She Likes That Her Queen Sized Bed Feels Like A Twin When He's In It
Title: She Likes That Her Queen Sized Bed Feels Like A Twin When He's In It (Part One)
Word Count: 4,971
Summary: After the finale Zoe makes a call to her father who makes a call to Boston who still want her for the fellowship.
Part Two: http://raeghan.livejournal.com/111917.html
There aren’t too many differences between Boston and New York City. They have the same seasons and weather patterns, diverse neighborhoods, upscale restaurants, tiny little diners, bakeries, shops and parks. It’s a little more historical, a little more laid back.
But the biggest similarity between Boston and New York is how different they are from Bluebell.
Zoe pauses to look out her kitchen window at the city that she’s now calling home. In the past year she’s managed to call three separate cities (not that she would call Bluebell a city) home but this is the one that has to stick. Boston is where her dreams are supposed to be coming true. She’s finally got her fellowship and she’s on her way to becoming a real surgeon which is what she has always wanted.
Or it was what she always wanted up until five weeks ago when she decided that while Boston and the fellowship would make her a better doctor, staying in Bluebell would make her a better person and at that moment that was what was most important. But then there was that stupid wedding and getting trapped in that barn with Wade where feelings that she didn’t know either of them had came bubbling to the surface and it culminated in her calling him over to her house in a way that only he would understand then he kissed her, really kissed her; not just a brush of his lips against hers like in the barn before they got interrupted and not even when he kissed her that time when she came over to his place to yell at him for ditching her while she was building Lavon’s float for the Founders Day parade and not even like that first night she met him when she was drunk and he was just that obnoxious guy that used too much of their shared electricity. He pushed her against the wall and towards her bed (she went willingly-very willingly-but they’ve always been pushing and poking at each other so that action just kind of fits) and for a little while she started to think that maybe they could really work out. Maybe all the fighting and teasing would actually help to build a relationship instead causing it to stall out before it ever started. Then she left him when there was a knock on her door and it was stupid to get up and leave him because there’s not much she can think of that’s better than lying there with him like they were but she did; she got up and answered the door and there was George telling her everything that twelve hours beforehand she would’ve killed to hear.
It all freaked her out. Sent her into a mild panic attack and she just couldn’t deal. How was she supposed to pick between the two? They were too different and offered her different things and she didn’t want to hurt either of them. She couldn’t and ultimately didn’t and instead picked Boston. She called up her father while Wade was sleeping and he put in a call to the hospital and they still wanted her and all she wanted was a way out.
Wade kissed her goodbye that morning because he had to get to work and he floated the idea of getting together later and she numbly agreed. She wanted to tell him that she was going but he just looked so damn happy and there was no way she could watch that smile fade away from his lips.
So she just left. She was caught in the act by Lavon but even he couldn’t stop her.
“What about Wade?”
She paused as she folded another pair of shorts then dropped them into her suitcase.
“How do you know about that?”
“Lavon Hayes knows everything.”
She rolled her eyes. “That’s just physical. He won’t miss me too much.”
“You know that’s not true.”
“Yes it is.”
The bold face lie to her best friend made her lower her eyes to the floor.
“I asked you to do one thing, Zoe.”
“To not hurt him.” She supplied. She knew this was coming.
“Yes.”
“And that’s why I’m leaving. It’ll be better this way. If he asks--.”
“He’s going to ask.”
“Just tell him that I’m sorry, okay?”
She has no idea if Wade ever got that message or not. She talks to Lavon all the time-at least twice a week but sometimes as often as four times a week-but never once does he bring up Wade and Zoe simply doesn’t have the guts to ask about him even though she’s dying to know.
She heard his voice once.
It was about a month after she left and she was going on and on about the fellowship and how amazing it was and how much she was learning, like she was trying to convince both Lavon and herself that moving to Boston was the right thing to do, when she suddenly heard him say ‘Lavon I need to borrow your car.’
She stopped talking immediately and Lavon went silent as well.
“Thanks man. Sorry to bother you, didn’t know you were on the phone, see ya.”
And just like that he was gone and that month that she had spent away from him felt like years.
She made up an excuse to get off the phone because there was no way she could recover from that.
At least he sounded okay. He wasn’t moping around or crying over her or anything. Not that she expected him to. He’s got too much pride for that and can bounce back from anything with the best of ‘em. She figures that he’s alright. He’s moving on (if there was anything to move on from) and to him that night they spent together was just that. A night. No different from any other night he’s spent with any other girl. She has no reason to feel guilty but for some reason that’s all she feels.
