A Valentine's Day FIC repost! S&E
Posted this last year for Valentine's day... and since the muse isn't being cooperative I thought I'd post it again this year. Hope you enjoy seeing it again.
Happy Valentine's Day!
The text message rather startled him.
You busy? Can I call?
He hadn't heard from Sean in a while. Not since they'd appeared together at... what con was it now? Oh yeah, the Dallas Comic-con. And even then they'd had practically no time alone.
Come to think of it... Elijah sighed. The time that they had managed to grab hadn't felt all that good. It was awkward. It was strained. It was... wrong. And when he thought back to what he and Sean had once been to each other and how they had once felt when they were alone together, it had actually been pretty painful.
In spite of that Elijah simply didn't have it in him to refuse Sean's call. So he rapidly typed out:
Sure! Go ahead and call.
Not 10 seconds later his phone rang and he drew in a deep breath before answering.
"Hey there, dude! How's it going?"
"Hi! You got a minute?"
"Sure!"
"I - umm - I have a - I mean I have something to ask you," Sean stammered.
"Okeeey," Elijah drawled out. "Is something wrong, Sean? You seem nervous."
"No. Nah.. no, I'm not. Not really. Well - kinda - I guess.. shit! Sorry. Damn!"
Elijah couldn't help give but giggle. "You wanna try that again?"
"I'm sorry, Elijah. I guess am bit nervous about this."
"Seanie, just ask. I mean what the fuck!"
"I'd like to see you - ermmm -soon. I'd like to see you alone - and soon. Uhh.. if you would that is." There was a moment's silence, then Sean made an exasperated noise. "Man, I'm bad at this."
Now Elijah shook with laughter. "Why are you such a wreck about asking to get together? You're cracking me up."
There was a moment's silence during which Elijah heard Sean take several deep breaths, then: "I'd like to meet up with you on Valentine's Day," he said, his voice pitched low. "Will you be at the Venice Beach house that day?"
This is odd, Elijah thought. I wonder....
"Why Valentine's Day?" he asked aloud.
There was no answer. "I can hear your wheels turning," Elijah commented finally. "Wouldn't it be easier to just tell me what's going on?"
"Will you meet me at the Venice Beach house on Valentine's Day?" Sean asked again.
"What time?"
"In the evening. Maybe around 7?"
"Ok. Sounds good. But, Sean, what the..."
"Thanks, Elijah. See you then."
And just like that... he hung up.
In the two weeks after Sean's call Elijah spent a lot of his free time thinking about his old friend and former lover, a thing he normally tried to avoid. He thought about how their relationship started and about how it had ended. He couldn't actually say that either one had surprised him much.
Their beginnings were steeped in the beauty of New Zealand and brimmed with the magic of Sam and Frodo's love. Their affair had seemed, to the 18 year old he was then, to be damn near inevitable. He loved the passion and protective security offered by his relationship with Sean. It was exactly what Elijah expected. It reflected everything Sean was as a person.
Even the ending was pretty much what Elijah expected. Christine made it clear that she knew what was happening between her husband and his co-star and it was all over but the shouting.
He didn't fight the end when it came. He had no desire to harm Sean's family and he fully understood - or at least he pretended to - when Sean explained that he simply couldn't leave while his children were so young. Elijah was heartbroken, of course, and he felt sure that Sean was too. And if he ever wondered why Sean's children grew older, and older without Sean so much as hinting at a separation, he kept those wonderings to himself.
What he hadn't expected was that they would both fall so irrevocably in love that the rest of their lives would be forever haunted by that one seemingly endless story.
So now it was actually Valentine's Day and so far it had been boring and uneventful. There was no big romance in his life so there was no one to buy candy and flowers for. No dinner and movie to plan. "Says a lot for my love-life," Elijah grumbled as he tossed dirty clothes into a hamper, "that the only thing I have to look forward to on Valentine's Day is a visit from an EX lover. And it says a lot about the ex lover that I have no fucking clue why he wants to see me!"
He sighed and shrugged and flopped sideways into his favorite cushy recliner. He knew the inside of Sean's brain better than anyone and there was no way in HELL he had asked to see Elijah on Valentine's by accident. "He's got something bordering on romantic on his mind... but what?"
