I Do.
Just so you all know, I haven't abandoned you. I've just been posting private posts, because they're angsty stress-relief rants.
And yes. It's about him. Which is why they're private.
Don't ask. They're mine.
Anyway, happy easter! Today was crazy. Just crazy. But fun, too. And not as tiring as I thought it would be.
Although I'm still quite positive all I want to do right now is curl up and watch TV. And I think that's what I'll do.
But I dunno. It might be theraputic to do homework. I do have two french essays due. God, I hate that class. I do. I do I do I do. Why are language classes never as fun as they should be? It should be a crime of some sort. They should persecute. But no.
-sigh-
So since easter's tomorrow, all the sunday lessons at AZ got moved to saturday--which is of course, when I work. And the DB lesson got moved too. So I was working from 8 to 1130, rode from 1130 to 1230, left immediately for DB with Lindsay, and had a lesson at DB as soon as we got there (45 minutes later). The lesson went okay. Not perfect. But I feel like I'm definitely getting better. Which is, you know, a good thing. I feel like I'm a little more in control, and now that I've got the whole sitting-up thing right, I can improve even faster.
Because there's lots of room for improvement. Lemme tell ya.
But it was good. It was kinda fun, to have that much HORSE in my day.
My dog is twitching in his sleep beside me. Today, I was lying on the floor when I got home, and he kept putting toys on me. Then when he finally gave up, he took his toy and plopped down next to me--with his butt in my face.
Of course, being the nut that I am, I had an adorable-freak-out and hugged his butt and kissed him and petted him and told him what a wonderful poodle he was.
Technically it wasn't his butt. It was like...his hips. Butstill.
I miss Avatar. I don't know why that suddenly struck me, but I do. I really do.
I kinda want a new episode. Like, now. <3
But it's gone. -sigh- Just like Eli Stone, Pushing Daisies, My Own Worst Enemy, Stargate Atlantis....It kinda makes me just want to lie down and cry. I mean, seriously. HOW COULD THEY CANCEL PUSHING DAISIES?!
There is something wrong with the world. There is.
But I have two episodes (I think) of Trust Me to watch. Then Robin Hood is on tonight. x) Whoot. But I have to watch it TOMORROW because I don't have BBC here in the US of A. I have BBCAmerica. Which always gets things AFTER BBC. Oh, but I did record Primeval on scifi. Kinda excited for that. Still haven't watched it.
But I have been watching Moonlight and New Amsterdam online. New Amsterdam is GOOD. I LIKE it. Moonlight is okay. Mick St. John is pretty to watch. Just...cause he is. o_O Then again, so is the guy who plays John Amsterdam.
Maybe I just have a fancrushing problem. Huh. Admitting it is the first step, I suppose. Especially since I wasn't aware I had this problem.
I've had this discussion with Eileen like, 12 times, how my life is so boring I have to live through my television shows. No joke. We've kept track.
((Eileen is my bestest friend in the whole wide world, by the way, in case you hadn't figured that out. We tell each other everything. A lot of times we'll start a story, and the other person will be like "You told me that already". And I mean, we've tried telling each other the same stories 6 or 7 times in a day because we know so much about each other. We tell each other EVERYTHING. It's kinda nice, to have a friend that close. And I know neither of us have any other friends that are even NEAR that kind of closeness.))
Let me continue on that subject outside parentheses. I was thinking about myself yesterday. (I know what you're all thinking. "...what? why would she be thinking about herself? isn't that narcissistic?") But no. I like to think about myself, what I do, whether or not I'm doing things right. I like analyzing myself, since I understand myself best, you know? I understand more about myeslf than I understand about other people, so I analyze myself. Anyway, I was thinking about how I'm not very outgoing, how I sort of keep to myself...but then I compared myself to Eileen, and wondered. She's a lot more introverted and shy than I am, mostly because I'm not afraid to take a deep breath and actually say hi to people. She doesn't do that. Not that she's not friendly, it's just she won't start conversations. And I figured that was sorta my problem too. I do start conversations--but not often. And I don't really ever integrate myself into groups. I only know people. Individuals. The only group I'm a part of is my own. My little group of close friends. And I think that's the major consequence of not putting yourself out there a lot--you have few friends. But the few you have are very close. I would not give my small group of friends up for an entire senior class' worth of friends. Not in a million years. It means I'm alone more often...but that's fine with me. And I know how to be outgoing enough to survive a little better than Eileen can.
I'm not trying to put her down at all. She just struggles a little more in foreign situations, or just situations with strangers. I wonder if it's a question of confidence, that ability to put yourself out there without worrying too much of your appearance. ((See? These are the things I think about.)) Because confidence is another thing with her. It's not a big problem, no, but she's definitely quiet.
-sigh- Yeah. That's what I distract myself with. These sociological questions.
I feel like dying right now. Or at least going to sleep.
Hooray for automatic hyperbole. I need to get out of that habit.
I cracked myself up the other day thinking about a hyperbolic syndrome...if you could only speak in hyperbole. "It's absolute torture, every day." But then, if it WAS really torture...how would you hyperbolize that?
I only started cracking up when I realized how ridiculous I sounded.
