Computers answers
And the answers are...
EDIT: This week's winner is borg_princess!
1. The Last Word by kalinalea
2. Hooting by pearle9240
3. Looking for Magic by hypnobarb1 WIP
4. Like Muggles Do by fyiagcg WIP
5. Goodnight, Demon Slayer by potionmistressm
6. Internettings Gone Awry by KingPhilipsWench aka rickmanraves
7. Predictive Text by astopperindeath
8. Hogwarts Online by jonelin
9. Teacher, Teacher by mmyrtle
10. Tidings of Comfort and Joy by stormyskize
1. To: sparky@ministry.gov.uk
From: pm@ministry.gov.uk
Date: December 11, 2003
Subject: RE: Missing You!
It is bad enough that I am being forced to use this insufferable Muggle machine. I certainly should not be subjected to nauseating messages that are clearly meant for someone else. Whoever you are - and the mental image of anyone who would go by the revolting name of ‘Sparky’ is indeed unpleasant - allow me to decline your dinner invitation and express my fervent wish that neither it nor the accompanying insinuations be repeated.
And what, pray tell, is this :o)
The Last Word by kalinalea
2. The sound of the door opening quickly brought him out of his revere.
The door creaked noisily on its hinges as Hermione strode into the lab. “Did you notice how quiet it is? I can’t believe Parliament is down again.”
He had noticed the quiet; in fact he’d reveled in it. But the look in Hermione’s eyes indicated that her statement meant something, something he probably should know if he’d been listening to her the last time she’d explained the system to him, but for the life of him, he didn’t know what it was. “Parliament - what’s the Muggle government got to do with it?”
“Not the Muggle government; Parliament is our server for the Strix Network here at Hogwarts.” Again, her expression was challenging, indicating this information most likely had some other meaning.
Except this time he understood the reference. While not fully raised in the wizarding world, Severus was long familiar with the owls that delivered mail, having witnessed his mother receiving odd bits of correspondence from her family and friends throughout his childhood. “Indeed, you’ve chosen to name the collective network here after a group of owls?”
Hermione smiled.
Hooting by pearle9240
3. To: HJGranger at awl . com, Dragonboy12 at awl . com, Charmed23 at awl . com
From: Nyluvrboy6 at awl . com
Date: October 8, 1998
Subject: Hermione's Hair Project
Hermione's right. Maybe we should check with Professor Boch and find out for certain that we aren't allowed to get a professional analysis of the ingredients from the #1 selling brand.
After all, it's just reverse engineering. Maybe we could bring a Third or Fourth Year Potions student in on the project? They know how to do the analysis. Then we'd know what the proportions are without this trial and error approach. Besides, with Hermione's curly hair we can't have her keep washing it over and over, even with using conditioner. It's bad for curly hair - dries it out too much.
I love your hair, Hermione. Kiss. Don't listen to what anyone says. It's a great color and it is your crowning glory.
Can we meet at 5:30 pm for dinner tonight to go over where we are on our project? They're serving teriyaki chicken, which is one of the few decent things they make.
Looking for Magic by hypnobarb1 WIP
4. “What is the meaning of this, Granger?” boomed the Potions Master. Hermione jumped a bit at the unexpected sound of his voice.
“I have no idea. It just popped up.” She began to giggle again. “No pun intended.”
“But what is it?” asked the perplexed man now standing behind her. She barely controlled her giggles as the gorgeous, spent man on her screen disappeared to reveal a fully dressed man in a suit. It was a completely sexless sight, if not for the distinctive bulge in his trousers. The man was jerkily patting his groin and pointing at her, while next to his image, she was told to Order Now! in flashing letters.
“Um, I think I’ve just been witness to internet porn,” she said, shrugging her shoulders at the phenomenon that she had only been warned of before. She moved the rat to click on the little X in the top right corner of her screen, closing the window.
As soon as the aroused man disappeared from the screen, a new box sprang to life. Nothing within it was moving or flashing, but there were several pictures. In the middle, one button said Order Now! while another said See More. Pictures surrounded the buttons and bits of text, each with a description below. She looked at the images and descriptors, reading each of them aloud.
Like Muggles Do by fyiagcg WIP
5. Knocking on his door tentatively, Hermione let herself in before waiting for an answer. He was probably just adding rides to SeverusWorld, the crappiest place on earth.
"Severus?" she called as she entered, irked by the lack of snarrky comeback. He normally at least looked at her when she interrupted his games, and the silence worried her.
Until she saw that he was playing chess.
The man was a glutton for punishment.
