A Tale of Two Tylers (5b/6)
Chapter Five: Prescription (Part B)
“So you aren’t trying to torture me?” The Doctor asked.
“Nah,” Jack replied, dumping the hangover concoction down the drain. The TARDIS let out a small, irked sound at the puce liquid flowing through its sewage. The Doctor nodded.
“I have to give it to the TARDIS, she has good taste.”
“Hey, if she had a hangover you’d be thanking me right now…This was supposed to be nice.”
“That was a semi-toxic olive branch?”
“Sure. Except the semi-toxic part.”
The Doctor stood and started messing with things on the console. It looked suspiciously like fidgeting to Jack.
“Where did all this goodwill come from, anyway?” the Doctor asked. “Should I be worried?”
“Well, after you couldn’t handle your banana daiquiris, Rose and I had a talk.”
The Doctor fiddled with the controls, waiting for Jack to explain.
“Look, it’s okay, Doctor, everyone knows that your anger towards me only comes from our long-denied attraction to each other.”
“Uh-huh.”
“And I now know that my death sent you spiraling into a deep state of depression, and now you’re just scared of losing me again. And, it’s okay, you know, you shouldn’t be ashamed of what Rose heard, everyone has those dreams now and then…”
The Doctor finally looked up. “Jack,” he said. “That’s not what this is about.”
Jack’s grin swept away effortlessly, his eyes wide and waiting. The Doctor sighed.
“It’s about immortality.”
* * *
After giving Jaye a few more seconds to mope, Rose stood and tapped the girl’s shoulder. “Come on,” she said.
“I’m not going to play the good cop,” Jaye said.
“Okay.”
Jaye stood, too, and leaned against the doorway to her bedroom. Rose picked up the animals Jaye had tossed off the bed and apologized softly before she put them back on the pink duvet. Once more, she nodded to Jaye.
“Um, less freaky…alien…things,” Jaye tried, and Rose rolled her eyes.
“Mineites.”
“Right. Those…Ugh, I think I’m compromising.”
The brass monkey stroked his chin. “Most promising.”
“You could sound a little less sarcastic,” Jaye said. “That doctor guy could probably go into my mind and evict all of you right now, you know.”
“And,” Rose added, turning on the sonic screwdriver, “we have this.”
“Ooh, and we totally have that.”
The boxed ladybug fluttered her wings. “Please don’t!” she piped.
“Patch it up!” cawed the parrot.
“We meant no harm!”
“And you?” Jaye said, turning to the wax lion. “What do you have to say?”
The wax lion shrugged.
“No quips? No orders? No nagging, obnoxious songs?”
“Hmm,” the lion said, and it opened its mouth wide like it wanted to launch into a new round of “My Darling Clementine.”
“I don’t think that would be a good idea,” Rose said quietly. The lion shut its mouth. “Now. You have a problem, we have a solution. And we’re willing to compromise. Which means, as the Doctor figured out, giving Jaye a break from the orders.”
Rose turned to look at Jaye, who was staring at her like she just discovered a way to grow money on trees.
“They can do that?” Jaye asked.
“Yeah, the Doctor seems to think so. All we need is your agreement,” she said to the animals, “which seems pretty fair to me, considering she’s keeping your species alive. You just need to think of a phrase, Jaye. Something you’ll remember.”
“A word of advice?” The wax lion offered.
Jaye grinned.
* * *
“Oh, please. You don’t even have to face your exes! Not with the same face, anyway-or you can just hop in the TARDIS and go. You have no idea what it’s like to be immortal.”
“You know, there’s an easy way to solve that problem,” the Doctor said. He sat down on the plush seat across from where Jack was standing and propped his feet against the console. “Stop dating.”
Jack’s laugh rang through the TARDIS. “Not on one of your lives. Sex is the one thing that never grows old. Besides me, of course.”
“Oh, you’ll grow old, Jack, eventually. Everything does.”
“Will I die?”
“I’m not sure,” the Doctor said. He didn’t sound angry, but his face pinched a little in concern. “Do you want to?”
Jack shrugged. “Someday, sure. Definitely. But I’ve jumped off enough cliffs to know that’s not going to happen anytime soon, no matter what I want. Doctor, why am I still alive?”
