"I Feel Like I'm Taking Crazy Pills!"
This past weekend I have had to deal with some pretty crazy people in relation to a couple theatre auditions. I mean, all theatre people are crazy to some extent (myself included), but I haven't dealt with this level of crazy since Alice In Wonderland.
Saturday, I went to audition at the Studio Theater's 2nd Stage for a production of a musical based upon The Scarlet Letter called "Fucking A." The title alone was intriguing enough to make me want to audition.
Okay, so I ask to be considered for a particular part, and get an audition time, and they post some sides on their website. Then they tell me that they want me to sing from one of the songs for the show, the sheet music of which they also posted. Yeah, that makes loads of sense. Instead of seeing how someone performs with a piece that they are familiar with, let's make them learn a song that they had never heard of before, and give them a week to learn it. Oh yeah, and let's make them sing a capella so they have absolutely no chance of making a good impression. Also, let's have two of the three songs we post be for women, and the third be a chorus piece that has nothing to do with any of the characters men might be auditioning for. Perfect.
So, they called us in in groups of about 10, and we all sat there while we did our monologues and then sang our songs. And even though they posted sides, they never had us read anything.
Sunday I met with a director at a Starbucks to audition for a production of four short Eugene O'Neill plays about European merchant marines. So I get there about 20 minutes early and look around and think I see someone who might be her, but I figured she's the one who's seen my headshot, so she would approach me, and I sit by the door waiting. Eventually, the lady I thought was her comes to me, and asks if I am waiting for someone. I say who I am and that I had seriously thought about asking her. "Well, you should have," she says. "I was about to give up and leave." I look at the clock to confirm that it was still about 5 minutes before my scheduled time.
So, we sit down at a table, and she asks me to tell her about myself. I hate that question in an interview or audition, because I have no idea what information they want, and it leaves me wide open to say something that would hurt my chances that they really didn't even need to know about. Then she asked me what I know about the play or the playwright. Again, hate the question, because until I'm actually book to perform it, I don't need to know shit about the play (okay, I do need to know basically what it's about, but not much more than that), and I certainly don't need to know the life story of the guy who wrote it. So I fumbled around saying who I didn't know much about him, and she comes back at me with, "Eugene O'Neill is the greatest American playwright that ever lived." (Pretty much a direct quote) Oh, boy.
So then she has me read a side. It's a rough Irish crewman talking about German spies. So I give her my best Irish accent (which is passable) and do the speech, and she has me do it again more gruffly. This is all well and good. I do pretty well at cold readings, and when they ask for something I can usually show that I can take direction. Then she has me read for a different part, that of a British first mate, who is educated and disdainful of the crew, etc. But she has me read the same fucking piece that I just read for the other part, which is rife with slang and such. So I am trying to do a British accent, sound disdainful, and at the same time parse and rewrite the speech so that it sounds like a British officer would be saying it. Needless to say it didn't go over well. Then she wants me to play the part of a Swedish crewman who is friendly likable but not soft, and she has me read the same fucking speech about paranoia over German spies. What the fuck?! If she wanted me to read for three parts, she should have brought three sides, wouldn't ya think?
So, yeah, it was a bit crazy this weekend. But I did get a Christmas card from the production company of that film I did in Ocean City in October. That never happened before, so I guess it was just as crazy as the other shit, but in a good way.
Saturday, I went to audition at the Studio Theater's 2nd Stage for a production of a musical based upon The Scarlet Letter called "Fucking A." The title alone was intriguing enough to make me want to audition.
Okay, so I ask to be considered for a particular part, and get an audition time, and they post some sides on their website. Then they tell me that they want me to sing from one of the songs for the show, the sheet music of which they also posted. Yeah, that makes loads of sense. Instead of seeing how someone performs with a piece that they are familiar with, let's make them learn a song that they had never heard of before, and give them a week to learn it. Oh yeah, and let's make them sing a capella so they have absolutely no chance of making a good impression. Also, let's have two of the three songs we post be for women, and the third be a chorus piece that has nothing to do with any of the characters men might be auditioning for. Perfect.
So, they called us in in groups of about 10, and we all sat there while we did our monologues and then sang our songs. And even though they posted sides, they never had us read anything.
Sunday I met with a director at a Starbucks to audition for a production of four short Eugene O'Neill plays about European merchant marines. So I get there about 20 minutes early and look around and think I see someone who might be her, but I figured she's the one who's seen my headshot, so she would approach me, and I sit by the door waiting. Eventually, the lady I thought was her comes to me, and asks if I am waiting for someone. I say who I am and that I had seriously thought about asking her. "Well, you should have," she says. "I was about to give up and leave." I look at the clock to confirm that it was still about 5 minutes before my scheduled time.
So, we sit down at a table, and she asks me to tell her about myself. I hate that question in an interview or audition, because I have no idea what information they want, and it leaves me wide open to say something that would hurt my chances that they really didn't even need to know about. Then she asked me what I know about the play or the playwright. Again, hate the question, because until I'm actually book to perform it, I don't need to know shit about the play (okay, I do need to know basically what it's about, but not much more than that), and I certainly don't need to know the life story of the guy who wrote it. So I fumbled around saying who I didn't know much about him, and she comes back at me with, "Eugene O'Neill is the greatest American playwright that ever lived." (Pretty much a direct quote) Oh, boy.
So then she has me read a side. It's a rough Irish crewman talking about German spies. So I give her my best Irish accent (which is passable) and do the speech, and she has me do it again more gruffly. This is all well and good. I do pretty well at cold readings, and when they ask for something I can usually show that I can take direction. Then she has me read for a different part, that of a British first mate, who is educated and disdainful of the crew, etc. But she has me read the same fucking piece that I just read for the other part, which is rife with slang and such. So I am trying to do a British accent, sound disdainful, and at the same time parse and rewrite the speech so that it sounds like a British officer would be saying it. Needless to say it didn't go over well. Then she wants me to play the part of a Swedish crewman who is friendly likable but not soft, and she has me read the same fucking speech about paranoia over German spies. What the fuck?! If she wanted me to read for three parts, she should have brought three sides, wouldn't ya think?
So, yeah, it was a bit crazy this weekend. But I did get a Christmas card from the production company of that film I did in Ocean City in October. That never happened before, so I guess it was just as crazy as the other shit, but in a good way.