Severus sat perched on the edge of the desk chair, nervously tapping the fingers of his left hand, chewing his lower lip, and squinting as if he was looking for something just out of the view of the computer monitor. Hermione knew this look. This was the "I'm-losing-at-chess-so-leave-me-alone" look, so she sat quietly on the end of his bed until a great and mighty "BUGGER THIS!" rang through the entire house.
"Sneaky computer, always tricking you," she cajoled.
“I don’t need your pity, Hermione,” Severus spat, spinning to face her in the nifty spinny chair he had become so entranced with in this strange Muggle house.
Goodnight, Demon Slayer by potionmistressm
6. “Hermione?”
She still didn’t answer.
He reached over and took the book from the desk, looking at what she was reading.
Usage of Obliviate on self is greatly discouraged…
What?
“Hermione, what are you doing? Why are you trying to Obliviate yourself?”
Again, she said nothing, but she did at least point to the computer, sitting innocently in the corner.
“Why is there coffee on the screen and keyboard?”
At this, she just shut her eyes and shuddered.
He looked at the screen, which was black and white with a silhouette of a woman posing in a provocative manner.
LITEROTICA.COM
Chat Room
Internettings Gone Awry by KingPhilipsWench aka rickmanraves
7. He flipped open his phone. Reading the text, he rolled his eyes and groaned. I just wanted to know if it was alright to purchase a duck instead of a goose. Why the hell do we need to have a conversation about this? Quickly paying for the items he had already found, he moved quickly to the loo and Apparated to the alley.
Hermione was already there, chewing on her bottom lip and looking very upset. It’s just a duck. Does she not like duck? Is she allergic to it? Is it not ruddy Christmas for her without a turkey?
Predictive Text by astopperindeath
8. She hopped onto the computer they had been working on, and fired it back up. She thanked the geek gods everyday that she was able to get broadband at her house as she fired up her web browser and typed in a URL.
Before she could get any further than that, nature called and she took off for the bathroom. As she finished up, she decided to change from her slacks and button down into some running pants and a t-shirt. She realized she felt comfortable enough around Severus now that she didn’t feel the need to wear her work clothes 24-7 around him.
After she changed, she headed back to the office, only to find Seveus sitting at the computer, reading the site she had called up.
Snape heard her come in, but he didn’t look up right away, instead opting to finish the paragraph he was reading. After he finished he looked up at her and smiled with a look of pure mischief shining on his face.
“So, BushyHairedGirl.com, ay?”
Hogwarts Online by jonelin
9. The horror Snape felt was clearly written on his face. His eyes were widened in alarm, his mouth was agape, and his normally sallow complexion was, as impossible as it seemed, even more colorless than usual. Looking around the room, Hermione realized that there was no one else in the house with them. She was confused and moved to look over Snape’s shoulder; could someone be threatening him electronically?
Something was terrifying him to the point that words failed him - what she saw nearly made her laugh out loud.
Apparently, he had used a search engine to look for something having to do with the keywords “adult,” “romance” and “seduction.” The results had obviously not been what he’d expected. The pictures on the screen - animated, no less - would not go away. He kept trying to close the windows but as was typical for such prurient websites, every time he tried to exit one, another even more explicit picture would pop up.
He was panicked now, pressing keys at random. Hermione took pity on the man and reached over him, clicking on the buttons needed to exit from the internet entirely. Her elbow briefly brushed his shoulder and he jumped. Completely bewildered by his flustered demeanor, Hermione decided to investigate.
Severus had been well and truly horrified at what he’d seen. Hermione was amused and intrigued at his reaction. She’d never really thought about any of her professors as anything other than … well, professors.
Teacher, Teacher by mmyrtle
10. “And what in the seven hells is an ‘eye-dee-ten-tee’ error? I read several of the files you had open, as well as a number of the printed manuals, and I didn’t see any reference to such an error.”
Hermione smiled again. “It’s an inside joke among techies.”
She grabbed a blank piece of paper and a pen and handed them to Snape.
“If you jot this down, I think you’ll understand. Print what I say rather than use cursive writing.”
Snape obediently held the pen over the paper.
“Upper case I. Upper case D. The number one followed by a zero. And lastly, an uppercase T.”
Snape wrote down the letters and numbers as she spoke them.
“That’s an ‘I D 10 T error,’” Hermione said.
He looked at what he had written and started to chuckle.
“And I thought I was the only one cursed with dunderheads,” he said.
“They’re everywhere,” she said, and then she had to stifle a yawn.
