Look who is getting married!
I Love To Cry at Weddings...
I love to cry at weddings...
Anybody's wedding
Any time, anywhere, anyplace.
It's June! So who's getting married? Is it Severus and Hermione or are they just guests? Is it the social event of the year or a quiet elopement? Is everybody happy or does someone have an objection? I hope your social calendar is clear because now you have a whole bunch of weddings to attend. Don't forget to congratulate the groom and kiss the bride!
Who's the social butterfly flitting from event to event?
The fangirl who posts the highest score first will get to choose the next quiz.
Match the quote to the story title:
Return to Me by ginny_weasley31
With Friends Like This... by pigwidgeon37
Speak Now Or Forever Hold Your Peace by septentrion1970
The Rumor by alexa83
Damn! We missed the Reception! by snarkywench_64
Speak Now by elise_wanderer
Severus Snape and the Wedding of the Century by lyras
Wedding Bells by chivalric
The Futility of Reason by _vocalion_
R.S.V.P. by Scattered Raven aka scatteredlogic and whitemunin
The Fairy God-Jarvey’s Apprentice by dracontia aka reginafletcher
Across the Anvil by subvers
The Grand Statement by katmd
I Always Wondered If You Would by miss
1. The voice at the front of the gathering was continuing to drone on, with words Severus could not translate into meaningful speech. This was a purely wizarding ceremony, no Muggle elements included at all. There would be no enjoinment to “speak now, or forever hold your peace,” no reminder of the existence of a point of no return. He was glad of it. Physical courage was one thing. Emotional courage was quite another. He would never speak. He would hold his peace forever.
Yet her face remained the only thing he could see, and the clarity of his vision made him feel that he had never seen anything clearly before in his life. Every detail of her face, every particle of her being was crystallized into his perception. He could not touch her from where he sat, and yet he could touch nothing else. Hermione. It was a dull ache behind his heart. It was a melancholy that went deeper in a flash than any he had ever felt before.
He wanted her, and he could never have her.
And as he sat staring at her face, her gaze lifted. She began to turn her head fully toward him, with agonizing slowness, and this time he could not look away. The instant in which her eyes met his, everything around him dissolved into smoke. Her lips parted. She had simply turned her head to look at him, but it was as though she had been running toward him at breakneck speed and then suddenly stopped just in front of him, eyes locked on his, panting hard from the exertion.
He felt the burn of unshed tears.
Between them, in the still afternoon sun, hung a single word:
“Wait.”
2.‘May I help you, sir?’ Joe inquired deferentially.
‘I am here for the Granger wedding,’ the man replied.
‘Of course, sir,’ Joe said, slightly nervous of the silky, threatening voice. ‘Do you have a reservation?’
The sneering stranger stared into Joe’s eyes for a long moment, and then replied in a voice of ice, ‘I am the groom. Where are the wedding party now?’
Joe blanched. It was his job to be particularly helpful to the bride and groom! ‘Most of them are in their rooms, sir, dressing for high tea in the Grand Salon at four o’clock,’ he said.
‘Excellent,’ the self-proclaimed groom responded smoothly, placing a sack of Galleons on the polished oak counter. ‘May I have the key to the bride’s room, please?’
Joe forced himself to keep his eyes away from the sack of gold coins-a cool hundred, he reckoned-a week’s pay!
The groom’s icy expression melted into that of a sheepish man; he leant forward and added in a conspiratorial tone, ‘I was out too late last night, and she’s … not happy with me.’
Joe, a married man of many years standing, nodded sympathetically-his missus was not best pleased if he stayed down the pub with the lads for too long, either!
The dark man produced a piece of parchment from his inner pocket-no, it was a black velvet jeweller’s box. Joe blinked. How could he have mistaken white parchment for a black box?
A slender white finger popped the box open, displaying the red satin lining, embossed with ‘Grundell and Ridges Jewellers’, and the dazzling emerald pendant nestled within. ‘I’ve brought a small gift for her,’ the stranger said.
Joe grinned conspiratorially. ‘Ach, sir, she’ll like that!’ he said, slipping the requested room key to the wizard in black, scruples eased by the predicament of a fellow sufferer of the unreasonable wrath of women.