If they were speaking he would tell her that her guilt is unwarranted. He’d tell her that but he wouldn’t really mean it. Not a hundred percent anyways. She did disappear on the whole town, it wasn’t just him. She left Lavon and Rose and Brick who minds a little more than he lets on because like it or not, she did bring in a few more patients and now he has no one to cover for him when he wants to take off on weekend long fishing trips or drive five hours for a football game.
But Wade feels like he’s doing okay. He doesn’t feel betrayed or anything. It’s not like they talked about having a life together or anything. It’s not like he was going to marry her or anything. It was only a physical attraction and what she wanted or did after that wasn’t any of his business. They’d go on like nothing ever happened. It happened to be that she wanted to act like that in a different state.
It does help, however, that no one talks about her. In the weeks and months after she left, he only heard her name a handful of times and always in passing, never directed at him. He knows the whole town knows that something happened between the two of them. Especially since Bill told everyone that he dropped both of them off at their places before the wedding and then neither of them showed up. Suspicions hit an all time high but it’s not like most people didn’t think something was happening long before that. That’s just small town life. Something he’s grown accustomed to and expects and he’s genuinely surprised that no one offers a kind word or encourages him to get over her. Maybe Lavon had a meeting or something and told everyone to be cool about it.
What doesn’t help is that for the first few weeks of her being gone he had to watch George mope around like he lost something. Maybe he had. He lost a fifteen year relationship to a girl that skipped town without telling anyone. Not that Wade felt sorry for him or anything.
It takes him five months to save up enough money for his bar and with Lavon and the towns help he gets it opens three months after that. He’s never worked harder for anything in his life (except maybe spending a year trying to get Zoe Hart to notice him) and when he looks around at his bar he knows that it’s everything he wants and everything he thought it would be. He’s happy and fulfilled and everything is great. But sometimes as he’s closing up the bar for the night or while he’s lying in bed (alone, he’s always alone now) he really misses having to fix that fuse box.
She ends up talking to him by accident.
She’s in the locker room at the gym trying to get her jacket on while closing her locker and trying to find her phone while zipping up her gym bag at the same time. She’s overwhelmed by all the tasks and sweaty and annoyed from her workout, and angry at herself for having to go to the gym but there’s this little bagel shop near the hospital that’s been feeding her every morning and it’s superficial but it is what it is and all she wants to do is leave, go home, and shower but not until she finds her phone and checks her messages.
Her hand finally finds her phone on the bottom of the bag and she chastises herself for letting it slip all the way down there. She had to be more organized and put it in the side pocket to save her the hassle. Her fingers slide across the screen on the way up and when it fully emerges from the bag she realizes that she’s inadvertently dialed his number.
It’s not too late to end the call but she just can’t seem to make herself do it. Instead to slowly brings the phone to her ear and hears his voice.
“Look, Zoe, I don’t really know what’s going on here and it’s probably my fault because I answered even though I knew it was you but if you’re just chicken and not talking or this was an accident and I’m just talking to myself right now or if….I don’t know….you’re lying in a ditch somewhere because if you are just, god help ya, Doc, because I have no clue what to do in that situation….”
A short burst of laughter gives her away.
“It was an accident.”
“Oh.”
She rests her back against the wall. If he’s not hanging up then she’s not either.
“There’s something wrong with my phone. I haven’t had the time to get it fixed.”
“Too busy saving lives?”
A small smile works its way onto her lips. “Something like that.”
“Well. I should probably let you get back to that.”
“No, wait.” She sits up quickly and draws some looks from the other women in the locker room but she ignores them and turns her body away. She’s not ready to lose his voice yet. “I got some time.”
“Do you?”
They dance around the subject of her leaving without even leaving a note for him and them sleeping together and pretty much everything having to do with the two of them ever interacting but they hit on everything else. She talks about Boston and the fellowship until she’s sure that she’s boring him and he talks about everything that’s been going with Bluebell, all of which she already knows because she still talks to Lavon all the time but she doesn’t stop him because she’s missed the way certain words sound with his accent.
The conversation eventually hits a lull because they’re all talked out but neither of them wants to end the call.
“Wade.” She finally breathes out his name because that’s all she has left.
“Yeah.”
“I’m sorry. For everything. I didn’t handle anything well.”
“You got nothing to be sorry about, Doc.”
She sighs heavily into the phone because they both know she does but he’s letting her off the hook.
“I gotta get going but this was…”
“It was nice.” She finishes. “I wouldn’t mind doing it again.”