He toyed with the notion that Sean wanted to renew their romantic relationship, then discarded the idea as unlikely. They had interacted quite a few times over the years since their affair had ended, and never once had Sean hinted that he wanted things to start up again.
And yet.... and yet. When they were together, there was always something indefinable floating around the edges of their conversations... an aura of closeness not reflected in the words they spoke. A feeling of intimacy that had little to do with what was happening on the surface.
And in Sean's eyes Elijah could still see the same otherworldly light that has been there from the very beginning. The light of fierce possession and endless love. And Elijah felt certain that the same light still burned in his.
He was drawn from his thoughts by the gate buzzer and glanced at his watch. It was only 6:25. He rushed to activate the intercom.
"Yeah?"
"It's me. I'm a bit early. Can I come in?"
Elijah buzzed Sean into the house and after a few words of greeting ushered him to the living room where Sean immediately collapsed on the couch and laid his head back with a huge sigh. "Ohhh, man, am ever glad to be here."
Elijah reseated himself in the recliner and peered at Sean with a puzzled expression. "Any special reason? I honestly don't get ANY of this, Astin. What the hell are you doing here on Valentine's Day?"
Sean leaned forward, his hands clasped together, arms resting on his knees. He drew in a deep breath. "Valentine's Day is the perfect day for this conversation because it's about love."
"Whose?" Elijah replied instantly.
Sean gave a short laugh. "Mine, of course, dumbass. Mine for YOU."
Elijah sniffed. "I'm not sure that love deserves an entire day set aside for it." He heard Sean give a sharp inhale and hastily amended his statement: "At least not in recent years."
"I suppose not. But you don't know the whole story."
"I know that the last time we were alone together in Dallas it was like some kind of Chinese water torture. We could barely find anything to say to each other."
"And that's because I couldn't say what I wanted... was DYING to say!"
Elijah eyed him skeptically.
"I had to stand there, aching all over because I wanted to touch you, and pretend I was indifferent."
"Why pretend?"
"Because I made....," Sean stopped and gave a quick laugh. "I guess life does imitate art. Because, Mister Frodo, I made a promise. I promised Chris that until everything was settled I wouldn't have contact with you, at least not THAT kind of contact."
"Until what was settled? Sean, is there any need to drag this out?"
"I'm living at Mack's now," Sean said shortly.
"What?!"
"Been there for a couple weeks. I guess since right at the time I called you to see if we could meet today."
"Jesus Christ, Sean!" Elijah began, but Sean held up his hand and stopped him from saying more.
"Let me finish," he said firmly. "I want to make it very clear that this doesn't obligate you to a damn thing. That's not why I'm here."
"Just say it's not because of me!"
"I would NEVER say that," Sean declared obstinately. "It's not only because of you, but for god's sake, Elijah...."
"Oh my god...." Elijah interrupted, leaning back and staring at him, feeling thunderstruck by what he had just heard. "My god, Seanie, I'm so sorry. No wonder you sounded nervous or upset or something when you called me. What you must be going through!"
Sean smiled and reached across the table between them to caress Elijah's hand. "And that's why I love you so much," he said softly. "Your first thought is of me and what I've been going through."
"What else??" Elijah replied in a shaken voice. He clasped Sean's hand between both of his. "Can I ask.... then why are you here?"
To his surprise Sean grinned. "Well," he said, still smiling. "I guess to declare my intentions. And Valentine's Day seemed a good day to do it.
"What ARE your intentions?"
"To show you how much you mean to me every single day from this day on... at least as much as you'll let me."
"You mean publicly? As a couple... publicly?"
"That's up to you," Sean said slowly. "I'm certainly ready for it." He shrugged. "I'm done fucking around, Lij. I want you to be my life partner. I don't even know what that really means. I'm sort of stumbling my way forward with all this. It's up to you what form it'll take. It's up to you how long it'll take." He glanced up at Elijah and shook his head. "Hell, Elijah, it's up to you if it happens at ALL. Maybe you don't even want it."
"Sean, I'm - I - Jesus, this is out of the blue! I don't know what to think. Not yet anyway. This is the last thing I ever thought would happen."
