FIC: "Where YOU Are" - Sean and Elijah - PG
You'd think I'd be tired of them by now wouldn't you? But... I'm not.
This is just a short little ficlet dedicated to my fellow Sean/Elijah author and Sean/Elijah lover ink_gypsy. Hope you enjoy this little moment between our two beloved boys. It was written quickly and is totally un-betaed.
Sean sighed deeply, his frustration apparent.
"What's wrong?"
"Where are you going?" Sean demanded, his face screwing up in disgust at the petulance he heard in his own voice. "Sorry," he added quickly.
Elijah didn't appear bothered by it. He reached to stroke Sean's wavy hair and spoke in soothing tones. "What difference does it make? I'll be gone two weeks at most, maybe three if I stop in Austin. You'll call me every day and whine like a five year old about how you can't stand it when I'm gone and how much you love me and why do I travel so much and blah, blah, blah, and I'll smooth you out like I always do. Where I am when this exchange takes place is totally irrelevant." He drew in a deep breath. "Am I right?"
He laughed as Sean grunted in assent then nestled against him, savoring the feeling of Sean's naked body pressed to his and the strong arms that held him close. "Nice," he whispered.
"That I want to know where you're going?"
"No," Elijah murmured, his face pressed to Sean's chest. "This."
He felt Sean's sigh rather than heard it. "God, yes, baby. It's heaven to have you this close." There was a moment's silence then Sean sighed again. "I guess that's why I... why I always wonder where you're going. So I'll know how far away from me you'll be."
Elijah giggled softly "So you can gauge the level of compliant sympathy you can wring out of me when we talk?"
"Man, you think I'm a real jerk don't you," Sean muttered, but his arms grew tighter around Elijah's body.
"Well, yeah. But only when you can't figure out when you're being teased" He poked Sean's ribs gently. "Dumbass."
"You might stop in Austin?"
"Yeah, I might. Meet me there!"
"Hmmm," Sean seemed to consider. "Now that's a thought."
"I know it's sometimes hard for you to get away."
Sean stroked Elijah's hair then dropped a kiss onto the top of his head. "Sometimes it is, yeah. Other times I think she's rather glad to get rid of me."
"Do you hate being unfaithful, Seanie?" Elijah asked softly. "You never talk about it anymore."
"I'm embarrassed by it," Sean confessed. "It shouldn't be going on at this late date. I should have left a long time ago. But every time I approach her about it she asks me to hold off just a little longer." He shrugged. "It's all perfectly reasonable when she says it. You know. My career, the kids are too young, wait another year, all that crap. And while she doesn't exactly say she won't hassle me about seeing you, it's sure implied in everything she says and does." He sighed and kissed Elijah's cheek. "Like tonight. I know she knew where I was going, but she didn't say a word."
"Jesus," Elijah muttered. "That has to feel weird!"
"It does feel weird!" Sean replied. "And I don't like it. Hell, maybe I'm a coward for not leaving. No, scratch that. I KNOW I'm a coward for not leaving. I've got a paranoid fear of that kind of change no matter how much I might want it. It's like..." he hesitated, and his fingers, which had been stroking Elijah's back, suddenly stilled. "It's like I'm afraid something horrible will happen if I make that kind of change. Something...,"
"Something bad to someone you love?" Elijah asked gently.
"Yeah," Sean whispered.
"Seanie..."
"I know it's irrational," Sean interrupted, "so don't bother saying it. I've talked about it in therapy many times. How comfortable and safe I feel in the status-quo and how terrified I become anytime anything threatens it."
"I wasn't going to say it was irrational," Elijah said soothingly. "I was going to say that I understood. You're afraid you're going to be punished. Or more to the point, you're afraid someone you love will be punished for your sins."
"I suppose," Sean agreed. "And, yes. I will meet you in Austin. I have a very deep need right now to sit on that porch with you and rock in the cool of the evening."
"Well, it's there waiting for you," Elijah said, kissing him tenderly.
Sean returned his kiss then pressed their foreheads together. "God, Elijah," he whispered. "I'm sorry that I get so - so - I dunno, insecure I guess. I love you so god-damn much, and I'm terrified that you'll get tired of waiting for me to get off the fucking dime and do something to prove it."
"I know how scared you get at times, Seanie," Elijah whispered, "but know this: no matter where my travels take me, where YOU are is where I want to be. And that is one status-quo that will never ever change."
