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Well, Happy Christmas everyone!!! Our family gathering was full of laughter this year, so i thought i'd spread the cheer! Here are a few tales from my Christmas this year. i call it: The Twelve Ooops of Christmas
On the first day of Christmas, i accidentally:
This Christmas, i made all of the gifts that i gave to my family and friends, and most of these were knitted in the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Needless to say, i have been a knitting machine for the last month. As a special gift, i attempted to make a patchwork knit afgan for my aunt. But, by Christmas Eve i only had sixteen squares finished. When it was all put together, it was only about the size of a child's pillowcase. Amazingly, she understood, and loved it.
On the second day of Christmas, i accidentally:
i decided that it would be a nice gesture to make some gingerbread for my family for Christmas. i even have an authentic 19th century recipe from work, but i didn't have pans that were quite the right size for the recipe. i figured it would be fine, and baked it in the pans i had. That was maybe not the best idea i've ever had. The batter overflowed and burnt on the bottom of the oven, filling our apartment with an authentic 19th century burning smell. It didn't quite catch on fire, but there were some glowing embers where there shouldn't have been. Baking soda to the rescue! Strangely enough, i can do it flawlessly in a hearth with a fire and dutch oven...
On the third day of Christmas, i accidentally:
This one wasn't exactly me, but i was present for the incident. My Aunt's neighboring condo has several cats, and these cats decided that my aunt's deck is their personal playground. We were all i the kitchen making rice balls on Sunday afternoon, when the cats arrived. All of us attempted at least once to shoo the cats, but nothing seemed to work. Finally, my aunt filled a good size cup with water and flung it in the cats' general direction (not a particularlly nice idea, but thankfully she isn't a very good aim). The water landed at the cats' feet. They were a bit surprised, but they didn't move. Instead, they looked at us in the condescending way that cats have, lowered their heads, and calmly began to drink the water at their feet.
On the fourth day of Christmas, i accidentally:
For the first time, we spent this Christmas Eve with my sister's boyfriend's family. It was a very nice evening. His family is hilarious, and we get along very well. We all seemed to have a wonderful time, but Dan's father Larry had the best time by far. It was a Christmas celebration for adults, so there were some alcoholic beverages consumed. Mostly by Larry. He certainly had a very merry time and, as we were all at his home, he had no where to drive to. It wasn't a big deal, really. Well, we had to leave and were saying farewell when it got, uh, interesting. There were hugs ad well wishes all around, but Larry didn't seem to want to end our hug. And his hands were in some interesting places. But he was prett well inebriated. But still- i think i should offer some advice: "Merry" Christmas doesn't mean it's time to cop a feel.
On the fifth day of Christmas, i accidentally:
In choir singing, Make Loud Mistakes is probably one of my favorite sayings. If you sing out, even when you are unsure, then the director can hear where the trouble spots are and correct what needs help. If you sing quietly when you are usure, then the director may not be able to hear that you need help. True to my motto, i made one monster of a mistake at Midnight Mass this year. It was a real beauty. We were singing one of my favorites, a setting of the Gloria that has the melody switching back and forth between the women and the men with a unison bit ("Glory to God") sprinkled throughout. There was one moment where the gentlemen were singing and then there were supposed to be two beats rest and then one of the unison bits. Well... um... i miscounted. i only waited one beat and then came in with a nice forte "Glo" and then almost fell over in embarrassment because the entire alto, tenor, and half the bass sections turned aroud to look at me. It took me at least 20 measures to recover my composure enough to finish the song. i think i may edit my saying a bit- Make Loud Mistakes... in rehearsal! ;D
On the sixth day of Christmas, i accidentally:
As previously noted, i knit almost all of my gifts this year and quite a few of them were scarves. To make sure the scarf was the correct length, i would measure it against my neck, forgetting that i'm a bit smaller then some of the people i was making scarves for. On Christmas, Dan was thrilled to recieve a hand-made scarf, until he tried it on. It was much too short- barely reaching past his breastbone. It looked ridiculous. i immediately apologized and offered to make him a new one, but he said he liked it as it was. i think he was just being nice.
On the seventh day of Christmas, i accidentally:
On Christmas Eve, i arrived at my parents' house a bit early and my Mom asked if i would help her with some wrapping. Of course i agreed, and so she brought me a small pile of gifts and said they were all for my Dad. i had just finished wrapping a rather large gift when my Dad came in the room. He looked at the the gift and with a big grin said "Oooh... Who's that for?" He took a look at the tag, and then his smile fell. He looked at me and asked "Are you sure?" i told him that Mom had told me it was for him. Then he tried to get me to tell him what it was, but i was't going to give in! i told him it must be a surprise that he didn't know about! Finally, my Mom came in and, with a look at the gift, settled things with an "Ooops... that was for your cousin!"
