Title: Forgotten Tears
Fandom: Harry Potter
Summary: Whats the point, Tonks wonders, in trying to be strong, trying not to cry, when you realise you've lost everything?
Characters/ Pairings: Remus/Tonks, Remus/OC
Prompt: Ed Sheerans 'Little Bird'
Genre: romance, angst
Rating: pg
Word count: 1087
Eventually, she’d forgotten how to cry.
After so many fights and arguments and lonely nights spent crying in bed, Tonks had finally pulled herself together. She was an auror, after all, and aurors were tough. They faced death and destruction everyday without so much as flinching. She’d learnt how to deal with that, how to hold back tears and how to wipe her face of emotion years ago. She’d forgotten recently; but from here on in, she was going to keep a straight face, and she was not going to cry.
No matter how many times she wanted to throw herself at Remus and bury her face in his cardigan, and scream and hit him and cry and let him hold her- she wasn’t going to.
She just had to remove herself from the situation. Simple. How hard could it be to stop caring? He seemed to have done it as easy as breathing. And if he could do it, she was determined to as well.
If only her hair would change colour again. Then she might be able to convince everyone that her uncaring act wasn’t an act at all.
It was easy enough at first; ignoring him, responding blandly when he spoke to her. But then the rumours started, and then it got harder.
She kept hearing rumours that he had a new girlfriend. The worst part though, for her, was that she was mature. She was closer to his own age, she didn’t constantly trip over everything and anything, and her hair stayed its natural colour instead of changing to ridiculous shades of pink or purple.
Now all she could think was that he had been lying to her when he broke up with her. He didn’t care if she found someone more appropriate; that was what he wanted. He just didn’t want to date someone and silly and irrational as her. And that hurt.
Following him was easy. Finding out that the rumours were true wasn’t.
She’d almost fallen over her table in her haste to get out of the crowded coffee shop as soon as possible. There was no way he couldn’t have seen her.
Her heart was hammering in her chest, but still she held the tears back. I will not cry. I will not cry!
Her apartment was cold and dark when she returned home, after hours of wandering the streets in a hopeless daze. And it was so empty! She was moving to Hogsmeade once the new school year started. The Ministry would pay her rent, but she was still taking mostly everything with her, and it was all packed into cardboard boxes that lined the walls. With a sigh, she pointed her wand at the grate, shivering as flames sprang to life, and settled herself on the carpet in front of it.
She didn’t realise she wasn’t alone until he sat down next to her.
She didn’t flinch.
“How did you get in?”
“The back window was open. It seemed worth a shot.” Damn that bathroom window. She always forgot to close it.
Remus’ voice was tightly controlled, and she could tell straight away he was angry with her. And he was going to yell, sooner or later. She sighed.
“And why did you break in to my flat?”
“You know perfectly well why.” There was a sharp edge to his voice this time, and when she didn’t respond, he ploughed on. “You followed me, Dora! How could you do that to me? Are you really that self centred, or jealous-”
“Jealous?”
Of course she was jealous. But that hadn’t been why she had followed him!
“Yes! And angry that I’ve moved on-”
“When I clearly haven’t.” Coolly, she finished his sentence for him, eyes fuming. “I cant believe you think I would follow you because I'm jealous. I wanted to see if the rumours were true, so yes, I followed you! But only because I couldn’t believe you would have lied to me!”
His brow furrowed his confusion. She couldn’t help but think how much she loved it when his face crinkled like that.
“When did I lie?”
She rolled her eyes, pulling herself to her feet and marching to the dark window. She heard him rise to his feet as well.
“When you broke up with me, you told me it was because you were too old for me, too poor for me, and too dangerous.”
“And that's all true!”
“Its not! You just wanted rid of me so you could date someone more mature! I saw her! She doesn’t bang into everything, her hair isn’t bright pink! And you don’t seem to give a damn that you’re poor and dangerous around her!”
His face was pale in the warm glow of the fire.
“You don’t understand.”
“Don’t I?” She crossed her arms, staring and waiting for him to explain. He was silent for a minute.
“Liz is... like me. The same.”
“The same?”
“I mean... she’s a werewolf too.” He wasn’t making eye contact with her. Apparently his shoes were more interesting than her taken aback face.
“Oh.” It explained most things, she guessed. She would be poor too, and they were just as dangerous. A nice balance. How wonderful for him to have finally found someone he could share the full moon with. that was one thing he had never let her share.
“I... I shouldn’t have followed you.” She admitted.
“No. You should have asked. I would have told you anyway.” He gave her a weak smile that she didn’t return.
“I hope you two are very happy.” There was no malice in her voice, despite how much she wanted there to be. She loved him; she wanted him to be happy.
He seemed confused by her lack of anger. But what could she do? She wasn’t about to break up his relationship- that would hurt him more than she could bare, and only make him want her less.
“Dora...” he reached out for her. This time, she flinched away.
“Can you please leave? I'm really very tired.” She struggled much more than he did to keep control of her voice.
He didn’t touch her. His hand fell uselessly to his side as he nodded, showing himself the way out. Once the door clicked shut behind him, she found herself clutching the wall for support as tears rolled down her cheeks.
She had lost him. And she wasn’t going to get him back. What did it matter now if she cried of not?