I'm a Basket Case, and Proud Of It !
I'm a Basket Case, and Fiercely Proud Of It !
You've heard the old phrase, “Don't put all your eggs in one basket.” Well, along the way, I knew I was doing it wrong, I knew I was supposed to have another....a separate identity from my “two baskets”. But in their early years, there was no time for anything else except fulfilling the needs of those two very active “baskets”, and once they were halfway through childhood, there were the divorce years. And then it wasn't a case of “no time”, but no more energy for a separate identity from being their Mom. And no drive, and I was too weighed down with trying to still provide for them everything they WOULD have had IF.....
You've also all heard the term “empty nest syndrome”, and how it's hard to adjust to the time when they are grown and gone. Well, because of the divorce and its visitation schedule, I've been only “half-nesting” for half their childhood. I certainly can't recommend that as a way to lessen by 50% the impact that the oncoming empty nest syndrome would have. It's not a case of spreading out the pain over more time, of eking it out. I'd recommend having them for every minute for as long as you can, and then facing the empty nest flat out at once. Because it's not like all those years of “half-empty nest practice” really helped me all that much now that they're really gone. Yeah, it's not a new pain, like yours, but empty is empty.
But to switch now to the bright side... (Who me? Mention a bright side? Whodathunk?) I was poking around the internet tonight and found a cute little song, that has a very UN-little message. I loved it, and I'm going to listen to it OFTEN ! And yeah, I'll probably get tears in my eyes half the time, but they'll be a different type of tears than the more destructive ones. (Some people think all tears are the same, or come from the same place. Not so. And with some Tender Hearts, there are more tears for more varied reasons.)
But I'd like to mention one more thing before providing you with the song link. If you've been reading earlier blog entries, you've noticed me lamenting about "having no talent" in so many areas I've tried in my life. I have one real talent in a silly, inconsequential area - proofreading, spelling/grammar. How LAME is that? And using that dubious talent can be quite tricky, or annoy others. And I have another, a better talent - with people.... sniffing out the psychology, knowing how to reach them, that sort of thing. This can be even trickier, and the mistakes more painful than that first talent. But I drew from this second talent, in the world of Mothering. And back and forth - the Mothering furthered my talent with other people, which really helped in working with the elderly and those with Alzheimer's and dementias. (Like who doesn't realize their children are “crazy”, right? I figured I'd take those same skills into the job market, LOL.)
Now that the years have past, and “hindsight” being 20/199... (Look, I don't know who came up with that adage, but by the time one starts really looking for the wisdoms gained from years of experience, they're definitely on the blurry side of 20/20, and their hindsight needs some reading glasses. Or did they mean that by this stage of life, my “hind” is coming around the front, “in sight”, because if that's the real meaning, then yeah, it's 20/20, crystal clear.) ... But looking back, if I could have only asked God for one “talent”, it would have been this one. What's more important than being a good mother? And I didn't even have to ask - He just gave ! “Pressed down, shaken together and running over”, and poured into my lap ! And it HAD to have come from God Himself, because I just HATED children - before I had my own.
So, I'm dealing with the separation of the Empty Nest Stage, which is even emptier, since I did "put all my eggs into two baskets”, and trying to not worry so much about the times I “laid an egg” in dealing with one of those baskets, or worry that they'll both think of me as a “basket case” (Yeah, you knew that was coming in this entry somewhere...). Instead I'm trying to cling to another common phrase, and think of this as my “Reap What You Sowed” stage. In that spirit, although my kids have never actually sung this song (I just discovered it myself tonight.), here is the musical manifestation of what they'd like me to know.......
“Mom's Song”, by Bryant Oden - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OGLAa_PgYaI
This would be a great song to sing in Children's Church for Mother's Day.
♪ ♫ ♥ ♥ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♥ ♥ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♥ ♥ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♥ ♥ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♥ ♥ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♥ ♥ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♥ ♥ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♥ ♥ ♪ ♫
Mom’s Song by Bryant Oden - 9th fret: CGD
C G C G
You’ve been my mom for a really long time and you know me pretty well
C G C D
Sometimes I act like an angel from heaven, sometimes I act like a rebel from .....
C G C G
Well, you get the idea but through it all you love me just the same
C G C D
You’re my very favorite mom, even when you forget my name
CHORUS:
C G C G
So how can I tell you how much I love you in a way that lets you see?
C C D G
I love you as much as you love me.
You’re really in my heart today and I wanted to make it clear
Even though I don’t always show it I’m really glad that you are here.
All the ways that you support me, the ways you help me shine,
Thank you mom for who you are, Out of all the moms I’m glad you’re mine
CHORUS (regular)
CHORUS
XCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCGCCCC CC CC CC CCCCCCCCCCCCCCG
So how can I tell you how much I love you in a way that lets you see?
C C C D G
I love you as much as you love --
C G C C D
I love you as much as you love
C D C D G
I love you as much as you love me !
http://www.songdrops.com/happy-kids-songs-sweet-children-songs/moms-song-a-fun-song-for-moms-for-mothers-day-birthdays-or-any-day.html
(Note: I spent an HOUR trying to line up the chords with the words in the first line of the chorus. Invisible white letters, changing sizes, etc. This was the best I could manage. Line up the chord with the underlined word nearest it. Sorry. Argh !)
