Utterly shameless FE round robins
Editing with more as the night goes on! These are round robins done with writerawakened and raphien. Posted because, as we have concluded, we are without shame. First was switched off by sentence.
Seth pulled his harness tighter and wondered how he had been roped into going bungee jumping. "At the very least, I'll have something to tell the lads over brunch!" he mused. He could just imagine the wonder on Franz's face at the tales he would tell - openmouthed and wide-eyed, which would have been more fun to envision were it not for the oddly vivid picture of half-chewed eggs hitting the plate again. Of course, he would have vastly preferred it if his companions hadn't bailed out of their bonding activity at the last minute, leaving Seth to confront the drop from the bridge with only a long piece of rubber to comfort him in his hour of need.
Seth took a deep breath and steeled himself, trying to remind his worried mind that it was not wanting in valor--indeed, it was perfectly human-- to be scared out of one's breeches by the prospect of falling to one's untimely demise. He found himself checking, not for the first time and probably not for the last, that everything was fastened securely, lest everyone remember poor Seth as the idiot who fell to his death for fun. "Oh Seth," he could imagine Eirika weeping at his funeral, "he always would wear his seatbelt, turn the oven off, and buy insurance. Why didn't he just check the fastener one more time?" The thought of the elegant young princess made Seth wish he were anywhere other than at the top of a bridge, doing things other than JUMPING OFF A BRIDGE, enjoying himself in the most satisfying of ways; it came to be, however, that things were not as simple as he probably would have liked.
Then again, it had been the princess's brother - as if Seth needed further proof that the entire family was beyond reason - who'd first raised the idea as a "good way to have fun". Only too late did he discover that Ephraim had thought this was a good idea based on select footage from America's Funniest Home Videos, and intended not to jump alongside him, but film the entire screaming thrashing affair from the nearby shoreline.
"Well, it won't do me any good standing here just thinking about it," Seth said, and readied himself for the leap, remembering all the good times he'd had in his life and how sorry he was that he wouldn't be around to have any more.
He swallowed hard and finally took the leap, all thoughts of dignity and chivalry and all those other delightful manly things escaping him as he shrieked like a little girl. The sea surged toward him, quickly and then slower and slower as his mind raced a thousand terrified thoughts a second. For a moment, Seth wondered if it was all a dream, if he was going to wake before he hit the water, and if all his pants-wetting and pleas to give up various vices in exchange for his survival were for naught.
It was a very brief moment, for before he could even decide what it was he'd like for breakfast when he woke up, his pants (and indeed, the rest of him) were soaking wet, hopefully only because of the water he hit. As it turned out, he actually had slowed in his descent, and he was innocently dipped in the water (still screaming) before the cord recoiled.
Slowly, Seth's fear turned to exhilaration as he shot back up, yelling "YEEEEEHAW" without concern for what anyone else watching might have thought of a grown man shouting "YEEEEEHAW".
His (admittedly undignified) whoops of victory ceased as soon as he began to fall again, giving way to screams somehow even more panicked than they first had been. This time he wasn't even stalled by the water before he slowed, and the cord yanked him up into the air again. It really was a good idea, Seth thought to himself, his thoughts turning to what other ridiculous things he'd have to do in order to top this ordeal. From the stupidly delighted look on Ephraim's face behind the camera, it seemed he was thinking the exact same thing - or, at least, how he'd be able to film it.
Seth stalled in the air, and once again he gave a shriek as he fell.
Over on the shore, an elated Ephraim was greeted by his sister, who regarded Seth with a look of both curiosity and sympathy before asking her brother exactly what he was up to. "I'm recording this for posterity," Ephraim answered, looking away from the camera for a moment to smile at his twin.
"But Brother," Eirika said, wincing a little as Seth gave another wail and pointing at the lack of red circle on the camcorder's display, "are you sure you're recording?"
At this, Ephraim went white as a sheet, before saying, "Of course it's recording! You see, er, this particular camera is, uh, a model that records without, uh...having an, um...oh, shit."
This one switched off every three words, making for some epic chaos.
