(no subject)
Useless bitching under the cut
Life is a rut that I'm stuck in. I work in a job that barely affords me rent and bills, and that is not doing great things for my lower body, but not enough to actually save up for anything. Every time I get something in my car fixed, something else comes up. I just got the issue with not starting fixed, and now there is a transmission leak, plus it's not firing all cylinders because I need to replace the spark plug wiring. My main gripe currently is that the movie industry has apparently decided that I'm crap and doesn't want to hire me for anything. The last time I actually did any real acting was a year ago. That's a year of plugging away at auditions, throwing away untold amount of gas money and time, getting myself in constant trouble at work for scrambling to find last-second shift replacements, all to get rejected time and time again because I'm not attractive enough, or not young enough looking, or too bald, or any other pick from a myriad of things that are combining to rob me of whatever positive self-image I have managed to scrape together. It's maddening. If I could hit one, just one of the things I audition for, I could break this cycle. I feel helpless, stuck in the grey zone between college and career, the beast of uncertainty gnashing its putrid teeth.
All right, when I get overly poetic it's time for bed.
Life is a rut that I'm stuck in. I work in a job that barely affords me rent and bills, and that is not doing great things for my lower body, but not enough to actually save up for anything. Every time I get something in my car fixed, something else comes up. I just got the issue with not starting fixed, and now there is a transmission leak, plus it's not firing all cylinders because I need to replace the spark plug wiring. My main gripe currently is that the movie industry has apparently decided that I'm crap and doesn't want to hire me for anything. The last time I actually did any real acting was a year ago. That's a year of plugging away at auditions, throwing away untold amount of gas money and time, getting myself in constant trouble at work for scrambling to find last-second shift replacements, all to get rejected time and time again because I'm not attractive enough, or not young enough looking, or too bald, or any other pick from a myriad of things that are combining to rob me of whatever positive self-image I have managed to scrape together. It's maddening. If I could hit one, just one of the things I audition for, I could break this cycle. I feel helpless, stuck in the grey zone between college and career, the beast of uncertainty gnashing its putrid teeth.
All right, when I get overly poetic it's time for bed.