Happy Birthday Mr. Fred Weasley and Mr. George Weasley
Forge On!
What can one say about the Weasley Twins? They are always up for a little fun. However, sometimes that fun can have lasting consequences. Like accidental matchmaking with Hermione and Severus. Then again, when your birthday is April Fool's Day, you learn not to take life too seriously.
Happy April Fool's Day!
Key Lime Truffles to morethansirius for whipping this quiz together in no time flat!
Match the quote to the appropriate story title.
Laced Eggnog by southernwitch69
A Potionful of Trouble by TempestofDreams
With a Little Drop of Poison by Danu
Unforgettable by looneyluna
De Minimis by Shiv5468
Valentine's Eyes by SS Lupin
Chocolate Enchantment by Vivian B (WIP)
Holiday Hijinks May Be Hazardous to your Health by wolf_moonshadow
The Self Writing Parchment by BeaWeasley2 (WIP)
Daydreaming by teshara (WIP)
Obsession by alicat (WIP)
Cupid's Arrow by vanityfair00
The Sexual Exploits of Hermione Granger by froggy
1. “Oooh, look George,” said - presumably, although you could never be certain - Fred. “It’s Mrs Snape.”
“So it is. So it is.”
Alternatively, she could hex first and ask questions later. Sod it, the Hat had never suggested she should be in Slytherin; she would leave sneaky tactics to others. She removed her wand from her sleeve and started tapping it meaningfully on her palm.
Fred - or George - eyed her warily, and then very foolishly began to snigger. “I’m sorry, Hermione, but we didn’t know that Snape had the hots for you, or we’d never have put the potion into the punch.”
George - or Fred - added, “We did come to your rescue as soon as we worked out what was going on.”
“That, boys, is precisely the problem; or at least one of the problems.”
Both boys were beginning to look a little worried. The scene they had envisaged playing out this morning - Hermione annoyed at being molested fading into a good laugh at Snape’s expense - was vanishing rapidly. She wasn’t grateful at being rescued, which was frightening enough in its own right, but there was another problem?
“You see, when you made that potion, you seem to have made a mistake. There were side effects.”
2. “She looks very peaceful for someone who broke a person’s heart,” Fred noted.
“Indeed. But that’ll change, won’t it, brother?”
“Oh yes, that will most definitely change,” said Fred as he drew back Harry’s invisibility cloak and placed the water pitcher and glass down on the nearby table. “We should also remember to thank Harry for the lend of his cloak and the map.”
“We should, but then he doesn’t know we borrowed them, does he?”
“True. Where are Harry and Ron?”
George looked at the Marauder’s Map. “It would seem that Ron, Harry, and Ginny are outside on the Quidditch pitch.”
“Maybe we should go out and cheer him up.”
“Indeed. After all, what are brothers for?”
“Exactly. Look alive, Gred, she’s starting to wake up.” Fred and George quickly scooted under the protection of Harry’s invisibility cloak and proceeded to walk out of the library. Smiling to one another, they watched the map and noted as the dot named Hermione moved a little before once again going very still.
“Well, that takes care of that,” Fred said with a smile. “Now, we just need to direct Ron down here before she wakes up.”
3. “Are we in it, or are we in it?” George waved the pink invitation in front of his brother’s face.
Fred snatched the card from George’s hand and read it over again. “Could I just think about this for a second?"
George took the card back and hid it behind his back. As Fred tried to grab it from him, George said, “It will be right fun, it will!” He used his other arm to wrestle Fred down to the floor.
“I never said it wouldn’t,” Fred gasped as he flipped George over and stood over him. “It’s just that the antidote won’t be ready for another week or so-”
“It was your plan from the start- you executed the first step before you even told me what it was that you were doing!” George pretended to get up and grabbed Fred’s foot instead.
Fred shook off George’s attack and sat on a chair. Their chair. The whole Weasley's Wizard Wheezes Shop and the flat above it were theirs. The Hogsmeade branch of the company, formerly known as Zonko's Joke Shop, was being renovated as a shop and manufacturing centre. It would be a great risk to what they had to carry on with the plan…and yet…Fred placed his head in his hands.
