A miracle
i've been rather blue the last few weeks, and it's been hard to put into words. i feel like i owe at least some sort of explanation. My thoughts have been with my friend J these last few weeks. She's alive, and i'm more Thankful then i've ever been. If you wish to know the story, It's
i first met my friend N in high school. Like many of my friends at the time, we met at DDDG (the Different Drummer Drama Guild, for you non-Baconians). He was the year below me, yet exactly three days older then me. N is an amazing person. He is full of life, energy, and enthusiasm. His smile (complete with dimples) could fill a stadium. His laugh comes easily and lasts long. One of the most talented performers i have ever met, he can find the humor in the most depressing character. He is a true artist. His sister, J, was a year younger then us (two years younger is school time), but she is an old-soul (to be cliche). J is a tiny person, but it is as if the great energy of her brother was compacted into a much smaller frame. But J is not her brother. She is not a performer, it is not in her nature to share her energy, to display it for an audience. She keeps it within herself, but it's there vibrating, shining in her eyes. When i first met her (really met her), i thought she was all eyes. A tiny person with the most vibrant eyes- two fields of blue that fills her face. At first she seems shy, but that's not it. She is serene. Calm. Her movements are decisive, but elegant. It is as if she has learned to make the most of each movement, to embrace it- to enjoy it. Despite her elegance, she is a giggler. When she laughs, it consumes her. i think it is her release from life. It is the one moment she allows herself to truly let go, to live whole-heartedly without reserve.
J and N are two of the most amazing people i have ever met. They are so very alive- alight with positivity! i don't know if anyone could truly describe it. Six years ago i found out why. It is not a mask that they wear, or any kind of lie. They embrace life because they have to, because they will not have the years to waste that so many of us do. N told me, he shared with me. He trusted me and that's why i'm not saying their names (although it's far from private knowledge now). They both have an illness called Cystic Fibrosis. It is not really a disease, but a genetic disorder that causes the body to excrete mucas in places where it shouldn't. When he first told me, i wanted to know as much about it as i could. i researched exactly what it is, and what the effects are. i'm not going to share them here. It's a terrible disorder. At the time i didn't quite know how to handle this knowledge. i read some depressing statistics- life expectancy, fatality rate, and quality of life. At the time, it was the most frightening thing i've ever had to learn. i didn't know how to act around them. i didn't know how to treat them when i feared that next week, next month, next year could be their last. Eventually, i figured things out a bit. N and J are positive energy because they want, no, they need to enjoy each minute. There is no wasted life when each year could be your last. J and N were relatively healthy. They were doing well. That time shouldn't be wasted. So, we didn't.
For the people that didn't know, there was nothing to see. There was no sign that they were ill. For those of us that knew, there were small signs that things were not going well. The summer after my senior year of high school, my church choir took a concert tour and pilgramidge to France. For most of us, it was it was a trip to France- a chance to sing in Paris and Chartres. J and N's entire family went. It was like a family reunion, with Aunts and Uncles and Grandparents- at least a quarter of one of the buses was their family. It seemed to be this wonderful family experience. i found it sad. The Pilgramige part of the trip, the reason we chose France, was Lourdes. We were going to visit the shrine of Our Lady of Lourdes. The story of Lourdes is not very well known. In the 19th centruy, the Virgin Mary appeared to St. Bernadette and told her to dig in a certain spot to reveal a spring. St. Bernadette did as she was asked, and a spring was discovered. A spring with healing waters. There is a shrine there now, and a daily candlelit vigil at sunset. People travel to Lourdes from all over the world because they believe in the miraculous healing of the water. i'm still not sure if i believe or not. To an extent, i think i do. That is why their family was there. They believed. Lourdes was unlike anywhere i have ever been before. The city itsself was full of blasphemy- a tourist's junkyard inspired by the shrine. There was a wall that seperated that wasteland from the holy grounds of the shrine. It was peaceful there- a quiet retreat. There was a large church with a great set of stairs on which the Vigil is performed every night. A path winds its way down to a small grove where the Virgin appeared, and from there another path brings you to the spring itsself and the pools in which believers can bathe. People were brought from all over the world- in hospital beds and wheelchairs, some with IV's and moniters. On every face you could see the same radiance. Through the pain, these people had Faith that God, through these waters, would save them. Hope was clearly visible in their eyes- hope and anticipation of a miracle. That is what J's eyes said that day, too. We waited for hours to visit the pools, and her anticipation was tangible. This was why she came to France. This is what she needed.
