[Fic] Cable (and Deadpool), Issue 24.5
Inspired by an idea from this post on the recent Cable and Deadpool #25 ... actually, maybe I should provide a bit more context for anyone not up to date with recent Marvel news (or finding this post in a year's time, I guess). A couple of months ago, Marvel released what they called Cable & Deadpool #25 - not the actual issue #25 of the old series, but issue #25 of Cable's new series, retitled and actually set before issue #1 of the same to retcon Deadpool into the early part of the whole Hope/Messiah Noun thing. Confusing, yes, and probably yet another attempt to cash in on Deadpool's recent popularity, but given that this must be the first time since C&DP ended that any writer at Marvel has so much as acknowledged they ever used to be friends (see - or better yet, don't see - Messiah War), C&DP fans rejoiced.
For me - well, I can only say that I really wish more had been done to recapture the feel and characterisation of the real C&DP in this issue, given its place in the timeline (and the fact as there's an awful lot about the way both characters have been written since that just does not work for me), but it did still have some nice moments - and inspired a couple of neat fic suggestions. Including one from inheavenlygrass pointing out that one big question the chapter left hanging was just exactly what was said on the phone when Nate called Wade up out of the blue and invited him to come help steal a baby from some hospital in Alaska somewhere. Besides, how could I pass up on Deadpool knowing he's in a retcon?
As a side note, this may be the most gen Cable & Deadpool fic I've ever written, which is to say it's only about as slashy as the main series, which is to say not very gen, actually.
Title: Cable (and Deadpool), Issue 24.5
Summary: Cable #25 told us that before Cable took off for the future with Hope, he had to get some help from an old friend. But before that happened, his old friend had to get an unexpected phone call.
Word Count: 1270
Rating: G
Warnings: May not make much sense if you haven't read Cable & Deadpool #25.
It started, as do many things in life, with the sound of the phone ringing. Wade reached for it with his non-remote hand, and after only a few seconds of groping around, managed to get a grip on the receiver without taking his eyes off the TV.
“Deadpool, merc-for-hire at your service! Exes axed, members dissed, witticisms quipped at competitive prices, how may I...”
“Wade, it's me,” said the voice on the other end of the phone.
“Oh, that narrows it down.”
“Me, Wade. Cable.”
Wade dropped the remote.
“Cable? Cable Cable? Nate Priscilla Gesundheit Soldier X Messiah-Wannabe Summers Cable?”
“How many Cables do you know?”
“Gee, I don't know.” Wade kicked his feet up on the couch and made a show of crossing his legs and wiggling his toes around like they were the most interesting thing in the room - sure voice-on-phone couldn't actually see him doing it, but Wade could make himself feel better just pretending he could. “The only one coming to mind is some guy who made this big show of blowing an island out from under himself so he could run off and leave me to raise our poor, neglected team-up series all by my single-parent-self, then didn't bother to call me for two years or even invite me to his resurrection party - is that the Cable we're talking about?”
“Wade...” there was a confused pause, “what are you talking about? I've only been away a month.”
“...a month?”
“What day did you think it was?”
“Is this one of your time travel things? Because that so doesn't count.”
“I don't know what you've been up to while I've been gone, but I promise you the last time I saw you was only a month ago... Wade, are you there?”
Wade wasn't. He was hunting for a calendar.
He finally found one under the couch, dated 1985 with only half the pages missing, and was just in the middle of being horrified by the thought of being back in the years of leg-warmers and mullets and when he realised he 1) hadn't lived here that long, 2) didn't buy calendars, and 3) had just dug through at least twenty years of dustbunnies.
He did, however, find a very recent looking TV guide, and the date on that was...
...no way. For serious?
There was only one way to be sure. Wade flicked through a few pages and grabbed for the remote.
“WADE!” the voice on the phone was yelling when he put it back to his ear.
“Oh my god, Nate, it is two years ago!”
“What do you...?”
“Quick, what happened in 2008? Did anything happen in 2008? No, wait, is it too late for me to bet my whole life savings on the next election?”
“I don't know what you're-”
“Are you sure this isn't a time travel thing? ...waitasec, Nate... Nate, did you... are you trying to make it up to me by getting me a retcon of our whole break-up? Wow, Nate, I don't know what to say, that's so sweet of you! Or just kinda creepy and desperate...”
“Wade! We don't have time for this!”
“Sure we have time! Two whole years, weren't you listening?” Wade kicked his legs back up on the couch again. “And I'm doing just fine, since you asked. Woke up a couple of weeks back to find the whole of Agency X had vanished for some reason and no-one wanted to play team-up with me anymore and our comic had got a cancellation for its fifth birthday because apparently child services just didn't trust me to support it without you around - not that I blame you or anything. But enough about me...”
“I mean it, I don't have time for this, Wade, I need your help!”