“You’re right- I’m just nervous, that’s all,” said Fred as George went over to him and placed his hand on Fred’s shoulder. That was precisely what he needed.
4. “So, what has brought you here this evening?” Albus lifted the cup to his lips and blew across the top.
“I, dash it all.” Severus set the cup back on the edge of the desk before he followed the urge to throw it into the fire and stood, striding over to the window. He turned back to face his mentor and gripped his hands together behind him. “Perhaps you have heard of the Weasley twins’ true love chocolates? I believe they are a relatively new addition to their stores.”
When Albus nodded that he knew of them, Severus launched into a full account of what had happened between himself and Hermione the previous evening, the letter she had gotten that morning and the research he had done on it during the day. He left off the bit about the snog session he and Hermione had enjoyed, though he didn’t doubt the Headmaster understood enough to know that a line had been crossed there. Whether he spelled out their activities or not would depend on the Headmaster’s response to what he now knew.
The silence lengthened between them for some time as they looked at one another. Albus stood and walked over to a silver Muggle perpetual-motion toy, started the balls rocking, then watched it until it slowed nearly to a stop. Severus had seen this behavior before and knew it meant the Headmaster was considering his response.
“You don’t have to say anything, and I already feel like a chastened student. This is beginning to feel entirely too familiar, me coming into your office to admit I have found myself in an untenable situation. I know you won’t like this revelation any more than the one of last summer.” Severus found his voice dropping off at the end, ashamed, despite his lack of control this time. Almost more ashamed because he would repeat his evening’s activities again and hoped to do so very soon. He touched the tip of his tongue to his lips in memory and could swear he still tasted Hermione on them.
“Oh, you are wrong there. I find this one much less disturbing than the previous discussion.” Dumbledore looked over his shoulder and smiled slightly, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “You finding your soul mate is considerably less disquieting to me than my impending death, even if the circumstances of the match are far from ideal.”
5. The door to the shop burst open, and Severus thought for a few seconds that he was seeing double. He shook his head before realizing it was the once-bane of his existence (second only to Potter), the Weasley twins. They dived pell-mell into a display of ingredients, presumably for one of those highly annoying ridiculous items they were always experimenting with.
"I think we need-"
"-definitely one of those-"
"-and some of-"
"-the red ones, for sure-"
"-right, and let's try mixing this one and the one over there-"
"-exactly."
The twins looked at each other, apparently in complete accord. Severus had absolutely no idea what they had just communicated to each other, but he did know that the two ingredients they were holding together had been separated by the length of the table for a very good reason.
"Mr. Weasley. Both of you. I suggest you pay close attention to the ingredients you are holding. While it is no concern of mine what you do with them when you get back to your shop, it is because of me that Mr. Jigger is in the back room, so I do feel somewhat compelled to point out that they need to be kept separate unless you want…" He trailed off as the twins grinned at each other. Perhaps bringing it to their attention was a poor decision.
"Unless we want what?" one of them - Fred - asked.
He made certain his sneer was in place before responding. "Unless you want to see how creative I can still be with detention. I assure you, despite the fact that you are no longer students and I am no longer a teacher, I will find a way to ensure that you serve one."
6. “I don’t know if the potion will even work, seeing as it was so diluted,” George mumbled, squinting into the dark.
Fred huffed, trying to get comfortable. “I saw an opportunity and took it. You do realize the potion is illegal. It’s not like we are going to be able to market it, much less make any money off it.”
“I know,” George said and chuckled. “But think of the fun we’re having. Wouldn’t it be a hoot if Dumbledore winds up under the potion’s effect? I’d like to see who he winds up with.”
“Well, if his intended doesn’t get an adequate dose, we’ll never find out.” Fred shifted the leaves of the bush again and moved to sit up. “I bet Ginny and Harry wind up together.”
George frowned. “I hadn’t thought about that one. I don’t think I like the idea of the Boy-Who-Defeated-Voldemort having his way with our little sister.”
“You should have thought of that before you gave me the go-ahead to spike the wretched punch,” Fred responded defensively.
Growing more agitated, George shifted behind the bush and looked up at the stars. “Maybe it didn’t work.”
“It was still a brilliant plan,” Fred said in a comforting tone. “Couldn’t you just imagine who would wind up with whom?”