“I’ll call you next time, how ‘bout that?”
“Sounds good.”
He calls her two days later and then she calls him two days after that and it’s like clockwork for them. They call at the same time, twice a week without fail. No matter what they’re doing they always find the time to call. It’s like the distance brings them closer together because they talk more now that they’re separated by hundreds of miles than they did when they only had a pond between them.
She’s practically bouncing on the sidewalk when she tells him that she got to help on a surgery, “I pretty much saved the guy. I mean, there were other doctors there but who’s to say the guy would’ve survived if I hadn’t been there.” He’s locking up the bar when he lets it slip that he’s actually managed to open it up.
“Why didn’t you tell me? How did I not know that happened? When?”
“Saved up all my pennies.”
“And it’s going well?”
“Yeah, really well. Surprisingly well actually. Been open for a few months.”
“A few months? Damn, Wade, why didn’t you tell me? How could you keep this from me?”
“I don’t know. I guess I thought it wasn’t important or something.”
“Not important?”
“It’s just a bar.”
“But it’s your bar. That’s important. I wish I could see it.”
“Maybe if you ever come back, you know, to visit Lavon.”
“Yeah. Maybe.”
One night she finally gets brave. Maybe she’s overtired and delirious and not understanding what she’s saying to the fullest extent but suddenly she’s speaking and she gets it out.
“Wade.” She’s lying in bed and he’s standing behind the bar. “That night when we…” She doesn’t want to say it.
“Yeah.” He doesn’t want to hear her say it.
“That wasn’t Lavon that knocked on the door. It was George. He kissed me and I didn’t exactly not kiss him back.” It feels like a weight has been lifted from her shoulders and she’s relived but only for a second because Wade hasn’t said anything and if he yells at her or just hangs up and doesn’t accept another call from her then it wasn’t worth it to get rid of the burden.
“I know.” He says simply. “He hand I.” He pauses and flexes his hand. It’s healed up just fine. “We had some words shortly after you left.”
The fight was undignified and not nearly as one sided as Wade thought it would be. George put up a fight which pissed Wade off even more because where the hell did that come from? It wasn’t like George Tucker had to fight for anything in his whole life. By the time Lavon and a few other guys that were hanging around outside of the Rammer Jammer broke it up they were left with bloody knuckled and a black eye for George that Wade was extremely proud of. Lavon hauled them over to the practice despite their protests and separated them with four chairs between them as he explained to Addie that what happened was just a little scuffle, nothing to worry about, nothing serious. She nodded with a drawn out ‘oh’ as she looked between the two men because she knew exactly what it was about and given the speed at which information traveled in that town everyone else would in about ten minutes.
Addie went to find Brick and Lavon stuck around because he didn’t feel like they could be trusted without adult supervision. Wade surveyed the damage of his hand while he waited; content with the silence that was enveloping the whole practice until George had to ruin that too.
“I didn’t know you were in there when I came over.”
“Whatever.” Wade shrugged it off and George sighed heavily.
“What the hell happened here?” Brick broke through the front doors with Addie hot on his heels and both she and Lavon stumbled over each other trying to cover for them as Brick stood in front of them with his hands on his hips slowly realizing what this was all really about.
“Alright.” He said and then surprised everyone by calling Wade into the exam room first.
Wade expected some kind of lecture about acting like a kid and that is was reasons like that why he thought Wade was such a bad influence but instead he worked in silence as he checked his hand to make sure nothing was broken and then cleaned it up. When he was finished he patted him on the back, a fatherly act of comfort, and Wade figured that maybe Brick knew what he was feeling.
He had a woman walk out on him too.
“I shouldn’t have done that. That was really stupid and immature and I should’ve told him to leave as soon as I saw him because I knew what he was going to say. There was only one reason for him to be there and that was it and I just ruined everything and I’m so sorry. I know you guys are friends--.”
“Not really. Not anymore.”
“Oh, Wade, I’m sorry I ruined that too.”
He nods but his concentration on her apology is broken when the bar doors burst open and the whole place is flooded with patrons that are going to need his attention.
“I have to go.” He says abruptly and winces when he hears her let out a disappointed ‘oh’. “No, it’s just that we got really busy suddenly and I’m kind of understaffed at the moment and they’re going to get angry before they get drunk and I don’t know if I can handle that.”
“Oh, okay, that’s fine. I’ll talk to you later then?”
“You always do. G’night, Doc.”