This is just a short little ficlet dedicated to my fellow Sean/Elijah author and Sean/Elijah lover ink_gypsy. Hope you enjoy this little moment between our two beloved boys. It was written quickly and is totally un-betaed.
Sean sighed deeply, his frustration apparent.
"What's wrong?"
"Where are you going?" Sean demanded, his face screwing up in disgust at the petulance he heard in his own voice. "Sorry," he added quickly.
Elijah didn't appear bothered by it. He reached to stroke Sean's wavy hair and spoke in soothing tones. "What difference does it make? I'll be gone two weeks at most, maybe three if I stop in Austin. You'll call me every day and whine like a five year old about how you can't stand it when I'm gone and how much you love me and why do I travel so much and blah, blah, blah, and I'll smooth you out like I always do. Where I am when this exchange takes place is totally irrelevant." He drew in a deep breath. "Am I right?"
He laughed as Sean grunted in assent then nestled against him, savoring the feeling of Sean's naked body pressed to his and the strong arms that held him close. "Nice," he whispered.
"That I want to know where you're going?"
"No," Elijah murmured, his face pressed to Sean's chest. "This."
He felt Sean's sigh rather than heard it. "God, yes, baby. It's heaven to have you this close." There was a moment's silence then Sean sighed again. "I guess that's why I... why I always wonder where you're going. So I'll know how far away from me you'll be."
Elijah giggled softly "So you can gauge the level of compliant sympathy you can wring out of me when we talk?"
"Man, you think I'm a real jerk don't you," Sean muttered, but his arms grew tighter around Elijah's body.
"Well, yeah. But only when you can't figure out when you're being teased" He poked Sean's ribs gently. "Dumbass."
"You might stop in Austin?"
"Yeah, I might. Meet me there!"
"Hmmm," Sean seemed to consider. "Now that's a thought."
"I know it's sometimes hard for you to get away."
Sean stroked Elijah's hair then dropped a kiss onto the top of his head. "Sometimes it is, yeah. Other times I think she's rather glad to get rid of me."
"Do you hate being unfaithful, Seanie?" Elijah asked softly. "You never talk about it anymore."
"I'm embarrassed by it," Sean confessed. "It shouldn't be going on at this late date. I should have left a long time ago. But every time I approach her about it she asks me to hold off just a little longer." He shrugged. "It's all perfectly reasonable when she says it. You know. My career, the kids are too young, wait another year, all that crap. And while she doesn't exactly say she won't hassle me about seeing you, it's sure implied in everything she says and does." He sighed and kissed Elijah's cheek. "Like tonight. I know she knew where I was going, but she didn't say a word."
"Jesus," Elijah muttered. "That has to feel weird!"
"It does feel weird!" Sean replied. "And I don't like it. Hell, maybe I'm a coward for not leaving. No, scratch that. I KNOW I'm a coward for not leaving. I've got a paranoid fear of that kind of change no matter how much I might want it. It's like..." he hesitated, and his fingers, which had been stroking Elijah's back, suddenly stilled. "It's like I'm afraid something horrible will happen if I make that kind of change. Something...,"
"Something bad to someone you love?" Elijah asked gently.
"Yeah," Sean whispered.
"Seanie..."
"I know it's irrational," Sean interrupted, "so don't bother saying it. I've talked about it in therapy many times. How comfortable and safe I feel in the status-quo and how terrified I become anytime anything threatens it."
"I wasn't going to say it was irrational," Elijah said soothingly. "I was going to say that I understood. You're afraid you're going to be punished. Or more to the point, you're afraid someone you love will be punished for your sins."
"I suppose," Sean agreed. "And, yes. I will meet you in Austin. I have a very deep need right now to sit on that porch with you and rock in the cool of the evening."
"Well, it's there waiting for you," Elijah said, kissing him tenderly.
Sean returned his kiss then pressed their foreheads together. "God, Elijah," he whispered. "I'm sorry that I get so - so - I dunno, insecure I guess. I love you so god-damn much, and I'm terrified that you'll get tired of waiting for me to get off the fucking dime and do something to prove it."
"I know how scared you get at times, Seanie," Elijah whispered, "but know this: no matter where my travels take me, where YOU are is where I want to be. And that is one status-quo that will never ever change."