The Best Review of the New Transformers Movie

[ramik]

Short version: This movie was stupid and only stupid people like it. If you liked it, you are currently making the world a worse place.

Comments

[fierceawakening]

I'd prefer to be doing that by actually interesting acts of depravity, rather than not bothering to hate a bad movie that didn't have any aspirations to being a good one.

[fierceawakening]

Also, my hatred of reviewers only increases whentheytalksodamnfastyoucan'tcatchanythingbutyou'readouchebagbecauseyoudidn'thateit

[fierceawakening]

also also: the word "douchebag" hasn't been funny for like, a year. when did it become everyone's favorite word? they need a new one.

[ramik]

Yeah, a lot of that is that he's miming the style of Yahtzee of "Zero Puncuation," who does video game reviews on the same site.

[sepuku_assassin]

The movie had the biggest June opening ever :P

If that's not sad I don't know what is.

I love watching shit blow up, but I just can't get behind this.

[ramik]

Well yeah, man. I mean, it's not like I'm all, "I will only watch arty french films with subtitles, such is my love for the cinema."

I love dumb splodey movies!

Hell, I loved Die Harder with a Vengeance, and that was a far cry from smart or sophisticated. It was a dumbass splodey movie, but it was a good one. That's the difference.

[fowlor]

Well, it was Michael Bay. I can't really say I'm surprised given the number of things working against this movie.

[ramik]

I just feel like ... maybe if we all work together, we can just agree to not see any more Michael Bay movies, ever, and then nobody will hire him, and he'll fade into well-deserved (though explodey) obscurity.

[fowlor]

Oh god, if only. Unfortunately there are too many people willing to pay $10 for a Michael Bay movie. Now, to be fair, he's produced a decent movie or two. But nothing near worthy of forgiveness for Pearl Harbor. Or Transformers.