pulls the covers over him. They’ve always shared a bed, but it feels too invasive this time, for some reason. Sungyeol slips into the other bed, and it’s too much space even for a single.

It’s too cold tonight. Sungyeol absently wonders if it’s because Myungsoo isn’t curled up beside him for the first time in a long time.

Or it could just be the air-conditioning, he tells himself.

“So,” Dongwoo says conversationally in the van the next morning, “what’s going on?”

Sungyeol looks up from the schedule and meets Dongwoo’s curious eyes. He blinks, trying to figure out what Dongwoo means because it’s not like anything big happened that morning. Except Myungsoo ignoring him throughout breakfast. Right.

“Nothing,” he says, maybe a little defensively. Dongwoo raises an eyebrow. Sungyeol clears his throat. “…What?”

“Oh come on,” Sungjong mutters from Dongwoo’s other side. Sungyeol throws him a scathing look. Sungjong clears his throat and puts on his headphones.

“Okay,” Dongwoo says carefully, and the way he says it makes Sungyeol feel like a child. “Myungsoo's been talking to everyone all morning. Except you. And that doesn’t happen unless you pissed him off.”

“I - what?” Sungyeol gives Dongwoo an incredulous look as the van halts at a traffic light. Is Dongwoo trying to give him advice or something? Now wait a minute -

Outside their window, fans in taxis are waving frantically, mouthing their names and holding up prettily decorated fansigns. Dongwoo waves back, and Sungyeol manages a toothy smile at them before the van jerks forward to leave the fans behind.

“Don’t lose your composure,” Dongwoo continues, his hand on Sungyeol’s shoulder. “I don’t know what’s going on between you two, but please sort it out before we get home to Korea. I don’t want us to end promotions on a low note. Okay?”

Dongwoo gives him another one of those open, encouraging grins like the responsible, cool hyung that he is, and Sungyeol crosses his arms and seethes a little. Dongwoo isn’t the most handsome of fellows, but he’s roguishly good-looking and dependable. Not to mention everyone likes his kind, expressive nature and bright laughter - my laughter is bright too, Sungyeol tells himself stubbornly. He’s not used to thinking negatively like this, but surely the jealousy he feels in his gut is natural? Who doesn’t love Dongwoo?

The memory of Myungsoo laughing with Dongwoo makes Sungyeol’s heart sink.

“Maybe we should - switch rooms or something,” Sungyeol hears himself say, and he tries to ignore the lump in his throat that’s telling him he’s getting emotional about this. “I mean, I don’t want to make Myungsoo uncomfortable.” He punches Dongwoo lightly on the shoulder. “Maybe you’re his new flavour of the month, hahaha.”

He pretends not to see Sungjong rolling his eyes.

There isn’t time to think about the whole situation until they’re tossed back into the vans later that evening, after the showcase event. Sungyeol’s head is spinning from the fanchants, the flashes of light still shadowing the corner of his eyes. Myungsoo is beside him this time, to his surprise - he looks even more exhausted than he had back in Malaysia.

“Hey,” he whispers. Myungsoo lifts his gaze, and it makes Sungyeol’s heart slow to meet his friend’s eyes for the first time in twelve hours.

“Hey,” Myungsoo mumbles. Woohyun is already dozing off on Myungsoo’s shoulder, his drool dampening the fabric of Myungsoo’s shirt. Sungyeol reaches forward to shift Woohyun away, but Myungsoo grabs his wrist and shakes his head. “He’s tired, let him be.”

It’s not about that, Sungyeol wants to say, and it irritates him somewhat that Myungsoo always grants the others these concessions - concessions that he will never get with Myungsoo. Maybe Woohyun is flavour of the month, he thinks sourly. But Myungsoo is watching him still, dark eyes soft and lined with exhaustion.

“I heard,” he says, sounding slightly strained. “You want to room with Sungjongie?”

Sungyeol stares at Myungsoo blankly for a moment before remembering his conversation with Dongwoo that morning. “I - well. I just thought you might… want to room with Dongwoo-hyung instead.”

“So you want to room with Sungjong.” Myungsoo’s voice is flat. Sungyeol reaches out, almost instinctively, but Myungsoo moves out of his grasp. “Move your stuff to their room, I’ll have Dongwoo-hyung come over to ours. I don’t care.”

It’s stupid. I don’t want to room with Sungjong, Sungyeol wants to scream. How did it come to this, anyway? He’s never wanted to room with anyone else. All he wants to do is kiss Myungsoo, nip at his shoulder after showers and breathe into his hair when they’re snuggling up in bed. Dammit, dammit, he wants Myungsoo.

He wants…

Oh. Oh.

“I want you,” he breathes, a sort of awe in his voice.

Myungsoo blinks slowly, like he’s not quite sure what he’s just heard. Sungyeol glances at the front of the van, where their staff is yakking away about their schedules - “I don’t want to room with Sungjong,” he says in a lower tone. “I want to room with you.” Woohyun’s head lolls into Myungsoo’s chest, and Sungyeol feels a flash of irritation. He reaches over and smacks the top of Woohyun’s head. “For god’s sake, get off him, hyung.”

Woohyun makes a sleepy sound as he sits up a little, before falling into snores on Myungsoo’s shoulder again. Sungyeol glares at him before he notices that Myungsoo’s shoulders are shaking. Then there it is - Myungsoo is laughing. Sungyeol feels a flutter in his chest, and he can’t help the smile that’s tugging at the corner of his own lips. “…What’s so funny?” he asks, though he’s not very sure he cares. As long as Myungsoo - stoic, serious Myungsoo - is laughing like this -

“You,” Myungsoo says, catching his breath. “You’re funny. You smacked Woohyun-hyung.”

