Fic: Honesty is the Best Policy, Part 1/2
Title: Honesty is the Best Policy
Characters: Buffy/Angel
Rating: NC-17
Warning: Explicit sex. Only read if you're allowed, please. Nothing too kinky here, just setting the groundwork for later.
Setting: AU, post- both series. Vague mention of ATF but doesn't interfere with the story.
Summary: Buffy and Angel set out to explore their boundries.
Disclaimer: Not mine, just playing
A/N: I started this to be as quick as my last PWP, and then they just wouldn't shut up. I like this new playground so much that I've decided to make a new 'verse out of it (Look, Mom! I made a 'verse!) It's going to be the Bared Souls Universe, and I promise the second part will be less talky.
Cross-posed at chosenfics and joyousrebellion .
Buffy knew she wasn't the best communicator. It had taken her many pointless fights and a few failed relationships to admit this to herself, but there it was. She was pretty sure Angel knew how much she loved him, and how grateful she was that they had found each other again, against all odds and prophecies. Still, every time she was about to spill over with a big confession, she found herself swallowing it.
Sex was a particular problem. Not that she had much to complain about when it came to Angel's sexual performance, oh no. He had given her more orgasms than she had thought one person could safely survive. No complaints there. It wasn't about what they were doing; it was about what they weren't doing.
As fate would have it, Buffy had not developed her sexual identity with Angel. The universe and one pesky curse had conspired such that her formative years had been spent in the arms of others.
First, Parker had reinforced her feelings of inadequacy by bolting at the first opportunity. Then, Riley had shown her the kinder side of things. They had explored the basics together, though not much more. It had been sweet, and fun, but she always felt here was something missing.
Finally, with Spike, she'd discovered what that was. She never had to tell Spike what she wanted. He just seemed to know. At first, she was disgusted with herself. Could she really be deriving pleasure from pain? From humiliation? She was supposed to a strong independent woman, and here she was, letting her former enemy do abhorrent, twisted, wrong things to her. Her rejection of Spike was in no small part a rejection of that darkness within herself. Once returned to the light, Buffy had not intended to look back. Yet here she was, in the arms of the best person she knew, and she had the audacity to yearn for more.
She lay in bed staring at the ceiling of their room in the Hyperion, their new, shared home, again restored to its former glory after the battle in the alley and Angel's return from his second trip to hell. For once, Angel had drifted off to sleep first, leaving her alone with her thoughts. Sleep was frustratingly elusive. Sticky with sweat from their earlier lovemaking and still a little overheated, she resisted the urge to throw his arm off her torso, knowing it would awaken him, and possibly force her to explain what kept her up.
The night's events played through her head. As always, Angel had been sweet, attentive, generous. She had been treated first to his skilled mouth, which meticulously tended to every part of her quivering body, then to his skilled cock, which plunged her depths until she had come around him with a contented sigh. The whole time he was fucking her, he kept his pace steady, his thrusts firm but gentle. Unable to tell him what she wanted, she had tried to show him, digging her heels into his ass, begging moreharderfaster, but he had only barely increased his speed and force. Not that she hadn't come, just not the way she wanted to.
Buffy wanted to come screaming, writhing, begging. She wanted to hear Angel growl as he slammed her into the wall, the floor, anything. She wanted him to hold her head still as he plunged mercilessly into her mouth, shooting his cum into her throat as she struggled not to gag. She wanted to scratch crimson lines down his back as he pierced her yielding flesh with his fangs, drinking down her orgasm until she didn't know where she ended and he began.
As more and darker scenarios spun through her mind, Buffy shuddered, both with desire and shame. Surely, Angel would be equally disgusted if he knew her thoughts. Buffy knew what a pedestal he put her on. On some level, he still saw her as the sixteen-year-old virgin he'd first fallen in love with. When she was in high school, Angel had clearly struggled to protect her virtue, and she feared he would be horrified to learn that her purity had been sullied long ago. Undoubtedly, he would intuit that she had first explored these desires with Spike, adding insult to injury. No, some things were better kept to oneself.
