Arashi Fic - This Nonsense
Title: This Nonsense
Author: r_tenou
Pairing: None
Genre: Crack, Humor
Rating: PG (for mentions of a hooker)
Disclaimer: None of this ever happened. I don't know or own Arashi.
Summary: Sho killed a hooker.
A/N: Revamped from a nonsensical conversation with eva_lee . Thanks for putting up with my insane ramblings, yo!
The speaker is unknown... kokkaii tells me it's obviously Oguri Shun. :P You can pretend it's whoever.
________________________________________________________
Sho killed a hooker.
He told me it wasn't true.
The cute one
with the sleepy expression
and the short hair-
well... shorter, anyway-
he told me it wasn't true.
There was a problem;
they had a problem,
but not really.
The other one said it was true though,
but we all know not to listen to him
when he's drunk
on Pepsi.
Too much sugar.
I told him it'd rot his teeth
he didn't believe me.
We'll see though
when he has to gum his food.
Gummy bears will be fun.
They carried him home a little after two.
He fought the whole way
screaming something about a whale.
The short one had duct tape though.
problem solved
We had to turn off our phones
from the drunken texting.
There's only so much to read
about crimson nail polish
and polka-dotted umbrellas.
That's what they used
to make it seem
like Sho had killed a hooker.
The short one said
that mauve would look better;
so I told him:
“Jun'd strangle you for that.
Mauve is so passe.”
I taught one swear words in English.
He has an expansive new vocabulary;
he said for sure, it wasn't fucking true.
He got hit for that
and cried.
Group hug!
We taped him to a light pole
so we didn't have to listen to it anymore
and for a tight alibi.
We went for ice cream at five
though we didn't eat dinner.
Nino got sick.
We locked him in the restroom
and
he climbed out the window,
threatening to tell everyone it's true.
But it's not,
because the short one knows.
He taped the conversation.
We can't listen to it though.
It's in the other one's pocket
and if we go back,
we'll have to paint his nails
stupid crimson.
Ah, hindsight.
We thought of sending the crying one,
still attached to the light pole,
but he might not bring back the right one.
There's two, you know.
The other one
says
kuuuuuuuuuuu
kuuuuuuuuuuu
KUUUUUUUUUUU
and that's annoying.
Maybe we're better off without it.
I mean, the short one knows
and it's no big deal
if it remains a secret to the rest.
We can trust him
right?
He's cute;
that's good enough for me.
The short one
doesn't like it
when you grab his ass.
I fell down
and hurt my ankle
as we ran.
They janken'ed
and the taller one won.
So he put me
on the shorter one's back
and I did it;
I grabbed his ass.
Yes I did.
He did not like it.
The taller one caught me
when the shorter threw me off;
that would have hurt.
We fed the rest of our ice cream
to a goat.
The taller one stepped
in its poop,
then he said it was true; completely true.
That could have been the anger talking.
We sent him home.
I don't trust him
today anyway;
he looked shifty
with his tiny little mole.
And he smelled like goat poop.
I was left with the sleepy one.
He said not to worry
because it isn't true.
I'll believe him
for now.
Sho didn't kill that hooker;
he only hit her
with that umbrella.
KUUUUUUUUU
the end.
Author: r_tenou
Pairing: None
Genre: Crack, Humor
Rating: PG (for mentions of a hooker)
Disclaimer: None of this ever happened. I don't know or own Arashi.
Summary: Sho killed a hooker.
A/N: Revamped from a nonsensical conversation with eva_lee . Thanks for putting up with my insane ramblings, yo!
The speaker is unknown... kokkaii tells me it's obviously Oguri Shun. :P You can pretend it's whoever.
________________________________________________________
Sho killed a hooker.
He told me it wasn't true.
The cute one
with the sleepy expression
and the short hair-
well... shorter, anyway-
he told me it wasn't true.
There was a problem;
they had a problem,
but not really.
The other one said it was true though,
but we all know not to listen to him
when he's drunk
on Pepsi.
Too much sugar.
I told him it'd rot his teeth
he didn't believe me.
We'll see though
when he has to gum his food.
Gummy bears will be fun.
They carried him home a little after two.
He fought the whole way
screaming something about a whale.
The short one had duct tape though.
problem solved
We had to turn off our phones
from the drunken texting.
There's only so much to read
about crimson nail polish
and polka-dotted umbrellas.
That's what they used
to make it seem
like Sho had killed a hooker.
The short one said
that mauve would look better;
so I told him:
“Jun'd strangle you for that.
Mauve is so passe.”
I taught one swear words in English.
He has an expansive new vocabulary;
he said for sure, it wasn't fucking true.
He got hit for that
and cried.
Group hug!
We taped him to a light pole
so we didn't have to listen to it anymore
and for a tight alibi.
We went for ice cream at five
though we didn't eat dinner.
Nino got sick.
We locked him in the restroom
and
he climbed out the window,
threatening to tell everyone it's true.
But it's not,
because the short one knows.
He taped the conversation.
We can't listen to it though.
It's in the other one's pocket
and if we go back,
we'll have to paint his nails
stupid crimson.
Ah, hindsight.
We thought of sending the crying one,
still attached to the light pole,
but he might not bring back the right one.
There's two, you know.
The other one
says
kuuuuuuuuuuu
kuuuuuuuuuuu
KUUUUUUUUUUU
and that's annoying.
Maybe we're better off without it.
I mean, the short one knows
and it's no big deal
if it remains a secret to the rest.
We can trust him
right?
He's cute;
that's good enough for me.
The short one
doesn't like it
when you grab his ass.
I fell down
and hurt my ankle
as we ran.
They janken'ed
and the taller one won.
So he put me
on the shorter one's back
and I did it;
I grabbed his ass.
Yes I did.
He did not like it.
The taller one caught me
when the shorter threw me off;
that would have hurt.
We fed the rest of our ice cream
to a goat.
The taller one stepped
in its poop,
then he said it was true; completely true.
That could have been the anger talking.
We sent him home.
I don't trust him
today anyway;
he looked shifty
with his tiny little mole.
And he smelled like goat poop.
I was left with the sleepy one.
He said not to worry
because it isn't true.
I'll believe him
for now.
Sho didn't kill that hooker;
he only hit her
with that umbrella.
KUUUUUUUUU
the end.