Because Ephraim's camcorder was a piece of total shit, Eirika decided to take it and exchange it for an awesomer model. She wanted to find a user-friendly one, because Ephraim was a complete technological failure. Besides, the idea of Ephraim with a thousand dollar camera filled her with abject horror. She didn't even know that Ephraim secretly had a hobby of photographing Russian nuns with golden hats, which often won small contests and much cash, much to Ephraim's satisfied expectations. After Eirika discovered this, she was a bit ashamed of her attraction to Russian accents. Unfortunately her recent exchange with Russian spies left her destitute.
Now she strode intently toward Ephraim's Russian nun harem, which he paid attention to, because they were really Russian, and nunlike, especially Natasha, who was so Russian that vodka was in her veins. Natasha and Ephraim were sitting atop a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, which Eirika found to be of a sloppy variety of courtship. “Why do you not share your love with me?” she cried indignantly, throwing off all her inhibitions and kicking him right in his exposed skin.
He squeaked and fell out of the tree, yelping colorful curses. He groaned and rubbed her head and said, “You're really too impatient, Sister. You must learn to wait for your turn.” He smiled mischievously and slowly began to pick himself off, asking Eirika if she knew how to perform the super special art of Russian breakdancing.
“Why of course I can dance like a Russian nun with a club foot and no rhythm! In Siegmund's name, what say you, Brother?”
“I say I have never heard such ridonkulous poppycock in all my fifty years of watching ballerinas practice in tiny leotards and to-scale slippers.”
“Brother, let me take Natasha and show her how to give good breakdancing performances. It is a well-known fact that princesses are excellent at spontaneous instruction.”
Ephraim nodded and began pulling Natasha down to the dance, making sweet sweet CUPCAKES for everyone, leaving Eirika with a large appetite because she hated trying to diet eating only spinach and never cupcakes. This temptation was so tempting that she succumbed and took a whole plate full of delicious carby goodness, leaving Natasha with only Ephraim's muffins which were bran and low-fat. She lamented, saying, “Why must I contend with this incestuous buffet, when I could very easily start my own borscht belt buffet and make millions?” So Natasha left and changed her name to Borschty and opened the now world-famous Borchsty McBorschtbowl restaurant. Her reviews were extraordinary, but Eirika hated all soup and flamed her quite epically. Love for her cuisine flooded in from as far away as, ironically, Russia.
Seth pulled his harness tighter and wondered how he had been roped into going bungee jumping. "At the very least, I'll have something to tell the lads over brunch!" he mused. He could just imagine the wonder on Franz's face at the tales he would tell - openmouthed and wide-eyed, which would have been more fun to envision were it not for the oddly vivid picture of half-chewed eggs hitting the plate again. Of course, he would have vastly preferred it if his companions hadn't bailed out of their bonding activity at the last minute, leaving Seth to confront the drop from the bridge with only a long piece of rubber to comfort him in his hour of need.
Seth took a deep breath and steeled himself, trying to remind his worried mind that it was not wanting in valor--indeed, it was perfectly human-- to be scared out of one's breeches by the prospect of falling to one's untimely demise. He found himself checking, not for the first time and probably not for the last, that everything was fastened securely, lest everyone remember poor Seth as the idiot who fell to his death for fun. "Oh Seth," he could imagine Eirika weeping at his funeral, "he always would wear his seatbelt, turn the oven off, and buy insurance. Why didn't he just check the fastener one more time?" The thought of the elegant young princess made Seth wish he were anywhere other than at the top of a bridge, doing things other than JUMPING OFF A BRIDGE, enjoying himself in the most satisfying of ways; it came to be, however, that things were not as simple as he probably would have liked.
Then again, it had been the princess's brother - as if Seth needed further proof that the entire family was beyond reason - who'd first raised the idea as a "good way to have fun". Only too late did he discover that Ephraim had thought this was a good idea based on select footage from America's Funniest Home Videos, and intended not to jump alongside him, but film the entire screaming thrashing affair from the nearby shoreline.
"Well, it won't do me any good standing here just thinking about it," Seth said, and readied himself for the leap, remembering all the good times he'd had in his life and how sorry he was that he wouldn't be around to have any more.
