Fanfiction
Title: Of Bad Choices, Good Decisions and Broken Hearts
Characters: Soubi and Nisei
Rating:T
Summary: After the cemetery, Soubi wished for nothing but to be left alone. Of course, his wishes are rarely granted.
Warning: Spoilers for Chapter 102.
A/N: The events from the story under this title, from Nisei's POV.
...
So he's still sitting there. Hm. That's probably some kind of a record, too bad I've always been too lazy to read the Guinness. That surely deserves a reward. And yeah, I'm perfectly aware that sitting is hardly a success. But the git has been sitting there for more than *five* hours. Five hours, twenty six minutes and counting.
Just kidding. As if I was counting.
But I have been watching. More or less. More at the beginning, when because of some ridiculous suspicion I was sure he's going to try something. Don't ask me what. I'm too embarrassed to remember but I have that cheek-flushing, eyes-rolling nagging in my head that tells me it had something to do with him and the drawers in the sitting room. Not that there's anything in them (that's the first place my Sources or the Bastard would look), no need to come and check. So that was at the beginning, when he'd just slammed the door (he does it once more and I'm skinning him, at least unless my neighbour gets there first, then he's skinning him, and I'm throwing the man out afterwards, after we've decided on an alibi - despite feeling sorry for his irregular sleeping patterns I don't find banging on my wall amusing) and flown himself onto my bed. At first I was reluctant to get myself a coffee, in case I missed him coming out. Needn't have worried. Five hours and something, a coffee, a cake and a shower later he still hasn't moved.
That's bloody ridiculous. What exactly is he doing there, not producing any sounds? Staring at the wall? I'm the last person willing to criticise the décor of my own condo (fabulous) but even I do admit that the walls there are hardly interesting. Well, they're mostly white. It's one of my best (and I'm being sarcastic here) plans to keep a certain person from trying to spend the night at mine's. Other ingenious plan was to change the locks. Don't ask about the outcome. Does the fact I had to buy a new door suffice?
So he's brooding. Or sleeping, only he's following orders so I doubt it. Following orders. Honestly. Was it anyone else, I'd take it as an attempt at infuriating rebellion (I may even join them), only it's Agatsuma bloody Soubi and the prick means it. And did I not hold human mind in such high regards, I would be willing to explain that total brainlessness with his up-bringing.
Come on, growing up with Ritsu can't be healthy. I doubt the guy is able to breed fish without complications. Or maiming them, for that matter. I have a strong suspicion that, in the name of some experiment, he disposed of that part of Agatsuma's brain that is responsible for the thinking process.
And I realise I'm not supposed to know about uncle Ritsu. Only, while Agatsuma is convinced it's such a secret, Mimuro knows about it. And it's a well-known law of nature that when Mimuro knows, everyone knows. The guy does little more than gossip. And I mean gossip-gossip, not gossip-provide information. It's always a hazard to listen to him, he repeats every bloody thing he hears if he can only find a willing listener. I make it a point to never talk to him. But I listen. So we're both happy, and stay friends.
Of course, I confirmed the rumour. It was simply too juicy to let it go unused. It took me some time and I exploited my Sources a big deal… My Sources weren't happy. In fact, they were gun-pointing, life-threatening when they found out just how thoroughly they'd been used. They said it'd been the last time I'd done that (suuure) and flatly refused any further cooperation. But I actually think they've already calmed down (relatively) after my 'scandalous behaviour' (an exaggeration on their part) and have forgotten and forgiven (a wishful thinking on mine).
But I did manage to find out that Agatsuma's parents died in a car crash when he was six and that Ritsu was his 'legal guardian' until he was of age. Really, that's a figure of speech of the century. Firstly, a guy called 'Minami Ritsu' doesn't exist. I know we all know otherwise, but I couldn't find him in any database (I think that my digging was what set my Sources off, because obviously Interpol is strictly off-limit). So he couldn't be 'legal' if, in the eyes of law, he's not there. And secondly, I like to think that rape has little to do with 'guarding'. I actually believe it has nothing to do with it.
I think that Agatsuma may react like my Sources once he learns how interested in his past I was, so I'll make sure not to mention it.
Still, his bloody conditioning doesn't justify his vegetable act on my bed! Hell, people don't get conditioned. Dogs do. I think. My dog never listened to me, though, but I still don't know whose fault it was: mine or his.
Alright, I'm coming in. Feeling sorry for him or not, he's taking away my sacrifice from me! Or rather, if he was truly taking him form me, I'd give them my blessing and book them tickets, the problem is he's not taking the Bastard away. He's staying with us. And the sole picture of that self-pitying, self-righteous and generally self-everything git makes me want to do things that would normally make me nauseous. I want to shave off his bloody white hair, cut out his misty eyes (hehe, no, not really. That's the Bastard's hobby) and lock him in a cage and send to the Kamchatka.
I'm not jealous. Far from that. It's not some darkness vs light stuff, some darkness envying light crap. His fucking perfectness that others imagine but which is not really here makes me ready to do stupid stuff like making badges saying 'Agatsuma stinks'. So sue me because of the copyrights. ACTA is in fashion. Truth is, those badges would have the future. Besides, I've always been that kind of guy, just like the blond git. Bite me.
And I don't have a low self-esteem. Is that really so strange that I can't stand the prick who doesn't care for anyone but himself? He cares about the Brat? Bollocks. All he cares about is being a perfect fighter for the Brat (or the Bastard, seems he doesn't mind), so basically, he cares about himself, and he makes me sick, and I'm throwing him out this instant and the Bastard can stuff his orders and taking over the world you-know-where!
"You done being miserable all over my bed sheets?", I manage a sneer to cover how worked-up I really am. And even I know that trying to bodily remove him can't end well. There is a reason why foxes don't attack wolves. Funny thing is, it's wolves who're becoming extinct, while the foxes' population is thriving.
"Get out."
Creative Agatsuma, creative. Pity I don't have a notebook to write it down for our descendants. Only it's you who's getting out.
"Or did you come to get yet another share of others' pain to entertain yourself with?"
That was fucking low! And here I was, almost feeling sorry for the git!
And I don't care he's in pain. That may actually work to my advantage, granted he doesn't kill me first because of that grief. What is he grieving? His brain cells? Because it's stupid to grieve the Brat if all he has to do is move his arse and go to him. The Brat will greet him with open arms. He's naïve like that.
"Actually", I'm not going to dignify it with any other answer. Preferably, I wouldn't address it at all, but the prick may think that silence is my confession, "I came to check up on you. When something doesn't move for hours I tend to assume it's either dead or gone. As much as I'd prefer the latter, I somehow doubted you'd try to run away."
I've spent five hours guarding your door. Unless you count the shower. And the coffee. And the cake.
Yeah, glare at me. I'm pissing myself here you big scary wolf.
Oh, better yet, that's right, sigh on me! Don't you fucking dare pull out your martyr act on me, it's me who's suffering here!
God I hate him. He has (alright, had, past tense here) everything one can wish for, plus people's applause and fame, and he thinks he's so poor. Alright, so he is poor, but not in that sense of the word. So maybe in some sense, too, he doesn't have everything.
"What do you want?"