A part of Buffy suspected that he shared some of her desires. She felt it when he gripped her shoulders just a little too tightly while taking her from behind, when he ripped her panties off in his desperation to join with her, when he looked at her like he wanted to devour her whole. He was a vampire, after all. Even ensouled, he couldn't be completely immune to the darker predilections of his kind. Still, whenever Angel seemed just about to let go, he would always reined it back in. He would sheepishly buy replacements for her torn clothing, and if she showed even a hint of a bruise, he would refuse to come near her for days, wallowing in his self-imposed exile until Buffy convinced him that she was tired of suffering from the mutual punishment.
She looked down at the well-muscled arm that was slung across her belly. She wondered what those strong hands would feel like wrapped around her wrists. Or maybe she wanted those hands free to do sordid things to her. If his hands were free, something else would have to hold her down. Angel had only ever chained her up once, and that had not been under the best of circumstances. Perhaps they could erase those sad memories by making new, happier ones.
How would it go? Handcuffs? No, manacles. Thick and strong around her wrists, with chains stretching her arms up towards the ceiling. Angel, stalking around her like a hunter encircling prey, piercing her with his gaze.
As the scene spun out, Buffy felt a gentle throbbing begin between her legs. She slowly reached down to run her fingers through her wet folds. It pleased her that the wetness was a mixture of the two of them. She turned her head to look at his sleeping face. So handsome. She could stare at that face for hours. It partly assuaged her guilt that she only ever thought of Angel when imagining these scenes. Spike never even made a cameo.
Now, where was she? Ah, yes, fantasy Angel had ceased his stalking and now stood behind her. She could feel his hot gaze boring into her back. She softly flicked her fingers across her clit, keeping her movements small so as not to disturb her sleeping partner. Growing impatient, she jumped ahead. Angel now had her pressed face first against the wall, his hands pinning hers on either side of her head. He was slamming into her mercilessly from behind, knocking the wind out of her with each thrust. Buffy sped up the motions over her clit. In her mind, Angel grunted in rhythm with his thrusts. Suddenly, he growled from deep within his chest, and she knew what was coming. His razor sharp fangs pierced the side of her neck, the pain quickly followed by overwhelming pleasure.
Her fantasy blended with the memories of the only time Angel had ever drunk her. She could almost feel the cold concrete floor beneath her, Angel’s weight pressing her down, the fear, relief and excitement coursing through her as her world exploded in pleasure. Now, she added in Angel’s hard cock thrusting into her as she came. He pulled his fangs out, still in game face, staring down at her with his intense, yellow eyes. As her orgasm receded, Angel’s thrusts began to falter, but just as she thought he was about to come, he pulled out and sprayed his cool seed all over her belly and thighs.
Back in her real bed, Buffy’s hips involuntarily bucked off the mattress, and she came with a soft gasp, her eyes fluttering shut.
When she came back to herself, she was startled realize that Angel’s arm no longer lay across her. She slowly opened her eyes to find her lover awake and gazing down at her. He was giving her that hard look, the one where she didn’t know if he was aroused or angry, or both. She held his gaze, bracing herself for his judgment. Finally, when she thought she could bear it no longer, he spoke.
“Do it again,” he growled.
“What?” She was genuinely shocked, but she could see the desire behind his eyes. Again he spoke, “I want to watch you. Do it again.” She could feel his hard cock against her thigh, giving her no doubt that he meant every word. Fingers trembling, she reached back down to her slick folds. She flicked over her clit in earnest, praying she could do this with him watching. Seeking some relief from his scrutiny, her eyes drifted closed so she could concentrate on the sensations between her legs.
“No. Don’t close your eyes. I want you to look at me.” Buffy stubbornly kept her eyes shut and stilled her movements. “I can’t. I can’t do this in front of you.”
She heard a chuckle from deep within his chest. “I think you can.” He slid his hand over hers, adding to the pressure on her clit. “I think you’re going to, because I told you to.”
The dominance in his voice. It melted her to her core. She willed herself to open her eyes. He was still there, looking even more aroused. Her confidence growing, she resumed her gentle motions. After a few moments, he lifted his hand off of hers, indicating that he wanted her to continue alone.