3. 1 July 1999
Ms. Hermione Jane Granger-Snape has done it yet again. The young witch, only nineteen years of age, has again married Hogwarts’ Potions Professor, Severus Snape earlier today. You may remember that this young wanton of a woman was engaged to be wed to Mr. Ronald B. Weasley back in March of this year. As the Daily Prophet reported at that time, that wedding was called off as a result of extenuating circumstances. It was yours truly that uncovered the true nature of this cover-up. The marriage had been postponed to allow for tests to determine the paternity of the pregnancy that the young scarlet woman was attempting to cover-up.
If the girl previously had not proven herself to be a two-timing harlot, then this was certainly the eye-opener that was needed for young Mr. Weasley. It is nearly enough to make the witches of our world pity the Potions master, Professor Snape, for having to marry the wench in order to give his child a name.
"Oh, what an utter piece of rubbish!” Hermione shouted as she slammed the edition of the Evening Prophet on the dining table.
4. “Tell me this: when the infatuation wears off, how do you plan to occupy your time? Moonlit dragon rides to the nearest lending library? Of course, your spouse will elect to remain outdoors tending to the transportation while you read up on untraceable poisons.”
“Charlie is very bright; he received excellent marks at Hogwarts.”
“As high as yours, Miss Granger?”
“Well, no,” she conceded, “but you know that yourself, so why ask the question?”
“To prove a point. When the attraction dies, Weasley will bore you; I never will.”
“You bore me now. Why the sudden interest? You’ve had years to state your intentions. Why today?”
“I dislike rushing into a decision, but your imminent marriage compels me to declare my feelings.”
“Feelings? What feelings? I’ve always taken you for a detached celibate.”
“You’re half right. I’ll leave it to you to deduce which half.”
Snape thought he saw a flicker of a smile on Hermione’s face.
“When, precisely, did your…feelings for me develop? Surely not when I was your student?”
Snape snorted loudly. “Don’t flatter yourself, Miss Granger. I’m attracted to women, not insipid, giggling schoolgirls.” He scrutinized her carefully. “You almost qualify as a woman. In a few more years -”
“A few more years? I’m twenty-five years old! That more than qualifies me as an adult!”
“Perhaps it does, but only in the eyes of another twenty-five-year-old. The difference in our ages disquiets me, but I am willing to overlook it.”
“You are willing to overlook it?”
“Yes.” Snape elaborated, “Women of my own age have developed life experience, and with it, taste. Therefore, my only clear choice is to rob the cradle.”
5. The guests, whose various states of alcohol-induced debilitation were indeed vastly enjoyed by the Minister, assembled in the Great Ballroom. To the conspirators’ immense joy, there was no sign of either bride or groom. As time went on, they exchanged more and more hopeful glances and grins. Fred even went as far as elbowing McGonagall, but quickly took a step backwards when she glared at him out of bloodshot, red-rimmed eyes.
At 11 sharp, Lucius stepped up on the dais on which the ceremony was meant to take place, cast a Sonorus charm on himself and asked for silence. A wave of elbowing went through the crowd, as all faces turned towards him.
‘Dear guests,’ Lucius began, ‘we have gathered here to witness the wedding of Severus Snape and Hermione Granger. Before we begin, though’ - a murmur of disbelief rose from the assembled witches and wizards, and he smiled - ‘before, as I said, the ceremony starts, I would like you to listen to this.’ He snapped his fingers, and a magnificent eagle owl soared through the door and across the mass of guests, to elegantly land on the Minister’s outstretched arm. Lucius nodded, smiled and untied a red envelope from the bird’s leg. He put it on the small table next to him, tapped it with his wand, ended the Sonorus charm and stepped off the podium.
There was complete silence in the large room; one would have been able to hear a pin drop. The unfortunate revellers winced as Hermione’s voice began to reverberate through the space.
6. "Remind me again why we're here?"
Severus surveyed the crowd of celebrants with a faint sneer. The reception, a grand affair for a Ministry official who married into the cream of Wizarding society, was far down the list of events he wanted to suffer through, second only to a prolonged bout of the Cruciatus Curse.
The decorations in the hall only made it worse. So overdone that the concentrated charms prickled against his skin and made him restless, the room had been transformed into a stylised winter glade. Glittering snow fell from the ceiling, dissipating before it touched the crowd. The floor had the glassy appearance of a frozen lake, and phantom merpeople swam underfoot. Delicate snow rabbits fashioned of mist frolicked under the evergreens that edged the room in artful groupings.
