Title: Konna ni Chikaku de
Pairing: AKame , Akanishi Jin centric
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I’m no way to be associated with the hot, sexy, multi-talented boys for I’m only a normal fan girl who can’t stop wishing and dreaming that they’re mine. Happy now? *sobs*
And the song used is from Crystal Kay’s single for Nodame Cantabile.
Summary: That night, at your side, I felt that love was painful.
A/N: This is for unknown77_77. Cause I owe her. Hehehe…Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone. :)
Konna ni Chikaku de by raixas
It was a silent afternoon. Jin was getting ready to party. He stepped out of the smoky bathroom with a towel hung low around his waist. The wardrobe was pulled slowly as Jin took a peek inside. He stepped backwards and rested his hands on his waist. Staring back at him was a wardrobe full of different clothes waiting to be picked.
“What should I wear to the Christmas party?” he said to himself. Then he sighed knowing one certain fact.
“Not that I have any special friend to praise what I’m wearing…”
His voice sounded disappointed and heartbroken.
***
The bar and the dance floor were already full with almost if not all not underage idols from the well known agency, Johnny’s Entertainment. Some of them brought close and special friends too, of course with the oji-san’s concern. The music blasted wildly just for their liking.
Sitting on a stool in front the bar was Jin, gulping down his vodka glass after glass. He was alone since his best friends were already busy with their boyfriends and his group members were busy dancing if they were not occupied by their lovers.
“Bartender-san, one more!” He snapped his fingers to attract the bartender in black vest. The young man behind the bar smiled fondly before pouring another glass of vodka and gave it to Jin.
“Alone Akanishi-san…?”
Jin huffed to the question. His mind was still not consumed by the liquor and a sudden feeling of loneliness and emptiness struck him right inside the heart after he heard the question.
“As you can see…” The bartender then bowed slightly before returning to continue his job.
Few minutes later after Jin emptied his glass; the stool next to him was occupied.
He could smell the familiar perfume when the person sat next to him. How he missed that sweet scent. He turned slightly only to see that the person was with a girl.
He heard something broken inside his body.
That night, at your side, I felt that love was painful
Because, I know you more than anyone
“Kame~ merry Christmas!” He chirped happily, hiding away his nervousness, his disappointment. Kame formed a wide smile on his face. His left hand was wrapped around the girl’s waist, who sat on the stool next to Kame. His right hand was put on the bar, right next to Jin’s. how Jin itched to have that soft hand inside his.
“Merry Christmas to you to Jin! Meet my girlfriend. I’ve told you about her right?”
Jin nodded weakly.
Of course you did. You never miss telling me about your girlfriends.
He faked a smile and stretched out his hand for the girl.
“Akanishi Jin, guess you have to take care of him for me ne?” he winked to her. The girl blushed before taking Jin’s hand and shook it slightly.
Kame smacked Jin’s back lightly.
“Hey, it’s me that has taken care of you since forever…” the K of KAT-TUN laughed along with his girlfriend.
Jin could only manage to smile a thin smile. He tried hard not to show his hurt feelings when he watched how lovey-dovey the couple next to him.
He noticed Kame’s new scarf. It was the colour that he was very sure Kame didn’t like at all after being with him for a long period of time. Seeing the girl smiled brightly while playing with the scarf, Jin assumed that she gave it to him as a Christmas present.
Jin already knew that Kame had the tendency to not hurt his love one’s feelings and heart. He knew how kind Kame is towards their girlfriends. He knew how much love and attention his girlfriends got from him. Cause he was always there seeing Kame, watching Kame, besides Kame.
Their sweet words and affections towards each other just couldn’t register inside Jin’s brain anymore.
You’re always so kind that
it makes my heart ache.
He gripped at the glass tightly since he couldn’t express it by clutching to his heart.
He looked at the couple before his vision was occupied by smiling Kame only. How he wanted to kiss the smiling lips. How he strained himself from caressing the beautiful face when they are all alone inside the dressing room and the other was sleeping on the couch. How he tried hard not wanting to weave the brown locks. And the same question swam inside his mind again and again. Why should they stay as friends? Why must he watch him only to hear his heart breaks again?
just like this, just like this, I look at you from up close.
why? why, should we stay as friends?
He turned back to his glass. He never had the chance to confess since the other will come to him crying because he broke up and the next thing he knew Kame already found another one. He always kept in mind that Kame will never understand.
I love you so damn much Kamenashi Kazuya. He finished his drink and leaved after apologizing to his colleagues.
No matter how, no matter how strong my feelings are
I still can’t tell it to you
You don’t understand
I’m so in love with you
***
He deserved this. Alone in the middle of Tokyo city, he sat on a bench holding a small green box tied with a red ribbon. Though as an idol, a well known that is, he should be somewhere with girls and enjoy the Christmas night. But he couldn’t. He felt as if he would betray him like that.
He closed his eyes, enjoying the cold atmosphere, waiting if the snow will fall tonight.
Slowly the memory of him and Kame one day in a dressing room flowed back inside his brain.
He was watching Kame when he was talking to the phone. He saw how happy Kame was. He always did when he was taking to his girlfriend. He thought why Kame didn’t laugh like he is now when with him.
Suddenly tears started to form under his eyes right at the moment Kame finished his conversation with his girlfriend. Kame noticed Jin’s shoulders were shaking, he felt concerned.
Kame put his hand on his shoulder and he looked up, seeing how concern Kame was, realizing that if he continued like this the damn under his eyes would break any time.
“Are you okay? Not feeling well?” Kame asked.
He kept blinking, concealing his tears.
“Lack of sleep maybe?” he reasoned out.
Once again, he lied to his very special person.
His eyes cracked opened, staring at the sky. It was not as dark as always when he looked at it. This time it was brightened up by the stars.
Jin smiled bitterly. Since the first time he saw Kame, those alluring lips and the mesmerizing smiling eyes haunt his sleeps, becoming a beautiful nightmare and his sweet dreams were always about Kame and him being more than just friends. He had always been alone with Kame inside his mind, he had been dreaming of kissing the other a thousand times.
Everyday, everyday my heart hurts
there are so many, so many sleepless nights
at the first, the first, the first time when we met
can I return to those days?
I’m so in love with you
The urge of confessing to the other always came back to him at time like this. He chuckled softly knowing he couldn’t do it. He knew even if he did, their relationship wouldn’t be the same anymore. The only option left for him to be close to the other was by breaking his heart over and over again, pretending to laugh even though he couldn’t with the term of friendships between the two of them. He could live and mend his broken heart with the other’s happiness and countless smiles.
Still staring at the sky, he formed a half smile. Sending the silent confession in hope for the other to hear it even thought he knew Kame won’t.
I really, I really have always liked you
I Always, will always love you
To you, you, I want these feelings to reach you
Whispering to the blue sky,
I’m so in love with you
Jin stood up, the gift box still in his firm hold. Behind the bench was a huge beautiful Christmas tree. Jin turned around and put the box there.
Crystal beads dropped on the card behind the ribbon, blurring the recipient’s name. The idol was nowhere to be found seconds later.
You don’t understand
I’m so in love with you
A.J
Comments, critics and reviews are definitely appreciated. :)