Sean nodded. "I know." His shoulders slumped. He released Elijah's hand and stared down at the floor. "God, Elijah, I'm just so tired of being unhappy."
"Seanie, we don't have to decide everything today. I'm not saying 'no' or anything."
Sean glanced up at him and saw him smiling gently, his sapphire eyes glowing and Sean felt a sudden thrill of recognition and renewal. He reached into his pocket and fumbled for an item which he withdrew and handed to Elijah. "Happy Valentine's Day, baby," he said softly. "Please believe me, I love you with all my heart."
Elijah took the card and after glancing at it smiled broadly. "You made this?"
"In Photoshop, yeah. I'm not very good at it."
"Wrong again, Seanwise. I happen to think it's perfect." He looked at the card again. "I'm your funny Valentine?"
"You're my only Valentine," Sean said. "And maybe that's what really matters."
"You'll always have other Valentines, Seanie," Elijah said softly.
Sean heard the touch of sadness in his voice and shook his head. "Not like you, Elijah. Never like you. You're the one I've wanted. You're the one I've waited for. And I mean what I said. There isn't one hair on your head that I would change." Sean's voice dropped to a choked whisper. "All I want is for you to stay, little Valentine. Just please... stay."
Elijah instantly reached for Sean's hand. "I WILL stay, Seanie," he whispered. "And please believe ME when I say I love you too." He laid the card on the table next to them. "I don't want to get into the hows and whys and whens tonight," he told Sean quietly. "We have a long way to go and I need to process what's happened. But I do want this, Sean. Hell, I always have." He grinned suddenly. "Sorry I don't have a card for YOU. Maybe I could buy you dinner instead."
Sean smiled in return. "Telling me that you love me and want our relationship is all the Valentine's Day gift I'll ever need. In fact... your love is the perfect Valentine's day gift. My god, Elijah, it just doesn't get any better than that." He stood and pulled Elijah to his feet. "However, little Valentine," he whispered teasingly as his arms wrapped around Elijah, drawing him close, "I WILL let you buy me dinner."
Their laughter was muffled by the kiss they shared. "Let's go then," Elijah said, smiling. And hand in hand they moved toward the door.
Happy Valentine's Day!
The text message rather startled him.
You busy? Can I call?
He hadn't heard from Sean in a while. Not since they'd appeared together at... what con was it now? Oh yeah, the Dallas Comic-con. And even then they'd had practically no time alone.
Come to think of it... Elijah sighed. The time that they had managed to grab hadn't felt all that good. It was awkward. It was strained. It was... wrong. And when he thought back to what he and Sean had once been to each other and how they had once felt when they were alone together, it had actually been pretty painful.
In spite of that Elijah simply didn't have it in him to refuse Sean's call. So he rapidly typed out:
Sure! Go ahead and call.
Not 10 seconds later his phone rang and he drew in a deep breath before answering.
"Hey there, dude! How's it going?"
"Hi! You got a minute?"
"Sure!"
"I - umm - I have a - I mean I have something to ask you," Sean stammered.
"Okeeey," Elijah drawled out. "Is something wrong, Sean? You seem nervous."
"No. Nah.. no, I'm not. Not really. Well - kinda - I guess.. shit! Sorry. Damn!"
Elijah couldn't help give but giggle. "You wanna try that again?"
"I'm sorry, Elijah. I guess am bit nervous about this."
"Seanie, just ask. I mean what the fuck!"
"I'd like to see you - ermmm -soon. I'd like to see you alone - and soon. Uhh.. if you would that is." There was a moment's silence, then Sean made an exasperated noise. "Man, I'm bad at this."
Now Elijah shook with laughter. "Why are you such a wreck about asking to get together? You're cracking me up."
There was a moment's silence during which Elijah heard Sean take several deep breaths, then: "I'd like to meet up with you on Valentine's Day," he said, his voice pitched low. "Will you be at the Venice Beach house that day?"
This is odd, Elijah thought. I wonder....
"Why Valentine's Day?" he asked aloud.
There was no answer. "I can hear your wheels turning," Elijah commented finally. "Wouldn't it be easier to just tell me what's going on?"