“Satellite Five,” the Doctor murmured.
“I was there.”
“So was Rose. Even after I sent her home, she was there. She came back. I should have known.”
“Sending her home was the right choice-you were protecting her.”
The Doctor laughed, harshly. “Yeah.” He leapt up, and leaned on the console next to Jack. “I sent her home in the TARDIS. Simple. Only she managed to rip the ship open and stare into the heart of it, straight into the time vortex.”
The Doctor stared at one of the control panels, as if he had ripped it open and absorbed the vortex himself. As if he couldn’t look away.
“Then she came back, dissolved the Daleks, made you immortal, and fainted…I might’ve kissed her sometime in there, too.”
“Rose.”
“I let her stare into the time vortex,” the Doctor practically growled. “Another Timelord, back when there were other Timelords…The Master, he stared into time vortex, and it drove him mad. He murdered thousands in cold blood.”
Jack’s eyes widened in fear. “Does Rose seem any different?”
The Doctor laughed harshly again, and Jack shivered.
“Of course not. I absorbed the vortex back and I regenerated. Rose doesn’t remember a thing.”
Jack waited, but the Doctor seemed to have finished. “…I don’t see the problem,” Jack said.
“She could have gone mad! The whole of time and space, dancing in front of her eyes? I could take the power out of her, but I never could’ve cured insanity. If she’d gone crazy, if I had let the one person who…she can’t know, Jack. She’d never trust me again.”
“I’m not too sure about that, Doctor; Rose just might surprise you. You said it yourself, she absorbed the time vortex-how many humans could do that? It might have driven someone else crazy, but not Rose. She’s fine. She didn’t turn into, um, The Mistress, or anything.”
The Doctor glared at Jack. “The Mistress?”
Jack shrugged. “I’m just saying.”
"The Mistress?”
“She’s fine!”
The Doctor nodded proudly. “She is. But if you mention this to Rose I’ll have to kill you.”
Jack pouted at the Doctor.
“This really doesn’t work as a threat anymore, does it?”
“Nah. But you don’t have to worry about me, Doctor.”
“Hmm,” the Doctor said. “Maybe you’re right.”
Epilogue
“So you aren’t trying to torture me?” The Doctor asked.
“Nah,” Jack replied, dumping the hangover concoction down the drain. The TARDIS let out a small, irked sound at the puce liquid flowing through its sewage. The Doctor nodded.
“I have to give it to the TARDIS, she has good taste.”
“Hey, if she had a hangover you’d be thanking me right now…This was supposed to be nice.”
“That was a semi-toxic olive branch?”
“Sure. Except the semi-toxic part.”
The Doctor stood and started messing with things on the console. It looked suspiciously like fidgeting to Jack.
“Where did all this goodwill come from, anyway?” the Doctor asked. “Should I be worried?”
“Well, after you couldn’t handle your banana daiquiris, Rose and I had a talk.”
The Doctor fiddled with the controls, waiting for Jack to explain.
“Look, it’s okay, Doctor, everyone knows that your anger towards me only comes from our long-denied attraction to each other.”
“Uh-huh.”
“And I now know that my death sent you spiraling into a deep state of depression, and now you’re just scared of losing me again. And, it’s okay, you know, you shouldn’t be ashamed of what Rose heard, everyone has those dreams now and then…”
The Doctor finally looked up. “Jack,” he said. “That’s not what this is about.”
Jack’s grin swept away effortlessly, his eyes wide and waiting. The Doctor sighed.
“It’s about immortality.”
* * *
After giving Jaye a few more seconds to mope, Rose stood and tapped the girl’s shoulder. “Come on,” she said.
“I’m not going to play the good cop,” Jaye said.
“Okay.”
Jaye stood, too, and leaned against the doorway to her bedroom. Rose picked up the animals Jaye had tossed off the bed and apologized softly before she put them back on the pink duvet. Once more, she nodded to Jaye.
“Um, less freaky…alien…things,” Jaye tried, and Rose rolled her eyes.
“Mineites.”
“Right. Those…Ugh, I think I’m compromising.”
The brass monkey stroked his chin. “Most promising.”
“You could sound a little less sarcastic,” Jaye said. “That doctor guy could probably go into my mind and evict all of you right now, you know.”
