So... the party. Long ass post.
I had a party on Saturday- invited Amy, Annie, Beau, Smam (the youngest at 13), Reece, Maeve, Callum & Fizzy (who ended up not coming), bought a lot of alcohol and crappy food from Home & Bargain & moved everything breakable before people arrived.
Warning: This post will turn into a rant. A long one.
Everyone arrived and we all started drinking and putting on the most random songs (which of course equalled us all singing along incredibly loudly & badly to My Chemical Romance, McFly, The Horrorpops, Rancid, Operation Ivy & Motley Crue). Callum had enough weed for one spliff and we all smoked that in my yard and then just kind of fell back into my house and generally were very giggly & happy.
I pretty much commandeered the bottle of JD about 10 minutes in and it went down like water. So, in the first hour I ended up having about 3 beers, half a bottle of Jack Daniels, a lot of vodka & redbull & some white wine & it hit me like a tonne of bricks. I'm usually not such a light weight but I think I was just getting through more than I thought I was and people started shoving slices of bread & water at me & I just got all flustered and so I couldn't swallow or anything. Nobody really panicked though (including me) and it was all rather amusing, for a little while, but then it stopped being amusing and started being annoying and I got pissed off at myself and the fact that I just couldn't sober up so I ended up just ramming my first and half my arm down my throat and clawing at myself until I vomited up what I could. Pleasant.
During this time I could hear some of my friends outside playing the number game which is basically a game invented for my parties were people all choose numbers and then someone yells out two numbers & the people with those two numbers kiss- it doesn't really work because people come to realise what other people's numbers are, you know? And I can just hear Maeve shouting out 1, 2 & some other number which has slipped my mind, which turns out to be the numbers of the 3 males at my party- Reece, Callum and Smam.
Now, I'm quite aware that Reece is really into Smam but that Smam isn't interested in doing anything sexual & so after about.. ten or fifteen more minutes I declare that I'm going to change into my pyjamas (my socks & jean cuffs soaked thanks to the fact that I somehow flooded the kitchen) and stumble upstairs to find Beau holding Smam on my bed. I make small talk while I fall out of my jeans and into my pyjamas and then we move through to my parent's room so that we can all slide into bed (since their's is a double and mine is a single) and Smam slots himself between me and Beau and cuddles until we hold him.
It was pretty much lovely: my world stopped spinning, Smam radiated a tonne of body heat and we all slurred our words and giggled while me and Beau stroked his tummy and hair and calmed him down; Beau told me in the morning that she had end up holding him because Reece had been trying to get into his pants and Smam didn't seem to have wanted it so she'd pretty much saved him (which Smam had whispered a 'thanks' to her for). I sobered up and me and Beau pretty much a pact to do the right thing for once and protect Smam from the 16 year old manwhore after his cock.
So there we were, laying in the dark, holding Smam (who fell asleep) and Reece walks in and I say jokingly something about him crashing a private party though of course I dont mean it but he just shoots us a glare, storms downstairs and says in the most sarcastic way he can 'they're having a snuggle'- he then, realising that he can't have Smam, throws himself down on the couch beside Callum and shoves his tongue down Callum's throat- that part of the story is thanks to Amy.
I fall asleep for a bit & Smam and Beau wander downstairs for ten minutes to find cigarettes. Now, from this bit I know that while they were downstairs Smam went into the back yard & asked Maeve if she had a spare cigg, she said no and he went back inside and then Maeve turned to Amy and said, all venom, 'I fucking hate that kid, he's a fucking fake & I hate fakes'. The kid is not fake, he's 13 and he's adorable and Maeve barely even knows him, besides when we were 13 we all wanted to be Gerard Fuckin Way so I have no idea where she gets off saying shit like that. But I dont know she's said this until the morning otherwise I would've set her right.
Anyway, Beau & Smam come back up and we cuddle again and Smam starts stroking my arm & Beau's back and he falls back asleep and Beau bursts into tears & we start telling him things, hoping he'll somehow hear, about how we're there for him and how we're sorry that we never stopped Reece before and about how we love him. He woke up and we told him that he was like a little brother to us and he said 'thank you, i love yous', cuddled more, and went back to sleep with a smile on his face.
