(no subject)
Title: Over You, 6/?
Rating: MA
Summary: Sharon and Brenda try to deal with what happened between them in the hospital, and Brenda learns some hard truths.
I will keep all those memories
Of the good times
Yeah, there were some good times
So when you think of you and me
They won’t even cross your mind
If you need me to make you cry
I don’t want to but I’ll try
So you don’t have to love me anymore
-“So You Don’t Have to Love Me Anymore”, Alan Jackson
···
Los Angeles, 2009
Brenda stood in the center of the now empty waiting room, arms wrapped tightly around herself, fighting hard to breathe. The fear, the confusion, the need that filled her swirled through her mind, making rational thought nearly impossible. Sharon, Sharon… her thoughts were filled with Sharon, with the way she looked now and the way she’d looked before, the way she smelled so differently, but tasted just the same. Sharon, Sharon…
What just happened?
She’d changed her mind a thousand times in the moments before Sharon had walked through the door; she wanted to be warm and friendly, she wanted to be cold and distant, she wanted to behave as though she had no idea who Sharon was, she wanted to wrap her arms around the woman in a tight embrace. And then Sharon had appeared, and all of Brenda’s plans evaporated. She had so many questions; why had Sharon left, why wasn’t the older woman surprised to see Brenda standing in that waiting room; where was her wedding ring? Sharon hadn’t even spoken to her when she entered, and Brenda had tried to follow her cue. Tried to be aloof, tried to be calm and collected, even though inside she was screaming. She had been practically bitter when she spoke to the woman, and she knew it. Emphasizing her rank, trying to put Sharon down, that had been in poor taste and she knew she would need to apologize for it later. That had been her intention when she’d chased after Sharon; she’d seen the pain on the woman’s face, had seen something of her Sharon, the old Sharon, lurking beneath the fierceness of Captain Raydor, and she had to follow her. Had to be near her Sharon, if only for a moment.
And then Sharon had kissed her, and she’d fallen into even more shit.
The ring on Brenda’s finger weighed heavy on her hand and heavier on her mind. How could it be that, after all this time, she’d finally found Sharon again, only now Brenda was the one who was married, the one who would have to choose which relationship mattered more to her? Would she have to choose at all? Sharon had initiated the kiss, that was certain, but Brenda didn’t know what Sharon wanted from her, what she expected. Brenda didn’t know what she expected from Sharon.
They would have to talk, and soon, she knew, but the middle of an investigation didn’t seem like the best time to have a heart to heart with her former lover. Particularly given the fact that Sharon was investigating David Gabriel, of all people, and Brenda’s squad was divided enough over him as it was.
Sharon, Sharon…
After all this time, the power the woman still held over her heart was stronger than Brenda ever considered it might be. She had often wondered what she would do when confronted with the woman who had left her, naked and alone, all those years before, but never had she dreamed it would be like this. So quick, and so devastating. Just seeing her had cut Brenda deep, and the feel of her kiss, as intoxicating as Brenda remembered, was enough to make her weak in the knees. And then she was gone, and Brenda was once again alone, wondering when she would see Sharon Raydor again.
···
Sharon paced impatiently outside Brenda’s office, hands shoved deep in her pockets to stop them from shaking. She had to remain steady. Sharon had a mission, and she was going to do whatever it took to accomplish it, no matter how it might hurt her. Brenda Leigh had a life now, and no matter how much Sharon might long for her, no matter how many sleepless nights she had laid awake, wondering how things might have been, she could not be responsible for destroying Brenda’s life the way she had destroyed her own. What happened in the hospital could not happen again. Sharon could not allow it.
The sound of footsteps drew her attention, too light and too quick to be anyone but her Brenda Leigh. She took a deep breath, and practiced her speech one more time in her head. It would not be an easy thing to break Brenda’s heart, but if it could protect the little blonde from the devastation Sharon herself had known, she would do whatever it took.
“Good morning, Chief,” she said as Brenda came into view, a forced, uneasy smile taking up residence on her face. Brenda’s smile in response was far more genuine, and it tore at Sharon’s heart.
“Captain,” Brenda said warmly, opening the door to her office and holding it aside so Sharon could pass through. Once they were safely inside the glass walls Brenda closed the door and drew the blinds, blocking them from view. She moved behind her desk and smiled expectantly at Sharon as an uneasy silence fell.
