writers_muses (#128 2 A). Lost and Found
"What saves a man is to take a step. Then another step. It is always the same step, but you have to take it." - Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, 'Wind, Sand and Stars'
[Authors note: So earlier today I told elevenwho to write me Jack and Eleven meeting and silly thing that she is she obliged and wrote this lovely story here. It prompted me to want to write the story from Jack's POV, so here it is. I highly recommend you read that wonderful piece before this one.]
The Starburst System was a group of planets on the edge of a nothing galaxy, in a nothing area of space, and a long way from anything that was anywhere. It was the perfect place for Jack to hide.
So he thought.
Starburst Minimus was the smallest of the four planets in the system. Unremarkable, really, but for something of a tourist spot; a rainbow waterfall caused by a refraction in the light and a crack in the o-zone that positioned directly above a range of mountains and a flowing river.
It was nice, and something he might once have spent hours just staring at; marvelling at the wonders of the universe. But not anymore. The universe had lost its shine.
It wasn’t that he wasn’t healing, that time wasn’t numbing the pain of the things he’d done. In fact he was even managing to smile sometimes. Things were looking better, but that said, he was still tired, still old, and trying to find himself a new place in the world.
Everything took time.
It was seven months since he’d met a man in a bar, ushered there by an old friend. Something changed in him that day. It wasn’t something he even truly recognised himself, but it had happened, like the flick of a switch. A realisation that he wasn’t hated, and that he could still live, even if it hurt to do so.
So he was trying to live.
He started to travel again; taking in parts of the universe, and even if right now they affected him little, he hoped that would change. He had hope, and that was something. In fact, it was quite a lot.
--
On his second day on Starburst Minimus, Jack had found a library. Not perhaps the sort of place one might expect to find Captain Jack Harkness, but then there were many things about him that might be surprising (that would never change). He’d always liked books, ever since he was a little boy, and oh, what a long time ago that was. It was a way to escape, and a way to feel. Both things he really wanted to do, more than he could really admit. Though he was getting there.
But the selection of books were what had caught his eye here, because this library in particular had an extensive collection of Earth literature. And so he’d found himself coming here daily. One specific little space; a booth that he’d slide himself into and escape.
It was the last place he ever expected to be found.
But he was.
--
It was three weeks into his stay on the planet and he was again in his same old spot in a booth in the corner. There was a battered copy of ‘Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy’ in his hands. It was a book he’d read countless times. The first time he thought it was some ill written account of a real event. But then he learned a little more about Earth and he realised it was supposed to be fiction.
The library was largely empty, but that didn’t stop someone from coming along and occupying the seat opposite him. Ignore him, Jack thought, he’ll soon go away.
But he didn’t, he just sat there, all tweed jacket and bow tie. Sat there and had the gall to snap his fingers at him and ask him to buy him a drink! That, and he called him Captain. Jack wasn’t in the habit of using that moniker lately, so whoever this man was, he obviously knew something about him.
“This isn’t a bar, and I’m not a Captain,” Jack informed him firmly, pausing for a beat before adding, “And how did you know to call me that?”
The man started rambling. Some sort of throw away reasoning. Oddly familiar in many ways but Jack stopped listening. He wasn’t in the mood. And so he closed his book, sighed, and told him: “Listen, whoever you are, I’m not in the mood to play games.”
Instead of doing what he hoped he would and left, the man in fact did quite the opposite. He started talking again. Started talking, but not before snatching the book from Jack’s hands and passing some sort of throwaway comment to do with saving the world and towels. It was actually quite amusing, but Jack wasn’t about to go and do something like laugh and make that obvious. So he kept his amusement to himself.
"Knew a bloke once, liked this book." The man said as he pushed the book back towards Jack. "He was a captain, after a fashion."
And then Jack stalled.
He stalled because... No. No. Could it? Was it? Was he? And he watched him. He watched his eyes. And he recognised him.
“Doctor?” he asked quietly, with nothing near certainty in his voice.
But it didn’t take long to get his confirmation, delivered with a grin and a finger pointed in his direction. "That's me! Well done, took you less than five minutes. Told Amy it would."
Jack had no idea who Amy was, but he suspected she was someone brilliant. The Doctor, after all, didn’t take on people that were ever less than brilliant. He worried though, it sounded almost like the Doctor expected Jack to be someone he was before, and while he was trying, he wasn’t sure he was quite there yet.
The last person he’d ever want to be a disappointment to would be the Doctor.
And so he found himself brushing it aside with a throw away statement about not being how he used to.
The Doctor stopped smiling and Jack’s chest tightened a little. He worried he’d said something wrong. Since when had he been so nervous? Even inside, if not out.