On the eighth day of Christmas, i accidentally:
i lost my phone on Sunday. i know, what terrible timing! i had called my Dad in the morning, but then i couldn't find it that night... or the next day... or the next. i felt terrible because i couldn't call anyone on Christmas because all my numbers are in that phone (which is rather dumb, i reallly need to write everything down). i was trying not to worry because it was Christmas and that wasn't really what i should be thinking about. i figured (hoped... prayed!) that it would turn up eventually. Thankfully it did! i found it Wednesday afternoon. It had fallen between my seat and the shifter in my car. Now, everyone can expect a call from me in the next day or two... well, i'll try to make it before 12th Night!
On the ninth day of Christmas, i accidentally:
My Aunt called on Monday, wanting to borrow a pair of nylons from my Mom. At the time, my Mom was drying her hair and couldn't answer the phone, so i assured my Aunt that she could certainly borrow a pair and that i would make sure we brought them to her. i probably should have checked with my Mom first, because she didn't have any for my Aunt to borrow. So, we decided to just run to the store and buy her a pair. We should have known better. It was 6 PM on Christmas Eve- nothing was open in Colchester! We tried three stores before giving up. It all worked out in the end. No one couold even tell that she didn't have any on...
On the tenth day of Christmas, i accidentally:
Time for more wrapping errors. While i was wrapping these gifts for my Mom, i was pretty much using the last of their Christmas supplies. There were the least favorite papers, the oddly colored bows, and those tags that just wouldn't match anything. i was doing decently, when i came down to the very last bow- a purple one- and i just couldn't find anything to match. None of the paper had purple in it, and it was such an odd purple that it didn't really compliment any of the other colors in the paper. i was just going to let it go, and not put a bow on the few last things i had to wrap, when i had a very odd thought. i somehow felt bad for this poor little purple bow that nobody wanted. It wasn't its fault that it was an ugly purple in a sea of green and gold. It looked lonely sitting in the bottom of the empty bag, having watched its friends find pretty packages to be displayed on. So, i decided to free the ugly bow- to let it fill its Christmas destiny. i put it directly in the center of a gift wrapped in red and green. It clashed wonderfully.
On the eleventh day of Christmas, i accidentally:
The week before Christmas, a group of us from work all went out caroling in a horse-drawn trolley. It was beautiful, and we all had these cute little song books to give us the words of the carols. Well, we had sung all the way through the book and were trying to come up with other carols to sing. i suggested Coventry Carol, and while no one else knew it, they told me to sing it and they would join in the chorus. For the record, this is one of my favorie carols. i really, really, really, really love it!! i was even going to have Songbirds sing it this past faire season. So, i began to sing it. i made it through the chorus, and the first line of the first verse, but then i couldn't remember the lyrics. Like ay good singer would, i just made it up, but then i started switching into the alto harmony. i somehow made it through the verse, and we sang the chorus again, but by that point i was so cofused between the alto and the soprano parts that i don't think anyone listening would have even recognized it! It was a bit of a disaster, really.
On the twelfth day of Christmas, i accidentally:
i have saved the very best for last. There is one thing that every performer fears more then anything else- more then forgotten lines of missed cues, more then dead audiences or loud coughing- and that is... Wardrobe Malfunction!!! This is the dreaded curse of live theater because there is nowhere to hide when you're live on a stage and something happens to your costume. Well, on Sunday the seaport decided not to cancel Lantern Light Tours, even in the torrential downpours. If there were people who wanted to see the show, then we tour guides were handed an umprella and told to make sure they had a good time. Now, i'm going to share a little known fact about the seaport with you- the streets and paths were designed by a drunkard. Well, maybe not, but for some reason they fill with huge puddles in even the smallest amount of rain. With the amount of rain we had on Sunday, walking around the seaport was like wading through a pond. Without exaggerating at all, there were puddles that reached well above my ankles. But, like a good employee, i went out in the storm and tried to entertain a group of people. i took them from shelter to shelter as quickly as possible, hoping to keep them from getting too drenched. We were in one of our mad dashes, when i noticed that the trolley was coming and my group was in the middle of the road. i quickly started yelling that my group needed to follow me onto the sidewalk, onto the SideWalk. Quickly On to the Side Walk!! Finally, we made it to the side, but after going through all of those puddles my skirt felt unsually heavy. i didn't think anything of it, until my skirt suddenly fell to my ankles. It just slid right off, into the puddle at my feet. i didn't know what to do. i had a moment of panic. i was desperately trying to think of what to do next when the little girl standing by me simply asked, as any child might, "Does your skirt come off all the time?" i nearly died laughing. i then reached down and picked up my skirt, explaining that it was the first time i'd ever had the experience. i handed the drenched skirt off to an actor in the next scene. i just continued acting as if losing my skirt was an everyday occurance. The show must go on!