“He was all over you!”

“You smacked him,” Myungsoo repeats, and Sungyeol isn’t sure what the significance is but Myungsoo’s smiling at him for the first time in two days and he’s so delighted that he’s willing to smack Woohyun a few more times if it means Myungsoo will continue to smile like that.

“I want to room with you,” he repeats.

“I know,” Myungsoo says.

It happens so quickly that Sungyeol doesn’t even have time to blink. Myungsoo is on him the moment the door is closed behind them. He’s not sure what to think except oh god yes this is what we’ve been missing when their mouths join in a kiss. Myungsoo has them both locked in an embrace so tight that Sungyeol can barely breathe. Sungyeol doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to this, to the way Myungsoo transforms from his usually reserved self into something much more dangerous without so much as a warning.

It turns him on like nothing else, especially if Myungsoo is the one taking charge the way he is tonight.

“You are ridiculous,” he gasps out, as Myungsoo fists into his shirt, pressing little kisses into the crook of Sungyeol’s neck. He barely stifles a groan as Myungsoo’s mouth moves to his ear, languid licks that push Sungyeol to flip them over so he can ravage his friend’s pretty mouth.

“Shut up,” Myungsoo whispers harshly, his fingers digging into Sungyeol’s shoulders - it stings slightly when his nails scrape at the bite Myungsoo left two nights ago, but Sungyeol can’t bring himself to care. It feels too good to have his best friend pinned under him like this, familiar and warm and too cute for words. Sungyeol doesn’t even want to let Myungsoo talk; he’s too busy kissing that mouth. But Myungsoo punches his arm, laughter catching in his chest - “Sungyeol. You shit.”

The very scent of Myungsoo has Sungyeol’s heart wrapped up in a cocoon of warmth, the flutters spreading from his belly to his toes. He tilts his head downwards to kiss his friend deeper, holds Myungsoo’s head in his hands as he licks Myungsoo’s bottom lip. It’s almost stupid how needy he is right now. It’s pathetic, Sungyeol thinks, and the sight of Myungsoo smiling like this makes him understand just how much he’s missed it directed at him. He doesn’t even notice his own tears until they’re trailing down Myungsoo’s cheek, leaving wet spots on the pillow. A knot works its way into Myungsoo’s eyebrows and he shifts under Sungyeol, but Sungyeol pushes him back down into the bed and buries his head into his friend’s shoulder.

“I don’t want to break up with you,” he says, and his voice is muffled but he knows Myungsoo hears him because his fingers curl into Sungyeol’s.

Myungsoo pokes him gently, and Sungyeol tilts his head slightly to see Myungsoo’s face beside his, eyelashes fluttering as their gazes meet. “…friends don’t break up.”

Sungyeol watches him, takes in the curve of Myungsoo’s lips and mussed up hair and tired eyes and he doesn’t remember ever wanting something - someone - so much that it aches him from the inside and all over. “Good,” he says, his voice hoarser than he knows it to be - “that means we won’t break up. Ever.”

“Okay,” Myungsoo says. And then somewhat sheepishly - “because the past twenty-four hours have been hell.” His eyes soften, expression turning serious as he stares at Sungyeol. “I thought… I thought it was over. Between us.”

Sungyeol lets out a choked laugh. “What? I thought you were mad at me because of what maknae said.”

“I…” Myungsoo pauses, fisting gently into the front of Sungyeol’s shirt as he falters. “I was thinking about it. What he said. About how only couples break up and whatever.” He thumbs away the wetness at the corners of Sungyeol’s eyes and Sungyeol lets out an awkward laugh as he attempts to wipe his own tears off of Myungsoo’s cheeks - “But I guess the more I thought about it, the more I realized it doesn’t matter, you know. This coupley stuff. I don’t really want to hold your hand in public. Though maybe I’d like to go on a date with you.” He stops to think about it. “But I already go on dates with you, anyway.”

“…You do?”

“Yes, like… ice-cream after practice and stuff. And beef barbecue, right? And we went shopping for those shoes of yours.” He looks almost lost in thought now. “Sungjong… said we like to do things backwards.”

It’s nonsense, Sungyeol wants to say. And yet, looking at Myungsoo now, Sungyeol realizes he has no idea how it all started. Or even why. Perhaps he has something of an inkling now, but they had never gone about it the way everyone says it’s supposed to be done. First kiss by the door, flowers for the second date.

With Myungsoo it’s always been backwards.

“I probably already love you,” he says honestly. “So what does it matter?”

Myungsoo is laughing again. Sungyeol feels a prickling of embarrassment heat up his face, but he forgets it as soon as Myungsoo leans forward and kisses him. Slow and quiet. Sungyeol thinks that he almost prefers this to the naughty, dirty things they sometimes get up to. He doesn’t remember ever being kissed like this, gentle and sweet. It’s nice. More than nice. Sungyeol’s eyes flutter shut, fingers brushing across Myungsoo’s cheekbones and threading gently into his hair.

“It doesn't.” He hears the words in between kisses, a sigh caught in Myungsoo’s mouth and his own. “Because I feel the same.”

He wakes up with his face in Myungsoo’s back and he figures that maybe he should ask Myungsoo out properly. It would be the polite thing to do, he thinks groggily. A nice restaurant and a kiss at the doorstep and all of that stuff…

Myungsoo stirs, a sleepy smile curving into the corner of his lips when he sees Sungyeol leaning over him.

“Morning,” he mumbles, and Sungyeol lets his thoughts fade into a blank when Myungsoo pulls him under the covers.

Then again, everything else can wait.