George sighed wistfully. “It’s a given that Ron would go after Luna,” he conjectured.
Fred shivered. “What about Hermione? Who do you think she would fancy?”
“Not a who,” George replied. “A what. As in what book would she fancy? Do you think she might fancy a goblin? She’s around them all day at work.”
“You’re just sore because she turned you down,” Fred teased.
7. The way it worked was quite ingenious actually. You dipped your quill in the ink and used it as per usual. When the slow release started to go off after a period of time. You would start to get your inkling. It would be a subtle change so you wouldn’t notice. You would just start feeling like you should be doing something. Combine the unnoticed urge, with the fact that you’re breathing in all those Pheromones at the same time. Of which more are being released as time goes on and there you have it, Inkling ink.
The twins figured they’d be doing the greasy bat a bit of a favour; it wasn’t as if he could actually attract a witch with his winning personality.
To say Severus hadn’t seen it as a favour was to say the least. The only reason he had been enlightened at all was due to those idiot boys finding Hermione was the one working with him and had blanched in horror at their realisation. They had then torn out of Arthur’s office like sparks from a wand, to try and prevent them from using their custom made ink.
Suffice to say things hadn’t turned out to well for Fred and George.
8. Fred was still trying to think of what to say to that, when George started laughing uproariously.
“Well, I’ll be a Kneazle’s kitten,” George said through his laughter. “I do believe that we have been out-pranked. If I had a hat, I’d take it off to you.”
Half an hour later, all the details about what Fred and George would remove from their jokes, and what information they would give St Mungo’s, had all been sorted out to everyone’s satisfaction. Snape had eventually given them the antidote to the Voodoo Brew, and Fred looked forward to simply leaving the shop for the day and having a restful evening.
There was one more shock yet remaining to him and his twin, though. As Snape and Hermione started to walk out of their shop, hand-in-hand, Hermione turned around and smiled at them.
“Please do be sure to tell your mum that for her Christmas feast this year, I will be bringing a date.” Hermione gave Snape’s hand a tight squeeze as she spoke.
Fred felt slightly ill.
“Oh, and I suppose that we owe you our thanks as well.” Her smile had now turned into a wicked grin. “After all, it was because of you and your jokes that we discovered each other.”
9. “I don’t think…,” she started. She really didn’t know how to tell him that she had accepted a job working for the Weasley twins.
He quirked his eyebrow at her, melting the irritation that had built over the last two hours, resulting in her having to have her nose charmed back on and him lying in a hospital bed.
“I don’t think we should work together anymore,” she said quickly. His mouth turned slightly upwards in what Hermione suspected was a suppressed smile before his expression turned sour.
“Please, I’m too tired to handle your melodrama right now,” he said.
She forced a smile. Taking his hand in hers, she sat in the chair next to his bed.
“I’m not being melodramatic,” she said. “I’m being serious.”
Explaining her position carefully, it went almost exactly like she had planned, (having written an outline and practiced several times throughout the week.) Today only solidified her argument.
For one moment she wondered if she was doing the right thing. He looked so distressed at her words, but then she reminded herself and him that it was better this way. This way they were free to pursue their relationship outside of class. He begrudgingly agreed, and she promised to make it up to him.
“I’ll let you try my new potions before they hit the shelves,” she promised with a sly grin.
“If you even try and slip me one of those Weasley products you’re going to lose more than your nose,” he threatened.
Her smile widened. She felt as if a weight had been lifted from her chest. No longer hindered by their unequal relationship of apprentice and master, they could focus on getting to know each other better. It made her happy and a little nervous.
10. He simply smirked and brought the glass to his lips. “Ah, it’s very good. If you must know, the only eggnog that I’ve come to like is any eggnog that the Weasley twins have had a hand in making. They spice it up nicely,” he said with a small smile. He looked down the length of her body and then met her gaze, his eyes suddenly narrowed. “You’re standing just a little too close to me, Hermione. You wouldn’t want any of your friends to think there is something between us.”
“But there is something between us.” Her eyes lowered as she filled a glass with punch for herself.
“Indeed there is, but you were quite adamant about not letting anyone-aside from Minerva-know about it,” he said, bitterness etching his voice. “Which is perfectly fine with me.”