She didn’t realize how much she looked forward to getting a call from him until she doesn’t get one. She writes the silence off at first; their last conversation was heavy and he probably needs some time to adjust and cool off but when he repeatedly doesn’t pick up his phone when she calls him she begins to worry. What if something happened? It’s irrational and she knows that she’s jumping to conclusions but she’d rather be safe than sorry.
“Lavon, have you heard from Wade? He didn’t call me like he usually does and he might be mad at me because I did some really stupid things a while ago and just told him about it but he knew all along so that whole conversation was just a mess but I don’t think it’s really any reason for him not to talk to me but when I called him he didn’t pick up either so now I’m starting to get worried.”
“Zo-he didn’t tell you?”
“Tell me what? Nobody is telling me anything. Including you, why didn’t you tell me he opened a bar? That’s a big deal and he acted like it wasn’t and I felt stupid.”
“Zoe.” Lavon shouts to get her attention. “Wade’s father died.”
“Oh my god.”
“Two days ago. He’s been a little busy; he had to pick Jesse up from the airport today and relatives are pouring in. He’s got a lot on his mind.”
“Why didn’t he tell me?”
“Like I said, he’s got a lot on his mind. Can’t blame him.”
“I don’t. If you see him can you just tell him to call me? If he has time?”
“Sure thing.”
She really doesn’t blame him. It just bothers her that for a moment she’s not on his mind. It’s a selfish thought but he’s already made it be known that he expects that kind of thing from her.
She calls him the next day and she’s so relieved when he picks up.
He’s walking into the church, Jesse beside him, to talk to Reverend Mayfair about the funeral arrangements when his phone rings. He stops walking when he sees that it’s her.
“Give me a second.”
“Are you kidding me? We’re already ten minutes late. Ten minutes late for a meeting with the Reverend. Do you know awful that is?”
“It’ll only take a second.” Wade hastily answers the phone because it could only ring a few more times before it switched over to voicemail and he’s already missed a bunch of her calls already. “Hey.”
“Wade.” Her voice is a mix of concern and relief.
“Can you give me a second?”
“Oh. Sure.”
He lowers the phone to his side and looks back to Jesse.
“That’s like asking God to wait a second.”
“I think he’ll be able to deal. Why don’t you go in if you’re so worried? I’ll be right there.”
“Who’s on the phone anyways? Who’s so important?”
“It’s Zoe, if you must know, alright?”
“Zoe? You’re still talking to her?”
“Yeah, you got a problem with that?”
“No, it’s just….she ditched you, Wade, let it go.”
“Fuck you, Jesse.”
“Whoa. That kind of language outside of a church and being late, you’re not doing yourself any favors here.” He takes a step backwards towards the door of the church. “I’m giving you thirty seconds then I’m coming out here to drag you inside because I’m not doing this alone.”
“God forbid.” Wade shot back and turned around just as Jesse gave him a dirty look.
He brings the phone back up to his ear and waits for the front door of the church to close before he begins to speak.
“Zoe, I’m sorry for not calling you back.”
“Don’t apologize. God, Wade. You don’t have anything to be sorry about. Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.” He runs his hand over his face and along the back of his neck. He’s exhausted and currently annoyed at his brother and has a million and one things to do before the funeral but she doesn’t need to know that and worry about it. “It’s just…”
“I’m so sorry.”
He breathes out a laugh because he’s heard that over and over again. It doesn’t even mean anything to him anymore but he appreciates the sentiment.
“Thanks.”
“I don’t even know what to say to you.”
“You don’t have to say anything; everyone here as already said everything there is to be said. Over and over and over again.”
“Well I’m still sorry. I feel bad. I feel like I could’ve done something.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know. When you brought him in that time, I should’ve run some tests or something. Looked at the file that Harley had for him, I could’ve helped.”
“He didn’t want help, Doc. He knew he was sick this whole time-for years-and he could’ve done a lot of things to help himself and he just didn’t. What’s done is done.”
He must sound awful or sad or something because she sighs heavily.
“Oh, Wade.”
“I know, I know, but I’m having a real hard time feeling sorry for him.”
“Wade, it’s been way longer than thirty seconds. Get in here.” Jesse’s head pokes through the door and Wade promptly gives him the finger.
“I have to go. Jesse’s freaking out at me and it’s easier to just go with him than fight him right now, so…”
“When is the funeral?”
“Saturday.”
Two days away.
“I’ll be there.”
“You don’t have to.”
“Yes I do. “I want to. I’ll be there.”
“You can get away? They won’t need you at the hospital or anything?”
“They can do without me. Some things are more important.” He’s more important. “I’ve already made up my mind.” She teases lightly. “I’ll be there.”