Does he even realise I'm not manacled to a pipe any longer? No need to play the interrogator with me.
So I won't play. At least not his game.
"What do I want?", I pause for a better effect, "That bracelet I saw yesterday. A ticket for a year of free entrances to the British Museum or the Louvre. A scuba-diving course in Australia. For the Spanish to win the Euro Cup. Someone to find the cure for cancer. My own condo in Paris and a chalet in the Alps. A pizza for dinner" and thousands other stuff. "Unfortunately, I'm broke until the next month, I live in Tokyo so flying to Paris or London and back is pretty inconvenient, I can't dive, cancer is not one illness but has several variants, Seimei doesn't speak French and we only have eggs in the fridge. I'm still counting on La Roja, though."
And still mourning Barcelona, if we're at it. I bet the git doesn't even know what football is. Perfect fighters don't watch football, I'm sure.
"Oh", may as well get over with it, "And I want you to leave my flat. Pronto. Now would be perfect, though I'm feeling generous and I'm willing to give you five minutes. I'm going to have to call those guys getting rid of rats in case you're reluctant", and explain I've found the missing link of the human evolution, "Do you know what are they called, by the way?"
So I still don't speak Japanese well and it ruins the dramatics. Good grief. Besides, I'm a hell of a drama queen without a perfect accent.
"Shut up."
Where's savoir-vivre these days?
God, I sound like abuelo.
"You know I can't leave. You know I don't want to be here in the first place so unless you want to have your hide beaten, get out."
Threats, threats, threats. Ever wondered why they don't work with me? Must have something to do with the fact everyone threatens me: the Bastard, my Sources, the Brat no1, the Brat no2 (must think of calling them something else so I don't get confused), those Zero idiots, my neighbour (and he's the one I'm most concerned with - he threatens with the police, and since my Sources don't talk to me…), the shop assistant at the green grocer's (how could I know it was a girl? She looked like a guy, not my fault I flirted with her!)… Etc.
"De verdad?", please someone tell me he's not that stupid that he thinks I'll believe it. Or that he's so stupid that he believes it, "Then why the hell are you here?"
I'll pay him a thousand if he gives me a reasonable answer. I am known for having a light hand when it comes to money, but this time no one's going to accuse me of wasting my (their) hard-earned cash - there's no reasonable answer to that as far as I'm concerned.
He fucking shakes his head on me! What does he think I am, a three-year old or a slimy snail? Because I'm so sorry, but it wasn't me sitting here as if all gods had abandoned me just mere minutes ago, observing a bloody wall with a face expression of a mole. A dead one.
"I don't know what you're playing at, neither do I care", oh joy, as if I expected something else, "You know all of that, so please make yourself scarce."
Has that git just sent me away? In my own bloody flat?
"You know what, you prick", he's had it coming for a veeery long time, "No, I don't. That's why I'm asking. You don't want to be here, so why the hell are you still contaminating my bed?"
It's easy. It's so easy a real mole would get it. I don't understand him (which may actually be a good thing for me, there are people we're just not meant to understand and if we do we need to start worrying about ourselves) - can anyone be so devoid of a will of their own? I've been called whimsical all my life and I guess they may have had some vague point, but he's just unbelievable!
"Because Seimei ordered me to."
Oh my God, oh my God, someone shoot me now, please. Otherwise I may die of the level of idiocy in that room. The air is getting stale with it.
"And I dislike sitting on the linens you sleep in as much as you do."
Oh my, someone's getting snarky here. Or at least is trying to be. Sorry Mister, you're talking to someone whose middle name is Sarcasm.
"Oh, please", just because I can, I'll be nice, "That's not the bed I sleep in. Do you honestly think I would've agreed to have you placed there? That's a guest room. Not that I consider you a guest, but I didn't want you in the kitchen."
Agatsuma, you're so beside the point it physically hurts.
"Great."
The situation is anything but.
"Now leave me alone."
That'd be too easy, wouldn't it? I'm not gonna leave just because some blonde git decides he wants to pity himself some more in private.
"After you", I graciously show him the door. I hope the message is clear.
Or would be to a normal person. But as that's Agatsuma, he just turns his back on me. Stupid move. Doesn't he know I am a back-stabbing bitch?
Afraid I may do just that, I let myself succumb to a full-blown tantrum. I have some practise with those - benefits of being the younger son.
"Move, you blonde idiot! I don't want you here, you don't want to be here, move your fucking arse!"
If he doesn't get it now, he never will.
Maybe he needs a different approach. A more back-stabbing one, without a use of a real knife. I've never been good with those, I suppose you need a lot of a physical strength to cut someone.
"Don't you have some cat-eared brats to console? Some whining, crying brats that would love you to come and apologise and explain *yet again* how you didn't have a choice?"
Yes, I put a stress on the 'yet again' part. Because really, even a saint would have already lost his patience with the git. While I've always supported the 'forgiveness' motion I also believe that there are some limits to it. Like hair-colour limit. After all, aren't those fair ones considered to be better? So it's only fair. Fair-fair. I'm losing my way with words.
Alright, so that hit a nerve.
Just before he hit my throat, hopefully not damaging any nerves. If I feel numb because of him, I'm suing him! Just after he lets go of me, that is.
"Don't you dare talk about Ritsuka, you weasel."
What the hell! And you look like a mole. You even wear glasses. Are you happy with that? I'd ask, only he's clenching his bloody fingers on my windpipe.
Besides, I like weasels. They're very funny, and very smart. I remember watching a cartoon when I was little where there was a weasel pretending to be a box bush. She was very clever, even if her masquerading skills sucked. They're better than ferrets. And you look like a ferret, ferrets are cowards, so stuff it and let go of my throat, you imbecile!
"Not after everything you've done."
Here we go. Really, they deemed me a sociopath and yet always insist on making me feel guilty. Am I the only one seeing some inconsistence here?
"After what *I* have done?", I elegantly arch my eyebrow. At least one of us is going to be classy here, "You mean, taken the photos? Oh right, that's such an offense, I've no idea how I'll ever redeem myself after such a sin", I kneel him on the crotch to get my point across. I hope I crushed his balls, maybe that will make him stop and think. Hey, I'm so nice! I'm giving him a chance to analyse his behaviour and wrong-doings.
Weasel - Ferret: 1:0.
"Wait, that's not the end of my crimes!", I chirp in a tone that Mimuro finds cute, the Bastard idiotic and my Sources… Ehm, nothings sways them, "I *sent* those pictures too, that gives me a free ticket to Hell", just after you, "So get the fuck off me, Agatsuma."
So all those idiots think I'm the worst monster ever born because I'm cruel, arrogant and a bully (who always gets beaten for it so I don't think that should count). How kind of them to forget that I laugh at the Brat *they* have hurt. If they didn't, I don't think I'd bother with him at all.
He has that determined glint in his eyes. Determination and idiocy can't contribute to anything un-harming. Maybe I shouldn't have provoked him. But then, I'm an arrogant bully (for further reference, see above).
"You hurt him."
I straighten up at that. So he's not only determined and an idiot. He's in denial, too.