“And,” Rose added, turning on the sonic screwdriver, “we have this.”
“Ooh, and we totally have that.”
The boxed ladybug fluttered her wings. “Please don’t!” she piped.
“Patch it up!” cawed the parrot.
“We meant no harm!”
“And you?” Jaye said, turning to the wax lion. “What do you have to say?”
The wax lion shrugged.
“No quips? No orders? No nagging, obnoxious songs?”
“Hmm,” the lion said, and it opened its mouth wide like it wanted to launch into a new round of “My Darling Clementine.”
“I don’t think that would be a good idea,” Rose said quietly. The lion shut its mouth. “Now. You have a problem, we have a solution. And we’re willing to compromise. Which means, as the Doctor figured out, giving Jaye a break from the orders.”
Rose turned to look at Jaye, who was staring at her like she just discovered a way to grow money on trees.
“They can do that?” Jaye asked.
“Yeah, the Doctor seems to think so. All we need is your agreement,” she said to the animals, “which seems pretty fair to me, considering she’s keeping your species alive. You just need to think of a phrase, Jaye. Something you’ll remember.”
“A word of advice?” The wax lion offered.
Jaye grinned.
* * *
“Oh, please. You don’t even have to face your exes! Not with the same face, anyway-or you can just hop in the TARDIS and go. You have no idea what it’s like to be immortal.”
“You know, there’s an easy way to solve that problem,” the Doctor said. He sat down on the plush seat across from where Jack was standing and propped his feet against the console. “Stop dating.”
Jack’s laugh rang through the TARDIS. “Not on one of your lives. Sex is the one thing that never grows old. Besides me, of course.”
“Oh, you’ll grow old, Jack, eventually. Everything does.”
“Will I die?”
“I’m not sure,” the Doctor said. He didn’t sound angry, but his face pinched a little in concern. “Do you want to?”
Jack shrugged. “Someday, sure. Definitely. But I’ve jumped off enough cliffs to know that’s not going to happen anytime soon, no matter what I want. Doctor, why am I still alive?”
“Satellite Five,” the Doctor murmured.
“I was there.”
“So was Rose. Even after I sent her home, she was there. She came back. I should have known.”
“Sending her home was the right choice-you were protecting her.”
The Doctor laughed, harshly. “Yeah.” He leapt up, and leaned on the console next to Jack. “I sent her home in the TARDIS. Simple. Only she managed to rip the ship open and stare into the heart of it, straight into the time vortex.”
The Doctor stared at one of the control panels, as if he had ripped it open and absorbed the vortex himself. As if he couldn’t look away.
“Then she came back, dissolved the Daleks, made you immortal, and fainted…I might’ve kissed her sometime in there, too.”
“Rose.”
“I let her stare into the time vortex,” the Doctor practically growled. “Another Timelord, back when there were other Timelords…The Master, he stared into time vortex, and it drove him mad. He murdered thousands in cold blood.”
Jack’s eyes widened in fear. “Does Rose seem any different?”
The Doctor laughed harshly again, and Jack shivered.
“Of course not. I absorbed the vortex back and I regenerated. Rose doesn’t remember a thing.”
Jack waited, but the Doctor seemed to have finished. “…I don’t see the problem,” Jack said.
“She could have gone mad! The whole of time and space, dancing in front of her eyes? I could take the power out of her, but I never could’ve cured insanity. If she’d gone crazy, if I had let the one person who…she can’t know, Jack. She’d never trust me again.”
“I’m not too sure about that, Doctor; Rose just might surprise you. You said it yourself, she absorbed the time vortex-how many humans could do that? It might have driven someone else crazy, but not Rose. She’s fine. She didn’t turn into, um, The Mistress, or anything.”
The Doctor glared at Jack. “The Mistress?”
Jack shrugged. “I’m just saying.”
"The Mistress?”
“She’s fine!”
The Doctor nodded proudly. “She is. But if you mention this to Rose I’ll have to kill you.”
Jack pouted at the Doctor.
“This really doesn’t work as a threat anymore, does it?”
“Nah. But you don’t have to worry about me, Doctor.”
“Hmm,” the Doctor said. “Maybe you’re right.”
Epilogue