i can't say that a miracle didn't occurr. But, it was not immediate. Nothing drastic changed for either J and N. A year later, N went off to his first semester of college and J entered her senior year of high school. It was a bad year for them both. i saw a bit of it that summer. The three of us, along with several others from the church youth group, spent a week together that summer doing volunteer work. i had never seen J at night. In France, we all had seperate hotle rooms. Until that week, i didn't know that every night was a struggle for her to breathe. She brought oxygen with her for emergencies. i should have realized what that meant. She coughed through the night most nights, sometimes waking barely able to breathe. It was those moments, where we stood by helpless as she tried to catch her breath, that were the hardest. i don't think i've ever wanted more to help someone. Yet she had chosen to go with us, to do volunteer work for those who need the help. Here she was, fighting with her body just to live, and still volunteering- giving of herself what she may not have to spare. i spent much of that week in the bathroom, crying. It was an eye-opening experience. Things did not get better during the next year. Half-way through the semester, N was hospitalized with a blockage in his intestines. He went through several surgeries and was in the hospital for more then 30 days. He didn't return to school that year. J's lungs worsened and she had a bad struggle with pnemonia. Many of us spent that winter praying that she last until graduation. She did. Thankfully, she had a wonderful recovery, and finished her senior year with the same celebrations, Proms and picnics, that most seniors do. By this time N was also doing much better and was planning to go to UCONN in the fall.
The next two years or so were relatively uneventful, until last summer. Last August, J nearly died. Her lungs were so damaged, that one collapased. She was in the hospital for weeks. She had multiple surgeries to attempt to repair her lungs. These surgeries were not ineffective, but there were not helping for very long. J and N have been very private about their illness, but J was in such bad shape that she requested that the church pray for her by name, something we've never done before. They had a week-long novena asking for her healing, but she was not recovering. The last surgery the doctors could perform would have been to attatch J's lungs to her chest bone, to stop it from collapsing. This would have given her a few more months, but it would have made her unable to recieve a transplant. i can't imagine what a difficult decision it was for her, as sick as she was. The fifth day of the novena, J was stable. It was not a sudden and complete healing, but her lungs were stabalizing. She decided not to have the surgery. One year ago, the doctors had given her a month to live. But, J is still with us. If there was nothing more, that is miraculous. This was just act one.
J has been number one on the lung transplant list for 4 years. She is a small person, and there had not been a match in all those years. Two weeks ago, a pair of lungs became available that could potentially have been a match. She was given three hours to get to Boston before the lungs would go to the next person on the list. She made it in time, but was warned that the likelihood of these being suitable was only 10%. They were. She was in surgery for 9 hours, but the transplant was a success. When they removed her lungs they discovered that one was working at 70% capacity, and the other was at barely 20%. It has been nearly two weeks, and J is doing very well. She was walking the day after surgery. i've been crying almost continuously since. i can't believe she was given this amazing gift.
i'm not sure if everyone would call this a miracle. But, i think it is. One year ago, they thought she wouldn't last a month. Now, she has a new set of lungs and hopefully years ahead of her. It may have taken five years, but the healing waters, the prayer, the Grace of God was there for J when she needed Him most. Sometimes i think about my life and how easy things have been. Then i think about the people i know and i wonder at the fragile hold we have on life. J and N are my friends. They are also my heroes. They are my inspiration. They are the renewal of my Faith. It is times like this that i have to thank God for the life i've been given, for the friends i've had, for His love. In some ways, this life- this gift we've all been given- is the true miracle.