What can one say about the Weasley Twins? They are always up for a little fun. However, sometimes that fun can have lasting consequences. Like accidental matchmaking with Hermione and Severus. Then again, when your birthday is April Fool's Day, you learn not to take life too seriously.
Happy April Fool's Day!
Key Lime Truffles to morethansirius for whipping this quiz together in no time flat!
Match the quote to the appropriate story title.
Laced Eggnog by southernwitch69
A Potionful of Trouble by TempestofDreams
With a Little Drop of Poison by Danu
Unforgettable by looneyluna
De Minimis by Shiv5468
Valentine's Eyes by SS Lupin
Chocolate Enchantment by Vivian B (WIP)
Holiday Hijinks May Be Hazardous to your Health by wolf_moonshadow
The Self Writing Parchment by BeaWeasley2 (WIP)
Daydreaming by teshara (WIP)
Obsession by alicat (WIP)
Cupid's Arrow by vanityfair00
The Sexual Exploits of Hermione Granger by froggy
1. “Oooh, look George,” said - presumably, although you could never be certain - Fred. “It’s Mrs Snape.”
“So it is. So it is.”
Alternatively, she could hex first and ask questions later. Sod it, the Hat had never suggested she should be in Slytherin; she would leave sneaky tactics to others. She removed her wand from her sleeve and started tapping it meaningfully on her palm.
Fred - or George - eyed her warily, and then very foolishly began to snigger. “I’m sorry, Hermione, but we didn’t know that Snape had the hots for you, or we’d never have put the potion into the punch.”
George - or Fred - added, “We did come to your rescue as soon as we worked out what was going on.”
“That, boys, is precisely the problem; or at least one of the problems.”
Both boys were beginning to look a little worried. The scene they had envisaged playing out this morning - Hermione annoyed at being molested fading into a good laugh at Snape’s expense - was vanishing rapidly. She wasn’t grateful at being rescued, which was frightening enough in its own right, but there was another problem?
“You see, when you made that potion, you seem to have made a mistake. There were side effects.”
2. “She looks very peaceful for someone who broke a person’s heart,” Fred noted.
“Indeed. But that’ll change, won’t it, brother?”
“Oh yes, that will most definitely change,” said Fred as he drew back Harry’s invisibility cloak and placed the water pitcher and glass down on the nearby table. “We should also remember to thank Harry for the lend of his cloak and the map.”
“We should, but then he doesn’t know we borrowed them, does he?”
“True. Where are Harry and Ron?”
George looked at the Marauder’s Map. “It would seem that Ron, Harry, and Ginny are outside on the Quidditch pitch.”
“Maybe we should go out and cheer him up.”
“Indeed. After all, what are brothers for?”
“Exactly. Look alive, Gred, she’s starting to wake up.” Fred and George quickly scooted under the protection of Harry’s invisibility cloak and proceeded to walk out of the library. Smiling to one another, they watched the map and noted as the dot named Hermione moved a little before once again going very still.
“Well, that takes care of that,” Fred said with a smile. “Now, we just need to direct Ron down here before she wakes up.”
3. “Are we in it, or are we in it?” George waved the pink invitation in front of his brother’s face.
Fred snatched the card from George’s hand and read it over again. “Could I just think about this for a second?"
George took the card back and hid it behind his back. As Fred tried to grab it from him, George said, “It will be right fun, it will!” He used his other arm to wrestle Fred down to the floor.
“I never said it wouldn’t,” Fred gasped as he flipped George over and stood over him. “It’s just that the antidote won’t be ready for another week or so-”
“It was your plan from the start- you executed the first step before you even told me what it was that you were doing!” George pretended to get up and grabbed Fred’s foot instead.
Fred shook off George’s attack and sat on a chair. Their chair. The whole Weasley's Wizard Wheezes Shop and the flat above it were theirs. The Hogsmeade branch of the company, formerly known as Zonko's Joke Shop, was being renovated as a shop and manufacturing centre. It would be a great risk to what they had to carry on with the plan…and yet…Fred placed his head in his hands.
“You’re right- I’m just nervous, that’s all,” said Fred as George went over to him and placed his hand on Fred’s shoulder. That was precisely what he needed.