“I wanted to apologize for my behavior yesterday,” Sharon began, speaking quickly, terrified of losing her nerve now that she was face-to-face with the blonde Deputy Chief. Brenda’s face fell, but Sharon stood her ground. “It was incredibly unprofessional, and I can assure you that it will not happen again.”
No matter how much I might like for it to, she added silently. She held her breath and waited for Brenda’s response.
It was a long time coming. Brenda opened her mouth as if to speak, and then closed it again, as though unsure of what she wanted to say. Sharon could not bear it, could not handle the waiting, the anticipation of what Brenda might say. She knew it wouldn’t take much for her to fall right back into Brenda’s arms, to pick up right where they left off, but Sharon could not bear the thought of being Brenda Leigh’s mistress. She turned to go, and Brenda found her words.
“Sharon,” she said softly, “Before you go, please answer one question for me.”
Green eyes found brown, and Sharon sighed resignedly, nodding in agreement.
“How long have you known I was in LA?”
It was exactly the question Sharon had been expecting, and it was the only one she didn’t want to answer. She knew how bad it looked, how angry it would make Brenda. And she knew it was the only way to keep them from falling into old patterns.
“Since your first investigation,” she said, knowing that Brenda had to have expected it, and knowing that it would break her heart all the same. She had known for years, and she had never gone to Brenda Leigh. Even before the little blonde had remarried, Sharon had kept her distance. And she could see that Brenda knew that now, could see the hurt written all over her face.
“Who told you?” Brenda asked, her voice trembling, though with sorrow or rage Sharon could not tell.
Sharon didn’t see what it mattered who told her, and she spoke her next words without thinking.
“Andy came home after that first night, bitching about you stealing his investigation.”
“Andy?” Brenda fired back, looking even more devastated than before. Sharon saw her mistake then; Andy had become Brenda’s right hand man, one of the few people she trusted implicitly, and the revelation would surely taint their relationship. But Sharon also knew it would make Brenda angry enough to keep them apart, and to achieve the goal she had set for this little meeting, and so she steeled herself and plunged ahead.
“Lieutenant Flynn,” she said, her tone bitter even to her own ears. She tried to hold onto the anger she’d felt all those years before, watching Brenda charm Andy away from her. She had to stay angry. She had to stay away from Brenda Leigh.
“He came home and bitched to you about me,” Brenda parroted back her words, and Sharon couldn’t help but worry that she was probably going to make things worse for Andy. He hated her now, though, and she couldn’t imagine their relationship becoming any more fraught than it already was. It would be worth it in the end, if it kept Brenda Leigh safe.
“Were you fucking him?” Brenda asked, voice dangerously low, and all Sharon could do was meet her penetrating gaze. She knew she didn’t need to respond. She knew Brenda already had the answer to that particular question. Brenda crossed her arms over her chest and leaned back in her chair.
“Answer me one more question,” she said. “Did you leave Jack for him? Did you do for Andy what you never did for me?”
And there it was. The one thing that had always bothered Brenda about their relationship, the biggest problem the pair of them had faced. Brenda had cried more tears than could be counted over Sharon’s refusal to leave her husband, and for a moment the Captain considered lying. It would be the final indignity, the one thing that would make Brenda hate Sharon for the rest of her life, if Sharon told her that she had left Jack for someone else. But Sharon had told too many lies in her lifetime, and she found in this moment that the only words she could speak were the truth.
“Jack left me,” she said. “After he found out about you-“ surprise registered on Brenda’s face, and Sharon remembered that she had never divulged that information to the blonde-“he never trusted me again. He walked out on me and our kids because of you.”
Ever fiber of her being was begging her to stop, but she found that now she started, she had to see this through to the end. “I never would have left him, Brenda Leigh. He was the father of my children and I loved him. But he walked away from me, because of you. You ended my marriage. You tore up my family. And then you showed up here, and you took Andy away, too. You batted your eyelashes and he was gone.”
Sharon turned away as she felt the prick of tears, heading for the door.
“Well thank God for that,” Brenda said bitingly. “Everything you touch turns to shit. I can’t believe I ever loved you.”
The words were like a hammer to Sharon’s heart, shattering the already fragmented pieces. She turned the door handle and walked away, her own cruel retort sticking in her mouth. The words would not come. She had loved Brenda once, loved her still, and she new that Brenda deserved better than what she had to offer. Brenda was hurting now, but at the end of the day she would go back to her comfortable home and her doting husband, and she would be happier than Sharon could ever hope to make her.