Wow, i'm sorry that was so long. i hope you all had a Christmas filled with Joy!!! Cheers!!!
On the first day of Christmas, i accidentally:
This Christmas, i made all of the gifts that i gave to my family and friends, and most of these were knitted in the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Needless to say, i have been a knitting machine for the last month. As a special gift, i attempted to make a patchwork knit afgan for my aunt. But, by Christmas Eve i only had sixteen squares finished. When it was all put together, it was only about the size of a child's pillowcase. Amazingly, she understood, and loved it.
On the second day of Christmas, i accidentally:
i decided that it would be a nice gesture to make some gingerbread for my family for Christmas. i even have an authentic 19th century recipe from work, but i didn't have pans that were quite the right size for the recipe. i figured it would be fine, and baked it in the pans i had. That was maybe not the best idea i've ever had. The batter overflowed and burnt on the bottom of the oven, filling our apartment with an authentic 19th century burning smell. It didn't quite catch on fire, but there were some glowing embers where there shouldn't have been. Baking soda to the rescue! Strangely enough, i can do it flawlessly in a hearth with a fire and dutch oven...
On the third day of Christmas, i accidentally:
This one wasn't exactly me, but i was present for the incident. My Aunt's neighboring condo has several cats, and these cats decided that my aunt's deck is their personal playground. We were all i the kitchen making rice balls on Sunday afternoon, when the cats arrived. All of us attempted at least once to shoo the cats, but nothing seemed to work. Finally, my aunt filled a good size cup with water and flung it in the cats' general direction (not a particularlly nice idea, but thankfully she isn't a very good aim). The water landed at the cats' feet. They were a bit surprised, but they didn't move. Instead, they looked at us in the condescending way that cats have, lowered their heads, and calmly began to drink the water at their feet.
On the fourth day of Christmas, i accidentally:
For the first time, we spent this Christmas Eve with my sister's boyfriend's family. It was a very nice evening. His family is hilarious, and we get along very well. We all seemed to have a wonderful time, but Dan's father Larry had the best time by far. It was a Christmas celebration for adults, so there were some alcoholic beverages consumed. Mostly by Larry. He certainly had a very merry time and, as we were all at his home, he had no where to drive to. It wasn't a big deal, really. Well, we had to leave and were saying farewell when it got, uh, interesting. There were hugs ad well wishes all around, but Larry didn't seem to want to end our hug. And his hands were in some interesting places. But he was prett well inebriated. But still- i think i should offer some advice: "Merry" Christmas doesn't mean it's time to cop a feel.
On the fifth day of Christmas, i accidentally:
In choir singing, Make Loud Mistakes is probably one of my favorite sayings. If you sing out, even when you are unsure, then the director can hear where the trouble spots are and correct what needs help. If you sing quietly when you are usure, then the director may not be able to hear that you need help. True to my motto, i made one monster of a mistake at Midnight Mass this year. It was a real beauty. We were singing one of my favorites, a setting of the Gloria that has the melody switching back and forth between the women and the men with a unison bit ("Glory to God") sprinkled throughout. There was one moment where the gentlemen were singing and then there were supposed to be two beats rest and then one of the unison bits. Well... um... i miscounted. i only waited one beat and then came in with a nice forte "Glo" and then almost fell over in embarrassment because the entire alto, tenor, and half the bass sections turned aroud to look at me. It took me at least 20 measures to recover my composure enough to finish the song. i think i may edit my saying a bit- Make Loud Mistakes... in rehearsal! ;D
On the sixth day of Christmas, i accidentally:
As previously noted, i knit almost all of my gifts this year and quite a few of them were scarves. To make sure the scarf was the correct length, i would measure it against my neck, forgetting that i'm a bit smaller then some of the people i was making scarves for. On Christmas, Dan was thrilled to recieve a hand-made scarf, until he tried it on. It was much too short- barely reaching past his breastbone. It looked ridiculous. i immediately apologized and offered to make him a new one, but he said he liked it as it was. i think he was just being nice.
On the seventh day of Christmas, i accidentally:
On Christmas Eve, i arrived at my parents' house a bit early and my Mom asked if i would help her with some wrapping. Of course i agreed, and so she brought me a small pile of gifts and said they were all for my Dad. i had just finished wrapping a rather large gift when my Dad came in the room. He looked at the the gift and with a big grin said "Oooh... Who's that for?" He took a look at the tag, and then his smile fell. He looked at me and asked "Are you sure?" i told him that Mom had told me it was for him. Then he tried to get me to tell him what it was, but i was't going to give in! i told him it must be a surprise that he didn't know about! Finally, my Mom came in and, with a look at the gift, settled things with an "Ooops... that was for your cousin!"