He swallowed hard and finally took the leap, all thoughts of dignity and chivalry and all those other delightful manly things escaping him as he shrieked like a little girl. The sea surged toward him, quickly and then slower and slower as his mind raced a thousand terrified thoughts a second. For a moment, Seth wondered if it was all a dream, if he was going to wake before he hit the water, and if all his pants-wetting and pleas to give up various vices in exchange for his survival were for naught.
It was a very brief moment, for before he could even decide what it was he'd like for breakfast when he woke up, his pants (and indeed, the rest of him) were soaking wet, hopefully only because of the water he hit. As it turned out, he actually had slowed in his descent, and he was innocently dipped in the water (still screaming) before the cord recoiled.
Slowly, Seth's fear turned to exhilaration as he shot back up, yelling "YEEEEEHAW" without concern for what anyone else watching might have thought of a grown man shouting "YEEEEEHAW".
His (admittedly undignified) whoops of victory ceased as soon as he began to fall again, giving way to screams somehow even more panicked than they first had been. This time he wasn't even stalled by the water before he slowed, and the cord yanked him up into the air again. It really was a good idea, Seth thought to himself, his thoughts turning to what other ridiculous things he'd have to do in order to top this ordeal. From the stupidly delighted look on Ephraim's face behind the camera, it seemed he was thinking the exact same thing - or, at least, how he'd be able to film it.
Seth stalled in the air, and once again he gave a shriek as he fell.
Over on the shore, an elated Ephraim was greeted by his sister, who regarded Seth with a look of both curiosity and sympathy before asking her brother exactly what he was up to. "I'm recording this for posterity," Ephraim answered, looking away from the camera for a moment to smile at his twin.
"But Brother," Eirika said, wincing a little as Seth gave another wail and pointing at the lack of red circle on the camcorder's display, "are you sure you're recording?"
At this, Ephraim went white as a sheet, before saying, "Of course it's recording! You see, er, this particular camera is, uh, a model that records without, uh...having an, um...oh, shit."
This one switched off every three words, making for some epic chaos.
Because Ephraim's camcorder was a piece of total shit, Eirika decided to take it and exchange it for an awesomer model. She wanted to find a user-friendly one, because Ephraim was a complete technological failure. Besides, the idea of Ephraim with a thousand dollar camera filled her with abject horror. She didn't even know that Ephraim secretly had a hobby of photographing Russian nuns with golden hats, which often won small contests and much cash, much to Ephraim's satisfied expectations. After Eirika discovered this, she was a bit ashamed of her attraction to Russian accents. Unfortunately her recent exchange with Russian spies left her destitute.
Now she strode intently toward Ephraim's Russian nun harem, which he paid attention to, because they were really Russian, and nunlike, especially Natasha, who was so Russian that vodka was in her veins. Natasha and Ephraim were sitting atop a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, which Eirika found to be of a sloppy variety of courtship. “Why do you not share your love with me?” she cried indignantly, throwing off all her inhibitions and kicking him right in his exposed skin.
He squeaked and fell out of the tree, yelping colorful curses. He groaned and rubbed her head and said, “You're really too impatient, Sister. You must learn to wait for your turn.” He smiled mischievously and slowly began to pick himself off, asking Eirika if she knew how to perform the super special art of Russian breakdancing.
“Why of course I can dance like a Russian nun with a club foot and no rhythm! In Siegmund's name, what say you, Brother?”
“I say I have never heard such ridonkulous poppycock in all my fifty years of watching ballerinas practice in tiny leotards and to-scale slippers.”
“Brother, let me take Natasha and show her how to give good breakdancing performances. It is a well-known fact that princesses are excellent at spontaneous instruction.”
Ephraim nodded and began pulling Natasha down to the dance, making sweet sweet CUPCAKES for everyone, leaving Eirika with a large appetite because she hated trying to diet eating only spinach and never cupcakes. This temptation was so tempting that she succumbed and took a whole plate full of delicious carby goodness, leaving Natasha with only Ephraim's muffins which were bran and low-fat. She lamented, saying, “Why must I contend with this incestuous buffet, when I could very easily start my own borscht belt buffet and make millions?” So Natasha left and changed her name to Borschty and opened the now world-famous Borchsty McBorschtbowl restaurant. Her reviews were extraordinary, but Eirika hated all soup and flamed her quite epically. Love for her cuisine flooded in from as far away as, ironically, Russia.