But, if you would rather not know the story. Please just know that i'm thankful that every one of you are here. And i have to say to all my friends-
i love you!
i first met my friend N in high school. Like many of my friends at the time, we met at DDDG (the Different Drummer Drama Guild, for you non-Baconians). He was the year below me, yet exactly three days older then me. N is an amazing person. He is full of life, energy, and enthusiasm. His smile (complete with dimples) could fill a stadium. His laugh comes easily and lasts long. One of the most talented performers i have ever met, he can find the humor in the most depressing character. He is a true artist. His sister, J, was a year younger then us (two years younger is school time), but she is an old-soul (to be cliche). J is a tiny person, but it is as if the great energy of her brother was compacted into a much smaller frame. But J is not her brother. She is not a performer, it is not in her nature to share her energy, to display it for an audience. She keeps it within herself, but it's there vibrating, shining in her eyes. When i first met her (really met her), i thought she was all eyes. A tiny person with the most vibrant eyes- two fields of blue that fills her face. At first she seems shy, but that's not it. She is serene. Calm. Her movements are decisive, but elegant. It is as if she has learned to make the most of each movement, to embrace it- to enjoy it. Despite her elegance, she is a giggler. When she laughs, it consumes her. i think it is her release from life. It is the one moment she allows herself to truly let go, to live whole-heartedly without reserve.
J and N are two of the most amazing people i have ever met. They are so very alive- alight with positivity! i don't know if anyone could truly describe it. Six years ago i found out why. It is not a mask that they wear, or any kind of lie. They embrace life because they have to, because they will not have the years to waste that so many of us do. N told me, he shared with me. He trusted me and that's why i'm not saying their names (although it's far from private knowledge now). They both have an illness called Cystic Fibrosis. It is not really a disease, but a genetic disorder that causes the body to excrete mucas in places where it shouldn't. When he first told me, i wanted to know as much about it as i could. i researched exactly what it is, and what the effects are. i'm not going to share them here. It's a terrible disorder. At the time i didn't quite know how to handle this knowledge. i read some depressing statistics- life expectancy, fatality rate, and quality of life. At the time, it was the most frightening thing i've ever had to learn. i didn't know how to act around them. i didn't know how to treat them when i feared that next week, next month, next year could be their last. Eventually, i figured things out a bit. N and J are positive energy because they want, no, they need to enjoy each minute. There is no wasted life when each year could be your last. J and N were relatively healthy. They were doing well. That time shouldn't be wasted. So, we didn't.
For the people that didn't know, there was nothing to see. There was no sign that they were ill. For those of us that knew, there were small signs that things were not going well. The summer after my senior year of high school, my church choir took a concert tour and pilgramidge to France. For most of us, it was it was a trip to France- a chance to sing in Paris and Chartres. J and N's entire family went. It was like a family reunion, with Aunts and Uncles and Grandparents- at least a quarter of one of the buses was their family. It seemed to be this wonderful family experience. i found it sad. The Pilgramige part of the trip, the reason we chose France, was Lourdes. We were going to visit the shrine of Our Lady of Lourdes. The story of Lourdes is not very well known. In the 19th centruy, the Virgin Mary appeared to St. Bernadette and told her to dig in a certain spot to reveal a spring. St. Bernadette did as she was asked, and a spring was discovered. A spring with healing waters. There is a shrine there now, and a daily candlelit vigil at sunset. People travel to Lourdes from all over the world because they believe in the miraculous healing of the water. i'm still not sure if i believe or not. To an extent, i think i do. That is why their family was there. They believed. Lourdes was unlike anywhere i have ever been before. The city itsself was full of blasphemy- a tourist's junkyard inspired by the shrine. There was a wall that seperated that wasteland from the holy grounds of the shrine. It was peaceful there- a quiet retreat. There was a large church with a great set of stairs on which the Vigil is performed every night. A path winds its way down to a small grove where the Virgin appeared, and from there another path brings you to the spring itsself and the pools in which believers can bathe. People were brought from all over the world- in hospital beds and wheelchairs, some with IV's and moniters. On every face you could see the same radiance. Through the pain, these people had Faith that God, through these waters, would save them. Hope was clearly visible in their eyes- hope and anticipation of a miracle. That is what J's eyes said that day, too. We waited for hours to visit the pools, and her anticipation was tangible. This was why she came to France. This is what she needed.