He was thankful then that the Doctor changed the subject, highlighting that elephant in the room -the fact he’d regenerated-. Jack had questions, of course. He had many questions. But none of them seemed appropriate to ask, or at least not right now, and so he shrugged and acted almost as though he didn’t care. He didn’t know how it had happened, of course, but he suspected it was something terrible.
He glanced his eyes down then, looking at the frayed edge on the cover of the book he’d been reading, but out the corner of his eye he could see the Doctor prop his elbows on the desk in front.
“I’m sorry,” the Doctor said, and it sounded genuine. More genuine than ever, really. He lifted his head again, focussing his gaze on the Doctor, trying not to look so surprised and so very confused.
“For what?” he asked. What could the Doctor possibly have to apologise to him for. It wasn’t him that had... well, done everything he’d done. If anything he’d expected the Doctor hated him for it. A belief that had remained until he saw the Doctor across a crowded bar.
“All of it.”
The response was even more unexpected than the initial statement. Just three words, but three words that meant so much. All of it. In Jack’s life, there was a lot of all. And there were things; some things recent and some a long time ago. Things that Jack had never had an apology for, things he never expected he would. Many things he never expected he should.
He watched the Doctor as the Doctor watched him, and he wondered what he was thinking. Did he find him a disappointment? Was he sorry for that? That he’d put effort into him once and he’d still turned out this way?
But then if that were the case, he wouldn’t be here, would he?
And almost to his surprise, Jack found himself wanting to do something. He found himself with a goal; to prove to the Doctor he could still be Captain Jack Harkness. His time hadn’t been wasted. His effort wasn’t for nothing. Jack was still there.
He cleared his throat and sat himself up a little straighter. "So, Doctor. Going to introduce me to your cheeky friend Amy, or are you just going to make eyes at me all night?"
Looking over, he watched the Doctor grin again, and that was good to see. He watched him stand and clasp his hands together. “Can’t we do both?”
Casting his eyes up to him, he stood himself, and he was smiling, not too much, but amused at what if he didn’t know better he might even call flirting. “You sure you’re the Doctor?” he asked, eyebrows raised and lip quirked.
“Positive,” the Doctor replied emphatically, a rather pleased looking smile on his face.
“Right then,” Jack nodded and smoothed down his coat.
“Best not keep this Amy of yours waiting.”
Sometimes, you could be found in the most surprising of places.
Word count: 1473
[Authors note: So earlier today I told elevenwho to write me Jack and Eleven meeting and silly thing that she is she obliged and wrote this lovely story here. It prompted me to want to write the story from Jack's POV, so here it is. I highly recommend you read that wonderful piece before this one.]
The Starburst System was a group of planets on the edge of a nothing galaxy, in a nothing area of space, and a long way from anything that was anywhere. It was the perfect place for Jack to hide.
So he thought.
Starburst Minimus was the smallest of the four planets in the system. Unremarkable, really, but for something of a tourist spot; a rainbow waterfall caused by a refraction in the light and a crack in the o-zone that positioned directly above a range of mountains and a flowing river.
It was nice, and something he might once have spent hours just staring at; marvelling at the wonders of the universe. But not anymore. The universe had lost its shine.
It wasn’t that he wasn’t healing, that time wasn’t numbing the pain of the things he’d done. In fact he was even managing to smile sometimes. Things were looking better, but that said, he was still tired, still old, and trying to find himself a new place in the world.
Everything took time.
It was seven months since he’d met a man in a bar, ushered there by an old friend. Something changed in him that day. It wasn’t something he even truly recognised himself, but it had happened, like the flick of a switch. A realisation that he wasn’t hated, and that he could still live, even if it hurt to do so.
So he was trying to live.
He started to travel again; taking in parts of the universe, and even if right now they affected him little, he hoped that would change. He had hope, and that was something. In fact, it was quite a lot.
--
On his second day on Starburst Minimus, Jack had found a library. Not perhaps the sort of place one might expect to find Captain Jack Harkness, but then there were many things about him that might be surprising (that would never change). He’d always liked books, ever since he was a little boy, and oh, what a long time ago that was. It was a way to escape, and a way to feel. Both things he really wanted to do, more than he could really admit. Though he was getting there.
But the selection of books were what had caught his eye here, because this library in particular had an extensive collection of Earth literature. And so he’d found himself coming here daily. One specific little space; a booth that he’d slide himself into and escape.
It was the last place he ever expected to be found.
But he was.
--
It was three weeks into his stay on the planet and he was again in his same old spot in a booth in the corner. There was a battered copy of ‘Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy’ in his hands. It was a book he’d read countless times. The first time he thought it was some ill written account of a real event. But then he learned a little more about Earth and he realised it was supposed to be fiction.
