The dangers of protectiveness

[rainsinger]

Marinka wrote recently about her dilemma regarding whether to allow her 13 year old daughter to ride the subway by herself in NYC, and the comments were fascinating. Strong emergent themes included: “I base my decisions on whether or not I could live with myself if I let child do something and something goes wrong” and “The world is very unsafe,

Comments

[rmc28]

I have little to add to my hearty agreement, except I like the idea of being a Forage parent. Mind you, as Charles has taken to making me cups of milk if he thinks I might be thirsty, I might be well on the way there.

[rainsinger]

I think it would be awesome to start a Forage movement. Teaching them at an early age to ply us with biscuits and then sending them out when they are more grown to seek out edible plants and misshapen bread the bakeries will throw out.

[land_girl]

I agree with this wholeheartedly, but would never let a five year old or under out of my sight; or one under 10 go further than shouting distance. Too many near misses in my lifetime or my children's to let go that far ...

[rainsinger]

I wouldn't let an under 5 be anywhere without adult supervision, although in Montenegro this means that I might not be the supervising adult. This isn't as straightforward in London of course - it's not a village, I don't know my neighbours and my neighbours are not necessarily happy to watch a gang of roving children.

Would you be happy to let a 9 year old walk to school by themselves? Or happy for them to go out with a known group of friends?

(Just curious)
x

[land_girl]

Tricky to answer this one. We live in a small village, so in many respects it is very safe. People are watching over our kids from afar, a lot of the time. However, we live on a busy, fast road, and until they are 11 (deemed old enough to judge traffic speeds) I won't let them walk to school alone. But I will let them walk some of the way from about 9, or to the shop, say - as long as I am there for the busy road bit.

[trinity_gal]

But how would you live with yourself if snow leopard got them

[rainsinger]

But how would you live with yourself if snow leopard got them!

Hehehehe.
One of my favourite bits from The Spider Truces is a conversation between protective father and his 17year old son who wants to go interrailing

[prophetessamy]

Very thoughtful and I love your list (and the website is interesting!) I wish this were a regular blog and I could share this post with others!

[rainsinger]

Thank you. :)

What has your experience been with your daughter? Has she been clamouring for independence, or is she more happy to follow you around?

(My Leo is more peaceful than my Capricorn, although I think the way this is going minor dictators would be more peaceful than my Capricorn).

[prophetessamy]

She is definitely the more clingy, sheltered type. Not ridiculously so, but yeah.

[dubaiyan]

[rainsinger]

In principle H will have the same freedoms as M because they're more age and ability dependent than decided by gender. It's actually quite likely she might have more freedoms because she is so far showing herself to be a far more reasonable child and can be trusted more than he can.