i can't say that a miracle didn't occurr. But, it was not immediate. Nothing drastic changed for either J and N. A year later, N went off to his first semester of college and J entered her senior year of high school. It was a bad year for them both. i saw a bit of it that summer. The three of us, along with several others from the church youth group, spent a week together that summer doing volunteer work. i had never seen J at night. In France, we all had seperate hotle rooms. Until that week, i didn't know that every night was a struggle for her to breathe. She brought oxygen with her for emergencies. i should have realized what that meant. She coughed through the night most nights, sometimes waking barely able to breathe. It was those moments, where we stood by helpless as she tried to catch her breath, that were the hardest. i don't think i've ever wanted more to help someone. Yet she had chosen to go with us, to do volunteer work for those who need the help. Here she was, fighting with her body just to live, and still volunteering- giving of herself what she may not have to spare. i spent much of that week in the bathroom, crying. It was an eye-opening experience. Things did not get better during the next year. Half-way through the semester, N was hospitalized with a blockage in his intestines. He went through several surgeries and was in the hospital for more then 30 days. He didn't return to school that year. J's lungs worsened and she had a bad struggle with pnemonia. Many of us spent that winter praying that she last until graduation. She did. Thankfully, she had a wonderful recovery, and finished her senior year with the same celebrations, Proms and picnics, that most seniors do. By this time N was also doing much better and was planning to go to UCONN in the fall.
The next two years or so were relatively uneventful, until last summer. Last August, J nearly died. Her lungs were so damaged, that one collapased. She was in the hospital for weeks. She had multiple surgeries to attempt to repair her lungs. These surgeries were not ineffective, but there were not helping for very long. J and N have been very private about their illness, but J was in such bad shape that she requested that the church pray for her by name, something we've never done before. They had a week-long novena asking for her healing, but she was not recovering. The last surgery the doctors could perform would have been to attatch J's lungs to her chest bone, to stop it from collapsing. This would have given her a few more months, but it would have made her unable to recieve a transplant. i can't imagine what a difficult decision it was for her, as sick as she was. The fifth day of the novena, J was stable. It was not a sudden and complete healing, but her lungs were stabalizing. She decided not to have the surgery. One year ago, the doctors had given her a month to live. But, J is still with us. If there was nothing more, that is miraculous. This was just act one.
J has been number one on the lung transplant list for 4 years. She is a small person, and there had not been a match in all those years. Two weeks ago, a pair of lungs became available that could potentially have been a match. She was given three hours to get to Boston before the lungs would go to the next person on the list. She made it in time, but was warned that the likelihood of these being suitable was only 10%. They were. She was in surgery for 9 hours, but the transplant was a success. When they removed her lungs they discovered that one was working at 70% capacity, and the other was at barely 20%. It has been nearly two weeks, and J is doing very well. She was walking the day after surgery. i've been crying almost continuously since. i can't believe she was given this amazing gift.
i'm not sure if everyone would call this a miracle. But, i think it is. One year ago, they thought she wouldn't last a month. Now, she has a new set of lungs and hopefully years ahead of her. It may have taken five years, but the healing waters, the prayer, the Grace of God was there for J when she needed Him most. Sometimes i think about my life and how easy things have been. Then i think about the people i know and i wonder at the fragile hold we have on life. J and N are my friends. They are also my heroes. They are my inspiration. They are the renewal of my Faith. It is times like this that i have to thank God for the life i've been given, for the friends i've had, for His love. In some ways, this life- this gift we've all been given- is the true miracle.
But, if you would rather not know the story. Please just know that i'm thankful that every one of you are here. And i have to say to all my friends-
i love you!