The charmed orchestra struck up a slow fox trot, and Hermione eyed Severus over the rims of her spectacles. A disdainful expression, it always amused him when she levelled it on others. He didn't like it nearly as much when she used it on him.
"Muggles call it "networking", Severus. Harrison is my boss. His new father-in-law is Caratacus Bloch, wealthy entrepreneur and owner of several alchemist shops in Eastern Europe. It would be good for business if you were able to stock one or two of your potions in those shops."
"I somehow doubt the return is worth planting my nose up some rich businessman's arse. My shop does well enough. Besides, this "networking" involves a type of socialising I'm neither fond of nor skilled at." Severus frowned. "I'm not Lucius Malfoy, you know."
Hermione bumped gently against his arm. "Since Malfoy is dead, I'd say that's a good thing."
A nearby swan ice sculpture fluttered crystalline wings with a faint crackling sound, then bent its long neck to preen frozen feathers.
Severus made a disgusted noise and gestured around the room. "Should we ever marry, we will not engage in this sort of ludicrous spectacle."
7. They disappeared out of thin air with a loud crack and reappeared nearly as noisily in front of a small church on the outskirts of London, not caring whether they were seen. They sprinted through the wooden door and shouted as soon as they came inside, “Stop! Stop it! This wedding can’t take place. The groom has been coerced into it!”
The bride, one Hermione Granger, went paler than the ivory of her dress. She gripped the back of her chair, incredulously staring at her two best friends dashing along the aisle toward her and her fiancé. Well, they weren’t her two best friends anymore. As for the groom, Severus Snape couldn’t get paler than his usual complexion, so instead he frowned. They waited for the two well-intentioned young men to reach them in front of the altar, while the priest was thinking that obviously something had been wrong since the beginning, given the strange attire of most of the party. Harry, who was feeling quite hot after his rush, drew something that looked like a vial from his pocket, and held it out to the groom.
“Sir, we were looking for some sheets of music Hermione told us she had forgotten, when we found this in the dresser drawer of her living-room. There is still some potion in it, and I know for a fact that this is a love potion. She has probably given it to you to get you to tie the knot,” he said in one breath, despite his light panting.
Severus, a ghost of a smirk on his lips, took the vial, careful not to touch the sweaty palm of Harry Potter, uncorked it and sniffed the content. In the meantime, Hermione’s speech had come back to her.
“How could you? I didn’t ask you to search my flat! I told you I had forgotten sheets of music on the chest of drawers in the hall of my flat! This wasn’t a bloody Auror investigation!” she screeched. Her skin had now turned a vivid red complexion, which looked as unhealthy as her previous pallor; her eyes were brimming with tears, though this did nothing to hide the glint of hurt and anger in them.
Everyone noticed that she didn’t deny the accusation. Interesting.
8. “You can’t be serious!”
It was a good thing Reggie factored a ‘temper tantrum allowance’ into the time necessary for them to get to Vegas, get a marriage license, and actually have the ceremony. Even so, she was running out of patience with Snape’s reaction.
“Look, would it kill you to act a little happy, just once when I save your arse, Prince Snarking?”
Snape assumed a grim parody of a cheerful expression. “Oh, I’m thrilled to death! Ecstatic! Just what I wanted-to start my life with my lovely bride in Squibtown!”
Reg’s expressive little body conveyed her utter exasperation by judiciously slouching at various points. “Every time I look at you, I can’t help thinking it’s an absolute sodding misfortune that smiling sarcastically isn’t a more widespread talent.”
“Perhaps your new goal could be to go out and teach it to the world. There’s no time like the present. I hear they have a certain appreciation for the freakish here in Squibtown,” Snape said with an eloquent gesture at the skyline.
As usual, Reggie ignored this unsubtle hint to leave. “I wouldn’t call this place the ‘S-word’ if I was you. As the nickname implies, it’s mostly Squibs that run this town, and they sometimes get a little… touchy.”
With Hermione not-so-subtly squeezing his elbow, Severus toned down his ire. Slightly. “Surely there must be somewhere else in the world where one can get married on short notice.”
“Maybe-but here, I’ve got connections.” She addressed Hermione specifically, deciding that Sir Snark-a-lot was pretty much a lost cause. “One of my godchildren runs this wedding chapel. It’s a nice new place, but with lots of traditional features and shite. You know, for folks like you who want to get married in Vegas but don’t want a ‘Vegas Wedding.’”
