(no subject)
I've never really written here about my thoughts on religion, even though my changing opinion about the matter has been something I've thought about a lot in the past few years. To sum it up, I was raised Catholic, was pretty involved with it up till I was 19 or so. Throughout college I gradually went to church less and less frequently, and found I disagreed with more and more of it. Finally in my last year of college I realized there was so little of it I did agree with, there was really no point in considering myself Christian anymore. I still wanted to believe in something, though, and looked into other things, mainly paganism. But after a couple years of being agnostic/ paganish/ vaguely spiritual, I realized I didn't really believe in any of it. I now consider myself an atheist. I haven't said anything to anyone in my family yet, though they could probably at least guess that I'm a lot less religious than I used to be. Nobody in my immediate family is really actively religious anymore, and it probably won't be a big deal when I tell them, the right moment to mention it just hasn't come up. Some of my relatives on my mom's side, though, are devout Catholics, and it could get messy if they found out.
That's not really the point of this post, except to give some background on why what happened today upset me. My grandpa's funeral was this morning. The last time someone I knew died was several years ago, when I was still religious. So dealing with the news is a bit different now that I figure this life is probably all we get. It would be nice to think there's some kind of afterlife, and letting go of that idea hasn't been easy, but well, I can't see any evidence for it, and just because something sounds nice doesn't mean it's true.
But anyway, I wasn't looking forward to the religious bit of the funeral. I didn't think it would be too much though, since this time they skipped the church service, just having a viewing/ gathering at the funeral home, and then a graveside service, then lunch after that. And my dad's side of the family isn't too religious. The part at the funeral home was okay, though I don't really like looking at the body at funerals, I find it a bit unsettling. There was a lot of "you may not remember me, but I remember you when you were *this* high. I guess that's always a part of family gatherings as long as you're young enough that a lot of the adults are at least a generation (or more) older, and haven't seen you in awhile. My dad's side of the family doesn't get together very often.
Next was the graveside service. I figured there would be a few prayers and stuff, and that wouldn't bother me, even if it doesn't mean anything to me. I know it would make some people feel better. What I was not prepared for was a sermon where the guy seemed much more interested in talking about Jesus than talking about my grandpa. He went on an on about how we're all going to die someday, and before we die we have to accept Jesus so we can get into heaven, or else we're going to hell. That really pissed me off. I mean, I consider it an empty threat, I don't believe there is a hell, but I find it sickening to try to scare people into believing in one particular brand of mythology when they're at their most vulnerable, standing next to the body of a loved on that's about to be lowered into the ground. I think people have the right to believe whatever they want, and if they want to go to church and hear that stuff, fine, it doesn't really matter to me. But I think to inflict that on family and friends who are there to mourn, remember, and say goodbye to them, and focus on what supposedly happens after death, and not on the life he actually lived, is so very wrong. The preacher also kept saying stuff like "we as believers..." which is assuming quite a lot. I'm not even sure what my grandpa believed, but he was never a churchgoer or practicing member of a religion as far as I know. Shouldn't the chaplain/ priest/ pastor/ whatever's job at a funeral service be to comfort the family and friends attending, not lecture them and tell any who don't believe the "right" thing that they're doomed to hell, trying to get converts?
I don't think I've ever felt this personally angered by religion before. I guess the Catholic services I remember were more ceremonial and ritualistic, and much less fire-and-brimstoney, so I feel less uncomfortable with that. Or maybe I just wasn't paying as much attention back then...
On a much less serious note, I've found out that the letter "q" is more useless than I thought. I'm writing this from my dad's computer, and that key is missing. So to type a word with that letter, I'd have to find something that contained, and copy and paste. I only had to do it twice in this whole post, not counting the one in this paragraph.