i'm a big failure; a big stupid failure.

[rakellakat]

I'm doing that thing again where I stop calling my family and friends because I'm embarrassed to tell them what's going on with my life. Except tonight I called my mom to tell her I can't make my loan payment. I suck. My cousin said i was awesome today. I nearly cried

Comments

[illudwinnepooh4]

A clarifying question: Does "lesbian + 1 dude" mean that, at a given time, you find that you are generally attracted to the ladies, but that there also is exactly one guy (at this time Aziz I assume :) to whom you also are attracted? This is why labels can be silly, because you sometimes have to have an IQ higher than whatever my own is to comprehend them.

Also, sucks about that particular restaurant. I like waitressing as well, for the same reasons you mentioned, but that sounds like it has major suck potential. Hopefully, they were just trying to scare away less gritty candidates by saying this, and it really isn't that bad.

Anyway, good luck with the job search, and I won't think you suck even if you think you do, I promise.

[rakellakat]

Yeah. that's basically what it means. I mean, without going into it, I am wholly and totally attracted to my boyfriend... plus ladies. When I think about hypothetical attractions outside of my relationship, dudes just don't do anything for me at all. And that is indeed why labels are stupid. I just like people.

Thanks for the thoughts; i can always count on you to read my livejournal and add insight :)

[chopinois]

I've thought a lot about privilege and responsibility, especially in what is available to us as Americans. Relative to much of the world, yes, we are incredibly wealthy...but that wealth, at least in our cases as young students is not easily transferable. I certainly don't have the resources, individually, to render any significant aid to anybody (substantial aid for a long period of time). I would have to join an organization of some kind. The problem there is that most of the organizations available to us are an integral part of the system that produced the imbalance of wealth in the first place. The military, programs like the peace coprs, and many, many evangelical religious groups all provide some help to other people but are not in a position to or interested in making the significant types of changes that would actually have an important effect. It's not often thought of in this way, but our immense power and wealth in the US is based squarely on our agricultural riches: we produce far more than we can consume, so there's

[rakellakat]

I totally understand, and you're right- the system perpetuates itself. Thoughtful, change-minded people are discouraged from entering, while rank-and-file make up the bulk of a flawed organization that purports social change. And it's true that we could feed the world. It's fucking awful. And sometimes the weight of all that awful is enough to keep me grounded

[rakellakat]

Also, Re: being a guilty American, via Ani DiFranco:

"ask any eco-system
harm here is harm there
and there and there
and aggression begets aggression
it's a very simple lesson
that long preceded any king of heaven
and there's this brutal imperial power
that my passport says i represent
but it will never represent where my heart lives
only vaguely where it went"

I love Ani.

[pippijo]

You are awesome, I'm sorry if you don't feel that way right now, but you are amazing.

[epiphanydaily]

So, it's Friday. Here's hoping you found a new job or made it through the first night of cutthroat waitressing relatively unscathed. I've been in rather the same boat lately, which hopefully will explain why I haven't been harassing you to perk up, or even asking you how you are. Depression and boredom are so selfish. I'm sorry.

I'm living at home. My mom cooks my dinner and gives me gas money. Sometimes I look for jobs online but I've only applied for one, which I didn't get. I'm supposed to start paying my loans this month but I guess I'll have to defer until I Get a Life.

On the bright side, we got wireless at my house, and I finally got my computer back after a month and a half of misdiagnosis and repairs.