“I don’t want to get married in Vegas.” Snape was still grumbling.
Hermione had a different concern. “Reggie… aren’t we sort of exposed, appearing right in the middle of the car park?”
9. The best detentions, he had come to decide, were the ones given under the shock of surprise.
It was then, however, that the voices spoke louder and Severus, for the first time, could understand what they were saying.
“Professor Granger is getting married?”
Severus froze, his wand held tightly in his hand and his dark smirk instantly fading away.
“Shhh! Do you want to get us caught?”
‘Well no, obviously, but are you sure? I mean, I haven’t heard anything like that.”
“I heard it straight from Eleanor Mockridge, who said she overheard Professor Granger and Professor McGonagall discussing wedding plans!”
Severus just then realized that it had been at least a minute since he’d last taken a breath and things were beginning to look a bit spotty. He quickly remedied the problem and stepped closer to the door, risking discovery by blocking the streams of light spilling down the top stairs.
“And you’ll never guess to whom! She’s marrying Harry Potter!”
“Harry Potter? The Boy-Who-Lived? You’re joking!”
“I’m not joking! Eleanor said she’d heard Professor Granger herself make mention of what a handsome groom Harry Potter would make!”
For reasons still unknown, Severus suddenly found himself uncomfortably curling his fingertips into the crevices between the stones lining the walls. Irritation had unexpectedly flooded his veins and his jaw popped with the pressure of grinding teeth. His heart pounded furiously, much in the same way it would, were its owner faced with a challenge of a duel.
Why he was irritated, exactly, was anyone’s guess. It didn’t much matter at the moment, in any case, as Severus found himself fully able to remedy himself of it (or rather, he found a suitable target). Unfortunately, the remedy came in the form of the two girls who had taken the midnight walk to the Astronomy Tower and had decided, in a moment of horrible timing, to open the door.
Needless to say, fifty outrageous points were taken from Gryffindor and Abigail Cummings and Bridget Aldridge found themselves serving detention for a long, long time.
10. Hermione grinned as well. “Ingenious. So, how did that change your opinion of Remus?”
Snape’s grin faded, and he shifted uncomfortably. “Let me just say, Miss Granger, that no intelligent creature, human or animal, magical or Muggle, deserves to be treated like chattel. To have witnessed the Dark Lord do so to those I did not know was… disturbing. To have it happen to someone with whom you are acquainted is intolerable.”
When she remained silent, he glanced down at himself and spread his arms wide, then continued, “And Lupin decided to express his gratitude by dressing me up like a stuffed monkey and parading me in front of a roomful of people.”
“I think you look very handsome,” Hermione mumbled, blushing as she realized exactly what she’d confessed to him.
He stared at her for a moment, then re-crossed his arms over his chest and inclined his head in thanks, his eyes never leaving hers. They remained like that, dark umbral eyes holding warm brown ones captive, until both came to their senses. “I suppose that now I am to ask you some equally intrusive question?”
“That’s the general idea.”
“Very well.” He scrutinized her a long moment, lost in thought. She knew when he’d formulated his question, for another smile, this one of almost evil satisfaction, tugged at the corner of his mouth. She noted to herself that she’d seen Severus Snape smile more in the last fifteen minutes than he had the entire time she’d known him.
“You probably think I am going to ask you why you are Nymphadora’s best woman, or whatever that insipid Muggle phrase is, but I could not care less for the answer.” He leaned forward slightly, his arms still tightly folded. “What I want to know is… what did you do to that loathsome cow Umbrage?”
Hermione gulped. Up until this point, she and Harry, Neville, Ginny, Ron and Luna were the only people, save the Headmaster, who knew the truth of what had befallen the odious Ministry official. “Well, I… I…”
Extra! Extra! Read All About It!
The Hissing Harpies proudly present “I F***ing Do!”, a round robin aiming to tell the true story of the notorious Snape-Granger wedding.
(Too late for inclusion in the quiz itself, but this WIP is a perfect fit for our June Weddings theme. Caution: It is in response to the Creative Cursing Challenge. Why, yes, we do consider that to be a selling point!)
Introduction: Part 1 by dickgloucester
Introduction: Part 2 by duniazade
Chapter 1 camillo1978
Chapter 2 by a_bees_buzz
Chapter 3 by duniazade
Chapter 4 by sc010f
I love to cry at weddings...