The Captain made a bee-line for the bathroom as the tears streamed openly down her face, praying no one would pass by her in the hall. She would have to face Brenda again soon enough; they had both been called into Pope’s office for a meeting. The coldness between them would not be forced now as it had been before. It would not be a display put on to cover up their prior relationship. It would be real, the only protection Sharon had left to give to the little woman who still owned her, heart and soul.
St. Petersburg, 1997
Brenda woke in the early hours of the morning, pale sunlight slanting in through the poorly constructed blinds on the hotel windows. She shivered despite the warmth of Sharon beside her, and snuggled closer to the naked body of her lover. Sharon mumbled something incoherent and wrapped her arms tightly around Brenda.
It was the morning of their last day in St. Petersburg. They had no agenda today, no diplomacy to be done, just hours upon hours to spend together and then the start of a long flight home. It would be the last morning for the foreseeable future when Brenda would wake up next to a rumpled and naked Sharon Raydor, and the thought made her unbearably sad. Every time they went away like this it became harder to adjust to Sharon’s absence once they returned home, not just in her bed, but in her life. Sharon’s bed would be warm with her husband sleeping beside her, her life joyously full as she chased after her sons. And Brenda? Brenda would be utterly alone, waiting for a phone call, a chance to spend a few stolen hours with the woman she loved.
She could see the other little bed across the hotel room, its sheets crisp and unwrinkled. They were always given rooms like this, in hotels and military bases, with two beds, and always they shared one, desperate to be close to one another. If anyone else had noticed, they hadn’t said a word.
Brenda turned her head to drop a kiss on Sharon’s shoulder, and the auburn-haired woman’s arms tightened around her reflexively.
“Hey,” Sharon mumbled from somewhere near her ear, and Brenda laughed. Usually it was the other way around; her Sharon could be quite the morning person, and Brenda usually pouted, desperate for a few more hours in bed. This morning, though, she found herself uncomfortably aware of just how little time they had left. She could not bear to lose another moment.
She shifted, draping her body over the smooth plane of Sharon’s back, running her fingers teasingly along Sharon’s sides as she dropped kisses across Sharon’s shoulders, up her neck to just under the auburn curls that tumbled wildly across the pillows. Sharon shivered under her touch but did not move, content for now simply to be touched by her insatiable lover.
Brenda almost spoke, almost told Sharon how much she loved her, almost begged Sharon to leave her husband so they could run away together, but she held her tongue. She worried about what Sharon might say, worried about losing what little time they had left. She kept her mouth shut and continued kissing, committing every inch of her Sharon to memory.
It was hard to reach all of Sharon this way but Brenda was hesitant to turn her over. She looked so peaceful lying still beneath Brenda’s roving hands, her breath coming out slow and steady, until Sharon turned her head and said, her voice barely more than a sigh, “Wanna touch you.”
Brenda shivered and obediently slid off the prone from of her lover beneath her. Sharon turned with fluid grace, her momentum carrying her over until it was the dark-haired woman draped over the little blonde. Brenda laughed, a sound that morphed into a contented sigh as Sharon peppered kisses along her jaw line. Brenda threaded the fingers of one hand in Sharon’s hair, holding her close, while her other hand drifted down to squeeze the firm swell of Sharon’s ass possessively. Sharon squeaked in surprise before dissolving into a charming fit of giggles.
Brenda didn’t want this moment to end. The brightness of the early morning sun rising outside their window, the blessed peacefulness of being alone together, the light tinkling sound of Sharon giggling, naked and happy in Brenda’s arms; this moment was perfect. But thinking about how badly she wanted to stay here only reminded Brenda of how very soon they would have to leave. She took advantage of Sharon’s distracted state to pull the older woman’s mouth to her own in a desperate, hungry kiss. Sharon returned the kiss readily, her mood changing from giddy to lustful in an instant. She placed a hand on either side of Brenda’s head, balancing herself as she shifted until Brenda could feel the scratch of Sharon’s curls against her mound, could sense the warmth emanating from between her lover’s legs. Brenda moved the hand still resting on Sharon’s ass, tracing teasing patterns across Sharon’s side and stomach until she reached the warmth and wet at her center, sliding her hands between them to cup Sharon’s sex, holding it in her hand, applying gentle pressure with her palm against the little bud of Sharon’s clit. The older woman pulled her mouth away from Brenda’s with a moan, grinding shamelessly against her lover’s hand, and Brenda grinned smugly. She used the hand still caught in Sharon’s hair to pull her lover’s head down, lips latching onto the smooth sin of Sharon’s neck as she gently pushed one finger inside Sharon’s tight sheath, hearing the older woman’s moan of approval, feeling the sound vibrating through Sharon’s throat under her lips. She sucked hard on Sharon’s pulse point, dimly aware of the fact that she was probably leaving a mark, and finding herself unable to care.