Steeling her courage, Buffy held his gaze as she continued to swirl her fingers around her clit. Soon, she was lost in those dark orbs, and all doubts flew from her mind. This is Angel. He loves you. He wants this. Before she knew it, her hips were bucking off the bed, her orgasm rushing through her body, forcing soft moans from her mouth.
A warm blush came over her cheeks, but she forced herself to remain still. Oh, God, had she really done that? Angel’s eyes were so dark that they were almost black. Never breaking her gaze, he slid his hand down her belly and quickly pushed one long finger inside her, in and out. A small aftershock went through her at his touch, and she bucked one more time. Stunned, she watched him bring that finger back up to his mouth and loving suck off her juices. Once cleaned, he ran his wet finger softly over her cheek, sending shivers down her body.
“That was beautiful.” A half smile crept across his face. Just then, Buffy realized she had been holding her breath. It took her a moment to find her voice.
“Beautiful?” Was this really happening? His smile widened. “Yes, of course beautiful, Buffy. Everything about you is beautiful. Everything you do is beautiful.” A warmth spread through her chest, causing her heart to flutter. Love. Acceptance.
“I just…we haven’t…” She took a deep breath and forced herself to focus. It’s now or never, Buffy. This is your chance. “I didn’t think you were into that sort of stuff.”
His smile took on a shade of smirk. “What sort of ‘stuff,’ Buffy?”
Oh, God, was he going to make her say it? “Stuff that’s more…out there.” His expression was unchanged, waiting for her to elaborate. Ok, let’s try this again. “There are some things that I want to try…with you. I just, I just don’t want to turn you off or, scare you away.”
His smile transformed into full smirk, “I’m into anything as long as it’s with you.” Her eyes widened at the implications. “So, care to let me in on some of these fantasies of yours?” The finger that had been stroking her cheek had moved down to trace laze patterns across her belly. It was making it hard for her to concentrate. Again, she squeezed her eyes shut and shielded her face with her hands.
“I don’t think I can say it Angel.” No, there was no way she could put what she wanted into words. And say them. To him.
“Ok, let’s try this a different way. You said these fantasies involve me, right?” She nodded behind her hands. “Then I’m already a fan.” She said nothing. Angel tried different tact. “How about, I tell you one of my fantasies, and then you tell me one of yours?”
Slowly, she lowered her hands and opened her eyes. Angel’s fantasies? Somehow, she’d never considered what his fantasies might be. She searched his face for the love and trust she needed, and when she found it, she nodded.
Angel’s face split with a wide grin. He splayed his hand across her belly and propped his head up with the other. “Ok, I want this to be clear. I will never make you do anything you don’t want to do. If you don’t like what I tell you, I won’t be upset or hurt. Got it?” She nodded. His hand was on the move again, his palm running up her chest, over her breasts, finally coming to rest on the curve of her neck, not squeezing, just laying there. It was a very possessive gesture. His face became serious again, contemplative. His eyes flickered over her face, as if searching for something. She found herself holding her breath again, anxiously waiting to hear what he had to say.
“I want to fuck you in the ass.”
Buffy was speechless. She wasn’t sure what she thought he would say, but it hadn’t been that. It was so direct, so harsh. But was there any better way to say it? “I want to have anal sex with you” would have been so clinical. As the words sunk in, she felt excitement well up in her body, with a distinct, new throbbing between her legs. Suddenly, fear swept through her, dowsing her arousal. How would she tell him it wouldn’t be her first time? If she didn’t tell him, would he know?
Angel was still waiting for her answer. She had to say something. Her first attempt came out as a squeak. She tried again. “I...um…that sounds like…fun.” She could see the relief on his face.
“Are you sure? This is something you want?” She nodded vigorously, not trusting herself to speak. His smile gave way to concern. “Buffy, what’s wrong? You can tell me.” How does he read me so well?
“It’s just, Angel, where is this coming from? Why didn’t you tell me before?” He took his hand away from her throat and pushed himself up higher.
“Why didn’t you tell me before?” He countered. That was legitimate.