Anybody's wedding
Any time, anywhere, anyplace.
It's June! So who's getting married? Is it Severus and Hermione or are they just guests? Is it the social event of the year or a quiet elopement? Is everybody happy or does someone have an objection? I hope your social calendar is clear because now you have a whole bunch of weddings to attend. Don't forget to congratulate the groom and kiss the bride!
Who's the social butterfly flitting from event to event?
The fangirl who posts the highest score first will get to choose the next quiz.
Match the quote to the story title:
Return to Me by ginny_weasley31
With Friends Like This... by pigwidgeon37
Speak Now Or Forever Hold Your Peace by septentrion1970
The Rumor by alexa83
Damn! We missed the Reception! by snarkywench_64
Speak Now by elise_wanderer
Severus Snape and the Wedding of the Century by lyras
Wedding Bells by chivalric
The Futility of Reason by _vocalion_
R.S.V.P. by Scattered Raven aka scatteredlogic and whitemunin
The Fairy God-Jarvey’s Apprentice by dracontia aka reginafletcher
Across the Anvil by subvers
The Grand Statement by katmd
I Always Wondered If You Would by miss
1. The voice at the front of the gathering was continuing to drone on, with words Severus could not translate into meaningful speech. This was a purely wizarding ceremony, no Muggle elements included at all. There would be no enjoinment to “speak now, or forever hold your peace,” no reminder of the existence of a point of no return. He was glad of it. Physical courage was one thing. Emotional courage was quite another. He would never speak. He would hold his peace forever.
Yet her face remained the only thing he could see, and the clarity of his vision made him feel that he had never seen anything clearly before in his life. Every detail of her face, every particle of her being was crystallized into his perception. He could not touch her from where he sat, and yet he could touch nothing else. Hermione. It was a dull ache behind his heart. It was a melancholy that went deeper in a flash than any he had ever felt before.
He wanted her, and he could never have her.
And as he sat staring at her face, her gaze lifted. She began to turn her head fully toward him, with agonizing slowness, and this time he could not look away. The instant in which her eyes met his, everything around him dissolved into smoke. Her lips parted. She had simply turned her head to look at him, but it was as though she had been running toward him at breakneck speed and then suddenly stopped just in front of him, eyes locked on his, panting hard from the exertion.
He felt the burn of unshed tears.
Between them, in the still afternoon sun, hung a single word:
“Wait.”
2.‘May I help you, sir?’ Joe inquired deferentially.
‘I am here for the Granger wedding,’ the man replied.
‘Of course, sir,’ Joe said, slightly nervous of the silky, threatening voice. ‘Do you have a reservation?’
The sneering stranger stared into Joe’s eyes for a long moment, and then replied in a voice of ice, ‘I am the groom. Where are the wedding party now?’
Joe blanched. It was his job to be particularly helpful to the bride and groom! ‘Most of them are in their rooms, sir, dressing for high tea in the Grand Salon at four o’clock,’ he said.
‘Excellent,’ the self-proclaimed groom responded smoothly, placing a sack of Galleons on the polished oak counter. ‘May I have the key to the bride’s room, please?’
Joe forced himself to keep his eyes away from the sack of gold coins-a cool hundred, he reckoned-a week’s pay!
The groom’s icy expression melted into that of a sheepish man; he leant forward and added in a conspiratorial tone, ‘I was out too late last night, and she’s … not happy with me.’
Joe, a married man of many years standing, nodded sympathetically-his missus was not best pleased if he stayed down the pub with the lads for too long, either!
The dark man produced a piece of parchment from his inner pocket-no, it was a black velvet jeweller’s box. Joe blinked. How could he have mistaken white parchment for a black box?
A slender white finger popped the box open, displaying the red satin lining, embossed with ‘Grundell and Ridges Jewellers’, and the dazzling emerald pendant nestled within. ‘I’ve brought a small gift for her,’ the stranger said.
Joe grinned conspiratorially. ‘Ach, sir, she’ll like that!’ he said, slipping the requested room key to the wizard in black, scruples eased by the predicament of a fellow sufferer of the unreasonable wrath of women.