"Will you meet me at the Venice Beach house on Valentine's Day?" Sean asked again.
"What time?"
"In the evening. Maybe around 7?"
"Ok. Sounds good. But, Sean, what the..."
"Thanks, Elijah. See you then."
And just like that... he hung up.
In the two weeks after Sean's call Elijah spent a lot of his free time thinking about his old friend and former lover, a thing he normally tried to avoid. He thought about how their relationship started and about how it had ended. He couldn't actually say that either one had surprised him much.
Their beginnings were steeped in the beauty of New Zealand and brimmed with the magic of Sam and Frodo's love. Their affair had seemed, to the 18 year old he was then, to be damn near inevitable. He loved the passion and protective security offered by his relationship with Sean. It was exactly what Elijah expected. It reflected everything Sean was as a person.
Even the ending was pretty much what Elijah expected. Christine made it clear that she knew what was happening between her husband and his co-star and it was all over but the shouting.
He didn't fight the end when it came. He had no desire to harm Sean's family and he fully understood - or at least he pretended to - when Sean explained that he simply couldn't leave while his children were so young. Elijah was heartbroken, of course, and he felt sure that Sean was too. And if he ever wondered why Sean's children grew older, and older without Sean so much as hinting at a separation, he kept those wonderings to himself.
What he hadn't expected was that they would both fall so irrevocably in love that the rest of their lives would be forever haunted by that one seemingly endless story.
So now it was actually Valentine's Day and so far it had been boring and uneventful. There was no big romance in his life so there was no one to buy candy and flowers for. No dinner and movie to plan. "Says a lot for my love-life," Elijah grumbled as he tossed dirty clothes into a hamper, "that the only thing I have to look forward to on Valentine's Day is a visit from an EX lover. And it says a lot about the ex lover that I have no fucking clue why he wants to see me!"
He sighed and shrugged and flopped sideways into his favorite cushy recliner. He knew the inside of Sean's brain better than anyone and there was no way in HELL he had asked to see Elijah on Valentine's by accident. "He's got something bordering on romantic on his mind... but what?"
He toyed with the notion that Sean wanted to renew their romantic relationship, then discarded the idea as unlikely. They had interacted quite a few times over the years since their affair had ended, and never once had Sean hinted that he wanted things to start up again.
And yet.... and yet. When they were together, there was always something indefinable floating around the edges of their conversations... an aura of closeness not reflected in the words they spoke. A feeling of intimacy that had little to do with what was happening on the surface.
And in Sean's eyes Elijah could still see the same otherworldly light that has been there from the very beginning. The light of fierce possession and endless love. And Elijah felt certain that the same light still burned in his.
He was drawn from his thoughts by the gate buzzer and glanced at his watch. It was only 6:25. He rushed to activate the intercom.
"Yeah?"
"It's me. I'm a bit early. Can I come in?"
Elijah buzzed Sean into the house and after a few words of greeting ushered him to the living room where Sean immediately collapsed on the couch and laid his head back with a huge sigh. "Ohhh, man, am ever glad to be here."
Elijah reseated himself in the recliner and peered at Sean with a puzzled expression. "Any special reason? I honestly don't get ANY of this, Astin. What the hell are you doing here on Valentine's Day?"
Sean leaned forward, his hands clasped together, arms resting on his knees. He drew in a deep breath. "Valentine's Day is the perfect day for this conversation because it's about love."
"Whose?" Elijah replied instantly.
Sean gave a short laugh. "Mine, of course, dumbass. Mine for YOU."
Elijah sniffed. "I'm not sure that love deserves an entire day set aside for it." He heard Sean give a sharp inhale and hastily amended his statement: "At least not in recent years."
"I suppose not. But you don't know the whole story."
"I know that the last time we were alone together in Dallas it was like some kind of Chinese water torture. We could barely find anything to say to each other."
"And that's because I couldn't say what I wanted... was DYING to say!"
Elijah eyed him skeptically.
"I had to stand there, aching all over because I wanted to touch you, and pretend I was indifferent."
"Why pretend?"
"Because I made....," Sean stopped and gave a quick laugh. "I guess life does imitate art. Because, Mister Frodo, I made a promise. I promised Chris that until everything was settled I wouldn't have contact with you, at least not THAT kind of contact."