"You hurt him more than…"
"More than whom?", I cut in before he has a chance to finish that pitiful accusation, "Than you or Seimei?", if he still doesn't comprehend, he's a lost case. A lost case that needs to get lost from my condo, "More than the two people he loved and trusted the most?", I show my canines.
Alright, so I know it's an animalistic behaviour and I'm not proud of it, okay? Not that I can control it. I have pretty pointy canines, not as blunt as most people do. I had to wear braces when little, and before they finally get in line, so to speak, they'd been too high up in the gums to get blunt. My aunt told me I was a vampire once and I totally freaked out. Now I'm older and smarter, but I think that on some subconscious level I try to threaten people with my 'vampiric' trait.
"You tried to mess up with his head."
No, really? But you and the Bastard had already done such a magnificent job on that.
"I did", he's spitting fire at me either way, "And I don't regret that."
And I swear that if he's planning to plant that fist on my cheek, he's going to end up like Osiris. Only without an Isis to find his body parts afterwards.
"I played with his head a little. What's the big deal? It was a fucking battle, do you hold yourself guilty of things committed during a battle?"
Don't you fucking see it? I had a chance to kill the Brat before and after the Academy. Never wondered why I didn't try to? I've never even approached him out of my free will. I don't like children. They cry, they want to eat and stick bubble gum on my walls. Or pull at my hair. My cousin has retched on my once and María found it sweet. Stupid woman.
"I would if I fought the way you do."
Oh, so he's still there? I have a nasty habit of zoning out, it's going to get me killed once.
"The way I do?", since when one technique is worse than the other? To me, they're all the same. If you hurt people you hurt them and it's bad, no matter if it's elegant or messy, "You're such a fucking hypocrite! I live with Seimei, I know what you've done as well as you do! And you dare criticise me?"
I'm bluffing. The Bastard wouldn't tell me anything, but it's not difficult to guess that Agatsuma is the violent one. After all, who was crushing my windpipe a moment ago? And *I* haven't even touched him (his balls don't count, it was self-defence). I make it my policy to never touch people unless absolutely necessary. They touch me back a lot harder. I talk. I'm a chatter-box, even though most of my conversations I have with myself. I could talk to Mimuro, but we've already covered that.
"You can't really compare attacking somebody's mind with doing physical harm."
What? So he thinks… Alright, so I do make them think so, that is, I've never disagreed… But that's scandalous! Me being worse than him? Just why everyone, me included, insist on comparing us in the terms of 'worse' and 'better'?
One, two, three… I'm not gonna lose it, I'm not gonna…
Wait! Isn't that ridiculous he'd believe crap like that? It just proves how gullible he is. Or how little of his own mind he truly possesses.
"Do you seriously think I play *inside* people's minds?", now listen, you ponce. Listen and *now* pity yourself. "You really are simple. News for you, you can't do it. No one can. It's impossible. Imposible", I know he doesn't like when I use Spanish, "I talked to him. Talked. Not my fault but my luck he believed me. And who's the bad guy here?", I sing, laughing at the joke. Because I've already decided no one is better or worse. Not between us, at least. "I give them a choice. They may or may not believe me. May or may not make themselves vulnerable to me. But you", I smirk, "You cut them. You make them bleed. And you don't feel remorse."
So I've said hurting people is bad, no matter the technique. But once they can choose… We're predators. Or rather, hounds. We're bound to hurt people. As much as I may protest when the Bastard suggests something outrageous, once it's during a battle I have to comply. And giving them a choice, as small as it may be, is the only way of showing them a way out. They just have to follow it.
"Shut up."
He's just fucking grabbed my shoulders! Let go, let go! Don't kill the messenger, I'm just stating common truths there, so let go of my shirt! I swear, if you ruin it, you're paying compensations till your last breath…
"And now what, you're playing this game with me? Talking to me?"
No, I'm talking to myself, I just happen to stand in front of you. Idiocy should be lethal.
"Ya", honestly, if I were him, I'd love to wipe that grin off my face, "And tell me, Agatsuma", I purr, "What's your choice? Do you believe me?"
I think I've just discovered something. I'm suicidal. Does that match a description of a sociopath or do I need to look for some other disorder? I've always liked bipolar. I've told María that I thought I was bipolar once, but she only said I was egocentric and a Byronist. But still, she's an opera singer, not a psychologist.
Don't push me! Don't… Fuck, not the wall!
"You sicken me."
The feeling's mutual.
He almost kills me and then accuses me of being sick?
"Good to be on the familiar territory again", I know I'm trembling and sound like a scared boy. But try having a life-threatening experience with a ton of bricks and stay calm. And I am not exaggerating. I'm not theatrical. I'm not being dramatic. I'm pissed off!
"It's so easy, isn't it? To repeat after everyone that there are two Beloved fighters: the good fair one and the bad dark one. Only who's to tell which one's which?"
If you were a homo sapiens as you lead people to believe, you'd finally understand there's no need to divide us like that. Maybe that process could even take place without inflicting physical pain. I know that there's a saying that some people feel pain when thinking. Agatsuma took it a step further: he's thinking and others are getting hurt!
"When we're on it, you sicken me too", I shrug to let him know that unlike him, the thought doesn't really bother me, "You and Seimei were made for each other, it must have been a mistake I got the name", please, feel free to take him away from me, "You both find me a fucking abomination, someone to use or abuse one way or another because I openly claim not to feel much", and you claim to feel nothing but pain, so I'm sticking to it. "But you know what? I've made some bad choices, I've made some good ones. I've done pretty nasty things some of which I enjoyed more and some less. That's hardly the point. The point it, I might have loved all of them and neither of you have a fucking right to judge me. To do that, you'd need to have a crystal clear conscience. No one has the right to judge others…"
So instead of funding me a therapy, let's get back to the point. Which is: No ferrets in my flat and in my life.
"Are you trying to tell me you're innocent?"
Trust him to completely miss that point. They say I've got complexes because of him? It's him who's constantly starting those moronic comparisons. I don't compare. I know I'm better than him. Not like in better-better. Better as in more intelligent, more charming, wiser and better looking. Not better in a moral sense. It's not that I don't do morals. I don't think myself competent enough to analyse morality of other people.
"No", I sigh, "I'm trying to say you're not innocent."
That while you've been hurt and used and abused, you still had some choices to make. You didn't make bad ones. You just didn't make them at all. And being neutral is the worst neglect. Even in the Bible (don't speculate on me being Christian or not, I'm not providing an answer to that; the Bible is a book everyone should have some knowledge of; it's quite good in an artistic sense) they say you have to be either hot or cold.
"I know that."
I bet he's thinking of the Brat. And I also know he's blaming himself for listening to the Bastard. Which would be good, if he didn't blame himself for belonging to the Bastard first. You know what I mean? He doesn't blame himself for leaving the Brat like a normal person would: that he betrayed his trust, that he didn't stand up. He blames his fate for being the Bastard's first and because of that, having to follow his orders.
"You planning to do something with that, in this case, or wallow in self-pity?"
Maybe we can work with this kind of blame, even though it's misplaced. Don't laugh at my attempts at psychology: it's just that I've been to enough shrinks in my life to have pick something up. I'm nothing but a quick and inquisitive learner.
"What could I do?"
Be still my heart! Have he just asked for advice?