3. 1 July 1999
Ms. Hermione Jane Granger-Snape has done it yet again. The young witch, only nineteen years of age, has again married Hogwarts’ Potions Professor, Severus Snape earlier today. You may remember that this young wanton of a woman was engaged to be wed to Mr. Ronald B. Weasley back in March of this year. As the Daily Prophet reported at that time, that wedding was called off as a result of extenuating circumstances. It was yours truly that uncovered the true nature of this cover-up. The marriage had been postponed to allow for tests to determine the paternity of the pregnancy that the young scarlet woman was attempting to cover-up.
If the girl previously had not proven herself to be a two-timing harlot, then this was certainly the eye-opener that was needed for young Mr. Weasley. It is nearly enough to make the witches of our world pity the Potions master, Professor Snape, for having to marry the wench in order to give his child a name.
"Oh, what an utter piece of rubbish!” Hermione shouted as she slammed the edition of the Evening Prophet on the dining table.
4. “Tell me this: when the infatuation wears off, how do you plan to occupy your time? Moonlit dragon rides to the nearest lending library? Of course, your spouse will elect to remain outdoors tending to the transportation while you read up on untraceable poisons.”
“Charlie is very bright; he received excellent marks at Hogwarts.”
“As high as yours, Miss Granger?”
“Well, no,” she conceded, “but you know that yourself, so why ask the question?”
“To prove a point. When the attraction dies, Weasley will bore you; I never will.”
“You bore me now. Why the sudden interest? You’ve had years to state your intentions. Why today?”
“I dislike rushing into a decision, but your imminent marriage compels me to declare my feelings.”
“Feelings? What feelings? I’ve always taken you for a detached celibate.”
“You’re half right. I’ll leave it to you to deduce which half.”
Snape thought he saw a flicker of a smile on Hermione’s face.
“When, precisely, did your…feelings for me develop? Surely not when I was your student?”
Snape snorted loudly. “Don’t flatter yourself, Miss Granger. I’m attracted to women, not insipid, giggling schoolgirls.” He scrutinized her carefully. “You almost qualify as a woman. In a few more years -”
“A few more years? I’m twenty-five years old! That more than qualifies me as an adult!”
“Perhaps it does, but only in the eyes of another twenty-five-year-old. The difference in our ages disquiets me, but I am willing to overlook it.”
“You are willing to overlook it?”
“Yes.” Snape elaborated, “Women of my own age have developed life experience, and with it, taste. Therefore, my only clear choice is to rob the cradle.”
5. The guests, whose various states of alcohol-induced debilitation were indeed vastly enjoyed by the Minister, assembled in the Great Ballroom. To the conspirators’ immense joy, there was no sign of either bride or groom. As time went on, they exchanged more and more hopeful glances and grins. Fred even went as far as elbowing McGonagall, but quickly took a step backwards when she glared at him out of bloodshot, red-rimmed eyes.
At 11 sharp, Lucius stepped up on the dais on which the ceremony was meant to take place, cast a Sonorus charm on himself and asked for silence. A wave of elbowing went through the crowd, as all faces turned towards him.
‘Dear guests,’ Lucius began, ‘we have gathered here to witness the wedding of Severus Snape and Hermione Granger. Before we begin, though’ - a murmur of disbelief rose from the assembled witches and wizards, and he smiled - ‘before, as I said, the ceremony starts, I would like you to listen to this.’ He snapped his fingers, and a magnificent eagle owl soared through the door and across the mass of guests, to elegantly land on the Minister’s outstretched arm. Lucius nodded, smiled and untied a red envelope from the bird’s leg. He put it on the small table next to him, tapped it with his wand, ended the Sonorus charm and stepped off the podium.
There was complete silence in the large room; one would have been able to hear a pin drop. The unfortunate revellers winced as Hermione’s voice began to reverberate through the space.
6. "Remind me again why we're here?"
Severus surveyed the crowd of celebrants with a faint sneer. The reception, a grand affair for a Ministry official who married into the cream of Wizarding society, was far down the list of events he wanted to suffer through, second only to a prolonged bout of the Cruciatus Curse.
The decorations in the hall only made it worse. So overdone that the concentrated charms prickled against his skin and made him restless, the room had been transformed into a stylised winter glade. Glittering snow fell from the ceiling, dissipating before it touched the crowd. The floor had the glassy appearance of a frozen lake, and phantom merpeople swam underfoot. Delicate snow rabbits fashioned of mist frolicked under the evergreens that edged the room in artful groupings.