During that time Annie came up for a bit because they were watching Texas Chainsaw Massacare on the tv & she's not into horror. So yeah, she hung out, and then Amy came up & ranted a little about Reece, about how he was now trying to get into Callum's drunken pants- does that boy just think about sex, is what we want to know. But yeah...
Then Reece & Callum go to bed in the bedroom beside mine and I have no problem with that of course- my house is the house were you can do whatever homosexual stuff you want as long the bed is clean, thank you very much. But it's obviously upsetting Smam- why? Because Reece constantly goes on about how much he's still in love with Smam, and apparently was declaring that he was 'hard' because of Smam throughout the number game, but the minute Smam wont drop his pants he fucks off and chooses the only other half-concious boy at the party. Smam may not have those sorts of feelings for Reece anymore but Reece was wrecking with his head all the same.
But everyone cheered up. Maeve stayed downstairs on her own but Annie & Amy stayed with me and Beau and Smam and we put on This Is England and all had good fun watching that and making random comments. Smam kept yelling 'sodomy!!' and going to 'peek' at Callum & Reece every five minutes, which was really cute & hillarious at the time, but you just knew that there was this little bit of him that was so confused, you know? About Reece's feelings, and not to mention his own. But we all just kept saying 'no worries Smam baby, we'll save you from the Queer Of Dooooom' and although we were saying it sarcastically we pretty much meant it. Reece had us convinced that he was still in love with Smam but the more we disect it the more we think he simply wanted him as his underage conquest.
During the part of the movie where Lol & Woody deciced to leave Combo's because he's making all the paki comments and the truth comes out about Shaun's dad, well I don't know if you've seen it, but if you have, roundabout the time that Lol say's 'I cant leave him Woody, he's 12' Smam says 'I miss the old days'- meaning when we were all one big happy crue, and it took a lot of will power for me not to cry, haha. I do love that kid. But seriously, I do- yeah maybe he's made wrong choices but surely what he needs is people to look out for him and I'm all too happy to be the person that does, and gives him the affection he doesn't recieve from anyone else.
Um... I've just reread this post and it's proper jumbled but stick with me...
So then we all pretty much fall asleep so I turn off This Is England and there's not much room on the bed but I don't wanna sleep on the floor so I end up.. curling my legs up til they cramp and using Beau's tummy as a pillow and it's proper nice, I'm curled into Beau, Beau's curled into Amy & Smam's curled into Amy & Annie's on the floor with like a thousand pillows just giggling every now and again.
We slept for like 2 hours and then morning seems to come. So I go into see Reece and he's a bit awkward with me and he's moaning because we told Smam that Reece might have black in him (which he might for all we know) & that so I like.. try and make conversation about him & Callum & it seems to work & I ask Reece for a hug to cure any awkwardness & then go back into the others and we start messing around and having the most hillarious time. Just me, Beau & Annie at first, and then Amy wakes up, and we're all giggling and squealing away and Maeve came up and she wasn't really as talkative but we read random disney books and everyone got along and it was all great...
For the whole time Smam didn't wake up so eventually we just tucked him in and went downstairs and tidied the whole house. Filled bin bags, wiped down surfaces and hoovered and that til it was all perfect but by this point it's kind of come to light that there is awkwardness between the anti-Smam alliance (Reece & Maeve) & the pro-Smam alliance (me, Beau & Amy). Callum was being really cool and funny, though. But yeah.. I still try and ignore it and when I realise that Smam really needs to wake up I say jokingly 'who's evil enough to wake Smam up?' meaning who is cold-hearted enough to wake him up cos he looks so adorable, not who wants to go and ruin his life, but Maeve & Reece leg it upstairs and I chase after them and I hear yelling and walk into find them screaming, Maeve yanking the bed cover off him pretty much violently and Reece dragging him off the bed (though he says that he was trying to pick him up).