She added a finger and Sharon cried out again, her body warm and writhing on top of Brenda’s and the little blonde reveled in the moment, in the sounds Sharon made, the smoothness of her sin, the wetness of her flesh pressed against Brenda’s hand. She was close to coming, Brenda could tell, and that was all Brenda wanted. She wanted to feel Sharon come in a rush of sensation, wrapped in her arms, the way it always should have been. The only time Brenda felt this right, this sure of herself and her life, was when she was with Sharon. And when Sharon finally came, moaning her release, Brenda kissed the dark purple bruise she’d left and whispered, “I love you,” knowing that the words were drowned out by the sound of Sharon’s orgasm. And as Sharon came slowly back into herself, leaning down to capture Brenda’s lips in a slow kiss, the blonde tried to convince herself that she was glad that Sharon hadn’t heard her.
···
It’s too big, Sharon thought woefully, prodding gently at the hickey Brenda had left on her neck. I’ll never be able to hide it. What was she going to do? How would she ever explain this to her husband? She though of Jack, of their sons, the life they’d built together, she thought of Brenda, the way she’d come to depend on her so completely. How could she choose? She could not imagine her life without her husband, but just the thought of giving up her little blonde lover made her heart break. What am I going to do? And even as the tears began to fall, tucked away in the airplane bathroom with Brenda just outside, blissfully unaware, Sharon couldn’t help but wonder if everything, every stolen moment with Brenda and every fight with Jack over the last two years had been building to this. To this day when Sharon would be faced with a choice, and whatever decision she made would alter the course of her life forever.
Rating: MA
Summary: Sharon and Brenda try to deal with what happened between them in the hospital, and Brenda learns some hard truths.
I will keep all those memories
Of the good times
Yeah, there were some good times
So when you think of you and me
They won’t even cross your mind
If you need me to make you cry
I don’t want to but I’ll try
So you don’t have to love me anymore
-“So You Don’t Have to Love Me Anymore”, Alan Jackson
···
Los Angeles, 2009
Brenda stood in the center of the now empty waiting room, arms wrapped tightly around herself, fighting hard to breathe. The fear, the confusion, the need that filled her swirled through her mind, making rational thought nearly impossible. Sharon, Sharon… her thoughts were filled with Sharon, with the way she looked now and the way she’d looked before, the way she smelled so differently, but tasted just the same. Sharon, Sharon…
What just happened?
She’d changed her mind a thousand times in the moments before Sharon had walked through the door; she wanted to be warm and friendly, she wanted to be cold and distant, she wanted to behave as though she had no idea who Sharon was, she wanted to wrap her arms around the woman in a tight embrace. And then Sharon had appeared, and all of Brenda’s plans evaporated. She had so many questions; why had Sharon left, why wasn’t the older woman surprised to see Brenda standing in that waiting room; where was her wedding ring? Sharon hadn’t even spoken to her when she entered, and Brenda had tried to follow her cue. Tried to be aloof, tried to be calm and collected, even though inside she was screaming. She had been practically bitter when she spoke to the woman, and she knew it. Emphasizing her rank, trying to put Sharon down, that had been in poor taste and she knew she would need to apologize for it later. That had been her intention when she’d chased after Sharon; she’d seen the pain on the woman’s face, had seen something of her Sharon, the old Sharon, lurking beneath the fierceness of Captain Raydor, and she had to follow her. Had to be near her Sharon, if only for a moment.
And then Sharon had kissed her, and she’d fallen into even more shit.
The ring on Brenda’s finger weighed heavy on her hand and heavier on her mind. How could it be that, after all this time, she’d finally found Sharon again, only now Brenda was the one who was married, the one who would have to choose which relationship mattered more to her? Would she have to choose at all? Sharon had initiated the kiss, that was certain, but Brenda didn’t know what Sharon wanted from her, what she expected. Brenda didn’t know what she expected from Sharon.