I'm such a loser. Comfort me. Tell me I'm wrong. xD
But I'll still tell you you're lying.
And yes. It's about him. Which is why they're private.
Don't ask. They're mine.
Anyway, happy easter! Today was crazy. Just crazy. But fun, too. And not as tiring as I thought it would be.
Although I'm still quite positive all I want to do right now is curl up and watch TV. And I think that's what I'll do.
But I dunno. It might be theraputic to do homework. I do have two french essays due. God, I hate that class. I do. I do I do I do. Why are language classes never as fun as they should be? It should be a crime of some sort. They should persecute. But no.
-sigh-
So since easter's tomorrow, all the sunday lessons at AZ got moved to saturday--which is of course, when I work. And the DB lesson got moved too. So I was working from 8 to 1130, rode from 1130 to 1230, left immediately for DB with Lindsay, and had a lesson at DB as soon as we got there (45 minutes later). The lesson went okay. Not perfect. But I feel like I'm definitely getting better. Which is, you know, a good thing. I feel like I'm a little more in control, and now that I've got the whole sitting-up thing right, I can improve even faster.
Because there's lots of room for improvement. Lemme tell ya.
But it was good. It was kinda fun, to have that much HORSE in my day.
My dog is twitching in his sleep beside me. Today, I was lying on the floor when I got home, and he kept putting toys on me. Then when he finally gave up, he took his toy and plopped down next to me--with his butt in my face.
Of course, being the nut that I am, I had an adorable-freak-out and hugged his butt and kissed him and petted him and told him what a wonderful poodle he was.
Technically it wasn't his butt. It was like...his hips. Butstill.
I miss Avatar. I don't know why that suddenly struck me, but I do. I really do.
I kinda want a new episode. Like, now. <3
But it's gone. -sigh- Just like Eli Stone, Pushing Daisies, My Own Worst Enemy, Stargate Atlantis....It kinda makes me just want to lie down and cry. I mean, seriously. HOW COULD THEY CANCEL PUSHING DAISIES?!
There is something wrong with the world. There is.
But I have two episodes (I think) of Trust Me to watch. Then Robin Hood is on tonight. x) Whoot. But I have to watch it TOMORROW because I don't have BBC here in the US of A. I have BBCAmerica. Which always gets things AFTER BBC. Oh, but I did record Primeval on scifi. Kinda excited for that. Still haven't watched it.
But I have been watching Moonlight and New Amsterdam online. New Amsterdam is GOOD. I LIKE it. Moonlight is okay. Mick St. John is pretty to watch. Just...cause he is. o_O Then again, so is the guy who plays John Amsterdam.
Maybe I just have a fancrushing problem. Huh. Admitting it is the first step, I suppose. Especially since I wasn't aware I had this problem.
I've had this discussion with Eileen like, 12 times, how my life is so boring I have to live through my television shows. No joke. We've kept track.
((Eileen is my bestest friend in the whole wide world, by the way, in case you hadn't figured that out. We tell each other everything. A lot of times we'll start a story, and the other person will be like "You told me that already". And I mean, we've tried telling each other the same stories 6 or 7 times in a day because we know so much about each other. We tell each other EVERYTHING. It's kinda nice, to have a friend that close. And I know neither of us have any other friends that are even NEAR that kind of closeness.))
Let me continue on that subject outside parentheses. I was thinking about myself yesterday. (I know what you're all thinking. "...what? why would she be thinking about herself? isn't that narcissistic?") But no. I like to think about myself, what I do, whether or not I'm doing things right. I like analyzing myself, since I understand myself best, you know? I understand more about myeslf than I understand about other people, so I analyze myself. Anyway, I was thinking about how I'm not very outgoing, how I sort of keep to myself...but then I compared myself to Eileen, and wondered. She's a lot more introverted and shy than I am, mostly because I'm not afraid to take a deep breath and actually say hi to people. She doesn't do that. Not that she's not friendly, it's just she won't start conversations. And I figured that was sorta my problem too. I do start conversations--but not often. And I don't really ever integrate myself into groups. I only know people. Individuals. The only group I'm a part of is my own. My little group of close friends. And I think that's the major consequence of not putting yourself out there a lot--you have few friends. But the few you have are very close. I would not give my small group of friends up for an entire senior class' worth of friends. Not in a million years. It means I'm alone more often...but that's fine with me. And I know how to be outgoing enough to survive a little better than Eileen can.
I'm not trying to put her down at all. She just struggles a little more in foreign situations, or just situations with strangers. I wonder if it's a question of confidence, that ability to put yourself out there without worrying too much of your appearance. ((See? These are the things I think about.)) Because confidence is another thing with her. It's not a big problem, no, but she's definitely quiet.
-sigh- Yeah. That's what I distract myself with. These sociological questions.
I feel like dying right now. Or at least going to sleep.
Hooray for automatic hyperbole. I need to get out of that habit.
I cracked myself up the other day thinking about a hyperbolic syndrome...if you could only speak in hyperbole. "It's absolute torture, every day." But then, if it WAS really torture...how would you hyperbolize that?
I only started cracking up when I realized how ridiculous I sounded.
I'm such a loser. Comfort me. Tell me I'm wrong. xD
But I'll still tell you you're lying.