I just proper snapped and screamed at them to get the fuck out (meaning the house but they just leave the room). Smam looked so fucking scared and hell, wouldn't you if you were 13 and this girl you barely know and the lad who spent the night before trying to do things against your will screaming and pulling on your limbs? I tuck him back in when they leave and me and Amy and Beau quietly explain to him that he's allowed to sleep til we phone for a taxi, and then we all ruffle his hair & go and make him a cup of tea (with 7 sugars :O but we only gave him 5 and sang as we made it...).
So yeah, he slept on while me and Beau got ready & then he came downstairs with us once and taxi was called. And we all stood in the living room (Smam behind me, away from Maeve & Reece) making awkward conversation. And every two minutes I kept asking Smam if he was okay because he seemed so quiet & lost and he assured me that he was but me and Amy & Beau kept swapping 'hmmm' glances. But then my taxi comes and we all hug good bye outside & I hugged Maeve & Reece but it did seem awkward...
Then me and Beau went to get into the taxi cos she was coming to my Nan's with me and Smam walked away in one direction & the rest walked in the opposite direction. Now, I understand that Amy couldn't very well follow him because she does not know her way around Aigburth but the others do and they just left him to walk alone, head hanging...
Then later on Amy texts me to tell me that Maeve had said the most horridly sarcastic 'bye' to Smam & that Reece had said to Amy once Smam was out of earshot 'I was so cold to Smam last night' and Amy was like 'I know, and he was being really lovely' and Reece replied, 'yeah but I don't regret being cold because it meant I got Callum'.
So then when me and Beau got back from my Nan's we had a pretty much HUGE row with Reece over msn about how we don't agree with what he's doing. He keeps saying 'I can't even look at Sam without crying, I have to be cold to him' but he didn't cry once that night and he only decided on the cold treatment once it had become clear that me and Beau were going to keep to our word for once and protect Smam.
But still we argued, and Reece would not listen to reason about how being so harsh and hurting Smam would not help anything and he just says 'yeah well Maeve's right you do baby him too much' and I'm like WTF because Reece was the one who babied him orginally anyway and so then we try to explain that we weren't even babying him we were just looking after him because SOMEONE wasn't giving a fuck about his feelings but Reece refused to listen because as far as he was concerned he should be able to rape or hate Smam and get away with it because HE'S Reece. Which really pisses me off, because if he was in a situation where he was being hurt by someone and someone was trying to take advantage we'd do our absolute best to look after him- that's just what we do to people in our 'gang' we shower them with love and affection and keep a look out for the 'victim' in a situation. Would Reece listen to that though? No he fucking wouldn't and in the end me and Beau gave up.
I haven't talked to Reece since then and I don't know what I'd say if I did because I'm livid. Believe it or not that big huge ass illiterate rant up there is barely half the story and me and Amy took hours to talk it over today & we still can't make head nor tail out of the most of it.
Mainly though, it's this- we always let Reece get away with murder when it came to Smam because, fuck it, it was hot. No denying it, it was like Lost Souls & they were our Zillah and Nothing but it's been about a year since then and we've matured and come to realise that maybe it isn't for the best. And maybe that's been a sharp shock for Reece but when Smam is actually scared, Reece is being more cruel than we ever would've imagined and Maeve is ripping us apart over things she has no knowledge of I think we're gonna group together and stand up for the kid who clung to us all night long... Not the fag who only ever thinks about shoving his cock somewhere new and never about the true meaning of his 'I love you's when they're aimed at boys.
Besides, Smam looks like this:
I guess that post didn't really.. encapsulate very well. It's all bit a rambly and I'm sure huge chunks of the night are missing thanks to my whiskey-drunkenness but basically Smam obviously needed to be held and Reece obviously needs his head examining if he thinks he's going about things maturely & and I have come to the realisation that if a boy doesn't want in Reece's pants Reece only thinks of himself and has no quarms about hurting them. Which especially isn't fair when the boy is Smam, 13 and FUCKING CUTE BEYOND BELIEF. And Maeve pisses me off.