"Not exactly a relationship counsellor here", I have to warn him. I feel compelled to do so: I've even been unable to maintain a relationship with Mimuro, who was clearly head over heels for me, even when I was being myself, not some sweet or sexy flirt. Conclusion: my relationship skills suck. "I can only say that when I don't like an outcome of a decision, I change it. I go and do anything I can to have what I want. I definitely don't behave like a hero of a Greek play", I gave him my best 'you're tiring and a waste of space' look, "You do know what a Greek play is, don't you? All that: 'we can't do anything, it's fate' stuff?"
I wouldn't put it past him not to know that. He studies traditional Japanese art and displays no interest in anything other than the Brat, paints and butterflies. If he was a dog, he'd be easy to satisfy. As a person, he is infuriating. I wonder what the Lollipop guy is on to withstand him. The shit must be strong.
"I know what a Greek play is, Akame."
We're on last names terms now. I'm touched. From Weasel to Akame. Beware, Agatsuma, you may even start to call me Nisei.
"Good", we can't risk getting on first names terms. I'd hate to call him Soubi. It makes me think of the Brat and the way he says it: half begging, half demanding. With a touch of hopelessness. "You do seem to be a bit under-educated sometimes. I was ready to blame it all on your uncle Ritsu."
I'm suicidal. That's a fact. Did I not promise myself not to bring this subject up?
"He's not my uncle."
And maybe we should leave it at that. This way, I may even have my bones whole.
"Under normal circumstances you would call him that", clearly suicidal. And persistent in that. "He was your mother's sacrifice after all."
"You were at the cemetery since the beginning."
That actually makes sense. And he hasn't attacked me yet! Maybe it's not as touchy a subject as I thought. Not that I'm going to share my parents' history and become buddies with him.
"Oh yes", I really should leave it at that, "But I'd known this particular bit before", I didn't risk my allowance to keep it secret. I did a bloody good job on digging that info up. "Anyway, I couldn't lose such a show. You know I'm broke so I can't afford a ticket to the theatre", well, I'm not *that* broke. "You were so much better than the theatre, even Ritsuka…"
The Brat is certainly the touchy subject. Must be because he longs to touch him and has somehow convinced himself that it'll end with the Brat losing his ears. Normal people have self-control to prevent that unappealing outcome of attraction. Agatsuma has his ever-sufficient self-pity. But you get it? Touchy subject, 'cause he wants to touch him. Touchy-touch.
"Shut up about Ritsuka!"
That can do. I'm beginning to sound obsessed.
"Why the hell should I?", I cross my arms defiantly. I always do things to spite others, even myself. Maybe I have a split personality?, "Because you hurt him again and experience conscience pangs? How does it concern *me*? He trusted you, and you left him at the first word of that psychopathic bastard. And don't even tell me that I hurt him too", as I've found out, your crimes always count double in this world when you're called Akame Nisei, "Because you can't compare those two times. He always expected me to try to hurt him, yet he trusted you not to! You talked about loving him. You don't abandon people you love when they beg you not to."
I, for one, know how feelings work. Don't get me wrong, since everyone says I don't have them, I probably don't, but I've read a lot and romanticism is my favourite movement. And I have to be extra-careful with my relationships, which number amounts to the Bastard, Mimuro and my Sources, so I've learnt appropriate reactions to certain behaviours. For example, when someone says to himself aloud 'I'm feeling like a cup of coffee', you offer you can make some for the two of you, because people don't talk aloud if they're the sole potential listener. It's actually quite easy, if a bit tricky. But it's not all that difficult to be polite and friendly without empathy.
"I had no choice!"
So we're shouting now. Good, we must be nearing the culmination point. I do hope it's not a murder.
"So what?", one of us has to stay calm, and I'm quite proud it's me at last, "Do you have some little mechanism wired in your brain that goes off whenever you disobey him?"
Have you watched 'Buffy'? I have. I think Agatsuma would be the Angel type. Their sex lives are equally interesting.
He's silent, either because he's lost again or he wants me to continue. Happy for any audience as I am, I graciously comply.
"I thought not", oh, here it comes, my perfectly practised drawl, "You don't really know why you did that, do you? You could say it's your training, it's your place as a fighter to listen. But you've thought for Ritsuka recently, so he's your new sacrifice. As a blank, you can change them. You could have fought down the urge to submit to Seimei. Only you didn't. Do you want to know why?", he looks ready to confess to his mole pedigree and dig himself a hole to bury himself in, "Because you're comfortable being a slave. You don't have to choose. You can grieve the hurt you brought onto the Brat, but you can also make yourself believe you didn't have a choice. It's a perfect existence, because you never have to decide what's right and what's wrong by yourself."
I honestly hope those aren't his motives, even if the proof indicates otherwise. But if you want them to buy it, you have to shake them.
"Like you know that."
Excuse me? Have he ever seen me bowing to the Bastard's every wish? If I did, the Brat would have been restricted in the first two minutes of our 'fight' at the Academy. Of course, he's a blind mole, so he doesn't pay attention to such trivialities.
Then it hits me. He doesn't mean that. He's opinion of little poor me isn't so high that he'd accuse me of slave-like conduct. No, that'd be too merciful of him. He doesn't find me capable of even noticing the existence of morality and ethics.
"Doing 'bad' things doesn't mean one doesn't recognise good ones."
I'm not going to provide him with anything else. Let him interpret it in whatever way he likes, I don't care. He may even begin to suspect I'm some lost soul willing to help him. I am, as long as it helps me and my living standards.
"So what do you truly want, other than preach me?"
Heh. We've covered that. He doesn't learn from his mistakes and, surprise for you, Ferret, that's not the evidence you don't make them.
"I told you, I want you to get out of my house and my hair."
After all that philosophical talk and hints at me being a misguided or misunderstood white hat, it's safe to say the truth. He won't believe it, because people never think of the most obvious solutions.
"You heard Seimei: he didn't abandon me, so sorry, you have to deal with me until he decides to do that."
God, Agatsuma. When you get a tick, you don't wait for it to fall off on its own. You dispose of it. And go to the doctor for injection, in case it was one of those illness-bringing ones. Which in this case is 100% sure.
I must admit, the picture of the Bastard with all those extra legs moving in all directions is hilarious. If I were Agatsuma, I'd paint it. The worst I can do is write about it, though.
"You're pathetic. All you have to do is abandon him first."
I know he won't appreciate the tick metaphor. He's one of those people who idolise everything you can bring home from the forest. Or quickly get attached to black things that have earlier attached themselves to their arm pits.
"Yup, it's easy as that. Walk out and never return. The Brat loves you, he will forgive you. Or do you want to be a puppet till you die? Do you want to be abandoned one day, broken beyond repair? Because that's what's going to happen. Make a fucking choice, Agatsuma, once in your life."
I can't believe I'm the one saying that. Giving. Agatsuma. Advice. Good one. Truth to be told, my advice is always good, rare as it is. I share an opinion that the thing with advice is like that medical vow: firstly, do not harm.
"Thought so. The door is this way."
Get out. Just get lost. I have to think of some suitably evil explanation for my actions that I'm going to give to the Bastard. You don't really see me reciting the Hippocratic oath to him, do you? I have a rep to maintain.
