I am no traveller at heart
Look, an entry that's not about Suikoden or any other fandom! You might wanna treasure it this week, considering I'm so far into "fandom-mode" right now.
So this morning at the gym, I met a lady named Bronagh. And the trainer working with us was all like, "Oh, are you from Ireland?" and she said yes, and I just sort of filed it away and ignored their conversation. I had the nagging feeling that I should ask her where in Ireland she was from and Say Something small-talky about this, but didn't know what. The only thing that came to mind was that my family originally came from there way back in the day, but I bet she hears that a lot in America, so I thought it might be cliche and annoying and I didn't say anything. Later on, I realized that most people in my place (well, those who liked small-talk more than I do, anyway,) would have (instead of the family thing) mentioned, oh, that they WERE in Ireland a few years back. Because that might be SLIGHTLY more significant/unusual than just having family from there like everyone else. The thing is, I totally forgot about that.
Which put me on another train of thought entirely. It seems like so many people who studied abroad in college or took foreign tours use the trip to Define Themselves in terms of how they can be interesting to other people, what they can mention in small talk, and so forth. It becomes, automatically, one of their Official Interests: I went to Paris in college, so obviously I am Interested In France and Travel. Maybe it's only that such people are more boring than me and don't have as many different things to choose from when defining Who They Are, small-talk and interesting-to-others-wise. But I always feel vaguely like the Socially Acceptable thing for me to do would be for me to use my travel experiences as a way of presenting my self to the world and I'm Not Doing It Right, kind of guilty like I ought to be more interested and nostalgic about my own trips than I actually am. I feel like I need to be interested in all those trips I took so they won't have been "wasted" on me, but there's not much for me to be excited about. I hate bringing up trips to other people, because they then expect me to be interested in travel, and honestly? I'm not.
This is the thing, I think, that's unusual about me: I've been to all these foreign countries on all these elaborate tours and study abroad trips, and lived all over the place, but I never really enjoyed the travel. I think everyone just ASSUMED that I was, that I wanted to go, and that I Should Go on as many as I could. When I got into college, I was majoring in foreign languages and wanted to be a translator. This was because I LIKED LANGUAGE. But everyone-- my parents, teachers, friends, and so forth-- made the mental leap that OMG I must like travel because I like foreign languages! After all, who would bother to labor over mechanical and dull things like *gasp* grammar and vocab, to master a foreign language, unless the purpose was to travel?
Now, I am interested in other cultures and in history, in a detached and scholarly kind of way: "hey, that is neat." And it was vaguely gratifying, in a sense of Having Accomplished Something, to see various places that are considered Important. And I hope I'm a more diverse and open-minded person, and more understanding of differences, because of it (although honestly, I doubt that made any difference; that sort of thing seems to be dependent on personality more than travel. Tourists are just as likely to gawk as to understand.) But really, I never ENJOYED traveling. I was always bored and uncomfortable and felt like I was putting everything I wanted to do on hold while I went off to see something that Society Dictated I Should See, Because I Could. It just served the function of sounding good to others, making it look like I was interested in something Worthwhile Yet Not Geeky. And of course, it makes those who haven't been abroad vaguely impressed, makes you seem like a more worldly and experienced cool person, whereas in truth it just proves that you are a sheltered rich girl who can afford to go innocuously trotting off to gape at people who (OMG!!!) do things, mostly superficial things, differently from you.
I traveled because everyone ASSUMED that I should travel and should want to travel, and I tried to convince myself that I DID like to travel, but the interest was totally artificial. It was just something that I thought I needed to be interested in because it would be convenient, and because everyone wanted me to. My mom loves to travel, and probably wouldn't be able to comprehend why I wouldn't be as excited about it as she is. But I'm just... not. Whatever, it's kind of a nuisance. (Obviously the exception is trips I take specifically to visit distant people, because I'm not being forced to traipse around mustering up interest in Tourism Spot X, I'm there to hang out with that person and do all the things I really think are fun, like talking and stuff.)
I'm glad I've seen various places because that way I know I won't regret NOT having done so later. And there are still a couple places I would like to see (China, for instance,) because I want to understand them better, again in a scholarly kind of way. But I know that when and if I DO get to see them, it's not going to be "Yay, I'm all excited for my trip!" but "Okay, time to go edify and enlighten myself," much the way I'd feel signing up for a class. I want to see these places the same way that I want to learn sewing: I'll be glad that I've done it, and will probably find it useful in various ways, but it's not like "OMG, sewing, so much fun!!" It's just a thing I want to learn from. I'm glad I've seen these places the way I'm glad I have various skills, and I'd like to see more, but I'm not exactly excited to do so. The things I'm interested in are more like... books, intellectual things, philosophy, introspection, fiction, and imagination. I can get these things better by staying at home, where I'm not wasting all my time arranging things and getting places and finding access to things and getting lost. I am interested in the world around me; I just don't feel like it's necessary to physically remove myself to, say, a cheese-making factory, to understand how cheese is made. And to a certain extent, that is ALL I'm interested in: to know more, to see how cheese is made (or, in the case of foreignness, how French people go about being French.)
