Ranting
God, I'm tired. Don't think I've really done anything this week apart from work, except the first week of my badminotn upgrade/trial - but next week's the one I'm worried about, and not looking forward to it so much stress hurrah! -_-;
I took Tuesday off because I wasn't feeling too well in the morning, probably brought on by lack of sleep and stress and a persuing cold/bad throat. That probably didn't help, when I have an aimless, unproductive day my self-esteem goes down and I feel worse. I'm 10 months into this job though, longest I've had a full-time one, and not had a holiday as such yet (just odd weekend). Not like I can't afford it, and I have 7 days holiday left, but I don't have anywhere I want to go, and mostly no-one to go with. Maybe it's singleness kicking in, iunno, tomorrow'a gonna be a bitch as I had planned a long weekend with Yuri in a posh hotel/spa jig. I'm getting off early though, so let's shopping therapies! ^^
But generally, lots of angst due to aimlessness. I'm good at my job, have stability and various hobbies and friends, but I'm not at all motivated for anything, so what use is all that? Drifting along, la la blah. And all those little annoyances, joys in life that you want to tell someone about, a best friend or lover, someone you feel a link with? Whilst I have good friends and know cool people that I highly respect, and trust, there's no-one I'm truly close to. Another thing to do with my self-esteem lately, probably. After watching Children of Men (great film, go watch!) I'm reminded at how ignorant I am of the world, what a parasite I am, and that depresses me too.
Trying not to fall back into one of my depressive phases, which usually haunts me at this time of year as the wheather worsens, but I just had to get some of this ANGST++ off my chest and across to anyone who may give a damn. As long as I don't start to distance myself from friends and the outside world, I should be a-okay, so going to make more effort to be social now ("if anyone'll have me" emo lol!).
Aims for the next couple of months: Get some cosplay a-going on for self-confidence and accomplishment (Halloween SilentHill Nurse fhoo!), set up a savings account for financial smugness and future-security, and buy a laptop and set up for my personal use - I use a shared computer set up by family or work for browsing, and leech off other people for downloads. It irks me, I need to take more control with my online stuff and anime/manga requirements. End rant!
I took Tuesday off because I wasn't feeling too well in the morning, probably brought on by lack of sleep and stress and a persuing cold/bad throat. That probably didn't help, when I have an aimless, unproductive day my self-esteem goes down and I feel worse. I'm 10 months into this job though, longest I've had a full-time one, and not had a holiday as such yet (just odd weekend). Not like I can't afford it, and I have 7 days holiday left, but I don't have anywhere I want to go, and mostly no-one to go with. Maybe it's singleness kicking in, iunno, tomorrow'a gonna be a bitch as I had planned a long weekend with Yuri in a posh hotel/spa jig. I'm getting off early though, so let's shopping therapies! ^^
But generally, lots of angst due to aimlessness. I'm good at my job, have stability and various hobbies and friends, but I'm not at all motivated for anything, so what use is all that? Drifting along, la la blah. And all those little annoyances, joys in life that you want to tell someone about, a best friend or lover, someone you feel a link with? Whilst I have good friends and know cool people that I highly respect, and trust, there's no-one I'm truly close to. Another thing to do with my self-esteem lately, probably. After watching Children of Men (great film, go watch!) I'm reminded at how ignorant I am of the world, what a parasite I am, and that depresses me too.
Trying not to fall back into one of my depressive phases, which usually haunts me at this time of year as the wheather worsens, but I just had to get some of this ANGST++ off my chest and across to anyone who may give a damn. As long as I don't start to distance myself from friends and the outside world, I should be a-okay, so going to make more effort to be social now ("if anyone'll have me" emo lol!).
Aims for the next couple of months: Get some cosplay a-going on for self-confidence and accomplishment (Halloween SilentHill Nurse fhoo!), set up a savings account for financial smugness and future-security, and buy a laptop and set up for my personal use - I use a shared computer set up by family or work for browsing, and leech off other people for downloads. It irks me, I need to take more control with my online stuff and anime/manga requirements. End rant!