The charmed orchestra struck up a slow fox trot, and Hermione eyed Severus over the rims of her spectacles. A disdainful expression, it always amused him when she levelled it on others. He didn't like it nearly as much when she used it on him.
"Muggles call it "networking", Severus. Harrison is my boss. His new father-in-law is Caratacus Bloch, wealthy entrepreneur and owner of several alchemist shops in Eastern Europe. It would be good for business if you were able to stock one or two of your potions in those shops."
"I somehow doubt the return is worth planting my nose up some rich businessman's arse. My shop does well enough. Besides, this "networking" involves a type of socialising I'm neither fond of nor skilled at." Severus frowned. "I'm not Lucius Malfoy, you know."
Hermione bumped gently against his arm. "Since Malfoy is dead, I'd say that's a good thing."
A nearby swan ice sculpture fluttered crystalline wings with a faint crackling sound, then bent its long neck to preen frozen feathers.
Severus made a disgusted noise and gestured around the room. "Should we ever marry, we will not engage in this sort of ludicrous spectacle."
7. They disappeared out of thin air with a loud crack and reappeared nearly as noisily in front of a small church on the outskirts of London, not caring whether they were seen. They sprinted through the wooden door and shouted as soon as they came inside, “Stop! Stop it! This wedding can’t take place. The groom has been coerced into it!”
The bride, one Hermione Granger, went paler than the ivory of her dress. She gripped the back of her chair, incredulously staring at her two best friends dashing along the aisle toward her and her fiancé. Well, they weren’t her two best friends anymore. As for the groom, Severus Snape couldn’t get paler than his usual complexion, so instead he frowned. They waited for the two well-intentioned young men to reach them in front of the altar, while the priest was thinking that obviously something had been wrong since the beginning, given the strange attire of most of the party. Harry, who was feeling quite hot after his rush, drew something that looked like a vial from his pocket, and held it out to the groom.
“Sir, we were looking for some sheets of music Hermione told us she had forgotten, when we found this in the dresser drawer of her living-room. There is still some potion in it, and I know for a fact that this is a love potion. She has probably given it to you to get you to tie the knot,” he said in one breath, despite his light panting.
Severus, a ghost of a smirk on his lips, took the vial, careful not to touch the sweaty palm of Harry Potter, uncorked it and sniffed the content. In the meantime, Hermione’s speech had come back to her.
“How could you? I didn’t ask you to search my flat! I told you I had forgotten sheets of music on the chest of drawers in the hall of my flat! This wasn’t a bloody Auror investigation!” she screeched. Her skin had now turned a vivid red complexion, which looked as unhealthy as her previous pallor; her eyes were brimming with tears, though this did nothing to hide the glint of hurt and anger in them.
Everyone noticed that she didn’t deny the accusation. Interesting.
8. “You can’t be serious!”
It was a good thing Reggie factored a ‘temper tantrum allowance’ into the time necessary for them to get to Vegas, get a marriage license, and actually have the ceremony. Even so, she was running out of patience with Snape’s reaction.
“Look, would it kill you to act a little happy, just once when I save your arse, Prince Snarking?”
Snape assumed a grim parody of a cheerful expression. “Oh, I’m thrilled to death! Ecstatic! Just what I wanted-to start my life with my lovely bride in Squibtown!”
Reg’s expressive little body conveyed her utter exasperation by judiciously slouching at various points. “Every time I look at you, I can’t help thinking it’s an absolute sodding misfortune that smiling sarcastically isn’t a more widespread talent.”
“Perhaps your new goal could be to go out and teach it to the world. There’s no time like the present. I hear they have a certain appreciation for the freakish here in Squibtown,” Snape said with an eloquent gesture at the skyline.
As usual, Reggie ignored this unsubtle hint to leave. “I wouldn’t call this place the ‘S-word’ if I was you. As the nickname implies, it’s mostly Squibs that run this town, and they sometimes get a little… touchy.”
With Hermione not-so-subtly squeezing his elbow, Severus toned down his ire. Slightly. “Surely there must be somewhere else in the world where one can get married on short notice.”
“Maybe-but here, I’ve got connections.” She addressed Hermione specifically, deciding that Sir Snark-a-lot was pretty much a lost cause. “One of my godchildren runs this wedding chapel. It’s a nice new place, but with lots of traditional features and shite. You know, for folks like you who want to get married in Vegas but don’t want a ‘Vegas Wedding.’”