Hmph.
But yet still, we had fun. Lmao. And I'm not put off alcohol!
How was your weekend? :)
Warning: This post will turn into a rant. A long one.
Everyone arrived and we all started drinking and putting on the most random songs (which of course equalled us all singing along incredibly loudly & badly to My Chemical Romance, McFly, The Horrorpops, Rancid, Operation Ivy & Motley Crue). Callum had enough weed for one spliff and we all smoked that in my yard and then just kind of fell back into my house and generally were very giggly & happy.
I pretty much commandeered the bottle of JD about 10 minutes in and it went down like water. So, in the first hour I ended up having about 3 beers, half a bottle of Jack Daniels, a lot of vodka & redbull & some white wine & it hit me like a tonne of bricks. I'm usually not such a light weight but I think I was just getting through more than I thought I was and people started shoving slices of bread & water at me & I just got all flustered and so I couldn't swallow or anything. Nobody really panicked though (including me) and it was all rather amusing, for a little while, but then it stopped being amusing and started being annoying and I got pissed off at myself and the fact that I just couldn't sober up so I ended up just ramming my first and half my arm down my throat and clawing at myself until I vomited up what I could. Pleasant.
During this time I could hear some of my friends outside playing the number game which is basically a game invented for my parties were people all choose numbers and then someone yells out two numbers & the people with those two numbers kiss- it doesn't really work because people come to realise what other people's numbers are, you know? And I can just hear Maeve shouting out 1, 2 & some other number which has slipped my mind, which turns out to be the numbers of the 3 males at my party- Reece, Callum and Smam.
Now, I'm quite aware that Reece is really into Smam but that Smam isn't interested in doing anything sexual & so after about.. ten or fifteen more minutes I declare that I'm going to change into my pyjamas (my socks & jean cuffs soaked thanks to the fact that I somehow flooded the kitchen) and stumble upstairs to find Beau holding Smam on my bed. I make small talk while I fall out of my jeans and into my pyjamas and then we move through to my parent's room so that we can all slide into bed (since their's is a double and mine is a single) and Smam slots himself between me and Beau and cuddles until we hold him.
It was pretty much lovely: my world stopped spinning, Smam radiated a tonne of body heat and we all slurred our words and giggled while me and Beau stroked his tummy and hair and calmed him down; Beau told me in the morning that she had end up holding him because Reece had been trying to get into his pants and Smam didn't seem to have wanted it so she'd pretty much saved him (which Smam had whispered a 'thanks' to her for). I sobered up and me and Beau pretty much a pact to do the right thing for once and protect Smam from the 16 year old manwhore after his cock.
So there we were, laying in the dark, holding Smam (who fell asleep) and Reece walks in and I say jokingly something about him crashing a private party though of course I dont mean it but he just shoots us a glare, storms downstairs and says in the most sarcastic way he can 'they're having a snuggle'- he then, realising that he can't have Smam, throws himself down on the couch beside Callum and shoves his tongue down Callum's throat- that part of the story is thanks to Amy.
I fall asleep for a bit & Smam and Beau wander downstairs for ten minutes to find cigarettes. Now, from this bit I know that while they were downstairs Smam went into the back yard & asked Maeve if she had a spare cigg, she said no and he went back inside and then Maeve turned to Amy and said, all venom, 'I fucking hate that kid, he's a fucking fake & I hate fakes'. The kid is not fake, he's 13 and he's adorable and Maeve barely even knows him, besides when we were 13 we all wanted to be Gerard Fuckin Way so I have no idea where she gets off saying shit like that. But I dont know she's said this until the morning otherwise I would've set her right.
Anyway, Beau & Smam come back up and we cuddle again and Smam starts stroking my arm & Beau's back and he falls back asleep and Beau bursts into tears & we start telling him things, hoping he'll somehow hear, about how we're there for him and how we're sorry that we never stopped Reece before and about how we love him. He woke up and we told him that he was like a little brother to us and he said 'thank you, i love yous', cuddled more, and went back to sleep with a smile on his face.
