Sausage Tomato Café (and other works)
The Oyster's frighteningly prolific streak continues unabated.
Sausage Tomato Café
[This one only got as far as its particularly fine copyright page and table of contents.]
Sausage Tomato Café is a book of copyright published in 2009.
Printed on [our street address], Dublin 12
By [Oyster].
The copyright holder's job's name is [Oyster].
12 books of this sort are put around the world and great delightment to children. No other book in the world wants to be this book. Please can you accept its request and keep on reading.
ISBN: 393-47110-3436-8
All rights reserved.
By [Oyster] copyright.
Do not make other books this book.
Printed on a houseboat.
Contents
Smiley Face Pizza
Spice Soup
Poached White Pudding
Lovely Mushroom and Tomato Soup
Bread and Meat Dinner
Dessert
Strawberry and Chocolate Cake
Iced Fruit Cake
Soup Over a Chocolate Cake
Crab and Jam Tart
Shower Biscuits
[He's recently noticed that the "printed in" line generally states the country, not the city, so we're not doing "Printed in Dublin" any more.]
Maid Marian to Sherwood
[I was waiting for this one, which is a departure from the all-male Robin Hood book he's getting his inspiration from.]
One day, Robin Hood was looking out for a wealthy guest when he found a girl walking through Sherwood.
"Would you like to dine with me, madam?" said Robin.
"Have a fight, and we'll see who wins. If I win, I will go on my way, and if you win, I will dine with you."
At last, when the fight was over, Robin declared his true identity, and she joined their band.
[Such dodgy gender politics from one so young. Could have been worse, I suppose. I asked the Oyster who won the fight. He hesitated, then said it had been a draw. Clearly, a win for Marian would have been entirely out of keeping with the general tenor of the work.]
The Leaf Villain
[The only extant story from a collection that was originally to have included "Super-[Oyster]", "Ball Monster", and "Lives in a Lake".]
One day, Alex was walking along the street when he saw a face with an evil laugh coming out of its mouth through the leaves. He tried to ignore it, but it bit his foot! He screamed for his Mama. His Mama came, and then the villain came out of the leaves, chasing them down the road to school. The teacher threw her out the window, but then she destroyed the school. No one was hurt, but the school flew to pieces. The teacher was very angry, and sent them home.
[This one feels CBeebies-influenced to me. I wish I knew whether it was the leaf villain or the Mama who destroyed the school!]
Sausage Tomato Café
[This one only got as far as its particularly fine copyright page and table of contents.]
Sausage Tomato Café is a book of copyright published in 2009.
Printed on [our street address], Dublin 12
By [Oyster].
The copyright holder's job's name is [Oyster].
12 books of this sort are put around the world and great delightment to children. No other book in the world wants to be this book. Please can you accept its request and keep on reading.
ISBN: 393-47110-3436-8
All rights reserved.
By [Oyster] copyright.
Do not make other books this book.
Printed on a houseboat.
Contents
Smiley Face Pizza
Spice Soup
Poached White Pudding
Lovely Mushroom and Tomato Soup
Bread and Meat Dinner
Dessert
Strawberry and Chocolate Cake
Iced Fruit Cake
Soup Over a Chocolate Cake
Crab and Jam Tart
Shower Biscuits
[He's recently noticed that the "printed in" line generally states the country, not the city, so we're not doing "Printed in Dublin" any more.]
Maid Marian to Sherwood
[I was waiting for this one, which is a departure from the all-male Robin Hood book he's getting his inspiration from.]
One day, Robin Hood was looking out for a wealthy guest when he found a girl walking through Sherwood.
"Would you like to dine with me, madam?" said Robin.
"Have a fight, and we'll see who wins. If I win, I will go on my way, and if you win, I will dine with you."
At last, when the fight was over, Robin declared his true identity, and she joined their band.
[Such dodgy gender politics from one so young. Could have been worse, I suppose. I asked the Oyster who won the fight. He hesitated, then said it had been a draw. Clearly, a win for Marian would have been entirely out of keeping with the general tenor of the work.]
The Leaf Villain
[The only extant story from a collection that was originally to have included "Super-[Oyster]", "Ball Monster", and "Lives in a Lake".]
One day, Alex was walking along the street when he saw a face with an evil laugh coming out of its mouth through the leaves. He tried to ignore it, but it bit his foot! He screamed for his Mama. His Mama came, and then the villain came out of the leaves, chasing them down the road to school. The teacher threw her out the window, but then she destroyed the school. No one was hurt, but the school flew to pieces. The teacher was very angry, and sent them home.
[This one feels CBeebies-influenced to me. I wish I knew whether it was the leaf villain or the Mama who destroyed the school!]