Tidings of Comfort and Joy by stormyskize
EDIT: This week's winner is borg_princess!
1. The Last Word by kalinalea
2. Hooting by pearle9240
3. Looking for Magic by hypnobarb1 WIP
4. Like Muggles Do by fyiagcg WIP
5. Goodnight, Demon Slayer by potionmistressm
6. Internettings Gone Awry by KingPhilipsWench aka rickmanraves
7. Predictive Text by astopperindeath
8. Hogwarts Online by jonelin
9. Teacher, Teacher by mmyrtle
10. Tidings of Comfort and Joy by stormyskize
1. To: sparky@ministry.gov.uk
From: pm@ministry.gov.uk
Date: December 11, 2003
Subject: RE: Missing You!
It is bad enough that I am being forced to use this insufferable Muggle machine. I certainly should not be subjected to nauseating messages that are clearly meant for someone else. Whoever you are - and the mental image of anyone who would go by the revolting name of ‘Sparky’ is indeed unpleasant - allow me to decline your dinner invitation and express my fervent wish that neither it nor the accompanying insinuations be repeated.
And what, pray tell, is this :o)
The Last Word by kalinalea
2. The sound of the door opening quickly brought him out of his revere.
The door creaked noisily on its hinges as Hermione strode into the lab. “Did you notice how quiet it is? I can’t believe Parliament is down again.”
He had noticed the quiet; in fact he’d reveled in it. But the look in Hermione’s eyes indicated that her statement meant something, something he probably should know if he’d been listening to her the last time she’d explained the system to him, but for the life of him, he didn’t know what it was. “Parliament - what’s the Muggle government got to do with it?”
“Not the Muggle government; Parliament is our server for the Strix Network here at Hogwarts.” Again, her expression was challenging, indicating this information most likely had some other meaning.
Except this time he understood the reference. While not fully raised in the wizarding world, Severus was long familiar with the owls that delivered mail, having witnessed his mother receiving odd bits of correspondence from her family and friends throughout his childhood. “Indeed, you’ve chosen to name the collective network here after a group of owls?”
Hermione smiled.
Hooting by pearle9240
3. To: HJGranger at awl . com, Dragonboy12 at awl . com, Charmed23 at awl . com
From: Nyluvrboy6 at awl . com
Date: October 8, 1998
Subject: Hermione's Hair Project
Hermione's right. Maybe we should check with Professor Boch and find out for certain that we aren't allowed to get a professional analysis of the ingredients from the #1 selling brand.
After all, it's just reverse engineering. Maybe we could bring a Third or Fourth Year Potions student in on the project? They know how to do the analysis. Then we'd know what the proportions are without this trial and error approach. Besides, with Hermione's curly hair we can't have her keep washing it over and over, even with using conditioner. It's bad for curly hair - dries it out too much.
I love your hair, Hermione. Kiss. Don't listen to what anyone says. It's a great color and it is your crowning glory.
Can we meet at 5:30 pm for dinner tonight to go over where we are on our project? They're serving teriyaki chicken, which is one of the few decent things they make.
Looking for Magic by hypnobarb1 WIP
4. “What is the meaning of this, Granger?” boomed the Potions Master. Hermione jumped a bit at the unexpected sound of his voice.
“I have no idea. It just popped up.” She began to giggle again. “No pun intended.”
“But what is it?” asked the perplexed man now standing behind her. She barely controlled her giggles as the gorgeous, spent man on her screen disappeared to reveal a fully dressed man in a suit. It was a completely sexless sight, if not for the distinctive bulge in his trousers. The man was jerkily patting his groin and pointing at her, while next to his image, she was told to Order Now! in flashing letters.
“Um, I think I’ve just been witness to internet porn,” she said, shrugging her shoulders at the phenomenon that she had only been warned of before. She moved the rat to click on the little X in the top right corner of her screen, closing the window.
As soon as the aroused man disappeared from the screen, a new box sprang to life. Nothing within it was moving or flashing, but there were several pictures. In the middle, one button said Order Now! while another said See More. Pictures surrounded the buttons and bits of text, each with a description below. She looked at the images and descriptors, reading each of them aloud.
Like Muggles Do by fyiagcg WIP
5. Knocking on his door tentatively, Hermione let herself in before waiting for an answer. He was probably just adding rides to SeverusWorld, the crappiest place on earth.
"Severus?" she called as she entered, irked by the lack of snarrky comeback. He normally at least looked at her when she interrupted his games, and the silence worried her.
Until she saw that he was playing chess.
The man was a glutton for punishment.
