My god.  The dreams I have are so disturbing that I don't believe I should discuss them with anyone.  Ever.  I have no idea why, but last night I was sleeping so soundly that I believe I could have slept for several more hours if I had not been been awakened by my alarm at 6:00a.  I am still yawning and rubbing the sleep from my eyes today, and I' ( Read more... )

It's Monday morning again.  I didn't have the ability to leave the apartment over the weekend, though not for lack of wanting.  On Friday night some very pressing medical issues with a dear friend caused me to have just about the poorest night of sleep I've had while I wasn't in college.  I was up every hour, sometimes every half hour, to check on ( Read more... )

I know I've said this before, but the world actually appears different when I'm too tired to deal with it.  This sort of strange grey scale slide show is reminiscent of incomprehensible film noir festival knock offs.  I beg for something to look forward to.  I plug along, punctuating my long, uncomfortable days with food, the occasional hug, the ( Read more... )

If I weren't an eye witness to how terrible I feel sometimes, I would completely dismiss myself for even complaining so much about it.  I forced Josie to take me to the emergency room on Friday night because of the back pain.  I got an injection of some major pain killer/swelling reducer.  Couldn't walk properly on the way out.  She drove on the ( Read more... )

Not much to tell about the last few days.  I was finally allowed to spend the weekend at home, and ended up shampooing the carpets.  To be honest, that's all I had the energy for after my week.  I went home at 6:30p (12 hour day) on Friday to an empty apartment.  Totally alone.  I watched some movies and didn't move very much.  Saturday morning I ( Read more... )

As of 4pm on Friday I have been on a [very brief] break from work.  The last break I had was to travel to New York for Adam's graduation at the end of May, and that was more running around and not sleeping than it was restful.  I have needed a break for a while, but this trip was anything but replete with nice experiences ( Read more... )

My days run together in this sort of endless light-dark-light cycle peppered with feeling hopeful then not hopeful then hopeful again. That comes from pushing the hopeful thoughts into my head the same way a very weary camper stuffs his sleeping bag into its sleeve after a 14 day wilderness trek with no food.  More tiring than I have experienced ( Read more... )

One day down, three to go.  At the end of today, this work week will be half over.  I'm writing this entry with only one eye open.  Not a trick or reference to being tired.  I scratched the holy hell out of my eyeball in the middle of the night and woke up with a flap of eyeball skin hanging off of my eye.  I am at work because there is a ton of ( Read more... )

Another stupid weekend behind me.  I really don't know why I expect so much of myself right now.  On Saturday the one nice thing I was able to do for myself was run to the hair cutting place at 9am to get a hair trim ( Read more... )

My hopes for swimming Thursday night were dashed when I left work after only 8 hours because of my sore throat.  I forced Josie to drive home, got to the couch, put on my pajamas and didn't move again until it was time to go to bed.  I was in full recovery mode.  I managed to not feel any worse when I woke up today, so that's a plus, but I don't ( Read more... )