They would have to talk, and soon, she knew, but the middle of an investigation didn’t seem like the best time to have a heart to heart with her former lover. Particularly given the fact that Sharon was investigating David Gabriel, of all people, and Brenda’s squad was divided enough over him as it was.
Sharon, Sharon…
After all this time, the power the woman still held over her heart was stronger than Brenda ever considered it might be. She had often wondered what she would do when confronted with the woman who had left her, naked and alone, all those years before, but never had she dreamed it would be like this. So quick, and so devastating. Just seeing her had cut Brenda deep, and the feel of her kiss, as intoxicating as Brenda remembered, was enough to make her weak in the knees. And then she was gone, and Brenda was once again alone, wondering when she would see Sharon Raydor again.
···
Sharon paced impatiently outside Brenda’s office, hands shoved deep in her pockets to stop them from shaking. She had to remain steady. Sharon had a mission, and she was going to do whatever it took to accomplish it, no matter how it might hurt her. Brenda Leigh had a life now, and no matter how much Sharon might long for her, no matter how many sleepless nights she had laid awake, wondering how things might have been, she could not be responsible for destroying Brenda’s life the way she had destroyed her own. What happened in the hospital could not happen again. Sharon could not allow it.
The sound of footsteps drew her attention, too light and too quick to be anyone but her Brenda Leigh. She took a deep breath, and practiced her speech one more time in her head. It would not be an easy thing to break Brenda’s heart, but if it could protect the little blonde from the devastation Sharon herself had known, she would do whatever it took.
“Good morning, Chief,” she said as Brenda came into view, a forced, uneasy smile taking up residence on her face. Brenda’s smile in response was far more genuine, and it tore at Sharon’s heart.
“Captain,” Brenda said warmly, opening the door to her office and holding it aside so Sharon could pass through. Once they were safely inside the glass walls Brenda closed the door and drew the blinds, blocking them from view. She moved behind her desk and smiled expectantly at Sharon as an uneasy silence fell.
“I wanted to apologize for my behavior yesterday,” Sharon began, speaking quickly, terrified of losing her nerve now that she was face-to-face with the blonde Deputy Chief. Brenda’s face fell, but Sharon stood her ground. “It was incredibly unprofessional, and I can assure you that it will not happen again.”
No matter how much I might like for it to, she added silently. She held her breath and waited for Brenda’s response.
It was a long time coming. Brenda opened her mouth as if to speak, and then closed it again, as though unsure of what she wanted to say. Sharon could not bear it, could not handle the waiting, the anticipation of what Brenda might say. She knew it wouldn’t take much for her to fall right back into Brenda’s arms, to pick up right where they left off, but Sharon could not bear the thought of being Brenda Leigh’s mistress. She turned to go, and Brenda found her words.
“Sharon,” she said softly, “Before you go, please answer one question for me.”
Green eyes found brown, and Sharon sighed resignedly, nodding in agreement.
“How long have you known I was in LA?”
It was exactly the question Sharon had been expecting, and it was the only one she didn’t want to answer. She knew how bad it looked, how angry it would make Brenda. And she knew it was the only way to keep them from falling into old patterns.
“Since your first investigation,” she said, knowing that Brenda had to have expected it, and knowing that it would break her heart all the same. She had known for years, and she had never gone to Brenda Leigh. Even before the little blonde had remarried, Sharon had kept her distance. And she could see that Brenda knew that now, could see the hurt written all over her face.
“Who told you?” Brenda asked, her voice trembling, though with sorrow or rage Sharon could not tell.
Sharon didn’t see what it mattered who told her, and she spoke her next words without thinking.
“Andy came home after that first night, bitching about you stealing his investigation.”
“Andy?” Brenda fired back, looking even more devastated than before. Sharon saw her mistake then; Andy had become Brenda’s right hand man, one of the few people she trusted implicitly, and the revelation would surely taint their relationship. But Sharon also knew it would make Brenda angry enough to keep them apart, and to achieve the goal she had set for this little meeting, and so she steeled herself and plunged ahead.
“Lieutenant Flynn,” she said, her tone bitter even to her own ears. She tried to hold onto the anger she’d felt all those years before, watching Brenda charm Andy away from her. She had to stay angry. She had to stay away from Brenda Leigh.