"Until what was settled? Sean, is there any need to drag this out?"
"I'm living at Mack's now," Sean said shortly.
"What?!"
"Been there for a couple weeks. I guess since right at the time I called you to see if we could meet today."
"Jesus Christ, Sean!" Elijah began, but Sean held up his hand and stopped him from saying more.
"Let me finish," he said firmly. "I want to make it very clear that this doesn't obligate you to a damn thing. That's not why I'm here."
"Just say it's not because of me!"
"I would NEVER say that," Sean declared obstinately. "It's not only because of you, but for god's sake, Elijah...."
"Oh my god...." Elijah interrupted, leaning back and staring at him, feeling thunderstruck by what he had just heard. "My god, Seanie, I'm so sorry. No wonder you sounded nervous or upset or something when you called me. What you must be going through!"
Sean smiled and reached across the table between them to caress Elijah's hand. "And that's why I love you so much," he said softly. "Your first thought is of me and what I've been going through."
"What else??" Elijah replied in a shaken voice. He clasped Sean's hand between both of his. "Can I ask.... then why are you here?"
To his surprise Sean grinned. "Well," he said, still smiling. "I guess to declare my intentions. And Valentine's Day seemed a good day to do it.
"What ARE your intentions?"
"To show you how much you mean to me every single day from this day on... at least as much as you'll let me."
"You mean publicly? As a couple... publicly?"
"That's up to you," Sean said slowly. "I'm certainly ready for it." He shrugged. "I'm done fucking around, Lij. I want you to be my life partner. I don't even know what that really means. I'm sort of stumbling my way forward with all this. It's up to you what form it'll take. It's up to you how long it'll take." He glanced up at Elijah and shook his head. "Hell, Elijah, it's up to you if it happens at ALL. Maybe you don't even want it."
"Sean, I'm - I - Jesus, this is out of the blue! I don't know what to think. Not yet anyway. This is the last thing I ever thought would happen."
Sean nodded. "I know." His shoulders slumped. He released Elijah's hand and stared down at the floor. "God, Elijah, I'm just so tired of being unhappy."
"Seanie, we don't have to decide everything today. I'm not saying 'no' or anything."
Sean glanced up at him and saw him smiling gently, his sapphire eyes glowing and Sean felt a sudden thrill of recognition and renewal. He reached into his pocket and fumbled for an item which he withdrew and handed to Elijah. "Happy Valentine's Day, baby," he said softly. "Please believe me, I love you with all my heart."
Elijah took the card and after glancing at it smiled broadly. "You made this?"
"In Photoshop, yeah. I'm not very good at it."
"Wrong again, Seanwise. I happen to think it's perfect." He looked at the card again. "I'm your funny Valentine?"
"You're my only Valentine," Sean said. "And maybe that's what really matters."
"You'll always have other Valentines, Seanie," Elijah said softly.
Sean heard the touch of sadness in his voice and shook his head. "Not like you, Elijah. Never like you. You're the one I've wanted. You're the one I've waited for. And I mean what I said. There isn't one hair on your head that I would change." Sean's voice dropped to a choked whisper. "All I want is for you to stay, little Valentine. Just please... stay."
Elijah instantly reached for Sean's hand. "I WILL stay, Seanie," he whispered. "And please believe ME when I say I love you too." He laid the card on the table next to them. "I don't want to get into the hows and whys and whens tonight," he told Sean quietly. "We have a long way to go and I need to process what's happened. But I do want this, Sean. Hell, I always have." He grinned suddenly. "Sorry I don't have a card for YOU. Maybe I could buy you dinner instead."
Sean smiled in return. "Telling me that you love me and want our relationship is all the Valentine's Day gift I'll ever need. In fact... your love is the perfect Valentine's day gift. My god, Elijah, it just doesn't get any better than that." He stood and pulled Elijah to his feet. "However, little Valentine," he whispered teasingly as his arms wrapped around Elijah, drawing him close, "I WILL let you buy me dinner."
Their laughter was muffled by the kiss they shared. "Let's go then," Elijah said, smiling. And hand in hand they moved toward the door.