I have a confession:
I am so scared that if this isn't a girl I will never get the chance to raise a little girl. It's been my dream ever since I can remember, to have a little girl. I am scared that I will be dissappointed if it's a boy although I know I will love him dearly if it is. And the practical side of having a boy is I already have boy clothes. But with John not wanting anymore after this it will be my last chance. And I know even if we left the option open to have more there is no guarantee that any other children we may have would be a girl. I feel totally selfish in feeling this way.
This baby was a suprise and a blessing. I will never take that for granted. I just needed to get that out. It's been eating me up inside and I count the days until I get my u/s but I am so afraid that if it's a boy I will just break down in tears. Not because I don't want love or appreciate this baby but to mourn the loss of the baby girl I will never have.
I can think it's a girl all I want and compare my pregnancies and listen to the old wives tales and myths but I will never know for sure until that big day comes. Thank god I only have about a month to wait.
This baby was a suprise and a blessing. I will never take that for granted. I just needed to get that out. It's been eating me up inside and I count the days until I get my u/s but I am so afraid that if it's a boy I will just break down in tears. Not because I don't want love or appreciate this baby but to mourn the loss of the baby girl I will never have.
I can think it's a girl all I want and compare my pregnancies and listen to the old wives tales and myths but I will never know for sure until that big day comes. Thank god I only have about a month to wait.