Warning. Im feeling sorry for myself. Like. Proper.

So here it comes. The part where i go on, moaning and moaning about everything.

Why do I always get this? Where i just feel so god damn unhappy, over and over. Reasons and explanations just faded..
Hmm. Dont quite know what it is to be honest.
Know what?
Im starting a new livejournal.
BRAND NEW.
( Read more... )

Oh god.

I cracked it. The reason why i may be.. okay.

And i dont like it.

Something that cheers me up now?

Will end in a heartbreak.

Like they always do.

Shit.

Its surprising. Just how much your friends do for you.
I cant go through with this.

I spoke to Charlotte. I could tell how much she hurt, how much she cared. Just how much i was prepared to sacrifice.. at the cost of my life. Im not doing that.
Im not risking her life.

Sophie.. wont reply. I dont know how she is.
She said that she couldnt face ( Read more... )

Had a drum lesson tonight. Surprising how the one thing in the world which makes you happy.. can make everything okay for such a short while. I truely love drumming. Everything about it. It gets my anger out.
I have genuinely [although i hate to say it] have improved over christmas.

I went to Mitchells house after school, we met up pretty early. ( Read more... )

Thursday.

Date set.

Me and Lizzie couldnt wait til march 3rd.

And i cant wait til Thursday now.

Im going to club.

Seeing everyone- one last time.

And then?

Its over.

I wont go home.

I normally walk myself home anyway.

I'll go up Elmdon park.

Into the darkness of the fields there.

The place i loved as a kid.

I'll die in the fields there.

Hurry up ( Read more... )

Im crying.
Dunno why.
Have no reason.
Dont want one.

This is the point where you just know its over.
Words dont cover it- just this emotion inside of me.
The knowing its so over.

I just cant hold on anymore. Cant you understand? The last time i felt like this- was the worst times of my whole life. This isnt budging. Its not moving. Im just unhappy all ( Read more... )

Im hungry.
But i cant eat. I feel sick from myself.

I was arguing with Anton til 1am last night.
He told me his friend Gav liked me.. and i said "Oh im gettin lucky latley, will told me he liked me too"
And then when Will came online he said:
"Theres Lover boi"
Jealousy?
WELL TOUGH SHIT!

He went really moody. Saying how he felt like shit..
Whereas when we ( Read more... )

I got mega bad butterflies.. and i dunno why..

Its like i know something bad is going to happen. Just waiting, for something to come out and hit me.
I got a bad feeling inside of me.
I actually feel sick.

Last night.. was a bad one.
To say the least.

I went up to my room, listened to some music.. and started crying.
Just.. sobbing. Totally.
Then i ( Read more... )

This is it.

Plans being made.

How can i think of living this year- when i know its gonna be a shit one.

Suicide. EVERYWHERE.

They all want to do it.

Well.. its my turn first.

Im gonna be the first to die.

So i never ever have to feel the pain, of loosing them all.

I cant do this.

Its just.. over.

How the hell did i end up feeling so bad? After only being back for less than 24 hours.

I HATE IT HERE I FUCKING HATE IT!!!
IT MESSES ME UP EVERY FUCKING TIME!!

I cant be dealing with it nomore.

Whilst ive been gone- my closest friends have been having cutting sessions.
*Trigger*
More than one occasion.

I know this could end up getting out of hand.. i ( Read more... )