Her eyes drifted away from his face. “I was afraid of what you’d say, that you’d be disgusted with me, or disappointed in me.”
He put a finger under her chin, gently lifting, forcing her to meet his eyes again. The move stirred a bittersweet memory. “And you think I didn’t fear the same thing? But Buffy, disgusted? Disappointed? I could never feel those things about you. There’s nothing you could tell me that would scare me away. Remember, we went over this. I’m done with leaving. I couldn’t leave you again if I wanted to, and I’ll never want that.”
She pushed herself up to sitting, and he followed her. “Then why have you been holding back from me, Angel? I can feel it. You’re afraid to touch me.”
Now he was the one to break eye contact, letting his head fall, a move of defeat. He words came out so softly, she had to strain to hear him. “Buffy, I’m a monster. Some days, I’m just one stroke away from unleashing all of the evil that I keep bottle up inside. Part of me will always be living on that edge.” His eyes drifted up to her neck. “If I go over, it could destroy us both, and I can’t risk that, not with you.”
Buffy felt a hint of a smile cross her lips. He was still her Angel, self-sacrificing to a fault. “Angel, remember we went over this, too. I told you. I want all of you, the man and the monster. You don’t have to hide yourself from me anymore. Besides, I’m still the Slayer. I can still kick your ass if I need to.”
He smiled at that statement. Her smile broadened in response, until they were both grinning at each other like fools. It was Buffy who broke first, let out an embarrassed laugh that Angel soon echoed. “I guess we’ve both been pretty foolish, huh?” He nodded in agreement. “So, ok, new deal. No one hides anymore. We both have to be honest with each other about everything.”
“Deal,” Angel agreed. Buffy was making the proposal. She just hoped she could keep up her end of the bargain. Angel spoke again, “So first thing then, are you sure that’s all that’s bothering you?”
Her deepening blush betrayed her. It was only a minute ago that she had promised to be honest. A lie now would not set a good precedent. With a big breath in, she spoke, “I, um, sort of did it before.” She thought she saw disappointment flicker across his features, but it was gone so fast that she wasn’t sure. Since he hadn’t stalked out of the room yet, she continued, “And when I did, it kind of…hurt.”
Angel’s face became very serious. “Well, then, who ever did that with you didn’t know what they were doing.” She said nothing. She was pretty sure that Angel knew who “they” was. And she was pretty sure that Spike did know what he was doing. Hurting had been part of the point. “If we do it right Buffy, it won’t hurt. I promise.”
She nodded, but Angel wasn’t finished. “Now, then, I believe you agreed to share one of your fantasies.” She shuddered. She had completely forgotten. Well, they had already come so far tonight, how bad could one more admission be?
She protectively wrapped her arms around her bent knees. “What if I want it to hurt?” Angel looked dumbfounded. “What?” he asked.
“What if I want you to hurt me, Angel? I mean, not hurt me hurt me, but, be a little rougher?” He continued to stare at her in shock. She tried to explain better. “I want to be yours, Angel, completely. I want to give my body over to you, and I want you to take possession of it.”
His eyes trailed over her body, his expression inscrutable. Despite his recent expressions of love and loyalty, she stilled braced herself for rejection. “Buffy, do you know what you’re asking?”
She paused for a moment. “Yes. I mean, I think so.”
“Buffy, you’re asking me to tap into some things that are better left buried. If we go down this road, I’m not sure where it’s going to lead.” She moved to roll off the bed.
“I mean, if you don’t want to -“ Two strong hands came down firmly on her shoulders, halting her retreat.
“I never said I didn’t want to. You don’t know how much I want to.” His hands tightened on her shoulders. His look was pleading, almost desperate. It was heartbreaking to see him struggle like this. Buffy reached out with her hand and cupped the side of his face. She had to find some way to reassure him.
“Maybe it would good for you, Angel, for us.” He leaned his face into her hand. Hoping for levity, she smiled and said, “And remember that thing I said about kicking your ass? Still true.”
They seem to hang there forever in the moment, her comforting, him battling. Finally, he nodded. “Ok, Buffy. Let’s do this.”
tbc…