On the eighth day of Christmas, i accidentally:
i lost my phone on Sunday. i know, what terrible timing! i had called my Dad in the morning, but then i couldn't find it that night... or the next day... or the next. i felt terrible because i couldn't call anyone on Christmas because all my numbers are in that phone (which is rather dumb, i reallly need to write everything down). i was trying not to worry because it was Christmas and that wasn't really what i should be thinking about. i figured (hoped... prayed!) that it would turn up eventually. Thankfully it did! i found it Wednesday afternoon. It had fallen between my seat and the shifter in my car. Now, everyone can expect a call from me in the next day or two... well, i'll try to make it before 12th Night!
On the ninth day of Christmas, i accidentally:
My Aunt called on Monday, wanting to borrow a pair of nylons from my Mom. At the time, my Mom was drying her hair and couldn't answer the phone, so i assured my Aunt that she could certainly borrow a pair and that i would make sure we brought them to her. i probably should have checked with my Mom first, because she didn't have any for my Aunt to borrow. So, we decided to just run to the store and buy her a pair. We should have known better. It was 6 PM on Christmas Eve- nothing was open in Colchester! We tried three stores before giving up. It all worked out in the end. No one couold even tell that she didn't have any on...
On the tenth day of Christmas, i accidentally:
Time for more wrapping errors. While i was wrapping these gifts for my Mom, i was pretty much using the last of their Christmas supplies. There were the least favorite papers, the oddly colored bows, and those tags that just wouldn't match anything. i was doing decently, when i came down to the very last bow- a purple one- and i just couldn't find anything to match. None of the paper had purple in it, and it was such an odd purple that it didn't really compliment any of the other colors in the paper. i was just going to let it go, and not put a bow on the few last things i had to wrap, when i had a very odd thought. i somehow felt bad for this poor little purple bow that nobody wanted. It wasn't its fault that it was an ugly purple in a sea of green and gold. It looked lonely sitting in the bottom of the empty bag, having watched its friends find pretty packages to be displayed on. So, i decided to free the ugly bow- to let it fill its Christmas destiny. i put it directly in the center of a gift wrapped in red and green. It clashed wonderfully.
On the eleventh day of Christmas, i accidentally:
The week before Christmas, a group of us from work all went out caroling in a horse-drawn trolley. It was beautiful, and we all had these cute little song books to give us the words of the carols. Well, we had sung all the way through the book and were trying to come up with other carols to sing. i suggested Coventry Carol, and while no one else knew it, they told me to sing it and they would join in the chorus. For the record, this is one of my favorie carols. i really, really, really, really love it!! i was even going to have Songbirds sing it this past faire season. So, i began to sing it. i made it through the chorus, and the first line of the first verse, but then i couldn't remember the lyrics. Like ay good singer would, i just made it up, but then i started switching into the alto harmony. i somehow made it through the verse, and we sang the chorus again, but by that point i was so cofused between the alto and the soprano parts that i don't think anyone listening would have even recognized it! It was a bit of a disaster, really.
On the twelfth day of Christmas, i accidentally:
i have saved the very best for last. There is one thing that every performer fears more then anything else- more then forgotten lines of missed cues, more then dead audiences or loud coughing- and that is... Wardrobe Malfunction!!! This is the dreaded curse of live theater because there is nowhere to hide when you're live on a stage and something happens to your costume. Well, on Sunday the seaport decided not to cancel Lantern Light Tours, even in the torrential downpours. If there were people who wanted to see the show, then we tour guides were handed an umprella and told to make sure they had a good time. Now, i'm going to share a little known fact about the seaport with you- the streets and paths were designed by a drunkard. Well, maybe not, but for some reason they fill with huge puddles in even the smallest amount of rain. With the amount of rain we had on Sunday, walking around the seaport was like wading through a pond. Without exaggerating at all, there were puddles that reached well above my ankles. But, like a good employee, i went out in the storm and tried to entertain a group of people. i took them from shelter to shelter as quickly as possible, hoping to keep them from getting too drenched. We were in one of our mad dashes, when i noticed that the trolley was coming and my group was in the middle of the road. i quickly started yelling that my group needed to follow me onto the sidewalk, onto the SideWalk. Quickly On to the Side Walk!! Finally, we made it to the side, but after going through all of those puddles my skirt felt unsually heavy. i didn't think anything of it, until my skirt suddenly fell to my ankles. It just slid right off, into the puddle at my feet. i didn't know what to do. i had a moment of panic. i was desperately trying to think of what to do next when the little girl standing by me simply asked, as any child might, "Does your skirt come off all the time?" i nearly died laughing. i then reached down and picked up my skirt, explaining that it was the first time i'd ever had the experience. i handed the drenched skirt off to an actor in the next scene. i just continued acting as if losing my skirt was an everyday occurance. The show must go on!
Wow, i'm sorry that was so long. i hope you all had a Christmas filled with Joy!!! Cheers!!!