You've heard the old phrase, “Don't put all your eggs in one basket.” Well, along the way, I knew I was doing it wrong, I knew I was supposed to have another....a separate identity from my “two baskets”. But in their early years, there was no time for anything else except fulfilling the needs of those two very active “baskets”, and once they were halfway through childhood, there were the divorce years. And then it wasn't a case of “no time”, but no more energy for a separate identity from being their Mom. And no drive, and I was too weighed down with trying to still provide for them everything they WOULD have had IF.....
You've also all heard the term “empty nest syndrome”, and how it's hard to adjust to the time when they are grown and gone. Well, because of the divorce and its visitation schedule, I've been only “half-nesting” for half their childhood. I certainly can't recommend that as a way to lessen by 50% the impact that the oncoming empty nest syndrome would have. It's not a case of spreading out the pain over more time, of eking it out. I'd recommend having them for every minute for as long as you can, and then facing the empty nest flat out at once. Because it's not like all those years of “half-empty nest practice” really helped me all that much now that they're really gone. Yeah, it's not a new pain, like yours, but empty is empty.
But to switch now to the bright side... (Who me? Mention a bright side? Whodathunk?) I was poking around the internet tonight and found a cute little song, that has a very UN-little message. I loved it, and I'm going to listen to it OFTEN ! And yeah, I'll probably get tears in my eyes half the time, but they'll be a different type of tears than the more destructive ones. (Some people think all tears are the same, or come from the same place. Not so. And with some Tender Hearts, there are more tears for more varied reasons.)
But I'd like to mention one more thing before providing you with the song link. If you've been reading earlier blog entries, you've noticed me lamenting about "having no talent" in so many areas I've tried in my life. I have one real talent in a silly, inconsequential area - proofreading, spelling/grammar. How LAME is that? And using that dubious talent can be quite tricky, or annoy others. And I have another, a better talent - with people.... sniffing out the psychology, knowing how to reach them, that sort of thing. This can be even trickier, and the mistakes more painful than that first talent. But I drew from this second talent, in the world of Mothering. And back and forth - the Mothering furthered my talent with other people, which really helped in working with the elderly and those with Alzheimer's and dementias. (Like who doesn't realize their children are “crazy”, right? I figured I'd take those same skills into the job market, LOL.)
Now that the years have past, and “hindsight” being 20/199... (Look, I don't know who came up with that adage, but by the time one starts really looking for the wisdoms gained from years of experience, they're definitely on the blurry side of 20/20, and their hindsight needs some reading glasses. Or did they mean that by this stage of life, my “hind” is coming around the front, “in sight”, because if that's the real meaning, then yeah, it's 20/20, crystal clear.) ... But looking back, if I could have only asked God for one “talent”, it would have been this one. What's more important than being a good mother? And I didn't even have to ask - He just gave ! “Pressed down, shaken together and running over”, and poured into my lap ! And it HAD to have come from God Himself, because I just HATED children - before I had my own.
So, I'm dealing with the separation of the Empty Nest Stage, which is even emptier, since I did "put all my eggs into two baskets”, and trying to not worry so much about the times I “laid an egg” in dealing with one of those baskets, or worry that they'll both think of me as a “basket case” (Yeah, you knew that was coming in this entry somewhere...). Instead I'm trying to cling to another common phrase, and think of this as my “Reap What You Sowed” stage. In that spirit, although my kids have never actually sung this song (I just discovered it myself tonight.), here is the musical manifestation of what they'd like me to know.......
“Mom's Song”, by Bryant Oden - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OGLAa_PgYaI
This would be a great song to sing in Children's Church for Mother's Day.
♪ ♫ ♥ ♥ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♥ ♥ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♥ ♥ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♥ ♥ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♥ ♥ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♥ ♥ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♥ ♥ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♥ ♥ ♪ ♫
Mom’s Song by Bryant Oden - 9th fret: CGD
C G C G
You’ve been my mom for a really long time and you know me pretty well
C G C D
Sometimes I act like an angel from heaven, sometimes I act like a rebel from .....
C G C G
Well, you get the idea but through it all you love me just the same
C G C D
You’re my very favorite mom, even when you forget my name
CHORUS:
C G C G
So how can I tell you how much I love you in a way that lets you see?
C C D G
I love you as much as you love me.
You’re really in my heart today and I wanted to make it clear
Even though I don’t always show it I’m really glad that you are here.
All the ways that you support me, the ways you help me shine,
Thank you mom for who you are, Out of all the moms I’m glad you’re mine
CHORUS (regular)
CHORUS
XCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCGCCCC CC CC CC CCCCCCCCCCCCCCG
So how can I tell you how much I love you in a way that lets you see?
C C C D G
I love you as much as you love --
C G C C D
I love you as much as you love
C D C D G
I love you as much as you love me !
http://www.songdrops.com/happy-kids-songs-sweet-children-songs/moms-song-a-fun-song-for-moms-for-mothers-day-birthdays-or-any-day.html
(Note: I spent an HOUR trying to line up the chords with the words in the first line of the chorus. Invisible white letters, changing sizes, etc. This was the best I could manage. Line up the chord with the underlined word nearest it. Sorry. Argh !)