During that time Annie came up for a bit because they were watching Texas Chainsaw Massacare on the tv & she's not into horror. So yeah, she hung out, and then Amy came up & ranted a little about Reece, about how he was now trying to get into Callum's drunken pants- does that boy just think about sex, is what we want to know. But yeah...
Then Reece & Callum go to bed in the bedroom beside mine and I have no problem with that of course- my house is the house were you can do whatever homosexual stuff you want as long the bed is clean, thank you very much. But it's obviously upsetting Smam- why? Because Reece constantly goes on about how much he's still in love with Smam, and apparently was declaring that he was 'hard' because of Smam throughout the number game, but the minute Smam wont drop his pants he fucks off and chooses the only other half-concious boy at the party. Smam may not have those sorts of feelings for Reece anymore but Reece was wrecking with his head all the same.
But everyone cheered up. Maeve stayed downstairs on her own but Annie & Amy stayed with me and Beau and Smam and we put on This Is England and all had good fun watching that and making random comments. Smam kept yelling 'sodomy!!' and going to 'peek' at Callum & Reece every five minutes, which was really cute & hillarious at the time, but you just knew that there was this little bit of him that was so confused, you know? About Reece's feelings, and not to mention his own. But we all just kept saying 'no worries Smam baby, we'll save you from the Queer Of Dooooom' and although we were saying it sarcastically we pretty much meant it. Reece had us convinced that he was still in love with Smam but the more we disect it the more we think he simply wanted him as his underage conquest.
During the part of the movie where Lol & Woody deciced to leave Combo's because he's making all the paki comments and the truth comes out about Shaun's dad, well I don't know if you've seen it, but if you have, roundabout the time that Lol say's 'I cant leave him Woody, he's 12' Smam says 'I miss the old days'- meaning when we were all one big happy crue, and it took a lot of will power for me not to cry, haha. I do love that kid. But seriously, I do- yeah maybe he's made wrong choices but surely what he needs is people to look out for him and I'm all too happy to be the person that does, and gives him the affection he doesn't recieve from anyone else.
Um... I've just reread this post and it's proper jumbled but stick with me...
So then we all pretty much fall asleep so I turn off This Is England and there's not much room on the bed but I don't wanna sleep on the floor so I end up.. curling my legs up til they cramp and using Beau's tummy as a pillow and it's proper nice, I'm curled into Beau, Beau's curled into Amy & Smam's curled into Amy & Annie's on the floor with like a thousand pillows just giggling every now and again.
We slept for like 2 hours and then morning seems to come. So I go into see Reece and he's a bit awkward with me and he's moaning because we told Smam that Reece might have black in him (which he might for all we know) & that so I like.. try and make conversation about him & Callum & it seems to work & I ask Reece for a hug to cure any awkwardness & then go back into the others and we start messing around and having the most hillarious time. Just me, Beau & Annie at first, and then Amy wakes up, and we're all giggling and squealing away and Maeve came up and she wasn't really as talkative but we read random disney books and everyone got along and it was all great...
For the whole time Smam didn't wake up so eventually we just tucked him in and went downstairs and tidied the whole house. Filled bin bags, wiped down surfaces and hoovered and that til it was all perfect but by this point it's kind of come to light that there is awkwardness between the anti-Smam alliance (Reece & Maeve) & the pro-Smam alliance (me, Beau & Amy). Callum was being really cool and funny, though. But yeah.. I still try and ignore it and when I realise that Smam really needs to wake up I say jokingly 'who's evil enough to wake Smam up?' meaning who is cold-hearted enough to wake him up cos he looks so adorable, not who wants to go and ruin his life, but Maeve & Reece leg it upstairs and I chase after them and I hear yelling and walk into find them screaming, Maeve yanking the bed cover off him pretty much violently and Reece dragging him off the bed (though he says that he was trying to pick him up).