“Oh, now he needs my help. Yeah, well my help comes at an hourly rate.”
“I'll pay you whatever you want for this. Please, there's no-one else I can trust with this!”
Emotional blackmailing bastard. Always did know how to lay it on thick. “So all the X-Men weren't answering the phone?”
There was a crackle down the phone of someone taking a deep breath, or maybe a sigh. “You were the first person I thought of.”
“I was?”
“Is that so surprising?”
“Uh, I dunno, I just...” Retcons really took the edge of a good dose of righteous anger.
“Listen,” said Nate, “this isn't how I was picturing our reunion, but there's a baby girl. A mutant. We have to get to...”
“A baby? You didn't say anything about a baby.”
“That might be because you've hardly let me get a word in edgeways since you answered the phone.”
“So this is going to be like one of those 'three mutants and a baby' kind of things? Okay, but if you call Tom Selleck then I get to be the cartoonist. Who's our third guy?”
“No third guy. No backup, no satellite, no island. Just you and me.”
“Just the two of us and a baby? 'Cause that's not going to be at all hom...”
“Look, it doesn't matter. Just meet... can you meet me at the hospital? It's in Alaska - place called Cooperstown.”
Nate was not the kind of guy who pleaded, but there was a note in his voice that was getting so disconcertingly close to it that Wade had said, “Sure, I guess,” before he could think better of it. Because he was already feeling bitter about being that much of a pushover, he added, “Anything else? You want me to pick up a bottle of milk on the way home, dear? Dipers and formula maybe?”
“No, no, actually that's a good idea.” Nate sounded quietly, thoroughly stressed out of his mind - Wade could almost picture him pinching his nose. Damn residual guilt. He wasn't done not forgiving him yet! “Wade?”
“Yeah?”
“I'll see you soon.”
The line went dead. Wade spent several seconds staring angrily at the receiver. He made to throw it at the TV, then hesitated, then decided to throw it out the window, then decided not to do that either, and finally put it back down on the receiver, but he slammed it down, and that made him feel a bit better.
“Don't think this means I forgive you for not inviting me to your resurrection, jerk,” he muttered, not particularly sure who he was trying convince.
Wow, nice doormat impression.
“Shut up,” said Wade. Then, “Wait, who said that?”
Uh, you did?
“Oh come on, 'cause I totally have a little voice in my head that hijacks my little yellow boxes to talk back at me! Hell, why not two of 'em?”
Don't ask me.
“Fine, I won't!”
Fine!
“Fine!”
There was a pause.
“You still there?”
No?
“Good! Don't you forget it!”
He slammed the door on the way out too, just for good measure. The resulting bang was so loud it scared off two pigeons and made a guy down the road drop his groceries, and that cheered him up a whole lot too. By the time he was on the street he was practically whistling.
Ah, what the hell. He always had sucked at staying mad at Nate.
For me - well, I can only say that I really wish more had been done to recapture the feel and characterisation of the real C&DP in this issue, given its place in the timeline (and the fact as there's an awful lot about the way both characters have been written since that just does not work for me), but it did still have some nice moments - and inspired a couple of neat fic suggestions. Including one from inheavenlygrass pointing out that one big question the chapter left hanging was just exactly what was said on the phone when Nate called Wade up out of the blue and invited him to come help steal a baby from some hospital in Alaska somewhere. Besides, how could I pass up on Deadpool knowing he's in a retcon?
As a side note, this may be the most gen Cable & Deadpool fic I've ever written, which is to say it's only about as slashy as the main series, which is to say not very gen, actually.
Title: Cable (and Deadpool), Issue 24.5
Summary: Cable #25 told us that before Cable took off for the future with Hope, he had to get some help from an old friend. But before that happened, his old friend had to get an unexpected phone call.
Word Count: 1270
Rating: G
Warnings: May not make much sense if you haven't read Cable & Deadpool #25.
It started, as do many things in life, with the sound of the phone ringing. Wade reached for it with his non-remote hand, and after only a few seconds of groping around, managed to get a grip on the receiver without taking his eyes off the TV.
“Deadpool, merc-for-hire at your service! Exes axed, members dissed, witticisms quipped at competitive prices, how may I...”
“Wade, it's me,” said the voice on the other end of the phone.
“Oh, that narrows it down.”
“Me, Wade. Cable.”
Wade dropped the remote.
“Cable? Cable Cable? Nate Priscilla Gesundheit Soldier X Messiah-Wannabe Summers Cable?”
“How many Cables do you know?”
“Gee, I don't know.” Wade kicked his feet up on the couch and made a show of crossing his legs and wiggling his toes around like they were the most interesting thing in the room - sure voice-on-phone couldn't actually see him doing it, but Wade could make himself feel better just pretending he could. “The only one coming to mind is some guy who made this big show of blowing an island out from under himself so he could run off and leave me to raise our poor, neglected team-up series all by my single-parent-self, then didn't bother to call me for two years or even invite me to his resurrection party - is that the Cable we're talking about?”
