well, here I am awake at what feels like a more rediculusly late hour than it really is. Its not really that late yet. By the time I crawl shamfully exhasuted into my bed it will be though. I wish i knew what made me happy ( Read more... )

hmm. so, what’s up all? things are going okay for now. Today I hung out with Carli and Brendan - surprise? ha-ha. Carli has been playing the Sims practically non stop today, heh. Argh, too much bejeweled and tv for me - my mind is melting. I was an extra in Lizas movie today, which was funny. I saw matt for a lil bit, which is always good ( Read more... )

Today I got my incompleate cleared up. I got my paper in. I made an apointment to see my academic adviser. I feel like I can do it again. I'm gonna be okay. I feel so much better, and so much less weighted ( Read more... )

I have become my own worst nightmare; a brilliant dumb ass, now a waste of mind and heart. How did I ever even get into this school? By scraping by on the coat tails of a time when I actually believed the educational system. What does any of this have to do with what can really make me happy and what I am really trying to get towards? If I could ( Read more... )

Well now ( Read more... )

Its morning two days later and my paper still is not done. Damn it. This totally sucks. My gastro intestinal system is killing me. I have been up since six. I’m not going to Des Moines today after all. I’m so frig'n screwed its not even funny. I hate my brain and its one track all consuming thought tendencies. I am pissed off at my body. I want my ( Read more... )

I still feel awful. Perhaps I am afraid of healing almost...hopelessly waiting for him to come back. I finally started eating some regular foods again yesterday, but this morning, I woke up sick with it. Shit. I feel like absolute hell. Isn’t this all supposed to get better as the days go by, not worse? I have a paper to write. I had two weeks to ( Read more... )

You say I only hear what I want to ( Read more... )

All I can do is cry. Can’t eat much, cant sleep very well, don’t want to clean (as if I ever do), cant get my work done. Matt is all I can think about. I feel my heart has been ripped out and gutted with a jagged razor ( Read more... )

I'm sorry we couldn't work it out my Matty...have sweet dreams always. I still care about you, and I will always hold something special for you in my heart. Thanks for it all. I'll miss you ( Read more... )