...
Characters: Soubi and Nisei
Rating:T
Summary: After the cemetery, Soubi wished for nothing but to be left alone. Of course, his wishes are rarely granted.
Warning: Spoilers for Chapter 102.
A/N: The events from the story under this title, from Nisei's POV.
...
So he's still sitting there. Hm. That's probably some kind of a record, too bad I've always been too lazy to read the Guinness. That surely deserves a reward. And yeah, I'm perfectly aware that sitting is hardly a success. But the git has been sitting there for more than *five* hours. Five hours, twenty six minutes and counting.
Just kidding. As if I was counting.
But I have been watching. More or less. More at the beginning, when because of some ridiculous suspicion I was sure he's going to try something. Don't ask me what. I'm too embarrassed to remember but I have that cheek-flushing, eyes-rolling nagging in my head that tells me it had something to do with him and the drawers in the sitting room. Not that there's anything in them (that's the first place my Sources or the Bastard would look), no need to come and check. So that was at the beginning, when he'd just slammed the door (he does it once more and I'm skinning him, at least unless my neighbour gets there first, then he's skinning him, and I'm throwing the man out afterwards, after we've decided on an alibi - despite feeling sorry for his irregular sleeping patterns I don't find banging on my wall amusing) and flown himself onto my bed. At first I was reluctant to get myself a coffee, in case I missed him coming out. Needn't have worried. Five hours and something, a coffee, a cake and a shower later he still hasn't moved.
That's bloody ridiculous. What exactly is he doing there, not producing any sounds? Staring at the wall? I'm the last person willing to criticise the décor of my own condo (fabulous) but even I do admit that the walls there are hardly interesting. Well, they're mostly white. It's one of my best (and I'm being sarcastic here) plans to keep a certain person from trying to spend the night at mine's. Other ingenious plan was to change the locks. Don't ask about the outcome. Does the fact I had to buy a new door suffice?
So he's brooding. Or sleeping, only he's following orders so I doubt it. Following orders. Honestly. Was it anyone else, I'd take it as an attempt at infuriating rebellion (I may even join them), only it's Agatsuma bloody Soubi and the prick means it. And did I not hold human mind in such high regards, I would be willing to explain that total brainlessness with his up-bringing.
Come on, growing up with Ritsu can't be healthy. I doubt the guy is able to breed fish without complications. Or maiming them, for that matter. I have a strong suspicion that, in the name of some experiment, he disposed of that part of Agatsuma's brain that is responsible for the thinking process.
And I realise I'm not supposed to know about uncle Ritsu. Only, while Agatsuma is convinced it's such a secret, Mimuro knows about it. And it's a well-known law of nature that when Mimuro knows, everyone knows. The guy does little more than gossip. And I mean gossip-gossip, not gossip-provide information. It's always a hazard to listen to him, he repeats every bloody thing he hears if he can only find a willing listener. I make it a point to never talk to him. But I listen. So we're both happy, and stay friends.
Of course, I confirmed the rumour. It was simply too juicy to let it go unused. It took me some time and I exploited my Sources a big deal… My Sources weren't happy. In fact, they were gun-pointing, life-threatening when they found out just how thoroughly they'd been used. They said it'd been the last time I'd done that (suuure) and flatly refused any further cooperation. But I actually think they've already calmed down (relatively) after my 'scandalous behaviour' (an exaggeration on their part) and have forgotten and forgiven (a wishful thinking on mine).
But I did manage to find out that Agatsuma's parents died in a car crash when he was six and that Ritsu was his 'legal guardian' until he was of age. Really, that's a figure of speech of the century. Firstly, a guy called 'Minami Ritsu' doesn't exist. I know we all know otherwise, but I couldn't find him in any database (I think that my digging was what set my Sources off, because obviously Interpol is strictly off-limit). So he couldn't be 'legal' if, in the eyes of law, he's not there. And secondly, I like to think that rape has little to do with 'guarding'. I actually believe it has nothing to do with it.
I think that Agatsuma may react like my Sources once he learns how interested in his past I was, so I'll make sure not to mention it.
Still, his bloody conditioning doesn't justify his vegetable act on my bed! Hell, people don't get conditioned. Dogs do. I think. My dog never listened to me, though, but I still don't know whose fault it was: mine or his.
Alright, I'm coming in. Feeling sorry for him or not, he's taking away my sacrifice from me! Or rather, if he was truly taking him form me, I'd give them my blessing and book them tickets, the problem is he's not taking the Bastard away. He's staying with us. And the sole picture of that self-pitying, self-righteous and generally self-everything git makes me want to do things that would normally make me nauseous. I want to shave off his bloody white hair, cut out his misty eyes (hehe, no, not really. That's the Bastard's hobby) and lock him in a cage and send to the Kamchatka.
I'm not jealous. Far from that. It's not some darkness vs light stuff, some darkness envying light crap. His fucking perfectness that others imagine but which is not really here makes me ready to do stupid stuff like making badges saying 'Agatsuma stinks'. So sue me because of the copyrights. ACTA is in fashion. Truth is, those badges would have the future. Besides, I've always been that kind of guy, just like the blond git. Bite me.
And I don't have a low self-esteem. Is that really so strange that I can't stand the prick who doesn't care for anyone but himself? He cares about the Brat? Bollocks. All he cares about is being a perfect fighter for the Brat (or the Bastard, seems he doesn't mind), so basically, he cares about himself, and he makes me sick, and I'm throwing him out this instant and the Bastard can stuff his orders and taking over the world you-know-where!
"You done being miserable all over my bed sheets?", I manage a sneer to cover how worked-up I really am. And even I know that trying to bodily remove him can't end well. There is a reason why foxes don't attack wolves. Funny thing is, it's wolves who're becoming extinct, while the foxes' population is thriving.
"Get out."
Creative Agatsuma, creative. Pity I don't have a notebook to write it down for our descendants. Only it's you who's getting out.
"Or did you come to get yet another share of others' pain to entertain yourself with?"
That was fucking low! And here I was, almost feeling sorry for the git!
And I don't care he's in pain. That may actually work to my advantage, granted he doesn't kill me first because of that grief. What is he grieving? His brain cells? Because it's stupid to grieve the Brat if all he has to do is move his arse and go to him. The Brat will greet him with open arms. He's naïve like that.
"Actually", I'm not going to dignify it with any other answer. Preferably, I wouldn't address it at all, but the prick may think that silence is my confession, "I came to check up on you. When something doesn't move for hours I tend to assume it's either dead or gone. As much as I'd prefer the latter, I somehow doubted you'd try to run away."
I've spent five hours guarding your door. Unless you count the shower. And the coffee. And the cake.
Yeah, glare at me. I'm pissing myself here you big scary wolf.
Oh, better yet, that's right, sigh on me! Don't you fucking dare pull out your martyr act on me, it's me who's suffering here!
God I hate him. He has (alright, had, past tense here) everything one can wish for, plus people's applause and fame, and he thinks he's so poor. Alright, so he is poor, but not in that sense of the word. So maybe in some sense, too, he doesn't have everything.
"What do you want?"
Does he even realise I'm not manacled to a pipe any longer? No need to play the interrogator with me.