“He came home and bitched to you about me,” Brenda parroted back her words, and Sharon couldn’t help but worry that she was probably going to make things worse for Andy. He hated her now, though, and she couldn’t imagine their relationship becoming any more fraught than it already was. It would be worth it in the end, if it kept Brenda Leigh safe.
“Were you fucking him?” Brenda asked, voice dangerously low, and all Sharon could do was meet her penetrating gaze. She knew she didn’t need to respond. She knew Brenda already had the answer to that particular question. Brenda crossed her arms over her chest and leaned back in her chair.
“Answer me one more question,” she said. “Did you leave Jack for him? Did you do for Andy what you never did for me?”
And there it was. The one thing that had always bothered Brenda about their relationship, the biggest problem the pair of them had faced. Brenda had cried more tears than could be counted over Sharon’s refusal to leave her husband, and for a moment the Captain considered lying. It would be the final indignity, the one thing that would make Brenda hate Sharon for the rest of her life, if Sharon told her that she had left Jack for someone else. But Sharon had told too many lies in her lifetime, and she found in this moment that the only words she could speak were the truth.
“Jack left me,” she said. “After he found out about you-“ surprise registered on Brenda’s face, and Sharon remembered that she had never divulged that information to the blonde-“he never trusted me again. He walked out on me and our kids because of you.”
Ever fiber of her being was begging her to stop, but she found that now she started, she had to see this through to the end. “I never would have left him, Brenda Leigh. He was the father of my children and I loved him. But he walked away from me, because of you. You ended my marriage. You tore up my family. And then you showed up here, and you took Andy away, too. You batted your eyelashes and he was gone.”
Sharon turned away as she felt the prick of tears, heading for the door.
“Well thank God for that,” Brenda said bitingly. “Everything you touch turns to shit. I can’t believe I ever loved you.”
The words were like a hammer to Sharon’s heart, shattering the already fragmented pieces. She turned the door handle and walked away, her own cruel retort sticking in her mouth. The words would not come. She had loved Brenda once, loved her still, and she new that Brenda deserved better than what she had to offer. Brenda was hurting now, but at the end of the day she would go back to her comfortable home and her doting husband, and she would be happier than Sharon could ever hope to make her.
The Captain made a bee-line for the bathroom as the tears streamed openly down her face, praying no one would pass by her in the hall. She would have to face Brenda again soon enough; they had both been called into Pope’s office for a meeting. The coldness between them would not be forced now as it had been before. It would not be a display put on to cover up their prior relationship. It would be real, the only protection Sharon had left to give to the little woman who still owned her, heart and soul.
St. Petersburg, 1997
Brenda woke in the early hours of the morning, pale sunlight slanting in through the poorly constructed blinds on the hotel windows. She shivered despite the warmth of Sharon beside her, and snuggled closer to the naked body of her lover. Sharon mumbled something incoherent and wrapped her arms tightly around Brenda.
It was the morning of their last day in St. Petersburg. They had no agenda today, no diplomacy to be done, just hours upon hours to spend together and then the start of a long flight home. It would be the last morning for the foreseeable future when Brenda would wake up next to a rumpled and naked Sharon Raydor, and the thought made her unbearably sad. Every time they went away like this it became harder to adjust to Sharon’s absence once they returned home, not just in her bed, but in her life. Sharon’s bed would be warm with her husband sleeping beside her, her life joyously full as she chased after her sons. And Brenda? Brenda would be utterly alone, waiting for a phone call, a chance to spend a few stolen hours with the woman she loved.
She could see the other little bed across the hotel room, its sheets crisp and unwrinkled. They were always given rooms like this, in hotels and military bases, with two beds, and always they shared one, desperate to be close to one another. If anyone else had noticed, they hadn’t said a word.
Brenda turned her head to drop a kiss on Sharon’s shoulder, and the auburn-haired woman’s arms tightened around her reflexively.
“Hey,” Sharon mumbled from somewhere near her ear, and Brenda laughed. Usually it was the other way around; her Sharon could be quite the morning person, and Brenda usually pouted, desperate for a few more hours in bed. This morning, though, she found herself uncomfortably aware of just how little time they had left. She could not bear to lose another moment.