4. “So, what has brought you here this evening?” Albus lifted the cup to his lips and blew across the top.
“I, dash it all.” Severus set the cup back on the edge of the desk before he followed the urge to throw it into the fire and stood, striding over to the window. He turned back to face his mentor and gripped his hands together behind him. “Perhaps you have heard of the Weasley twins’ true love chocolates? I believe they are a relatively new addition to their stores.”
When Albus nodded that he knew of them, Severus launched into a full account of what had happened between himself and Hermione the previous evening, the letter she had gotten that morning and the research he had done on it during the day. He left off the bit about the snog session he and Hermione had enjoyed, though he didn’t doubt the Headmaster understood enough to know that a line had been crossed there. Whether he spelled out their activities or not would depend on the Headmaster’s response to what he now knew.
The silence lengthened between them for some time as they looked at one another. Albus stood and walked over to a silver Muggle perpetual-motion toy, started the balls rocking, then watched it until it slowed nearly to a stop. Severus had seen this behavior before and knew it meant the Headmaster was considering his response.
“You don’t have to say anything, and I already feel like a chastened student. This is beginning to feel entirely too familiar, me coming into your office to admit I have found myself in an untenable situation. I know you won’t like this revelation any more than the one of last summer.” Severus found his voice dropping off at the end, ashamed, despite his lack of control this time. Almost more ashamed because he would repeat his evening’s activities again and hoped to do so very soon. He touched the tip of his tongue to his lips in memory and could swear he still tasted Hermione on them.
“Oh, you are wrong there. I find this one much less disturbing than the previous discussion.” Dumbledore looked over his shoulder and smiled slightly, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “You finding your soul mate is considerably less disquieting to me than my impending death, even if the circumstances of the match are far from ideal.”
5. The door to the shop burst open, and Severus thought for a few seconds that he was seeing double. He shook his head before realizing it was the once-bane of his existence (second only to Potter), the Weasley twins. They dived pell-mell into a display of ingredients, presumably for one of those highly annoying ridiculous items they were always experimenting with.
"I think we need-"
"-definitely one of those-"
"-and some of-"
"-the red ones, for sure-"
"-right, and let's try mixing this one and the one over there-"
"-exactly."
The twins looked at each other, apparently in complete accord. Severus had absolutely no idea what they had just communicated to each other, but he did know that the two ingredients they were holding together had been separated by the length of the table for a very good reason.
"Mr. Weasley. Both of you. I suggest you pay close attention to the ingredients you are holding. While it is no concern of mine what you do with them when you get back to your shop, it is because of me that Mr. Jigger is in the back room, so I do feel somewhat compelled to point out that they need to be kept separate unless you want…" He trailed off as the twins grinned at each other. Perhaps bringing it to their attention was a poor decision.
"Unless we want what?" one of them - Fred - asked.
He made certain his sneer was in place before responding. "Unless you want to see how creative I can still be with detention. I assure you, despite the fact that you are no longer students and I am no longer a teacher, I will find a way to ensure that you serve one."
6. “I don’t know if the potion will even work, seeing as it was so diluted,” George mumbled, squinting into the dark.
Fred huffed, trying to get comfortable. “I saw an opportunity and took it. You do realize the potion is illegal. It’s not like we are going to be able to market it, much less make any money off it.”
“I know,” George said and chuckled. “But think of the fun we’re having. Wouldn’t it be a hoot if Dumbledore winds up under the potion’s effect? I’d like to see who he winds up with.”
“Well, if his intended doesn’t get an adequate dose, we’ll never find out.” Fred shifted the leaves of the bush again and moved to sit up. “I bet Ginny and Harry wind up together.”
George frowned. “I hadn’t thought about that one. I don’t think I like the idea of the Boy-Who-Defeated-Voldemort having his way with our little sister.”
“You should have thought of that before you gave me the go-ahead to spike the wretched punch,” Fred responded defensively.
Growing more agitated, George shifted behind the bush and looked up at the stars. “Maybe it didn’t work.”
“It was still a brilliant plan,” Fred said in a comforting tone. “Couldn’t you just imagine who would wind up with whom?”
