Call of the Heron, Continued Review, Nitpicky Canon Stuff
The flow to this might be a little odd, since I originally wrote this up as part of the review and decided to cut most of it here since it ended up rather long, and sometimes speculative on my own part.
(I just finished a playthrough of Radiant Dawn so I'm a little freakishly fresh on canon. I don't think most readers would notice most of these points.)
First, a minor point:
From the opening of 4-F-3: "In the very beginning ... there was only water." - Yune; land was one of Ashunera's first creations, whereas it pre-exists in this piece. More saliently, this suggests that no land would be really "unexplored" for Ashera, although the ocean may still hold mystery.
From the "Wolves" base conversation in 4-4: "Long ago, beorc created the Old Tongue. The ancient speech is what we laguz call it. The language was too difficult for the laguz to master. So the language of Tellius was created in its place. ... dragons and herons have all the time in the world to learn it. Beorc probably left the ancient speech behind in favor of a newer and improved language, with the exception of spells." - Nailah
(Canon's take is surprisingly racist, and perhaps even contradictory to canon itself, although I suppose it fits in with the "children of wisdom" thing going on with the beorc.) Strictly speaking, this does not preclude the existence of a language (that Ashunera created) before the Old Tongue, but if such a thing were so, there no longer exists any recollection of it. That all spells and galdrar are in ancient speech is, in my mind, compelling evidence that it was the first of languages. On the other hand, there is that little finicky fact that the Zunanma called her the "Goddess of the Dawn," so presumably they had the words to do so.
I think I might like your take better. I have recently read plenty of musings on whether a language developed first or the biological capability to produce it, and I find it interesting that your interpretation and canon's interpretation are in opposite camps on that issue. Of the real world, it is often speculated that society bloomed in earnest when language was "invented". Because of this, I find this passage, the birth of the conscious beings from language, startlingly clever.
I suppose I should state at this time that I don't really mind contradictions to canon so long as they do not change some important aspect (unless it's an AU and that aspect is the one being explored). So, although noteworthy, neither of the above deviances -- whether intentional or unintentional -- bother me very much. The following do, somewhat.
I'm not sure if the Zunanma being born from her words is meant to be metaphorical. I think it may not be. I shall list this line for completion, in the event that it is not: "People--the Zunanma--are the only living creatures of this world that we didn't create. Animals evolved to become Zunanma ..." (Yune 4-F-5) It sounds like the Zunanma evolved without divine influence, just as the Branded did. I think that's important that the people are self-sustaining and propel themselves above most of the goddess's other creations. This also implies that the evolution of the races into the Branded is nothing unnatural and had happened once before to the Goddess's delight. (I suppose Lehran did push himself to become the first laguz -- but to please the goddess, which I think is a slightly different thing than the Zunanma stumbling upon sentience as a part of their own miraculous evolution.)
[The bit about loneliness went here]
[The other difference here is that the Zunanma were the first companions to Ashunera. Lehran is distinctly depicted both in this piece and in canon as something new that came forth from Zunanma: a laguz, as we know them now.] Since the tale of Ashunera and Lehran is pretty much the point of this story, I think it's more interesting to ask, then what is the significance of this difference between this tale and canon?
On the negative side, this lends to a bit of inequity between beorc and laguz. In canon the Goddess was friend of their mutual ancestors, and thus she has no "favorite people," or person; they are all her beloved children. Less so if the laguz were first and she loved the herons most. Racial equity is a big deal in the games, so I find this important. As a side note, this also suggests that Lehran is *incredibly* old.
On the positive side, such an early bond would certainly cement Lehran's visible closeness to both halves of Ashunera as we see in-game; for example, the line "Lehran, you have ever been a wise and kind-hearted child. In deference to you..." (Ashera 4-F-5), and Yune's great fondness for him throughout the flashbacks and after 4-F-4. Furthermore, the age factor might not even be a detriment if we believe that the first laguz had wonky lifespans, or that Ashunera perhaps endowed him with something special. Canon makes a mess of his lifespan, since we know he lives at least 2200 years (Word of God has given herons a lifespan "over 1000 years" and implicitly below 2000) and doesn't even look old by the end of it. (I entertained the theory that the epilogue scene might have been his spirit. If so, ghosts are depressing in Tellius, as power lost in life due to mixing of blood is apparently carried over into the afterlife.)
This story would certainly not exist at all should that aspect of canon be honored. Changing it does give us something valuable. So, if you're going to worry about something, don't bother worrying over that one.
[Here is when I decided to cut most of the canon-nitpicking onto a post.]
The following aren't very important:
I think canon also suggests that there was a much greater lapse in time between the Zunanma, evolution of beorc and laguz, and the Great Flood. It is interesting to note that written history apparently begins at the time of the Great Flood, if this may be implied from the timeline given by Nintendo. If I were to speculate freehandedly, I would say that Lehran was born 200 years at most before the Great Flood, and that thousands of years passed between the first Zunanma and the Great Flood. Yune states that her story is from "long before the grandparents of anyone here were born." Kurthnaga being in attendence, if we are to take her word literally, that's a removal of a good few thousand years; but she concludes with the Great Flood, and at that time Kurthnaga's father is decidedly alive, so canon does leave some ambiguity there.
Was it a conscious decision to write Lehran's tribe-form wings as white? I notice that you have him as a dusky color in bird form, fitting with the glimpse we have of his wings in the epilogue. I suppose wings could be like hair color in some people or siamese cats, where color is pale at birth and darkens with age.