The library was largely empty, but that didn’t stop someone from coming along and occupying the seat opposite him. Ignore him, Jack thought, he’ll soon go away.
But he didn’t, he just sat there, all tweed jacket and bow tie. Sat there and had the gall to snap his fingers at him and ask him to buy him a drink! That, and he called him Captain. Jack wasn’t in the habit of using that moniker lately, so whoever this man was, he obviously knew something about him.
“This isn’t a bar, and I’m not a Captain,” Jack informed him firmly, pausing for a beat before adding, “And how did you know to call me that?”
The man started rambling. Some sort of throw away reasoning. Oddly familiar in many ways but Jack stopped listening. He wasn’t in the mood. And so he closed his book, sighed, and told him: “Listen, whoever you are, I’m not in the mood to play games.”
Instead of doing what he hoped he would and left, the man in fact did quite the opposite. He started talking again. Started talking, but not before snatching the book from Jack’s hands and passing some sort of throwaway comment to do with saving the world and towels. It was actually quite amusing, but Jack wasn’t about to go and do something like laugh and make that obvious. So he kept his amusement to himself.
"Knew a bloke once, liked this book." The man said as he pushed the book back towards Jack. "He was a captain, after a fashion."
And then Jack stalled.
He stalled because... No. No. Could it? Was it? Was he? And he watched him. He watched his eyes. And he recognised him.
“Doctor?” he asked quietly, with nothing near certainty in his voice.
But it didn’t take long to get his confirmation, delivered with a grin and a finger pointed in his direction. "That's me! Well done, took you less than five minutes. Told Amy it would."
Jack had no idea who Amy was, but he suspected she was someone brilliant. The Doctor, after all, didn’t take on people that were ever less than brilliant. He worried though, it sounded almost like the Doctor expected Jack to be someone he was before, and while he was trying, he wasn’t sure he was quite there yet.
The last person he’d ever want to be a disappointment to would be the Doctor.
And so he found himself brushing it aside with a throw away statement about not being how he used to.
The Doctor stopped smiling and Jack’s chest tightened a little. He worried he’d said something wrong. Since when had he been so nervous? Even inside, if not out.
He was thankful then that the Doctor changed the subject, highlighting that elephant in the room -the fact he’d regenerated-. Jack had questions, of course. He had many questions. But none of them seemed appropriate to ask, or at least not right now, and so he shrugged and acted almost as though he didn’t care. He didn’t know how it had happened, of course, but he suspected it was something terrible.
He glanced his eyes down then, looking at the frayed edge on the cover of the book he’d been reading, but out the corner of his eye he could see the Doctor prop his elbows on the desk in front.
“I’m sorry,” the Doctor said, and it sounded genuine. More genuine than ever, really. He lifted his head again, focussing his gaze on the Doctor, trying not to look so surprised and so very confused.
“For what?” he asked. What could the Doctor possibly have to apologise to him for. It wasn’t him that had... well, done everything he’d done. If anything he’d expected the Doctor hated him for it. A belief that had remained until he saw the Doctor across a crowded bar.
“All of it.”
The response was even more unexpected than the initial statement. Just three words, but three words that meant so much. All of it. In Jack’s life, there was a lot of all. And there were things; some things recent and some a long time ago. Things that Jack had never had an apology for, things he never expected he would. Many things he never expected he should.
He watched the Doctor as the Doctor watched him, and he wondered what he was thinking. Did he find him a disappointment? Was he sorry for that? That he’d put effort into him once and he’d still turned out this way?
But then if that were the case, he wouldn’t be here, would he?
And almost to his surprise, Jack found himself wanting to do something. He found himself with a goal; to prove to the Doctor he could still be Captain Jack Harkness. His time hadn’t been wasted. His effort wasn’t for nothing. Jack was still there.
He cleared his throat and sat himself up a little straighter. "So, Doctor. Going to introduce me to your cheeky friend Amy, or are you just going to make eyes at me all night?"
Looking over, he watched the Doctor grin again, and that was good to see. He watched him stand and clasp his hands together. “Can’t we do both?”
Casting his eyes up to him, he stood himself, and he was smiling, not too much, but amused at what if he didn’t know better he might even call flirting. “You sure you’re the Doctor?” he asked, eyebrows raised and lip quirked.
“Positive,” the Doctor replied emphatically, a rather pleased looking smile on his face.
“Right then,” Jack nodded and smoothed down his coat.
“Best not keep this Amy of yours waiting.”
Sometimes, you could be found in the most surprising of places.
Word count: 1473