“Wade...” there was a confused pause, “what are you talking about? I've only been away a month.”
“...a month?”
“What day did you think it was?”
“Is this one of your time travel things? Because that so doesn't count.”
“I don't know what you've been up to while I've been gone, but I promise you the last time I saw you was only a month ago... Wade, are you there?”
Wade wasn't. He was hunting for a calendar.
He finally found one under the couch, dated 1985 with only half the pages missing, and was just in the middle of being horrified by the thought of being back in the years of leg-warmers and mullets and when he realised he 1) hadn't lived here that long, 2) didn't buy calendars, and 3) had just dug through at least twenty years of dustbunnies.
He did, however, find a very recent looking TV guide, and the date on that was...
...no way. For serious?
There was only one way to be sure. Wade flicked through a few pages and grabbed for the remote.
“WADE!” the voice on the phone was yelling when he put it back to his ear.
“Oh my god, Nate, it is two years ago!”
“What do you...?”
“Quick, what happened in 2008? Did anything happen in 2008? No, wait, is it too late for me to bet my whole life savings on the next election?”
“I don't know what you're-”
“Are you sure this isn't a time travel thing? ...waitasec, Nate... Nate, did you... are you trying to make it up to me by getting me a retcon of our whole break-up? Wow, Nate, I don't know what to say, that's so sweet of you! Or just kinda creepy and desperate...”
“Wade! We don't have time for this!”
“Sure we have time! Two whole years, weren't you listening?” Wade kicked his legs back up on the couch again. “And I'm doing just fine, since you asked. Woke up a couple of weeks back to find the whole of Agency X had vanished for some reason and no-one wanted to play team-up with me anymore and our comic had got a cancellation for its fifth birthday because apparently child services just didn't trust me to support it without you around - not that I blame you or anything. But enough about me...”
“I mean it, I don't have time for this, Wade, I need your help!”
“Oh, now he needs my help. Yeah, well my help comes at an hourly rate.”
“I'll pay you whatever you want for this. Please, there's no-one else I can trust with this!”
Emotional blackmailing bastard. Always did know how to lay it on thick. “So all the X-Men weren't answering the phone?”
There was a crackle down the phone of someone taking a deep breath, or maybe a sigh. “You were the first person I thought of.”
“I was?”
“Is that so surprising?”
“Uh, I dunno, I just...” Retcons really took the edge of a good dose of righteous anger.
“Listen,” said Nate, “this isn't how I was picturing our reunion, but there's a baby girl. A mutant. We have to get to...”
“A baby? You didn't say anything about a baby.”
“That might be because you've hardly let me get a word in edgeways since you answered the phone.”
“So this is going to be like one of those 'three mutants and a baby' kind of things? Okay, but if you call Tom Selleck then I get to be the cartoonist. Who's our third guy?”
“No third guy. No backup, no satellite, no island. Just you and me.”
“Just the two of us and a baby? 'Cause that's not going to be at all hom...”
“Look, it doesn't matter. Just meet... can you meet me at the hospital? It's in Alaska - place called Cooperstown.”
Nate was not the kind of guy who pleaded, but there was a note in his voice that was getting so disconcertingly close to it that Wade had said, “Sure, I guess,” before he could think better of it. Because he was already feeling bitter about being that much of a pushover, he added, “Anything else? You want me to pick up a bottle of milk on the way home, dear? Dipers and formula maybe?”
“No, no, actually that's a good idea.” Nate sounded quietly, thoroughly stressed out of his mind - Wade could almost picture him pinching his nose. Damn residual guilt. He wasn't done not forgiving him yet! “Wade?”
“Yeah?”
“I'll see you soon.”
The line went dead. Wade spent several seconds staring angrily at the receiver. He made to throw it at the TV, then hesitated, then decided to throw it out the window, then decided not to do that either, and finally put it back down on the receiver, but he slammed it down, and that made him feel a bit better.
“Don't think this means I forgive you for not inviting me to your resurrection, jerk,” he muttered, not particularly sure who he was trying convince.
Wow, nice doormat impression.
“Shut up,” said Wade. Then, “Wait, who said that?”
Uh, you did?
“Oh come on, 'cause I totally have a little voice in my head that hijacks my little yellow boxes to talk back at me! Hell, why not two of 'em?”
Don't ask me.
“Fine, I won't!”
Fine!
“Fine!”
There was a pause.
“You still there?”
No?
“Good! Don't you forget it!”
He slammed the door on the way out too, just for good measure. The resulting bang was so loud it scared off two pigeons and made a guy down the road drop his groceries, and that cheered him up a whole lot too. By the time he was on the street he was practically whistling.
Ah, what the hell. He always had sucked at staying mad at Nate.