He can’t stop the smile that ghosts his lips. It’s not under the best of circumstances and it probably won’t be for more than a weekend but she’s coming back. For him.
“Alright then. I’ll see you.”
They hang up after goodbyes and another promise from her that she’ll be there and when he turns around to face Jesse he’s frowning.
“She’s coming back?”
Wade shoves the phone into his pocket and starts toward him.
“Just for the funeral.”
“That’s not going to end well.”
Wade pushes him through the doors.
He feels like an idiot for getting excited but he can’t help it and her does an awful job at hiding it because he spends the better part of Friday cleaning up his place and his bar just so he can impress her.
He feels even worse about himself when she doesn’t show. He knew he shouldn’t have gotten his hopes up like that. He should’ve learned from past experiences with her, that nothing ever plays out the way he thinks it will or the way he wants it to. The only bright side is that he looks so defeated and disappointed and pathetic that Jesse doesn’t mess with him or tell him ‘I told you so.’
“Wade.” She presses the phone tight to her ear so she can hear him over the rush and buzz of the hospital lobby. “I am so, so, so, so sorry. I’m so sorry.” She steps out onto the street and holds the cashmere scarf she’s wearing closer around her neck to protect her from the wind. When she doesn’t hear him say anything she first looks at the phone to make sure the call is still connected and then she continues to speak hoping that enough groveling will bring something out in him. “I had the ticket and everything. I was all packed and ready to go…I was practically half way out the door to go to the airport but then I got a call from the hospital and there was this huge car accident and they needed everyone that was available. It was literally life and death.” She pauses to give him a chance but there’s still nothing on the other end and she sighs. “Look, Wade, I know that there’s no excuse, I mean, I said that I was going to be there and this was really important but--.”
“Zoe.”
She leans against the side of the hospital, wind still hitting her but her eyes close in relief because at least he’s speaking now.
“I’m sorry, Wade.”
“You don’t have to be apologizing.”
“Yes, I do.”
“No. You don’t.” He says with finality in his voice. “Your life isn’t down here anymore. You’re not obligated to do anything.”
“But--.”
“No.” He interrupts and she presses her lips together tightly to stop herself from arguing with him because if she’s going to apologize then, dammit, he’s going to accept it. “Just…just forget about it, okay? There’s nothing you can do now.”
“But I want you to know that I don’t feel right about not being there.”
“You’re wasting your feelings. It’s nothing to worry about or anything.”
She doesn’t like this but there’s nothing that she can do.
“I really gotta go.” He tells her. “I’m kind of in the middle of something.”
“Oh…okay. If you even need to talk or anything….” She trails off. “I’ll call you.”
He’s silent for a moment. “Bye, Zoe.”
She starts to say his name to stop him from hanging up because this is not the way she wants the conversation to end but it’s too late. Her phone beeps and the call is disconnected and she’s forced back into the hospital.
Wade rests his phone on the worn surface of his father’s old desk. He and Jesse have been trying to clean out Earl’s place all morning. The old man had a lot of stuff; mostly junk but there are a few hidden treasures here and there. First baseball gloves, old report cards, family photos…things that just couldn’t be thrown out or donated.
Jesse has been in the bedroom for the past hour going through photo albums and Wade’s been trying to make sense of the living room for the last forty minutes. He just moved onto the desk when he got the call from Zoe.
He tries to get that out of his mind as he starts to go through the drawers. It’s mostly paperwork-receipts and old shopping lists along with some legal documents, the deed to the land and insurance papers on the car that Jesse got for him (he throws out the receipts and lists and organizes the documents) but in the top drawer he finds a ring box and hastily flips it open.
He hasn’t seen his mother’s engagement ring in years (and years and years) but he knows that this is it. It’s subtle but beautiful and he knows that his mother loved it. He shakes his head and runs a hand over his face as he leans back in the desk stool so he can see into the bedroom through the open door.
“Hey.” He calls out to Jesse and after a few moments he appears in the door way. Wade holds out the box open box and when Jesse gets close enough to see it he stops and dramatically puts his hand over his heart.
“Oh my god, Wade. Yes, yes, a million times yes.” He jokes and Wade rolls his eyes and snaps the box shut.
“Shut up. You want this?”
“You keep it.” Jesse shrugs.
“Why would I keep it? You’re closer to getting engaged than I am.”
“Uh, not really.” Jesse turns on his heels to head back into the bedroom. “Just keep it.”
He disappears around the corner and Wade heaves a sigh before he pockets the box.