So I won't play. At least not his game.
"What do I want?", I pause for a better effect, "That bracelet I saw yesterday. A ticket for a year of free entrances to the British Museum or the Louvre. A scuba-diving course in Australia. For the Spanish to win the Euro Cup. Someone to find the cure for cancer. My own condo in Paris and a chalet in the Alps. A pizza for dinner" and thousands other stuff. "Unfortunately, I'm broke until the next month, I live in Tokyo so flying to Paris or London and back is pretty inconvenient, I can't dive, cancer is not one illness but has several variants, Seimei doesn't speak French and we only have eggs in the fridge. I'm still counting on La Roja, though."
And still mourning Barcelona, if we're at it. I bet the git doesn't even know what football is. Perfect fighters don't watch football, I'm sure.
"Oh", may as well get over with it, "And I want you to leave my flat. Pronto. Now would be perfect, though I'm feeling generous and I'm willing to give you five minutes. I'm going to have to call those guys getting rid of rats in case you're reluctant", and explain I've found the missing link of the human evolution, "Do you know what are they called, by the way?"
So I still don't speak Japanese well and it ruins the dramatics. Good grief. Besides, I'm a hell of a drama queen without a perfect accent.
"Shut up."
Where's savoir-vivre these days?
God, I sound like abuelo.
"You know I can't leave. You know I don't want to be here in the first place so unless you want to have your hide beaten, get out."
Threats, threats, threats. Ever wondered why they don't work with me? Must have something to do with the fact everyone threatens me: the Bastard, my Sources, the Brat no1, the Brat no2 (must think of calling them something else so I don't get confused), those Zero idiots, my neighbour (and he's the one I'm most concerned with - he threatens with the police, and since my Sources don't talk to me…), the shop assistant at the green grocer's (how could I know it was a girl? She looked like a guy, not my fault I flirted with her!)… Etc.
"De verdad?", please someone tell me he's not that stupid that he thinks I'll believe it. Or that he's so stupid that he believes it, "Then why the hell are you here?"
I'll pay him a thousand if he gives me a reasonable answer. I am known for having a light hand when it comes to money, but this time no one's going to accuse me of wasting my (their) hard-earned cash - there's no reasonable answer to that as far as I'm concerned.
He fucking shakes his head on me! What does he think I am, a three-year old or a slimy snail? Because I'm so sorry, but it wasn't me sitting here as if all gods had abandoned me just mere minutes ago, observing a bloody wall with a face expression of a mole. A dead one.
"I don't know what you're playing at, neither do I care", oh joy, as if I expected something else, "You know all of that, so please make yourself scarce."
Has that git just sent me away? In my own bloody flat?
"You know what, you prick", he's had it coming for a veeery long time, "No, I don't. That's why I'm asking. You don't want to be here, so why the hell are you still contaminating my bed?"
It's easy. It's so easy a real mole would get it. I don't understand him (which may actually be a good thing for me, there are people we're just not meant to understand and if we do we need to start worrying about ourselves) - can anyone be so devoid of a will of their own? I've been called whimsical all my life and I guess they may have had some vague point, but he's just unbelievable!
"Because Seimei ordered me to."
Oh my God, oh my God, someone shoot me now, please. Otherwise I may die of the level of idiocy in that room. The air is getting stale with it.
"And I dislike sitting on the linens you sleep in as much as you do."
Oh my, someone's getting snarky here. Or at least is trying to be. Sorry Mister, you're talking to someone whose middle name is Sarcasm.
"Oh, please", just because I can, I'll be nice, "That's not the bed I sleep in. Do you honestly think I would've agreed to have you placed there? That's a guest room. Not that I consider you a guest, but I didn't want you in the kitchen."
Agatsuma, you're so beside the point it physically hurts.
"Great."
The situation is anything but.
"Now leave me alone."
That'd be too easy, wouldn't it? I'm not gonna leave just because some blonde git decides he wants to pity himself some more in private.
"After you", I graciously show him the door. I hope the message is clear.
Or would be to a normal person. But as that's Agatsuma, he just turns his back on me. Stupid move. Doesn't he know I am a back-stabbing bitch?
Afraid I may do just that, I let myself succumb to a full-blown tantrum. I have some practise with those - benefits of being the younger son.
"Move, you blonde idiot! I don't want you here, you don't want to be here, move your fucking arse!"
If he doesn't get it now, he never will.
Maybe he needs a different approach. A more back-stabbing one, without a use of a real knife. I've never been good with those, I suppose you need a lot of a physical strength to cut someone.
"Don't you have some cat-eared brats to console? Some whining, crying brats that would love you to come and apologise and explain *yet again* how you didn't have a choice?"
Yes, I put a stress on the 'yet again' part. Because really, even a saint would have already lost his patience with the git. While I've always supported the 'forgiveness' motion I also believe that there are some limits to it. Like hair-colour limit. After all, aren't those fair ones considered to be better? So it's only fair. Fair-fair. I'm losing my way with words.
Alright, so that hit a nerve.
Just before he hit my throat, hopefully not damaging any nerves. If I feel numb because of him, I'm suing him! Just after he lets go of me, that is.
"Don't you dare talk about Ritsuka, you weasel."
What the hell! And you look like a mole. You even wear glasses. Are you happy with that? I'd ask, only he's clenching his bloody fingers on my windpipe.
Besides, I like weasels. They're very funny, and very smart. I remember watching a cartoon when I was little where there was a weasel pretending to be a box bush. She was very clever, even if her masquerading skills sucked. They're better than ferrets. And you look like a ferret, ferrets are cowards, so stuff it and let go of my throat, you imbecile!
"Not after everything you've done."
Here we go. Really, they deemed me a sociopath and yet always insist on making me feel guilty. Am I the only one seeing some inconsistence here?
"After what *I* have done?", I elegantly arch my eyebrow. At least one of us is going to be classy here, "You mean, taken the photos? Oh right, that's such an offense, I've no idea how I'll ever redeem myself after such a sin", I kneel him on the crotch to get my point across. I hope I crushed his balls, maybe that will make him stop and think. Hey, I'm so nice! I'm giving him a chance to analyse his behaviour and wrong-doings.
Weasel - Ferret: 1:0.
"Wait, that's not the end of my crimes!", I chirp in a tone that Mimuro finds cute, the Bastard idiotic and my Sources… Ehm, nothings sways them, "I *sent* those pictures too, that gives me a free ticket to Hell", just after you, "So get the fuck off me, Agatsuma."
So all those idiots think I'm the worst monster ever born because I'm cruel, arrogant and a bully (who always gets beaten for it so I don't think that should count). How kind of them to forget that I laugh at the Brat *they* have hurt. If they didn't, I don't think I'd bother with him at all.
He has that determined glint in his eyes. Determination and idiocy can't contribute to anything un-harming. Maybe I shouldn't have provoked him. But then, I'm an arrogant bully (for further reference, see above).
"You hurt him."
I straighten up at that. So he's not only determined and an idiot. He's in denial, too.
"You hurt him more than…"
"More than whom?", I cut in before he has a chance to finish that pitiful accusation, "Than you or Seimei?", if he still doesn't comprehend, he's a lost case. A lost case that needs to get lost from my condo, "More than the two people he loved and trusted the most?", I show my canines.