“I don’t want to get married in Vegas.” Snape was still grumbling.
Hermione had a different concern. “Reggie… aren’t we sort of exposed, appearing right in the middle of the car park?”
9. The best detentions, he had come to decide, were the ones given under the shock of surprise.
It was then, however, that the voices spoke louder and Severus, for the first time, could understand what they were saying.
“Professor Granger is getting married?”
Severus froze, his wand held tightly in his hand and his dark smirk instantly fading away.
“Shhh! Do you want to get us caught?”
‘Well no, obviously, but are you sure? I mean, I haven’t heard anything like that.”
“I heard it straight from Eleanor Mockridge, who said she overheard Professor Granger and Professor McGonagall discussing wedding plans!”
Severus just then realized that it had been at least a minute since he’d last taken a breath and things were beginning to look a bit spotty. He quickly remedied the problem and stepped closer to the door, risking discovery by blocking the streams of light spilling down the top stairs.
“And you’ll never guess to whom! She’s marrying Harry Potter!”
“Harry Potter? The Boy-Who-Lived? You’re joking!”
“I’m not joking! Eleanor said she’d heard Professor Granger herself make mention of what a handsome groom Harry Potter would make!”
For reasons still unknown, Severus suddenly found himself uncomfortably curling his fingertips into the crevices between the stones lining the walls. Irritation had unexpectedly flooded his veins and his jaw popped with the pressure of grinding teeth. His heart pounded furiously, much in the same way it would, were its owner faced with a challenge of a duel.
Why he was irritated, exactly, was anyone’s guess. It didn’t much matter at the moment, in any case, as Severus found himself fully able to remedy himself of it (or rather, he found a suitable target). Unfortunately, the remedy came in the form of the two girls who had taken the midnight walk to the Astronomy Tower and had decided, in a moment of horrible timing, to open the door.
Needless to say, fifty outrageous points were taken from Gryffindor and Abigail Cummings and Bridget Aldridge found themselves serving detention for a long, long time.
10. Hermione grinned as well. “Ingenious. So, how did that change your opinion of Remus?”
Snape’s grin faded, and he shifted uncomfortably. “Let me just say, Miss Granger, that no intelligent creature, human or animal, magical or Muggle, deserves to be treated like chattel. To have witnessed the Dark Lord do so to those I did not know was… disturbing. To have it happen to someone with whom you are acquainted is intolerable.”
When she remained silent, he glanced down at himself and spread his arms wide, then continued, “And Lupin decided to express his gratitude by dressing me up like a stuffed monkey and parading me in front of a roomful of people.”
“I think you look very handsome,” Hermione mumbled, blushing as she realized exactly what she’d confessed to him.
He stared at her for a moment, then re-crossed his arms over his chest and inclined his head in thanks, his eyes never leaving hers. They remained like that, dark umbral eyes holding warm brown ones captive, until both came to their senses. “I suppose that now I am to ask you some equally intrusive question?”
“That’s the general idea.”
“Very well.” He scrutinized her a long moment, lost in thought. She knew when he’d formulated his question, for another smile, this one of almost evil satisfaction, tugged at the corner of his mouth. She noted to herself that she’d seen Severus Snape smile more in the last fifteen minutes than he had the entire time she’d known him.
“You probably think I am going to ask you why you are Nymphadora’s best woman, or whatever that insipid Muggle phrase is, but I could not care less for the answer.” He leaned forward slightly, his arms still tightly folded. “What I want to know is… what did you do to that loathsome cow Umbrage?”
Hermione gulped. Up until this point, she and Harry, Neville, Ginny, Ron and Luna were the only people, save the Headmaster, who knew the truth of what had befallen the odious Ministry official. “Well, I… I…”
Extra! Extra! Read All About It!
The Hissing Harpies proudly present “I F***ing Do!”, a round robin aiming to tell the true story of the notorious Snape-Granger wedding.
(Too late for inclusion in the quiz itself, but this WIP is a perfect fit for our June Weddings theme. Caution: It is in response to the Creative Cursing Challenge. Why, yes, we do consider that to be a selling point!)
Introduction: Part 1 by dickgloucester
Introduction: Part 2 by duniazade
Chapter 1 camillo1978
Chapter 2 by a_bees_buzz
Chapter 3 by duniazade
Chapter 4 by sc010f