Mulitfaceted

[r_o_w_a_n]

Disclaimer: I'm sort of tipsy at the moment. You were warned!

So, here I am. At a "kegger." I'm 23, soon to be 24, and it's my first one. A bonified college kegger, and I'm being antisocial. I'm in the basement talking to you now.

I don't know  why I feel the need to shy from society, or even

Comments

[kaoru_k]

all too often. we had a conversation about that last night. and unless i can "perform" a task i can not be in a large group of people- i have a "panic attack" in which i have to just leave the situation and be alone. At shows i used to drink excessively and take photographs of bands to cope.

yet, i can get on stage and take my clothes off, speak in front of 30 people with out batting an eye, work and interact daily with 75+ people that I dont know. Or only see in the hallway.

yet you can put all those people i see daily into a room to celebrate something and i fade into the background and leave. it happens at work, with aquantencies, even friends. it doesnt matter- i fail at social groups. unless i have a task to perform.

unless i can act

My personalities

[scarlettejewel]

I completely understand the whole multi personalities dilemma. There are so many parts of me. And I think they are all true to me. Sometimes I do play a part. But I think that even the role playing is a part of me. But lately I'm exhaused from "being myself" and find myself feeling lonely and WANTING company but when I finally have it I have to come here (online) and hide because I can't handle performing or communicating in the normals means. For some reason writing has always been easier for me. Talking, though I sometimes talk endlessly, can sometimes feel like work for me. Writing is my purest form of expression. But I think I'm blathering on again and not making a whole lot of sense. I've been a bit scattered lately. But I understand. And sometimes I can't stand parties because it feels like EVERYONE is so false... and trying so hard to be something they're not... that it just becomes silly.

[mnemonicovrload]

I think I know where you're comming from on that one. I know I often feel that same need to avoid people and it's a real struggle sometimes to gather the mental fortitude I need to face down social situations. Sometimes I manage, other times I just end up sitting alone feeling sorry for myself. It's easier sometimes if someone makes the effort to try to pull me in, but even that only goes so far depending on the situation.

And ya, I think I've definitly felt the need to be someone other than myself for a night just to avoid having to deal with my own issues. Probably not healthy, but you do what you need to get by.