Alright, so I know it's an animalistic behaviour and I'm not proud of it, okay? Not that I can control it. I have pretty pointy canines, not as blunt as most people do. I had to wear braces when little, and before they finally get in line, so to speak, they'd been too high up in the gums to get blunt. My aunt told me I was a vampire once and I totally freaked out. Now I'm older and smarter, but I think that on some subconscious level I try to threaten people with my 'vampiric' trait.
"You tried to mess up with his head."
No, really? But you and the Bastard had already done such a magnificent job on that.
"I did", he's spitting fire at me either way, "And I don't regret that."
And I swear that if he's planning to plant that fist on my cheek, he's going to end up like Osiris. Only without an Isis to find his body parts afterwards.
"I played with his head a little. What's the big deal? It was a fucking battle, do you hold yourself guilty of things committed during a battle?"
Don't you fucking see it? I had a chance to kill the Brat before and after the Academy. Never wondered why I didn't try to? I've never even approached him out of my free will. I don't like children. They cry, they want to eat and stick bubble gum on my walls. Or pull at my hair. My cousin has retched on my once and María found it sweet. Stupid woman.
"I would if I fought the way you do."
Oh, so he's still there? I have a nasty habit of zoning out, it's going to get me killed once.
"The way I do?", since when one technique is worse than the other? To me, they're all the same. If you hurt people you hurt them and it's bad, no matter if it's elegant or messy, "You're such a fucking hypocrite! I live with Seimei, I know what you've done as well as you do! And you dare criticise me?"
I'm bluffing. The Bastard wouldn't tell me anything, but it's not difficult to guess that Agatsuma is the violent one. After all, who was crushing my windpipe a moment ago? And *I* haven't even touched him (his balls don't count, it was self-defence). I make it my policy to never touch people unless absolutely necessary. They touch me back a lot harder. I talk. I'm a chatter-box, even though most of my conversations I have with myself. I could talk to Mimuro, but we've already covered that.
"You can't really compare attacking somebody's mind with doing physical harm."
What? So he thinks… Alright, so I do make them think so, that is, I've never disagreed… But that's scandalous! Me being worse than him? Just why everyone, me included, insist on comparing us in the terms of 'worse' and 'better'?
One, two, three… I'm not gonna lose it, I'm not gonna…
Wait! Isn't that ridiculous he'd believe crap like that? It just proves how gullible he is. Or how little of his own mind he truly possesses.
"Do you seriously think I play *inside* people's minds?", now listen, you ponce. Listen and *now* pity yourself. "You really are simple. News for you, you can't do it. No one can. It's impossible. Imposible", I know he doesn't like when I use Spanish, "I talked to him. Talked. Not my fault but my luck he believed me. And who's the bad guy here?", I sing, laughing at the joke. Because I've already decided no one is better or worse. Not between us, at least. "I give them a choice. They may or may not believe me. May or may not make themselves vulnerable to me. But you", I smirk, "You cut them. You make them bleed. And you don't feel remorse."
So I've said hurting people is bad, no matter the technique. But once they can choose… We're predators. Or rather, hounds. We're bound to hurt people. As much as I may protest when the Bastard suggests something outrageous, once it's during a battle I have to comply. And giving them a choice, as small as it may be, is the only way of showing them a way out. They just have to follow it.
"Shut up."
He's just fucking grabbed my shoulders! Let go, let go! Don't kill the messenger, I'm just stating common truths there, so let go of my shirt! I swear, if you ruin it, you're paying compensations till your last breath…
"And now what, you're playing this game with me? Talking to me?"
No, I'm talking to myself, I just happen to stand in front of you. Idiocy should be lethal.
"Ya", honestly, if I were him, I'd love to wipe that grin off my face, "And tell me, Agatsuma", I purr, "What's your choice? Do you believe me?"
I think I've just discovered something. I'm suicidal. Does that match a description of a sociopath or do I need to look for some other disorder? I've always liked bipolar. I've told María that I thought I was bipolar once, but she only said I was egocentric and a Byronist. But still, she's an opera singer, not a psychologist.
Don't push me! Don't… Fuck, not the wall!
"You sicken me."
The feeling's mutual.
He almost kills me and then accuses me of being sick?
"Good to be on the familiar territory again", I know I'm trembling and sound like a scared boy. But try having a life-threatening experience with a ton of bricks and stay calm. And I am not exaggerating. I'm not theatrical. I'm not being dramatic. I'm pissed off!
"It's so easy, isn't it? To repeat after everyone that there are two Beloved fighters: the good fair one and the bad dark one. Only who's to tell which one's which?"
If you were a homo sapiens as you lead people to believe, you'd finally understand there's no need to divide us like that. Maybe that process could even take place without inflicting physical pain. I know that there's a saying that some people feel pain when thinking. Agatsuma took it a step further: he's thinking and others are getting hurt!
"When we're on it, you sicken me too", I shrug to let him know that unlike him, the thought doesn't really bother me, "You and Seimei were made for each other, it must have been a mistake I got the name", please, feel free to take him away from me, "You both find me a fucking abomination, someone to use or abuse one way or another because I openly claim not to feel much", and you claim to feel nothing but pain, so I'm sticking to it. "But you know what? I've made some bad choices, I've made some good ones. I've done pretty nasty things some of which I enjoyed more and some less. That's hardly the point. The point it, I might have loved all of them and neither of you have a fucking right to judge me. To do that, you'd need to have a crystal clear conscience. No one has the right to judge others…"
So instead of funding me a therapy, let's get back to the point. Which is: No ferrets in my flat and in my life.
"Are you trying to tell me you're innocent?"
Trust him to completely miss that point. They say I've got complexes because of him? It's him who's constantly starting those moronic comparisons. I don't compare. I know I'm better than him. Not like in better-better. Better as in more intelligent, more charming, wiser and better looking. Not better in a moral sense. It's not that I don't do morals. I don't think myself competent enough to analyse morality of other people.
"No", I sigh, "I'm trying to say you're not innocent."
That while you've been hurt and used and abused, you still had some choices to make. You didn't make bad ones. You just didn't make them at all. And being neutral is the worst neglect. Even in the Bible (don't speculate on me being Christian or not, I'm not providing an answer to that; the Bible is a book everyone should have some knowledge of; it's quite good in an artistic sense) they say you have to be either hot or cold.
"I know that."
I bet he's thinking of the Brat. And I also know he's blaming himself for listening to the Bastard. Which would be good, if he didn't blame himself for belonging to the Bastard first. You know what I mean? He doesn't blame himself for leaving the Brat like a normal person would: that he betrayed his trust, that he didn't stand up. He blames his fate for being the Bastard's first and because of that, having to follow his orders.
"You planning to do something with that, in this case, or wallow in self-pity?"
Maybe we can work with this kind of blame, even though it's misplaced. Don't laugh at my attempts at psychology: it's just that I've been to enough shrinks in my life to have pick something up. I'm nothing but a quick and inquisitive learner.
"What could I do?"
Be still my heart! Have he just asked for advice?