She shifted, draping her body over the smooth plane of Sharon’s back, running her fingers teasingly along Sharon’s sides as she dropped kisses across Sharon’s shoulders, up her neck to just under the auburn curls that tumbled wildly across the pillows. Sharon shivered under her touch but did not move, content for now simply to be touched by her insatiable lover.
Brenda almost spoke, almost told Sharon how much she loved her, almost begged Sharon to leave her husband so they could run away together, but she held her tongue. She worried about what Sharon might say, worried about losing what little time they had left. She kept her mouth shut and continued kissing, committing every inch of her Sharon to memory.
It was hard to reach all of Sharon this way but Brenda was hesitant to turn her over. She looked so peaceful lying still beneath Brenda’s roving hands, her breath coming out slow and steady, until Sharon turned her head and said, her voice barely more than a sigh, “Wanna touch you.”
Brenda shivered and obediently slid off the prone from of her lover beneath her. Sharon turned with fluid grace, her momentum carrying her over until it was the dark-haired woman draped over the little blonde. Brenda laughed, a sound that morphed into a contented sigh as Sharon peppered kisses along her jaw line. Brenda threaded the fingers of one hand in Sharon’s hair, holding her close, while her other hand drifted down to squeeze the firm swell of Sharon’s ass possessively. Sharon squeaked in surprise before dissolving into a charming fit of giggles.
Brenda didn’t want this moment to end. The brightness of the early morning sun rising outside their window, the blessed peacefulness of being alone together, the light tinkling sound of Sharon giggling, naked and happy in Brenda’s arms; this moment was perfect. But thinking about how badly she wanted to stay here only reminded Brenda of how very soon they would have to leave. She took advantage of Sharon’s distracted state to pull the older woman’s mouth to her own in a desperate, hungry kiss. Sharon returned the kiss readily, her mood changing from giddy to lustful in an instant. She placed a hand on either side of Brenda’s head, balancing herself as she shifted until Brenda could feel the scratch of Sharon’s curls against her mound, could sense the warmth emanating from between her lover’s legs. Brenda moved the hand still resting on Sharon’s ass, tracing teasing patterns across Sharon’s side and stomach until she reached the warmth and wet at her center, sliding her hands between them to cup Sharon’s sex, holding it in her hand, applying gentle pressure with her palm against the little bud of Sharon’s clit. The older woman pulled her mouth away from Brenda’s with a moan, grinding shamelessly against her lover’s hand, and Brenda grinned smugly. She used the hand still caught in Sharon’s hair to pull her lover’s head down, lips latching onto the smooth sin of Sharon’s neck as she gently pushed one finger inside Sharon’s tight sheath, hearing the older woman’s moan of approval, feeling the sound vibrating through Sharon’s throat under her lips. She sucked hard on Sharon’s pulse point, dimly aware of the fact that she was probably leaving a mark, and finding herself unable to care.
She added a finger and Sharon cried out again, her body warm and writhing on top of Brenda’s and the little blonde reveled in the moment, in the sounds Sharon made, the smoothness of her sin, the wetness of her flesh pressed against Brenda’s hand. She was close to coming, Brenda could tell, and that was all Brenda wanted. She wanted to feel Sharon come in a rush of sensation, wrapped in her arms, the way it always should have been. The only time Brenda felt this right, this sure of herself and her life, was when she was with Sharon. And when Sharon finally came, moaning her release, Brenda kissed the dark purple bruise she’d left and whispered, “I love you,” knowing that the words were drowned out by the sound of Sharon’s orgasm. And as Sharon came slowly back into herself, leaning down to capture Brenda’s lips in a slow kiss, the blonde tried to convince herself that she was glad that Sharon hadn’t heard her.
···
It’s too big, Sharon thought woefully, prodding gently at the hickey Brenda had left on her neck. I’ll never be able to hide it. What was she going to do? How would she ever explain this to her husband? She though of Jack, of their sons, the life they’d built together, she thought of Brenda, the way she’d come to depend on her so completely. How could she choose? She could not imagine her life without her husband, but just the thought of giving up her little blonde lover made her heart break. What am I going to do? And even as the tears began to fall, tucked away in the airplane bathroom with Brenda just outside, blissfully unaware, Sharon couldn’t help but wonder if everything, every stolen moment with Brenda and every fight with Jack over the last two years had been building to this. To this day when Sharon would be faced with a choice, and whatever decision she made would alter the course of her life forever.