I just proper snapped and screamed at them to get the fuck out (meaning the house but they just leave the room). Smam looked so fucking scared and hell, wouldn't you if you were 13 and this girl you barely know and the lad who spent the night before trying to do things against your will screaming and pulling on your limbs? I tuck him back in when they leave and me and Amy and Beau quietly explain to him that he's allowed to sleep til we phone for a taxi, and then we all ruffle his hair & go and make him a cup of tea (with 7 sugars :O but we only gave him 5 and sang as we made it...).
So yeah, he slept on while me and Beau got ready & then he came downstairs with us once and taxi was called. And we all stood in the living room (Smam behind me, away from Maeve & Reece) making awkward conversation. And every two minutes I kept asking Smam if he was okay because he seemed so quiet & lost and he assured me that he was but me and Amy & Beau kept swapping 'hmmm' glances. But then my taxi comes and we all hug good bye outside & I hugged Maeve & Reece but it did seem awkward...
Then me and Beau went to get into the taxi cos she was coming to my Nan's with me and Smam walked away in one direction & the rest walked in the opposite direction. Now, I understand that Amy couldn't very well follow him because she does not know her way around Aigburth but the others do and they just left him to walk alone, head hanging...
Then later on Amy texts me to tell me that Maeve had said the most horridly sarcastic 'bye' to Smam & that Reece had said to Amy once Smam was out of earshot 'I was so cold to Smam last night' and Amy was like 'I know, and he was being really lovely' and Reece replied, 'yeah but I don't regret being cold because it meant I got Callum'.
So then when me and Beau got back from my Nan's we had a pretty much HUGE row with Reece over msn about how we don't agree with what he's doing. He keeps saying 'I can't even look at Sam without crying, I have to be cold to him' but he didn't cry once that night and he only decided on the cold treatment once it had become clear that me and Beau were going to keep to our word for once and protect Smam.
But still we argued, and Reece would not listen to reason about how being so harsh and hurting Smam would not help anything and he just says 'yeah well Maeve's right you do baby him too much' and I'm like WTF because Reece was the one who babied him orginally anyway and so then we try to explain that we weren't even babying him we were just looking after him because SOMEONE wasn't giving a fuck about his feelings but Reece refused to listen because as far as he was concerned he should be able to rape or hate Smam and get away with it because HE'S Reece. Which really pisses me off, because if he was in a situation where he was being hurt by someone and someone was trying to take advantage we'd do our absolute best to look after him- that's just what we do to people in our 'gang' we shower them with love and affection and keep a look out for the 'victim' in a situation. Would Reece listen to that though? No he fucking wouldn't and in the end me and Beau gave up.
I haven't talked to Reece since then and I don't know what I'd say if I did because I'm livid. Believe it or not that big huge ass illiterate rant up there is barely half the story and me and Amy took hours to talk it over today & we still can't make head nor tail out of the most of it.
Mainly though, it's this- we always let Reece get away with murder when it came to Smam because, fuck it, it was hot. No denying it, it was like Lost Souls & they were our Zillah and Nothing but it's been about a year since then and we've matured and come to realise that maybe it isn't for the best. And maybe that's been a sharp shock for Reece but when Smam is actually scared, Reece is being more cruel than we ever would've imagined and Maeve is ripping us apart over things she has no knowledge of I think we're gonna group together and stand up for the kid who clung to us all night long... Not the fag who only ever thinks about shoving his cock somewhere new and never about the true meaning of his 'I love you's when they're aimed at boys.
Besides, Smam looks like this:
I guess that post didn't really.. encapsulate very well. It's all bit a rambly and I'm sure huge chunks of the night are missing thanks to my whiskey-drunkenness but basically Smam obviously needed to be held and Reece obviously needs his head examining if he thinks he's going about things maturely & and I have come to the realisation that if a boy doesn't want in Reece's pants Reece only thinks of himself and has no quarms about hurting them. Which especially isn't fair when the boy is Smam, 13 and FUCKING CUTE BEYOND BELIEF. And Maeve pisses me off.
Hmph.
But yet still, we had fun. Lmao. And I'm not put off alcohol!
How was your weekend? :)