"Not exactly a relationship counsellor here", I have to warn him. I feel compelled to do so: I've even been unable to maintain a relationship with Mimuro, who was clearly head over heels for me, even when I was being myself, not some sweet or sexy flirt. Conclusion: my relationship skills suck. "I can only say that when I don't like an outcome of a decision, I change it. I go and do anything I can to have what I want. I definitely don't behave like a hero of a Greek play", I gave him my best 'you're tiring and a waste of space' look, "You do know what a Greek play is, don't you? All that: 'we can't do anything, it's fate' stuff?"
I wouldn't put it past him not to know that. He studies traditional Japanese art and displays no interest in anything other than the Brat, paints and butterflies. If he was a dog, he'd be easy to satisfy. As a person, he is infuriating. I wonder what the Lollipop guy is on to withstand him. The shit must be strong.
"I know what a Greek play is, Akame."
We're on last names terms now. I'm touched. From Weasel to Akame. Beware, Agatsuma, you may even start to call me Nisei.
"Good", we can't risk getting on first names terms. I'd hate to call him Soubi. It makes me think of the Brat and the way he says it: half begging, half demanding. With a touch of hopelessness. "You do seem to be a bit under-educated sometimes. I was ready to blame it all on your uncle Ritsu."
I'm suicidal. That's a fact. Did I not promise myself not to bring this subject up?
"He's not my uncle."
And maybe we should leave it at that. This way, I may even have my bones whole.
"Under normal circumstances you would call him that", clearly suicidal. And persistent in that. "He was your mother's sacrifice after all."
"You were at the cemetery since the beginning."
That actually makes sense. And he hasn't attacked me yet! Maybe it's not as touchy a subject as I thought. Not that I'm going to share my parents' history and become buddies with him.
"Oh yes", I really should leave it at that, "But I'd known this particular bit before", I didn't risk my allowance to keep it secret. I did a bloody good job on digging that info up. "Anyway, I couldn't lose such a show. You know I'm broke so I can't afford a ticket to the theatre", well, I'm not *that* broke. "You were so much better than the theatre, even Ritsuka…"
The Brat is certainly the touchy subject. Must be because he longs to touch him and has somehow convinced himself that it'll end with the Brat losing his ears. Normal people have self-control to prevent that unappealing outcome of attraction. Agatsuma has his ever-sufficient self-pity. But you get it? Touchy subject, 'cause he wants to touch him. Touchy-touch.
"Shut up about Ritsuka!"
That can do. I'm beginning to sound obsessed.
"Why the hell should I?", I cross my arms defiantly. I always do things to spite others, even myself. Maybe I have a split personality?, "Because you hurt him again and experience conscience pangs? How does it concern *me*? He trusted you, and you left him at the first word of that psychopathic bastard. And don't even tell me that I hurt him too", as I've found out, your crimes always count double in this world when you're called Akame Nisei, "Because you can't compare those two times. He always expected me to try to hurt him, yet he trusted you not to! You talked about loving him. You don't abandon people you love when they beg you not to."
I, for one, know how feelings work. Don't get me wrong, since everyone says I don't have them, I probably don't, but I've read a lot and romanticism is my favourite movement. And I have to be extra-careful with my relationships, which number amounts to the Bastard, Mimuro and my Sources, so I've learnt appropriate reactions to certain behaviours. For example, when someone says to himself aloud 'I'm feeling like a cup of coffee', you offer you can make some for the two of you, because people don't talk aloud if they're the sole potential listener. It's actually quite easy, if a bit tricky. But it's not all that difficult to be polite and friendly without empathy.
"I had no choice!"
So we're shouting now. Good, we must be nearing the culmination point. I do hope it's not a murder.
"So what?", one of us has to stay calm, and I'm quite proud it's me at last, "Do you have some little mechanism wired in your brain that goes off whenever you disobey him?"
Have you watched 'Buffy'? I have. I think Agatsuma would be the Angel type. Their sex lives are equally interesting.
He's silent, either because he's lost again or he wants me to continue. Happy for any audience as I am, I graciously comply.
"I thought not", oh, here it comes, my perfectly practised drawl, "You don't really know why you did that, do you? You could say it's your training, it's your place as a fighter to listen. But you've thought for Ritsuka recently, so he's your new sacrifice. As a blank, you can change them. You could have fought down the urge to submit to Seimei. Only you didn't. Do you want to know why?", he looks ready to confess to his mole pedigree and dig himself a hole to bury himself in, "Because you're comfortable being a slave. You don't have to choose. You can grieve the hurt you brought onto the Brat, but you can also make yourself believe you didn't have a choice. It's a perfect existence, because you never have to decide what's right and what's wrong by yourself."
I honestly hope those aren't his motives, even if the proof indicates otherwise. But if you want them to buy it, you have to shake them.
"Like you know that."
Excuse me? Have he ever seen me bowing to the Bastard's every wish? If I did, the Brat would have been restricted in the first two minutes of our 'fight' at the Academy. Of course, he's a blind mole, so he doesn't pay attention to such trivialities.
Then it hits me. He doesn't mean that. He's opinion of little poor me isn't so high that he'd accuse me of slave-like conduct. No, that'd be too merciful of him. He doesn't find me capable of even noticing the existence of morality and ethics.
"Doing 'bad' things doesn't mean one doesn't recognise good ones."
I'm not going to provide him with anything else. Let him interpret it in whatever way he likes, I don't care. He may even begin to suspect I'm some lost soul willing to help him. I am, as long as it helps me and my living standards.
"So what do you truly want, other than preach me?"
Heh. We've covered that. He doesn't learn from his mistakes and, surprise for you, Ferret, that's not the evidence you don't make them.
"I told you, I want you to get out of my house and my hair."
After all that philosophical talk and hints at me being a misguided or misunderstood white hat, it's safe to say the truth. He won't believe it, because people never think of the most obvious solutions.
"You heard Seimei: he didn't abandon me, so sorry, you have to deal with me until he decides to do that."
God, Agatsuma. When you get a tick, you don't wait for it to fall off on its own. You dispose of it. And go to the doctor for injection, in case it was one of those illness-bringing ones. Which in this case is 100% sure.
I must admit, the picture of the Bastard with all those extra legs moving in all directions is hilarious. If I were Agatsuma, I'd paint it. The worst I can do is write about it, though.
"You're pathetic. All you have to do is abandon him first."
I know he won't appreciate the tick metaphor. He's one of those people who idolise everything you can bring home from the forest. Or quickly get attached to black things that have earlier attached themselves to their arm pits.
"Yup, it's easy as that. Walk out and never return. The Brat loves you, he will forgive you. Or do you want to be a puppet till you die? Do you want to be abandoned one day, broken beyond repair? Because that's what's going to happen. Make a fucking choice, Agatsuma, once in your life."
I can't believe I'm the one saying that. Giving. Agatsuma. Advice. Good one. Truth to be told, my advice is always good, rare as it is. I share an opinion that the thing with advice is like that medical vow: firstly, do not harm.
"Thought so. The door is this way."
Get out. Just get lost. I have to think of some suitably evil explanation for my actions that I'm going to give to the Bastard. You don't really see me reciting the Hippocratic oath to him, do you? I have a rep to maintain.
...