any thing said or done in reaction to an ultimatum always seems like an act of desperation. but i have been aware of my actions and regretfull...which is different for me. I am also working to change them. Appologies never work with her...

open my mouth incert foot >.<
me and ani had a tiff...tho it wasnt even an argument it was just me being an asshole and her sort of silent
i look back on it the rant i went on was stupid and not even verified. oh well, i cant win.

~Balck Rabbit of Inle

wow i wish i were tols shit straight up...not over LJ to give me half-formed scary visions in my head. SO thats MY LJ message to that person, who i have been trying to get ahold of for a while...

~Rabbit Lord

has anyone ever tried so hard to not screw somthing up that you are stressed out so much that you feel like you'll explode. Watching everything i say is a burden i must face recently. Watching my thoughts is a a weight i am forced to carry as of late. Watching them have somthing i will never have is a crushing gag forced down my throat that ( Read more... )

I feel powerless at the moment, powerless to make any effect on anyone elses life. it seems everyone wants me to change who i am, but are refusing to change themselves. I wouldn't mynd changing if they afforded me the same respect. Oh well i don't mynd, i don't really like who i am now anyway. But it seems when i ask anyoen else to change or even ( Read more... )

These are some song lyrics i heard in the wee hours this morning that had meaning to me in my weary state of mynd.
DC-vindicated
I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along

And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourselfas well as ( Read more... )

This feeling i am having like this feeling of loss, i feel like she has left me already. These deep seeded butterflys in my gut threaten to make me convulse so violently that i should snap my own spine in its throws of anxiety. I tried to make the last human word that were spoken to her before she drifted of to sleep be myne. Those words i spoke ( Read more... )

what a waste of fucking tyme, energy, emotion and thought. It's as if i wasn't even there...i wasn't alowed to touch her, every tyme i opened my mouth it was met with an quizzical glare or nothing at all. I could've stayed all night had i been so inclined to jam my fingers in a burning oven door...or the equivilant of i.e. being ith Ani and Jeff. ( Read more... )

"How long how long will I slide ( Read more... )

"Fake being, inside of my heart you are the liar.
Innocence displaced."

...fucking paranoia always has its hold on me, yet nothing dispells my nightmares. Drops of truth on the carpet left for me to suck. I no longer know what is real or just a twisted vision spawn of my twisted heart.

~Black Rabbit of Inle