So this morning at the gym, I met a lady named Bronagh. And the trainer working with us was all like, "Oh, are you from Ireland?" and she said yes, and I just sort of filed it away and ignored their conversation. I had the nagging feeling that I should ask her where in Ireland she was from and Say Something small-talky about this, but didn't know what. The only thing that came to mind was that my family originally came from there way back in the day, but I bet she hears that a lot in America, so I thought it might be cliche and annoying and I didn't say anything. Later on, I realized that most people in my place (well, those who liked small-talk more than I do, anyway,) would have (instead of the family thing) mentioned, oh, that they WERE in Ireland a few years back. Because that might be SLIGHTLY more significant/unusual than just having family from there like everyone else. The thing is, I totally forgot about that.
Which put me on another train of thought entirely. It seems like so many people who studied abroad in college or took foreign tours use the trip to Define Themselves in terms of how they can be interesting to other people, what they can mention in small talk, and so forth. It becomes, automatically, one of their Official Interests: I went to Paris in college, so obviously I am Interested In France and Travel. Maybe it's only that such people are more boring than me and don't have as many different things to choose from when defining Who They Are, small-talk and interesting-to-others-wise. But I always feel vaguely like the Socially Acceptable thing for me to do would be for me to use my travel experiences as a way of presenting my self to the world and I'm Not Doing It Right, kind of guilty like I ought to be more interested and nostalgic about my own trips than I actually am. I feel like I need to be interested in all those trips I took so they won't have been "wasted" on me, but there's not much for me to be excited about. I hate bringing up trips to other people, because they then expect me to be interested in travel, and honestly? I'm not.
This is the thing, I think, that's unusual about me: I've been to all these foreign countries on all these elaborate tours and study abroad trips, and lived all over the place, but I never really enjoyed the travel. I think everyone just ASSUMED that I was, that I wanted to go, and that I Should Go on as many as I could. When I got into college, I was majoring in foreign languages and wanted to be a translator. This was because I LIKED LANGUAGE. But everyone-- my parents, teachers, friends, and so forth-- made the mental leap that OMG I must like travel because I like foreign languages! After all, who would bother to labor over mechanical and dull things like *gasp* grammar and vocab, to master a foreign language, unless the purpose was to travel?
Now, I am interested in other cultures and in history, in a detached and scholarly kind of way: "hey, that is neat." And it was vaguely gratifying, in a sense of Having Accomplished Something, to see various places that are considered Important. And I hope I'm a more diverse and open-minded person, and more understanding of differences, because of it (although honestly, I doubt that made any difference; that sort of thing seems to be dependent on personality more than travel. Tourists are just as likely to gawk as to understand.) But really, I never ENJOYED traveling. I was always bored and uncomfortable and felt like I was putting everything I wanted to do on hold while I went off to see something that Society Dictated I Should See, Because I Could. It just served the function of sounding good to others, making it look like I was interested in something Worthwhile Yet Not Geeky. And of course, it makes those who haven't been abroad vaguely impressed, makes you seem like a more worldly and experienced cool person, whereas in truth it just proves that you are a sheltered rich girl who can afford to go innocuously trotting off to gape at people who (OMG!!!) do things, mostly superficial things, differently from you.
I traveled because everyone ASSUMED that I should travel and should want to travel, and I tried to convince myself that I DID like to travel, but the interest was totally artificial. It was just something that I thought I needed to be interested in because it would be convenient, and because everyone wanted me to. My mom loves to travel, and probably wouldn't be able to comprehend why I wouldn't be as excited about it as she is. But I'm just... not. Whatever, it's kind of a nuisance. (Obviously the exception is trips I take specifically to visit distant people, because I'm not being forced to traipse around mustering up interest in Tourism Spot X, I'm there to hang out with that person and do all the things I really think are fun, like talking and stuff.)
I'm glad I've seen various places because that way I know I won't regret NOT having done so later. And there are still a couple places I would like to see (China, for instance,) because I want to understand them better, again in a scholarly kind of way. But I know that when and if I DO get to see them, it's not going to be "Yay, I'm all excited for my trip!" but "Okay, time to go edify and enlighten myself," much the way I'd feel signing up for a class. I want to see these places the same way that I want to learn sewing: I'll be glad that I've done it, and will probably find it useful in various ways, but it's not like "OMG, sewing, so much fun!!" It's just a thing I want to learn from. I'm glad I've seen these places the way I'm glad I have various skills, and I'd like to see more, but I'm not exactly excited to do so. The things I'm interested in are more like... books, intellectual things, philosophy, introspection, fiction, and imagination. I can get these things better by staying at home, where I'm not wasting all my time arranging things and getting places and finding access to things and getting lost. I am interested in the world around me; I just don't feel like it's necessary to physically remove myself to, say, a cheese-making factory, to understand how cheese is made. And to a certain extent, that is ALL I'm interested in: to know more, to see how cheese is made (or, in the case of foreignness, how French people go about being French.)