George sighed wistfully. “It’s a given that Ron would go after Luna,” he conjectured.
Fred shivered. “What about Hermione? Who do you think she would fancy?”
“Not a who,” George replied. “A what. As in what book would she fancy? Do you think she might fancy a goblin? She’s around them all day at work.”
“You’re just sore because she turned you down,” Fred teased.
7. The way it worked was quite ingenious actually. You dipped your quill in the ink and used it as per usual. When the slow release started to go off after a period of time. You would start to get your inkling. It would be a subtle change so you wouldn’t notice. You would just start feeling like you should be doing something. Combine the unnoticed urge, with the fact that you’re breathing in all those Pheromones at the same time. Of which more are being released as time goes on and there you have it, Inkling ink.
The twins figured they’d be doing the greasy bat a bit of a favour; it wasn’t as if he could actually attract a witch with his winning personality.
To say Severus hadn’t seen it as a favour was to say the least. The only reason he had been enlightened at all was due to those idiot boys finding Hermione was the one working with him and had blanched in horror at their realisation. They had then torn out of Arthur’s office like sparks from a wand, to try and prevent them from using their custom made ink.
Suffice to say things hadn’t turned out to well for Fred and George.
8. Fred was still trying to think of what to say to that, when George started laughing uproariously.
“Well, I’ll be a Kneazle’s kitten,” George said through his laughter. “I do believe that we have been out-pranked. If I had a hat, I’d take it off to you.”
Half an hour later, all the details about what Fred and George would remove from their jokes, and what information they would give St Mungo’s, had all been sorted out to everyone’s satisfaction. Snape had eventually given them the antidote to the Voodoo Brew, and Fred looked forward to simply leaving the shop for the day and having a restful evening.
There was one more shock yet remaining to him and his twin, though. As Snape and Hermione started to walk out of their shop, hand-in-hand, Hermione turned around and smiled at them.
“Please do be sure to tell your mum that for her Christmas feast this year, I will be bringing a date.” Hermione gave Snape’s hand a tight squeeze as she spoke.
Fred felt slightly ill.
“Oh, and I suppose that we owe you our thanks as well.” Her smile had now turned into a wicked grin. “After all, it was because of you and your jokes that we discovered each other.”
9. “I don’t think…,” she started. She really didn’t know how to tell him that she had accepted a job working for the Weasley twins.
He quirked his eyebrow at her, melting the irritation that had built over the last two hours, resulting in her having to have her nose charmed back on and him lying in a hospital bed.
“I don’t think we should work together anymore,” she said quickly. His mouth turned slightly upwards in what Hermione suspected was a suppressed smile before his expression turned sour.
“Please, I’m too tired to handle your melodrama right now,” he said.
She forced a smile. Taking his hand in hers, she sat in the chair next to his bed.
“I’m not being melodramatic,” she said. “I’m being serious.”
Explaining her position carefully, it went almost exactly like she had planned, (having written an outline and practiced several times throughout the week.) Today only solidified her argument.
For one moment she wondered if she was doing the right thing. He looked so distressed at her words, but then she reminded herself and him that it was better this way. This way they were free to pursue their relationship outside of class. He begrudgingly agreed, and she promised to make it up to him.
“I’ll let you try my new potions before they hit the shelves,” she promised with a sly grin.
“If you even try and slip me one of those Weasley products you’re going to lose more than your nose,” he threatened.
Her smile widened. She felt as if a weight had been lifted from her chest. No longer hindered by their unequal relationship of apprentice and master, they could focus on getting to know each other better. It made her happy and a little nervous.
10. He simply smirked and brought the glass to his lips. “Ah, it’s very good. If you must know, the only eggnog that I’ve come to like is any eggnog that the Weasley twins have had a hand in making. They spice it up nicely,” he said with a small smile. He looked down the length of her body and then met her gaze, his eyes suddenly narrowed. “You’re standing just a little too close to me, Hermione. You wouldn’t want any of your friends to think there is something between us.”
“But there is something between us.” Her eyes lowered as she filled a glass with punch for herself.
“Indeed there is, but you were quite adamant about not letting anyone-aside from Minerva-know about it,” he said, bitterness etching his voice. “Which is perfectly fine with me.”