Severus sat perched on the edge of the desk chair, nervously tapping the fingers of his left hand, chewing his lower lip, and squinting as if he was looking for something just out of the view of the computer monitor. Hermione knew this look. This was the "I'm-losing-at-chess-so-leave-me-alone" look, so she sat quietly on the end of his bed until a great and mighty "BUGGER THIS!" rang through the entire house.
"Sneaky computer, always tricking you," she cajoled.
“I don’t need your pity, Hermione,” Severus spat, spinning to face her in the nifty spinny chair he had become so entranced with in this strange Muggle house.
Goodnight, Demon Slayer by potionmistressm
6. “Hermione?”
She still didn’t answer.
He reached over and took the book from the desk, looking at what she was reading.
Usage of Obliviate on self is greatly discouraged…
What?
“Hermione, what are you doing? Why are you trying to Obliviate yourself?”
Again, she said nothing, but she did at least point to the computer, sitting innocently in the corner.
“Why is there coffee on the screen and keyboard?”
At this, she just shut her eyes and shuddered.
He looked at the screen, which was black and white with a silhouette of a woman posing in a provocative manner.
LITEROTICA.COM
Chat Room
Internettings Gone Awry by KingPhilipsWench aka rickmanraves
7. He flipped open his phone. Reading the text, he rolled his eyes and groaned. I just wanted to know if it was alright to purchase a duck instead of a goose. Why the hell do we need to have a conversation about this? Quickly paying for the items he had already found, he moved quickly to the loo and Apparated to the alley.
Hermione was already there, chewing on her bottom lip and looking very upset. It’s just a duck. Does she not like duck? Is she allergic to it? Is it not ruddy Christmas for her without a turkey?
Predictive Text by astopperindeath
8. She hopped onto the computer they had been working on, and fired it back up. She thanked the geek gods everyday that she was able to get broadband at her house as she fired up her web browser and typed in a URL.
Before she could get any further than that, nature called and she took off for the bathroom. As she finished up, she decided to change from her slacks and button down into some running pants and a t-shirt. She realized she felt comfortable enough around Severus now that she didn’t feel the need to wear her work clothes 24-7 around him.
After she changed, she headed back to the office, only to find Seveus sitting at the computer, reading the site she had called up.
Snape heard her come in, but he didn’t look up right away, instead opting to finish the paragraph he was reading. After he finished he looked up at her and smiled with a look of pure mischief shining on his face.
“So, BushyHairedGirl.com, ay?”
Hogwarts Online by jonelin
9. The horror Snape felt was clearly written on his face. His eyes were widened in alarm, his mouth was agape, and his normally sallow complexion was, as impossible as it seemed, even more colorless than usual. Looking around the room, Hermione realized that there was no one else in the house with them. She was confused and moved to look over Snape’s shoulder; could someone be threatening him electronically?
Something was terrifying him to the point that words failed him - what she saw nearly made her laugh out loud.
Apparently, he had used a search engine to look for something having to do with the keywords “adult,” “romance” and “seduction.” The results had obviously not been what he’d expected. The pictures on the screen - animated, no less - would not go away. He kept trying to close the windows but as was typical for such prurient websites, every time he tried to exit one, another even more explicit picture would pop up.
He was panicked now, pressing keys at random. Hermione took pity on the man and reached over him, clicking on the buttons needed to exit from the internet entirely. Her elbow briefly brushed his shoulder and he jumped. Completely bewildered by his flustered demeanor, Hermione decided to investigate.
Severus had been well and truly horrified at what he’d seen. Hermione was amused and intrigued at his reaction. She’d never really thought about any of her professors as anything other than … well, professors.
Teacher, Teacher by mmyrtle
10. “And what in the seven hells is an ‘eye-dee-ten-tee’ error? I read several of the files you had open, as well as a number of the printed manuals, and I didn’t see any reference to such an error.”
Hermione smiled again. “It’s an inside joke among techies.”
She grabbed a blank piece of paper and a pen and handed them to Snape.
“If you jot this down, I think you’ll understand. Print what I say rather than use cursive writing.”
Snape obediently held the pen over the paper.
“Upper case I. Upper case D. The number one followed by a zero. And lastly, an uppercase T.”
Snape wrote down the letters and numbers as she spoke them.
“That’s an ‘I D 10 T error,’” Hermione said.
He looked at what he had written and started to chuckle.
“And I thought I was the only one cursed with dunderheads,” he said.
“They’re everywhere,” she said, and then she had to stifle a yawn.
Tidings of Comfort and Joy by stormyskize